The Kingdom Age

[Diamond72]

What birthmark did he have under his left ear ?

In 2 Corinthians 12:1-4 (NIV), Paul writes:

"I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell."

Paul explains that he had a vision of the "third heaven," an extraordinary experience where he was caught up to paradise and heard incomprehensible things. However, he does not go into detail about what he saw or heard during this vision.

It is ok to have dreams about Heaven. People do not object to any sort of dream you have. They do have problems with visions though.

Joel 2:28 (NIV): "And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions."

This verse speaks of a future time when God will pour out His Spirit, and both young and old will experience divine communication and revelation through dreams and visions.

 

[oikonomia]

Actually this is something I personally talked with Paul about. If people 2,000 years ago in Paul's own day had problems understanding him, then what about the people today. Paul would want to know how well they receive His teaching today. Can you imagine talking to people 2,000 years into the future?

You said:
=============================
"Paul is pretty much third hand information."
============================

Then above you write:
=====================================
"Actually this is something I personally talked with Paul about."
===================================
Now, I'd be glad to examine my spirit before the Lord.
Don't think disagreement with you means one does not consider the log in his own eye.

But this kind of talk does not seem sober minded to me.
Paul was a pioneer in living by the indwelling resurrected Christ.
He was a trail blazer in living through and unto Christ after His ascenscion.
It is no accident that this man played the major part of unveiling the new testament to the church.

So the desparaging remark that Paul is pretty much "third hand information" is met with strong disagreement.
Unless you clarify what this remark is meant to mean.

What other writer in the Bible would you trust more to teach you the Gospel of God?
Do you submit Moses or David?
God wrought Himself into the fabric of this person's [Paul's] personality to the maximum.
Do you think Moses or David could have written Romans?

Look at what Jesus said about His chosen vessel Paul.

But the Lord said to him [Ananias], Go, for this man is a chosen vessel to Me,
to bear My name before both the Gentiles and kings and the sons of Israel;
For I will show him how many things he must suffer on behalf of My name. (Acts 9:15,16)

And the remark about you having talked personally with Paul,what's that?
Is that a wild desperate retort of some kind? It didn't help your case much.
In spite of what you might think, I was taking your remarks seriously.

 

[oikonomia]

What birthmark did he have under his left ear ?

Diamond may have opted in going off making wild and zany thoughts.
Its better to resist the temptation to join him in these kinds of exchanges.

 

[oikonomia]

Actually Paul wrote letters and epistles to church that asked for his opinion on theological questions. The letters have been preserved for us today because of the authority that people believe Paul had. We have to look at who Paul was writing to before we can consider what sort of an impact that has on us today.

When he does give his opinion, he gives his audience heads up.
And he discrimiated sharply between his [trustworthy] opinion and what was the word of God.

Yes, he says "But she is more blessed if she so remains, according to my opinion; but I think that I also have the Spirit of God." (1 Cor. 7:40)

This was an understatement. He had not just the Spirit of God upon him as a mantle.
He had the Spirit of Christ soaked into his mind, emotion, and will.

And he made sure as much as he could those who coordinated with him in the work were as he was.
For we are not able to do anything against the truth but rather for the truth. (2 Cor. 13:8)

He pioneered in shepherding others to be as he was, transformed and sanctified in personality by the Spirit of Christ.

 

[oikonomia]

As a dispensationalist, I believe the church age started at Pentecost 2,000 years ago. Then the Kingdom age is 1,000 years. What I wonder is if Jesus will physically return or if His return is symbolic in some way. Also, I wonder how we will transition from one age to the next. Lots of people think there will be a 7-year tribulation period.

A most important aspect of our enjoyment of the coming millennial kingdom age is that Jesus means business to transform us.

He said unless our righteousness comes out of the fabric of our personality in a spontaneous and unhypocritical way
we will not enter into the reward of that time. He must work Himself into us to prepared us to enjoy that kingdom time.

