The hook up culture is ruining everything!

[AzureBlue]

Is it possible to give it up on the first date and then stay together for decades? Yep.

Is it necessary? Nope.

At any rate, you are probably not looking for the same kind of man that those ladies are, so if you followed in their footsteps, you'd be in for some trouble.

What's missing from marriage "these days" (I don't believe in the "good old days") is not more virginity, it's more love and loyalty and forgiveness.

Yes, more love and loyalty but some purity helps as well to keep those glued together. I cannot understand people willingly walking into a big mistake thinking in the back of their heads "it's all going to work out in the end anyways" then being pat on the back both by society and the church/Christians when the person acts all "god already forgave me and maybe I will do it next Saturday, why not he will forgive me again"

But once again I don't mind as much as when no one messes or makes me feel less than a person. However even at church there's a stigma when being this way when all the married couples show off and they want to pray for you to find someone. I DONT WANT TO FIND SOMEONE, I'm not relationship oriented, probably asexual, I need to be at peace and move the hell up to another less liberal city so I don't have to hear certain people on the elevator talking about their last night threesome, I am so done with this society!!!

and krugerpark why would a be an expert on relationships when nobody cares to have one? I am missing the biblical advise on this forum...

 

[seeingeyes]

Yes, more love and loyalty but some purity helps as well to keep those glued together. I cannot understand people willingly walking into a big mistake thinking in the back of their heads "it's all going to work out in the end anyways" then being pat on the back both by society and the church/Christians when the person acts all "god already forgave me and maybe I will do it next Saturday, why not he will forgive me again"

But once again I don't mind as much as when no one messes or makes me feel less than a person. However even at church there's a stigma when being this way when all the married couples show off and they want to pray for you to find someone. I DONT WANT TO FIND SOMEONE, I'm not relationship oriented, probably asexual, I need to be at peace and move the hell up to another less liberal city so I don't have to hear certain people on the elevator talking about their last night threesome, I am so done with this society!!!

and krugerpark why would a be an expert on relationships when nobody cares to have one? I am missing the biblical advise on this forum...

If you choose to live an a-typical life, then you must be prepared for others to give you advice about being more typical like they are. This is simply a fact about human society. If you want to swim against the tide, you need to be able to put up with others looking at you funny.

From your OP, I was under the impression that you were looking for a spouse, but not finding one:

"can somebody give some hope or words for women like me (im 25) virgin, who keeps waiting and waiting on the lord only to walk against a wall when I find these cases?"

If you want to remain single, then why do you care how these other women found a man? I'm not sure I understand the question...

 

[AzureBlue]

If you choose to live an a-typical life, then you must be prepared for others to give you advice about being more typical like they are. This is simply a fact about human society. If you want to swim against the tide, you need to be able to put up with others looking at you funny.

From your OP, I was under the impression that you were looking for a spouse, but not finding one:

If you want to remain single, then why do you care how these other women found a man? I'm not sure I understand the question...

It's not that Im bothered by them, is society as a whole that is become so corrupted and of course I am not blind or unaffected.

I cannot post the link cause im a new member but these are the conclusions reached after the study said 89% of students hate hook up yet do it and the idiot author still goes to say it's good for you, this stuff makes me mad...

Her rationale:

1. Many students learn a lot from hooking up, even if they didn’t like it.
2. For many students, hooking up helped them clarify their values, embrace their own sexuality, and learn how to enforce their boundaries.
3. Hooking up is also good for students who are really focused on their studies or on balancing work and school; it is a way to get sexual experience that doesn’t include the intense time and emotion investments required by relationships. It is a way to gain sexual experience in a less distracting way.
4. Hooking up turns out to be, in many ways, emotionally safer. Hamilton and Armstrong found that, when hook ups go bad, people can get hurt; but when relationships go bad, they tend to go bad in a much bigger way. Bad hookups were isolated events, but bad relationships sometimes wreaked havoc with students’ lives.
​

Wade believes that the problem is not hooking up, but the lack of alternatives to hookup sex.

One of the things that was so striking about the students I studied was that even those who rejected hooking up for themselves – the ones who opted out – would bend over backwards to insist that hooking up was a good thing and that they wished they felt differently.
Many who didn’t like the idea of hooking up for themselves, then, saw their own approach to their sexuality as an unfortunate dysfunction instead of a valid choice.
When a campus is characterized by a hook up culture, hooking up is the main and even the only way that students feel like they can engage sexually; other kinds of sex seem impossible or undesirable or even embarrassing.
​

 

[seeingeyes]

It's not that Im bothered by them, is society as a whole that is become so corrupted and of course I am not blind or unaffected.

