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Starting today August 7th, 2024, in order to post in the Married Couples, Courting Couples, or Singles forums, you will not be allowed to post if you have your Marital status designated as private. Announcements will be made in the respective forums as well but please note that if yours is currently listed as Private, you will need to submit a ticket in the Support Area to have yours changed.
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CF has always been a site that welcomes people from different backgrounds and beliefs to participate in discussion and even debate. That is the nature of its ministry. In view of recent events emotions are running very high. We need to remind people of some basic principles in debating on this site. We need to be civil when we express differences in opinion. No personal attacks. Avoid you, your statements. Don't characterize an entire political party with comparisons to Fascism or Communism or other extreme movements that committed atrocities. CF is not the place for broad brush or blanket statements about groups and political parties. Put the broad brushes and blankets away when you come to CF, better yet, put them in the incinerator. Debate had no place for them. We need to remember that people that commit acts of violence represent themselves or a small extreme faction.
The laughter thread.
- Thread starter WarriorAngel
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Colin
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- Jun 9, 2010
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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Lawyer: Have you any grounds?
Man: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
Lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case.
Man: It made of concrete.
Lawyer: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
Man: No, we have carport, and not need one.
Lawyer: I mean. What are your relations like?
Man: All my relations still in Poland.
Lawyer: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Man: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?
Man: No, I always up before her.
Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?
Man: No, she white.
Lawyer: Why do you want this divorce?
Man: She is going to kill me.
Lawyer: What makes you think that?
Man: I got proof.
Lawyer: What kind of proof?
Man: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover."
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
Lawyer: Have you any grounds?
Man: Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
Lawyer: No, I mean what is the foundation of this case.
Man: It made of concrete.
Lawyer: I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
Man: No, we have carport, and not need one.
Lawyer: I mean. What are your relations like?
Man: All my relations still in Poland.
Lawyer: Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Man: We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
Lawyer: Does your wife beat you up?
Man: No, I always up before her.
Lawyer: Is your wife a nagger?
Man: No, she white.
Lawyer: Why do you want this divorce?
Man: She is going to kill me.
Lawyer: What makes you think that?
Man: I got proof.
Lawyer: What kind of proof?
Man: She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover."
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Colin
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A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime.
They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.
As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.
The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.
After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.
Just then her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!"
They got behind a very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager.
As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly, "Gee, she's fat!"
The mother bent down and whispered in the little boys ear to be quiet.
A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread his hands as far as they would go and announced; "I'll bet her butt is this wide!"
The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.
The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet.
After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.
Just then her pager begin to emit a beep, beep, beep.
The little boy yells out, "Run for your life, she's backing up!!"
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- Apr 11, 2005
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This guy's wife gets a cat and he hates it. So one day, while his wife is gone to work, the guy puts the cat in the back seat of the car, drives a few blocks, and lets the cat out. When he gets home, the cat's sitting there on the front porch.
So the next day, the guy waits until his wife leaves for work again, then throws the cat in the car, drives a mile away from the house, and tosses the cat out. When he gets home, the cat's sitting there again on the front porch.
Well, the guy's furious. So he waits until the next day, then throws the cat in the car, and drives as far and fast as he can, making all the turns and doubling back he can to throw off the cat. He dumps out the cat and heads home, but realizes he can't figure out where he is.
So that afternoon, his wife comes home and answers the ringing phone. It's her husband. He asks, "Is the cat there?"
She says, "Yes."
The guy says, "I'm lost. Put the cat on the phone."
So the next day, the guy waits until his wife leaves for work again, then throws the cat in the car, drives a mile away from the house, and tosses the cat out. When he gets home, the cat's sitting there again on the front porch.
Well, the guy's furious. So he waits until the next day, then throws the cat in the car, and drives as far and fast as he can, making all the turns and doubling back he can to throw off the cat. He dumps out the cat and heads home, but realizes he can't figure out where he is.
So that afternoon, his wife comes home and answers the ringing phone. It's her husband. He asks, "Is the cat there?"
She says, "Yes."
The guy says, "I'm lost. Put the cat on the phone."
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Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
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Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
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Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
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Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
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Colin
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With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment , it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week........well a good few weeks back actually .......well in 1996 to be honest .
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote 'The Hokey Cokey' , died peacefully at the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in.
And then the trouble started.
Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote 'The Hokey Cokey' , died peacefully at the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in.
And then the trouble started.
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Sword of the Lord
In need of a physician.
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How do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?
Hand your wife a shovel.
Hand your wife a shovel.
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Sword of the Lord
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Colin
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A Husband and wife are shopping in Asda when the man picks up a pack of Stella and puts them into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife
"They're on offer, only £16 for 24 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife , and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a £32 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man,
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.
The man replies...
"SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE DARNED PRICE ! "
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife
"They're on offer, only £16 for 24 cans", he says
"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife , and they carry on shopping...
A few aisles later the woman picks up a £32 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.
"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man,
"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says.
The man replies...
"SO DOES 24 CANS OF STELLA AND IT'S HALF THE DARNED PRICE ! "
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