It is not just a matter of the dispensational calender and clock marking a new era.
Our transformation by His Spirit is for bringing us inwardly into that reality.

Where does He say something like that ?? Here.

For I say to you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, you shall by no means enter into the kingdom of the heavens. (Matt. 5:20)

If this causes us to run to Jesus for grace and mercy to inwardly conform us to His image, then we have gotten the point.
We need to turn over our souls to Him for His Spirit to be wrought and kneaded into our personality.
AND we need to forgive one another- Strict with ourselves but merciful with others.

 

[Diamond72]

So the desparaging remark that Paul is pretty much "third hand information" is met with strong disagreement.
Unless you clarify what this remark is meant to mean.

I told you. Paul quoted David, many times. David explains what we receive from Moses. So Paul which is the third person comments on what DAVIDS said about the LAW that we receive from Moses. That makes Paul the THIRD person. I would be the fourth person and you would be the fifth.

Does Paul quote David? Yes, the apostle Paul does quote from the Psalms of David to emphasize the idea that no one is righteous or good under the law alone and that all have sinned. In Romans 3:10-12 (NIV), Paul amalgamates several passages from the Old Testament, including those from the Psalms, to emphasize this point:

"As it is written: 'There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.'"

Paul's intent in quoting these verses is to highlight the universality of sin and the inability of human beings to attain righteousness or goodness solely through adherence to the law. He uses these Old Testament quotations to lay the groundwork for his teachings on justification by faith in Jesus Christ.

It is the Grace of God that is an active force to do the work in us. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV) highlights this grace-based understanding of justification: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast."

We have to be born again, transformed and a new creation in Christ.

 

[Diamond72]

Diamond may have opted in going off making wild and zany thoughts.

Nothing can be more wild and zany then the thought that Heaven as some sort of Paradise exists and we will go there when we die. Even though our body remains here on the earth. Can you prove to me that Heaven exists and that people go there when they die? Perhaps our imagination is working overtime.

Genesis 6:5
And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

If we can use our imagination for evil, does that imply that we can use our imagination for good also?

Does the bible talk about being heavenly minded?

Yes, the Bible does address the concept of being "heavenly minded" or having a focus on heavenly things. This concept emphasizes the importance of setting our hearts and minds on eternal and spiritual matters rather than being solely preoccupied with worldly concerns. It encourages believers to prioritize heavenly values, virtues, and the kingdom of God in their lives. Here are some relevant Bible verses that touch upon this idea:

1. Colossians 3:1-2 (NIV): "Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things."
2. Philippians 3:20 (NIV): "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ."
3. Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV): "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
4. 2 Corinthians 4:18 (NIV): "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

These verses encourage believers to maintain a heavenly perspective, prioritizing eternal values, and focusing on the eternal kingdom of God rather than getting entangled and consumed by the temporary concerns of this world. It's about living with an awareness of our heavenly citizenship and living in a manner that reflects this reality in our daily lives.

 

[oikonomia]

I told you. Paul quoted David, many times. David explains what we receive from Moses. So Paul which is the third person comments on what DAVIDS said about the LAW that we receive from Moses. That makes Paul the THIRD person. I would be the fourth person and you would be the fifth.

Paul quotes David, a man who was never "born again." Paul quotes many OT prophets, no doubt. They too were never regenerated.
Paul, to explain the new covenant quotes many God fearing prophets who never received the Spirit of the resurrected Christ.

Now am I right or am I wrong? (Before I go on).

Does Paul quote David? Yes, the apostle Paul does quote from the Psalms of David to emphasize the idea that no one is righteous or good under the law alone and that all have sinned.

Yes Paul in the section of his letter Romans on condemnation. First he writes of condemnation of those who self righteous. Then he extends to those who are religious. Lastly he extends to all the world - under condemnation. Unquestionably to lay this opening foundation of condemnation he quotes them.

But he goes much deeper into explaining the Gospel of God speaking of things which the former prophets did not know, for they
had not Jesus, His death and resurrection. They had not Jesus as "Another Comforter"- as "the Spirit of reality" as "a life giving Spirit".

