The Joy Of Modern Motherhood

[united4Peace]

As a mom I went through depression(postpartum)...it happens...its natural but needs treated...one feels alone...no adults to talk too...espeasally when kids are too young to join playgroups...and all mom does is change diapers and breastfeed. Kids are crying...no one to talk too...
Eventually though things do change...with treatment, as kids get older, finding playgroups, etc.

A parent, a mother and/or father needs time to themselves...if married, they need time alone from everyone...including spouse, othertimes they need those dates with the spouse that they had bfore children...

If single they also need the alone time and dating time...

Then there is Family time which is also very important...

As for not having children...one could very well change their mind...however I do know many in their 30's and 40's who have not changed their minds...not saying they dont like children, as they do very much, just as long as they dont have to have them "forever"...(they just "spoil" others children, prob because they know they can return them ).
They have their lives planned around other things...nothing wrong with that at all...doesnt make them any less a woman or man for that matter

As for Drugs, there is nothing wrong with talking about drugs infront of ones child...(doing them is a diff story).
Ive talked about drugs, alcohol, sex etc...
This does not mean Im an addict or doing this infront of them...it means Im educating them...and they will be better for it...and hopefully their choices are better than the ones I made...hopefully they can say NO, or know when to phone me, or will use protection or better yet wait for marriage or a relationship that they plan on staying in forever.

 

[united4Peace]

As someone else said...Im not responsible for someone else who doesnt have the responsibility of realizing that they themselves don't have the resources/finances of raising 12 children!!

If one can afford children..Fine..have as many as you want(can afford)..otherwise one should take some responsiblity and practice family planning!! That though is JMO&MOO

 

[feral]

Wow.

I guess it's people like that who keep us nannies in business.

 

[HazyRigby]

Would you rather have your society face negative population growth? The children born and raised today are the ones whose work will pay your pensions when you retire.

I neither feel that it is my responsibility to pay for someone else having children nor feel that someone else should be forced to pay for my retirement.

 

[WatersMoon110]

A question for Moon: What [do] you think that such outrageous ideas are being embraced by mainstream newspapers and book publishers?

All sorts of books are published. And just about any popular, controversial book is going to get media attention.

Are there some women out there who might be influenced by this book? Sure. But I don't feel too many of them will be. After all, there are a few thousand parenting books out there, which do far more to influence parents when it comes to child rearing.

And, really, anyone who would consider taking their baby to a bar probably doesn't need a book to convince them to do so.

 

[WatersMoon110]

As someone else said...Im not responsible for someone else who doesnt have the responsibility of realizing that they themselves don't have the resources/finances of raising 12 children!!

If one can afford children..Fine..have as many as you want(can afford)..otherwise one should take some responsiblity and practice family planning!! That though is JMO&MOO

I don't know. I mean, family planning is a good thing, but sometimes bad things happen (someone loses a job or dies) and then a family can no longer afford to properly care for all of their children. I think it's important that there be help for children that are already here, so that they don't starve.

 

[united4Peace]

I don't know. I mean, family planning is a good thing, but sometimes bad things happen (someone loses a job or dies) and then a family can no longer afford to properly care for all of their children. I think it's important that there be help for children that are already here, so that they don't starve.

LOL that's part of family planning...thinking ahead for situations like the one you pointed out

 

[WatersMoon110]

LOL that's part of family planning...thinking ahead for situations like the one you pointed out

I agree. Life insurance and savings are very important.

But I don't feel that "they should have thought of that long before" is a good excuse to let children that already exist in families that have fallen on hard times suffer (it's like telling an unintentionally pregnant woman "well, you shouldn't have had sex" in my opinion - hindsight is 20/20 after all).

 

[Eve_Sundancer]

My son spends every few weekends at his grandparent's house, so that my husband and I can get a break. Does that make me a bad mother? I don't think it does, he's still very happy and gets to have a good bond with his grandparents, and we get to recharge a little before having him 24/7 again. I truly don't think that by doing this I am a bad mother. I would never take Ethan into a bar, I wouldn't neglect him or abandon him, and I would do anything in my power to keep him from harm, because I love him. But... there are times when I just need a break.

 

[WatersMoon110]

My son spends every few weekends at his grandparent's house, so that my husband and I can get a break. Does that make me a bad mother? I don't think it does, he's still very happy and gets to have a good bond with his grandparents, and we get to recharge a little before having him 24/7 again. I truly don't think that by doing this I am a bad mother. I would never take Ethan into a bar, I wouldn't neglect him or abandon him, and I would do anything in my power to keep him from harm, because I love him. But... there are times when I just need a break.

I think that makes you a very good mother. It's important that parents get a break every now and then, because parents that spend all of their time with their kid(s) often get resentful. Getting a break, and allowing your son to spend time with his grandparents is wonderful! For all of you!

 

[wanderingone]

While I don't necessarily want the social life this mom describes I have to agree that having children doesn't have to mean an end to your social life. There's absolutely nothing wrong with hiring a child minder for a bit to go out for an evening with friends.

To me my social life changed when I had children, but certainly there was no reason for my children to be under the impression that they are the center of the universe and nobody else can have a moment without them in it.

 

[wanderingone]

My son spends every few weekends at his grandparent's house, so that my husband and I can get a break. Does that make me a bad mother? I don't think it does, he's still very happy and gets to have a good bond with his grandparents, and we get to recharge a little before having him 24/7 again. I truly don't think that by doing this I am a bad mother. I would never take Ethan into a bar, I wouldn't neglect him or abandon him, and I would do anything in my power to keep him from harm, because I love him. But... there are times when I just need a break.