I cannot post the link cause im a new member but these are the conclusions reached after the study said 89% of students hate hook up yet do it and the idiot author still goes to say it's good for you, this stuff makes me mad...

Her rationale:

1. Many students learn a lot from hooking up, even if they didn’t like it.
2. For many students, hooking up helped them clarify their values, embrace their own sexuality, and learn how to enforce their boundaries.
3. Hooking up is also good for students who are really focused on their studies or on balancing work and school; it is a way to get sexual experience that doesn’t include the intense time and emotion investments required by relationships. It is a way to gain sexual experience in a less distracting way.
4. Hooking up turns out to be, in many ways, emotionally safer. Hamilton and Armstrong found that, when hook ups go bad, people can get hurt; but when relationships go bad, they tend to go bad in a much bigger way. Bad hookups were isolated events, but bad relationships sometimes wreaked havoc with students’ lives.
​

Wade believes that the problem is not hooking up, but the lack of alternatives to hookup sex.

One of the things that was so striking about the students I studied was that even those who rejected hooking up for themselves – the ones who opted out – would bend over backwards to insist that hooking up was a good thing and that they wished they felt differently.
Many who didn’t like the idea of hooking up for themselves, then, saw their own approach to their sexuality as an unfortunate dysfunction instead of a valid choice.
When a campus is characterized by a hook up culture, hooking up is the main and even the only way that students feel like they can engage sexually; other kinds of sex seem impossible or undesirable or even embarrassing.
​

Yeah...kids conforming.

One thing that I find interesting is that for a woman to be 'sexually liberated' it means that she must have the historically (stereotypically) male pattern of sex, like bed hopping and hooking up. It's sort of like in the 80's when working women all wore giant shoulder pads to the office. To be considered 'free' we must be men.

But in my own experience of chatting with anyone who wanders nearby, I have found that it is far, far more likely for women to regret their past sexual encounters than men. In fact, I have yet to hear a man say, "I wish I hadn't slept with her..." unless there were extenuating circumstances (like it was his best friend's girl or he was married to someone else). But from women, I hear it all the time.

So if we are so 'liberated', why is it that so few of us are actually happy with the choices we've made?

No, we've just gone from squeezing ourselves into one kind of mold to squeezing ourselves into another kind of mold. Until we each understand, individually, the shape that we are supposed to be, we are stuck trying on the shapes that society tells us to.

But as you look back over history, this has always been the case. There are no "good old days", there were no "purer" times. Because any given society, by definition, is filled with people. God help us all.

 

[AzureBlue]

Yeah...kids conforming.

One thing that I find interesting is that for a woman to be 'sexually liberated' it means that she must have the historically (stereotypically) male pattern of sex, like bed hopping and hooking up. It's sort of like in the 80's when working women all wore giant shoulder pads to the office. To be considered 'free' we must be men.

But in my own experience of chatting with anyone who wanders nearby, I have found that it is far, far more likely for women to regret their past sexual encounters than men. In fact, I have yet to hear a man say, "I wish I hadn't slept with her..." unless there were extenuating circumstances (like it was his best friend's girl or he was married to someone else). But from women, I hear it all the time.

So if we are so 'liberated', why is it that so few of us are actually happy with the choices we've made?

No, we've just gone from squeezing ourselves into one kind of mold to squeezing ourselves into another kind of mold. Until we each understand, individually, the shape that we are supposed to be, we are stuck trying on the shapes that society tells us to.

But as you look back over history, this has always been the case. There are no "good old days", there were no "purer" times. Because any given society, by definition, is filled with people. God help us all.

Exactly the point, you put it in words better than me, why can't a liberated woman express herself through other means but her sexuality? It's not like after the deed you are handed a certificate for being so open with yourself and others, wow what a great woman they must be! If everyone had to act like a man where's the freedom here? Nobody speaks about it, yet it lingers in the air like smoke from last night barbecue lol

 

[seeingeyes]

Exactly the point, you put it in words better than me, why can't a liberated woman express herself through other means but her sexuality? It's not like after the deed you are handed a certificate for being so open with yourself and others, wow what a great woman they must be! If everyone had to act like a man where's the freedom here? Nobody speaks about it, yet it lingers in the air like smoke from last night barbecue lol

Yep. And that's why weirdos are my favorite people. lol

 

[AzureBlue]

Yep. And that's why weirdos are my favorite people. lol

who's the weirdo?

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

First I want you to read this article about the hooks up culture statistics if you are not familiar with it.

Most students are not satisfied with only hooking up but keep on doing it because they are no alternatives, there's no dating anymore and if you don't do it well of course there's something wrong with you..