"[T]he last Adam became a life giving Spirit." (1 Cor. 15:45)

Yes, Paul knew well the Hebrew Scriptures. But God gave him experience and revelation that David and Moses and the other OT prophets knew little of. He completed the word of God.

Of which I became a minister according to the stewardship of God, which was given to me for you, to complete the word of God, (Col. 1:25)
In completing the word of God the new testament apostles (especially Paul) taught revelation which was hidden from the ages and generations of Moses and David.

The mystery which has been hidden from the ages and from the generations but now has been manifested to His saints; (v.26)

Being a student of the great rabbi Gamaliel he was so thoroughly prepared under the sovereignty of God for the task before him.
And immediately upon his turning his life over to Jesus, he confounded the Jews proving from Scripture Christ was Lord, Savior, and Messiah.

And immediately he proclaimed Jesus in the synagogues, that this One is the Son of God.
And all who heard him were amazed and said, Is this not the one who ravaged
those who call upon this name in Jerusalem and came here for this,
that he might bring them bound before the chief priests?

But Saul was all the more empowered, and he confounded the Jews dwelling
in Damascus by proving that this One is the Christ. (Acts 9:20-22)

This is his EARLY Christian ministry immediately after he was saved and baptized. Already, the Jews had to plot to
do away with such a man with irrefutable skill to announce the Gospel of Christ.

And as a considerable number of days were being fulfilled, the Jews took counsel together to do away with him;
But their plot was made known to Saul. And they also watched the gates closely, both day and night, so that they might do away with him.
(vs. 23,24)

And we have not yet seen what he was at least 14 years or more latter. He grew in insight, light, understanding, writing such anointed epistles. He says God not only revealed His Son TO him. God revealed His Son IN him.

But when it pleased God, who set me apart from my mother’s womb and called me through His grace,
To reveal His Son in me that I might announce Him as the gospel among the Gentiles,
immediately I did not confer with flesh and blood, (Gal. 1:15,16)

In Romans 3:10-12 (NIV), Paul amalgamates several passages from the Old Testament, including those from the Psalms, to emphasize this point:

"As it is written: 'There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; there is no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.'"

All true. All true. To this I have no argument.
But the Romans, "the Gospel of God" does not have only three chapters. It has sixteen chapters.
From there (chapters 1 - 3) he builds upon "condemnation" the Justification stemming from Redemption.
From there he goes on into Sanctification. He teaches of the believers Identification with Christ being one with His death, burial, and resurrection.

Paul diagnosis the problem of sinful man in Romans ch.7 as nowhere is in the Scripture, Old or New Testameents.
His analysis of the nature of SIN in man is far deeper and illuminating than anything you may read from Moses or David.

Who elaborates God's eternal purpose in Romans chapter eight like Paul? Who portrays a loftier picture of the eternal plan of God
as Paul does in Romans chapter eight.

A sample:
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Because those whom He foreknew, He also predestinated to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the Firstborn among many brothers; And those whom He predestinated, these He also called; and those whom He called, these He also justified; and those whom He justified, these He also glorified. (Rom. 8:28-30)

Who could write of God's eternal purpose as Paul did in Ephesians?
I mean thank God for Moses and David. Without them there could have been no Apostle Paul.
But the overview of the eternal purpose of God and His purpose of the ages is unveiled in Ephesians as nowhere else so clearly in the Bible.

For this cause I Paul, the prisoner of Christ Jesus on behalf of you, the Gentiles —
If indeed you have heard of the stewardship of the grace of God which was given to me for you,

That by revelation the mystery was made known to me, as I have written previously in brief,
By which, in reading it, you can perceive my understanding in the mystery of Christ,

Which in other generations was not made known to the sons of men, as it has now been revealed to His holy apostles and prophets in spirit,
That in Christ Jesus the Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the Body and fellow partakers of the promise through the gospel,

Paul's intent in quoting these verses is to highlight the universality of sin and the inability of human beings to attain righteousness or goodness solely through adherence to the law. He uses these Old Testament quotations to lay the groundwork for his teachings on justification by faith in Jesus Christ.