That makes you a good mom... not to mention a SANE one. My sister has a friend who believed that because she quit her paying job to stay home with her kids it was wrong to EVER go anywhere without them. 12 years since the birth of her first and she's a nut, her husband has moved on and the kids (all 4 of them) are twisted little monsters.

I'm being mean I guess, but it's getting near thanksgiving, and we always invite them....... and I cringe at the thought of it ....

 

[united4Peace]

I agree. Life insurance and savings are very important.

But I don't feel that "they should have thought of that long before" is a good excuse to let children that already exist in families that have fallen on hard times suffer (it's like telling an unintentionally pregnant woman "well, you shouldn't have had sex" in my opinion - hindsight is 20/20 after all).

Hmmm Im talking more about thinking ahead about whether or not...can we afford this or that?

I see so many people go out and spend a whole paycheck on stuff they dont need rather than pay off a mortgage or dental bills or buy groceries or whatnot...
then there they sit...wondering how they are going to pay for the kids dental, or buy food or pay the utilities...

I have family members who have large family's of their own and dont have any income...they instead rely on others...I personally dont think that that is fair!!
Out pops baby after baby and there sits mom and dad, jobless...because everyone else looks after them...govt, etc...

 

[flicka]

Not wanting a baby because it will interfere with your social life is like wanting a baby just because they are cute. I'd rather someone not have a child than have one they won't be able to care for.

 

[Renton405]

Perhaps to you. But to me, kids ARE a burden, and they WOULD ruin my life.

That doesn't excuse people being mean to you when you're out with your kids (especially at Dairy Queen). But for some of us, the attitude expressed above is absolutely the truth. It's not a reflection on your choice to parent. It's a reflection on what I find important in my life (yes, more important than having children).

No, children aren't a burden if you are a good mother and father. True loving parents treat their children as human beings, not burdens ... Can you imagine how a child feels when some mother says "Oh gee I can't wait till your 18 and out of my hands".. No wonder children are so depressed and sad these days..

The social party life dosen't last. Friends come and go. Children are forever and much more important. Seeing a single un-married woman at the age of 40+ still going to partys with her friends getting drunk is the most sad pathetic thing..

 

[Patashu]

No, children aren't a burden if you are a good mother and father. True loving parents treat their children as human beings, not burdens ... Can you imagine how a child feels when some mother says "Oh gee I can't wait till your 18 and out of my hands".. No wonder children are so depressed and sad these days..

The social party life dosen't last. Friends come and go. Children are forever and much more important. Seeing a single un-married woman at the age of 40+ still going to partys with her friends getting drunk is the most sad pathetic thing..

Okay, two things:

1. Not everyone is a good mother/father. Many people will never feel the urge to have children, and the last thing they need is to be forced into it.
2. Not everyone SHOULD have children. Do we really need more consumers in this overpopulated world?

 

[Renton405]

1. Not everyone is a good mother/father. Many people will never feel the urge to have children, and the last thing they need is to be forced into it.

Maybe people would start being better parents if they brought morals and family values back in the mix..Parents need to learn and understand family values, christian moral, and not letting the secular world raise their kids.

Not everyone SHOULD have children. Do we really need more consumers in this overpopulated world

Actually the most overpopulated place is China. THe largest atheist country in the world next to Russia. What does that say??

The overpopulation thing is an old argument also. The US isn't overpopulated..Europe isn't either.

 

[Patashu]

Maybe people would start being better parents if they brought morals and family values back in the mix..Parents need to learn and understand family values, christian moral, and not letting the secular world raise their kids.





Actually the most overpopulated place is China. THe largest atheist country in the world next to Russia. What does that say??

The overpopulation thing is an old argument also. The US isn't overpopulated..Europe isn't either.

It's not just overpopulation; people in the US consume an awful amount of resources per head. If everyone in the world, all seven billion of them, lived as Americans did we'd need several Earth's worth of resources.

 

[Calliso]

No, children aren't a burden if you are a good mother and father. True loving parents treat their children as human beings, not burdens ... Can you imagine how a child feels when some mother says "Oh gee I can't wait till your 18 and out of my hands".. No wonder children are so depressed and sad these days..

The social party life dosen't last. Friends come and go. Children are forever and much more important. Seeing a single un-married woman at the age of 40+ still going to partys with her friends getting drunk is the most sad pathetic thing..

A child can be a burden to even someone who tries their hardest to raise them right if the child is not wanted. And while I would say it is bad to go to the bar every night as a parent and get drunk or worse take your baby to such a place..there is nothing wrong with once in awhile hiring a babysitter and just getting out of the house! Stressed out parents are not good parents! And why is seeing a single woman in her 40's going to a bar with her friends pathetic? Are women meaningless unless they get married and have kids? Is there some cut off age where you can say ok now that you are this age you may no longer have a social life?

 

[GardenOfKadesh]

Maybe people would start being better parents if they brought morals and family values back in the mix..Parents need to learn and understand family values, christian moral, and not letting the secular world raise their kids.

Christians aren't the only people with family values, but "christian moral" seems to have a monopoly when it comes to strawmen.

Actually the most overpopulated place is China. THe largest atheist country in the world next to Russia. What does that say??

There are two things wrong here: Russia is hardly atheist, as the CIA World Factbook states that the current measurements are, ". . . . estimates are of practicing worshipers; Russia has large populations of non-practicing believers and non-believers, a legacy of over seven decades of Soviet rule. . . . " And no one cares about the religion or lack of thereof (I just wanted to point out your point over Russia you were making was made up). By the same count, we could conclude that American Christians are the most wasteful people on the planet and not much better than atheist China.

The entire argument that the American, Christian lifestyle is the best begets wastefulness. If "christian moral" is driving a Escalade a mile to work or landfills of water bottles, I would rather have no part of it. Luckily, you are not the dictator of "christian moral".