1. The "I used to"
You've just confessed something that is going on in your life and the person across from you pauses and then says, "I used to do that a lot too before I really connected with God." Ohhh, I used to is a powerful, powerful phrase. What this does is set up that the person you're talking with has moved beyond what you are struggling with. When they were a sweaty Philistine they used to do what you are doing, but now that life is angelic that just don't do that anymore.
Gold Medal
2. The "I'm with God."
The best thing to do when you really want to judge someone is draw up sides. Make sure you take the side of God first which automatically puts the other person on the side of satan. Sound extreme and like something that doesn't happen? It does. Here's what it looks like: "I understand what you are saying, I guess I'm just going to go with God on this one." Or, "I'm not telling you my opinion, I'm just telling you what the Bible and God say." The implication is that you're not disagreeing with the other person, you're disagreeing with the Alpha and Omega. Which does not feel awesome.
Silver Medal
3. The "half and half"
This is probably my favorite one. In this form, you give a fake compliment, followed up by what you really feel. For example, if you don't like a certain minister you might say, "He's got a great ministry, unless you feel that learning about the Bible is important." or "That's a great song, if you don't mind devil music." This the equivalent of waving your hand around to make someone look at it while your foot kicks them in the groin.
Silver Medal
4. The "Judgement Squared"
This one is kind of funny. Sometimes people will judge me for being too judgmental. That's like swimming in the ocean next to me and telling me that I'm wet. Hey, wait a second, you're wet too, I want to say. If you ever angrily, aggressively say the sentence, "who gives you the right to judge?" then you've just won yourself a medal.
Bronze Medal
5. The "for me."
This is similar to number 2, but does not have to involve throwing the God card directly. Let's say I write a post about some kind of worship music that I think is overplayed in church. Someone reads that, and then says, "I guess for me, worship is about communing with God and not my own narcissistic sense of enjoyment." That sounds a little extreme, but I once got in an argument with someone that read my completely silly post about holding hands and then accused me of probably not liking to touch the homeless. We ended up working it out, but the initial implication was, "You don't like interlinking fingers with people at church? For me, touch is about loving others like Jesus. Why do you hate the homeless?"
Gold Medal
6. The "one percent"
This is when someone or a ministry does 99 out of 100 things right but makes a mistake on 1 thing. Instead of celebrating the 99, you judge the 1. Like the comment someone left about the lady from Jon & Kate plus 8 wearing short shorts on the show. I don't know that she ever has, but I do know that they do show their faith to millions of people and that if I had 8 kids I would probably wear my shoes on the wrong feet I would be so busy with everything else. You could easily argue that I am guilty of this one with my post about prosperity ministry. Maybe I failed by mentioned the minister's Rolls Royce when that church has been said to give millions away to needy people.
Bronze Medal
7.Obscure Verse
Your friends don't live their lives by the second chapter of the book of Joel. They should, but chances are, they don't. But sometimes, when they want to prove a point, they just Google some crazily obscure verse and then casually quote it like they've always loved that passage about the locusts.
Silver Medal
I think some of the things above, when done in love, can be helpful and honest. But when they're not, I think you and I deserve a medal. At least I know I do, because judging is something I struggle with.