I have no argument about this truth at all.
Have YOU gone on from the section on Romans BEYOND chapters one - three?

It is time for you to progress in your appreciation of the FURTHER development of these basics.
Justification, Reconciliation, Sanctification, Transformation, Conformation into the image of Christ . . . these
are the CONTINUED insight into God's eternal purpose. Do not stop at his references to Old Testament quotations
JUST in his section on Condemnation. He is only laying the groundwork there to go on.

It is the Grace of God that is an active force to do the work in us. Ephesians 2:8-9 (NIV) highlights this grace-based understanding of justification: "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast."

We have to be born again, transformed and a new creation in Christ.

Now this kind of speaking from you I find more encouraging.
Speak more about God putting His very life and nature into man in regeneration.
Study more His making the old man into a new creation, metabolically in Christ, transforming him by the Spirit of divine life.

And the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord,
are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit. (2 Cor. 3:17,18)

Paul goes on as a pioneer in all that Jesus taught. He experienced what Jesus taught. And he labored to bring
us all into what Jesus does. He elaborates how we can "put on the new man" via the Spirit's transformation.

And that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind
And put on the new man, which was created according to God in righteousness and holiness of the reality. (Eph. 4:23,24)

And have put on the new man, which is being renewed unto full knowledge according to the image of Him who created him,
Where there cannot be Greek and Jew, circumcision and uncircumcision,
barbarian, Scythian, slave, free man, but Christ is all and in all. (Col. 3:10,11)

This is the new man created in Christ Jesus in Himself on the cross. This David and Moses and the OT prophets only had a glimmer of.

For He Himself is our peace, He who has made both one and has broken down the middle wall of partition, the enmity,
Abolishing in His flesh the law of the commandments in ordinances, that He might create the two in Himself into one new man, so making peace, (Eph. 2:14,15)

 

[oikonomia]

Nothing can be more wild and zany then the thought that Heaven as some sort of Paradise exists and we will go there when we die. Even though our body remains here on the earth.

I for one have not talked about Heaven as being man's eternal destiny.
I am interested mostly in your replies to my posts here.

 

[oikonomia]

These verses encourage believers to maintain a heavenly perspective, prioritizing eternal values, and focusing on the eternal kingdom of God rather than getting entangled and consumed by the temporary concerns of this world. It's about living with an awareness of our heavenly citizenship and living in a manner that reflects this reality in our daily lives.

I agree. Paul saw this with greater clarity from God than either Moses or David.
They served their generations by God's guidance.

And the new testament apostles and prophets, building on previous utterances, had God incarnate, crucified, resurrected, enthroned, exalted and indwelling as "the Spirit of reality" the Spirit of the Triune God processed through incarnation, human living, death, resurrection and becomming in them "a life giving Spirit."

[T]he last Adam became a life giving Spirit. (1 Cor. 15:45b)

 

[oikonomia]

Now Aaron112, let me play the angel's advocate.
We were talking about the bridal celebration and the bridal army of saints
accompanying Jesus down to the battle of Armageddon.

Make no mistake about this. This could include you and I.

The thing about the overcomers is that they are not superspiritual.
They are no above the standard. They are simply AT the standard.

They are rewarded not for being above the expected standard.
They are rewarded for simply being by His grace AT the expected standard.

Let me illustrate by the church in Philadelphia. They were mighty powerful and super strong spiritually. Right??
No. Wrong. Jesus said they have a little power.

And to the messenger of the church in Philadelphia write: These things says the Holy One, the true One, the One who has the key of David, the One who opens and no one will shut, and shuts and no one opens:

I know your works; behold, I have put before you an opened door which no one can shut, because you have a little power and have kept My word and have not denied My name. (Rev. 3:7,8)

Wow! In the last days some superduper spiritual people who are really mighty in spiritual power will bring the Lord back. Right?
No. Christ places before the brotherly love church an open door which no one is able to shut. That is the door into the next age, the millennial kingdom age. Why? Because they have faithfulness, love, hold to Christ's name above any name, and they have a little power.

