-
Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
-
CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
The laughter thread.
- Thread starter WarriorAngel
- Start date
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
A man is talking to God.
"God, how long is a million years?"
God answers, "To me, it's about a minute."
"God, how much is a million dollars?"
"To me, it's a penny."
"God, may I have a penny?"
"Wait a minute."
"God, how long is a million years?"
God answers, "To me, it's about a minute."
"God, how much is a million dollars?"
"To me, it's a penny."
"God, may I have a penny?"
"Wait a minute."
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
A Bible group study leader says to his group, “What would you do if you knew you only had four weeks left before the great Judgment Day?”
A gentleman says, ”I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.”
“Very good!” says the group leader.
One lady speaks up and says enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.”
“That's wonderful!” the group leader comments.
One gentleman in the back finally speaks up loudly and says, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the four weeks.”
The group leader asks, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?”
“Because that will make it the longest four weeks of my life!”
A gentleman says, ”I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives.”
“Very good!” says the group leader.
One lady speaks up and says enthusiastically, “I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church, and my fellow man with a greater conviction.”
“That's wonderful!” the group leader comments.
One gentleman in the back finally speaks up loudly and says, “I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the four weeks.”
The group leader asks, “Why your mother-in-law’s home?”
“Because that will make it the longest four weeks of my life!”
Upvote
0
- Mar 23, 2004
- 249,113
- 114,215
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Constitution
Sam: You don't like raisins?
Joon: Not really.
Sam: Why?
Joon: They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council.
~Benny and Joon
Joon: Not really.
Sam: Why?
Joon: They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council.
~Benny and Joon
Upvote
0
- Feb 5, 2002
- 190,604
- 70,616
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Upvote
0
Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
- Dec 29, 2012
- 14,062
- 7,683
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Engaged
Upvote
0
- Feb 5, 2002
- 190,604
- 70,616
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
During an impassioned sermon about death and final judgement, the pastor said forcefully, "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement."
Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face.
The minister repeated his point louder. "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!"
The man nodded and smiled even more.
This really got the preacher wound up. He pounded the pulpit emphatically when he came to the ultimatum: "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!!!"
Though everyone else in the congregation was looking somber, the man in front continued to smile.
Finally the preacher stepped off the platform, stood in front of the man and shouted, "I said each member of this church is going to die!"
The man grinned from ear to ear.
After the service was over, the preacher made a beeline for the man. "I don't get it," the preacher said in frustration. "Whenever I said, 'Each member of this church is going to die,' your smile got bigger. Why?"
"I'm not a member of this church," the man replied.
Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face.
The minister repeated his point louder. "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!"
The man nodded and smiled even more.
This really got the preacher wound up. He pounded the pulpit emphatically when he came to the ultimatum: "Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement!!!"
Though everyone else in the congregation was looking somber, the man in front continued to smile.
Finally the preacher stepped off the platform, stood in front of the man and shouted, "I said each member of this church is going to die!"
The man grinned from ear to ear.
After the service was over, the preacher made a beeline for the man. "I don't get it," the preacher said in frustration. "Whenever I said, 'Each member of this church is going to die,' your smile got bigger. Why?"
"I'm not a member of this church," the man replied.
Upvote
0
- Mar 23, 2004
- 249,113
- 114,215
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Constitution
Upvote
0
- Mar 23, 2004
- 249,113
- 114,215
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Constitution
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
Bob, Rob, and Robert live on the six hundredth floor of an apartment building.
One day, the elevators are broken, so they have to take the stairs.
To entertain themselves, they decide that for the first 200 floors, Bob will tell happy stories, for the middle 200 floors, Rob will tell funny stories, and for the last 200 floors, Robert will tell sad stories.
On the 401st floor, Robert says, "Here's my sad story: I left our apartment's keys in the car."
One day, the elevators are broken, so they have to take the stairs.
To entertain themselves, they decide that for the first 200 floors, Bob will tell happy stories, for the middle 200 floors, Rob will tell funny stories, and for the last 200 floors, Robert will tell sad stories.
On the 401st floor, Robert says, "Here's my sad story: I left our apartment's keys in the car."
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
A priest and a taxi driver went to heaven .
St Peter gave the priest fifty bags of gold and a nice house .
The taxi driver was given the same , but also a boat , a lake and a box of diamonds .
The priest asked St Peter , " Hey . I was a priest . How come I don't get the same as the taxi driver ? "
St Peter said , " We go by results . During your sermons people fell asleep . During his taxi rides people prayed . "
St Peter gave the priest fifty bags of gold and a nice house .
The taxi driver was given the same , but also a boat , a lake and a box of diamonds .
The priest asked St Peter , " Hey . I was a priest . How come I don't get the same as the taxi driver ? "
St Peter said , " We go by results . During your sermons people fell asleep . During his taxi rides people prayed . "
Upvote
0
Colin
Senior Veteran
- Jun 9, 2010
- 11,093
- 6,889
- Country
- United Kingdom
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- UK - SNP
Tommy Cooper (19 March 1921 -- 15 April 1984) was an English-Welsh prop comedian and magician. He was known for making an art of getting magic tricks wrong, although he was actually an accomplished magician and entertainer.......
Upvote
0
Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
- Dec 29, 2012
- 14,062
- 7,683
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Engaged
Upvote
0
- Feb 5, 2002
- 190,604
- 70,616
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Catholic
- Marital Status
- Married
- Politics
- US-Others
Upvote
0
mmksparbud
Well-Known Member
- Dec 3, 2011
- 17,312
- 6,821
- 75
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- SDA
- Marital Status
- Widowed
- Politics
- US-Others
Upvote
0
- Mar 23, 2004
- 249,113
- 114,215
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Private
- Politics
- US-Constitution
Upvote
0
- Nov 29, 2005
- 58,446
- 16,758
- Faith
- Eastern Orthodox
- Marital Status
- Private
A couple had been out shopping for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realised that her husband had disappeared. She was so angry, she rang his mobile and asked, "Where are you?!" In a calm voice, he replied, "Darling, do you remember the jewellery shop we went into 5 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn't afford and I said one day when I had enough money, I would get it for you?" She smiled and her eyes filled with tears, "yes, my love I remember." "Well I'm in the pub next door to that."
Upvote
0
Similar threads