This is God's glory in these last days. With those with love for one another and refusal to lift up any other name, "little potatoes" who
trade with their one pound, who do business with their one talent, God places an open door before them that NO ONE is able to shut.

I know your works; behold, I have put before you an opened door which no one can shut, because you have a little power and have kept My word and have not denied My name. (Rev. 3:7,8)

Pray to be with brothers and sisters like this. He will make us pillars in His city New Jerusalem which will NO LONGER wander in and out of His living building.

Because you have kept the word of My endurance, I also will keep you out of the hour of trial, which is about to come on the whole inhabited earth, to try them who dwell on the earth. (v. 10)

He who overcomes, him I will make a pillar in the temple of My God, and he shall by no means go out anymore, and I will write upon him the name of My God and the name of the city of My God, the New Jerusalem, which descends out of heaven from My God, and My new name. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. (vs. 12,13)

 

[oikonomia]

Let's talk about how we can have "a little power."

 

[oikonomia]

One important thing we can do to grasp the effectiveness of "a little power" is to value
the gathering in small groups for petition and prayer. I mean groups of two or three in His name.

There are not all local churches. These are small gatherings in the soverignty of your own home.
Our purpose is not to discuss movies, sports, politics. Our aim is to set aside a time to be in the word and in
His presence, especially for specific and focused petition and prayer for known needs in a harmonizing way.


Truly I say to you, Whatever you bind on the earth shall have been bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on the earth shall have been loosed in heaven.

Again, truly I say to you that if two of you are in harmony on earth concerning any matter for which they ask, it will be done for them from My Father who is in the heavens.

For where there are two or three gathered into My name, there am I in their midst. (Matt. 18:18-20)

 

[Diamond72]

Paul saw this with greater clarity from God than either Moses or David.

Then why are people so confused with Paul's teaching? Why is it so difficult for people to understand?

 

[Diamond72]

Paul quotes David, a man who was never "born again."

The reason Paul quoted David is because David understood how we can be right with God. David loved the law of God because He knew the law was given for our own benefit and we are the ones that gain the most when we follow the law of God. I was asking for a explaination of the words good and right.

for they
had not Jesus, His death and resurrection.

They had glimpses. Look at Abraham when he learned that he did not have to sacrifice his son on the alter. God made the sacrifice for us.

 

[oikonomia]

Then why are people so confused with Paul's teaching? Why is it so difficult for people to understand?

I have living examples who help me to understand.
Men who live as Paul lived have insight into his words by shared experience.

Now I think if you are a Christian to some degree when you read the words of this apostle
you can say "Now THAT I understand. I have experienced that. I know what this man means."

This deepening and deepening understanding, as with most of the Bible, is a matter of growth
and progress.

Now could you give me an example of a something Paul wrote which you have trouble with?
I can think of examples that I have yet to plumb the depths of.

Perhaps, I could help. Perhaps I could offer some help as I too have been helped.
I prayed specifically as a young Christian "Lord, put me with Christians that can help me grow."

The Lord answered that prayer for which I will be forever thankful.
I was not always faithful. But Jesus was faithful.

Offer me difficult passage section, with prayer, and let's examine to see if we get some help
from the Holy Spirit and fellowship.

 

[oikonomia]

The reason Paul quoted David is because David understood how we can be right with God. David loved the law of God because He knew the law was given for our own benefit and we are the ones that gain the most when we follow the law of God. I was asking for a explaination of the words good and right.

They had glimpses. Look at Abraham when he learned that he did not have to sacrifice his son on the alter. God made the sacrifice for us.

Yes. They had glimpses. Yes, the had moments of being on like a peak of revelation to perceive SOMETHING of God's
deeper work of salvation.

 

[Diamond72]

Yes Paul in the section of his letter Romans on condemnation. First he writes of condemnation of those who self righteous. Then he extends to those who are religious. Lastly he extends to all the world - under condemnation. Unquestionably to lay this opening foundation of condemnation he quotes them.

We had 2,000 years where people did what was right in their own eyes, yet the imagination of their heart was evil and wicked. Then we had 2,000 years under the law where they thought the priest could intercede for them and they did not have to live right. Then the church age of 2,000 years where they think Jesus paid the price for us so we do not have to be transformed and a new creation in Christ. Finally we will have 1,000 years of rest where man will rest from his works.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Because those whom He foreknew, He also predestinated to be conformed to the image of His Son,

Paul could do more to explain himself. What does it mean to be conformed to the image of HIs Son? What does it mean to be called according to His purpose. I think it means to follow God's plan for us and our life. To become the person He wants us to be. Then of course it stands to reason when we follow God all things work together for good. We can not even image some of the things people have to endure. Yet we are told all things work together for good.

I have been thinking of Corrie Tan Boons story of the meanest, cruelest guard in the Nazi Concentration Camp where her sister died. He walked up to Corrie and said he was born again and he knew God forgives him, but he wanted to know if Corrie forgave him. The answer was no, she did not. In time she was able to pray and God was able to do a work in her. Because we will all be spending an eternity in Heaven with people and we are told that everyone get along and the love each other. There is no room for unforgiveness there.

 

[Diamond72]

Offer me difficult passage section, with prayer, and let's examine to see if we get some help
from the Holy Spirit and fellowship.

The biggest problem today has to do with divorce and remarriage. We know that David had a situation like this with Bathsheba and they ended up losing their first born child. Even if Solomon went on to become King. As if every sort of sin can be found in the blood line of Jesus. Today I wonder if people who divorce and get remarried take a risk on losing their first born child. My own son did not smoke or drink or take drugs. He was in his senior year of electronic engineering. So after 17 years of being single I felt he was stable enough that I could remarry. I did not even see him that much, maybe once a week as he was busy living his life. Then he dropped out of school, started to smoke and drink and party on drugs. He did die from an overdose. Just how much does a parent have to sacrifice themselves for their children? To what extent do we have to go? We have a close friend that the daughter was brillant. As most of our kids are very intelligent. She did not have the money or want to go into debt to be a doctor so she decided to become a pharmacist. He mom divorced and remarried and when the daughter graduated from school she put a bullet in her head. Totally unexpected. No one had a clue. The girl kept to herself and I did not know her that well. Maybe I should have made a bit more of an effort to so something to help her along the way in life.

 

[oikonomia]

The biggest problem today has to do with divorce and remarriage. We know that David had a situation like this with Bathsheba and they ended up losing their first born child. Even if Solomon went on to become King. As if every sort of sin can be found in the blood line of Jesus. Today I wonder if people who divorce and get remarried take a risk on losing their first born child. My own son did not smoke or drink or take drugs. He was in his senior year of electronic engineering. So after 17 years of being single I felt he was stable enough that I could remarry. I did not even see him that much, maybe once a week as he was busy living his life. Then he dropped out of school, started to smoke and drink and party on drugs. He did die from an overdose. Just how much does a parent have to sacrifice themselves for their children? To what extent do we have to go? We have a close friend that the daughter was brillant. As most of our kids are very intelligent. She did not have the money or want to go into debt to be a doctor so she decided to become a pharmacist. He mom divorced and remarried and when the daughter graduated from school she put a bullet in her head. Totally unexpected. No one had a clue. The girl kept to herself and I did not know her that well. Maybe I should have made a bit more of an effort to so something to help her along the way in life.

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your child. This was very sad.
I have no other comment at this time except that the Lord strengthen you.

I have never yet (and hopefully never will) lost a child. Mine are adults now.
Except our first child was a miscarriage.
Your difficulty may be with you forgiving yourself. This is often the case with self regret for sins forgiven by God.
But I don't want to write too much right now without fellowship with the Lord.