Her rationale:

1. Many students learn a lot from hooking up, even if they didn’t like it.
2. For many students, hooking up helped them clarify their values, embrace their own sexuality, and learn how to enforce their boundaries.
3. Hooking up is also good for students who are really focused on their studies or on balancing work and school; it is a way to get sexual experience that doesn’t include the intense time and emotion investments required by relationships. It is a way to gain sexual experience in a less distracting way.
4. Hooking up turns out to be, in many ways, emotionally safer. Hamilton and Armstrong found that, when hook ups go bad, people can get hurt; but when relationships go bad, they tend to go bad in a much bigger way. Bad hookups were isolated events, but bad relationships sometimes wreaked havoc with students’ lives.

​

Wade believes that the problem is not hooking up, but the lack of alternatives to hookup sex. One of the things that was so striking about the students I studied was that even those who rejected hooking up for themselves – the ones who opted out – would bend over backwards to insist that hooking up was a good thing and that they wished they felt differently.
Many who didn’t like the idea of hooking up for themselves, then, saw their own approach to their sexuality as an unfortunate dysfunction instead of a valid choice.
When a campus is characterized by a hook up culture, hooking up is the main and even the only way that students feel like they can engage sexually; other kinds of sex seem impossible or undesirable or even embarrassing.

Then I want you to read this other article about women in their mid-twenties and beyond who have never been in a relationship, look over the comments about the women saying and advising another lady to just sleep around:



Take a look at this particular comments:

Date, put out, marriage !
I put out on a first date – ended up married, 20 years next year , go figure !


----------

S
What a gross generalisation, “no man will date you if you put out on the first date”.. I’m at uni currently and am in a relationship and can tell you this is how a lot of relationships (loving, fulfilling relationships) start.

---------------------
Personally, I don’t equate sex with intimacy. I find intimacy through other means. Sex is fun, good for reducing stress and a perfectly normal pass time for two consenting adults.
-----------------------
Kris2040
What a crock. I’ve had a number of relationships where I slept with the guy on the first night – drunk and sober!

And it’s only a lonely world out there if you make it one. Not everyone is a desperado waiting for a man or woman to make their lives complete!


----------

and this are all females who just randomly sleep with a dude and still end up married for long years? can somebody give some hope or words for women like me (im 25) virgin, who keeps waiting and waiting on the lord only to walk against a wall when I find these cases? why is this behavior rewarded? Why are good women and men being "punished" in way and seen as freaks of nature just because they haven't found a significant other yet?

It's like you can never win....most women are acting like enemies against each other, I can see it and men just take it all as a game. I can't take this anymore, please advise...

Casual HookUp sex is not only a total abomination to God, but has proven itself to be utterly destructive to individuals involved and hence to an entire Nation . Other than the current huge National STD Epidemic which is taking lives prematurely or leaving people with a lifelong uncurable STD which costs people and A Nation many billions of dollars in HealthCare costs , the 4000 daily murders of developing children in the womb directly from Sexual Hedonism gone further wrong .... it is destroying the opportunities for REAL DEEP personal relationships from seeing the opposite sex as just an object for temporary fulfillment without a shred of commitment , honor, or dignity toward the Other. If Hooking Up continues at the alarming rate it is, countless individuals will never experience the true real love and bonding that comes thru demonstrating great respect toward another Human Being . It will also increase as the Culture has a greater impact on very young boys and girls who will be molded into this eventual pattern of illicit sexuality making both sexes nothing but self seeking sexual Perannahs . It will continue to fool those involved that sex is just a physical thing and doesnt involve the actual Soul of a Person , and, it will continue to play great emotional havoc especially for women being the weaker emotional gender. The present massive Sexual Illicit Culture along with a Mass Media that doesnt care what they promote (for revenue) , will make sure that it remains in popular demand further contributing to the problem a desired reprobate mind . Some will escape the addiction by coming to Christ, but most will end up in greater peril in this life and certainly for all of eternity for missing Gods Love thru Christ sacrificed so lifestyles of sin can be escaped.

The false and superficial Bill of Goods that people like Dr. Alfed Kinsey pushed by giving sexual immorality a license for fun...is now coming to fruition some 50 years later in drastic repercussions. America has once again, been duped big time thru personal entitlement and psuedo-liberty to act as One likes .

It is difficult to predict which will be the ruin of America : Sexual immorality for a nations pastime or vast Economic decline leading to bankrupcy.

 

[seeingeyes]

who's the weirdo?

Me, mostly.

 

[Strider1002]

I don't think I can say anything better than what I said in this older post:
http://www.christianforums.com/t7684997-5/#post61333853

 

[ChrisHolland619]

Hookups aren't ruining anything, sin is, and it's nothing new.

 

[Bella Vita]

The funny part is when people try telling me there is nothing in scripture about pre-marrital sex... hahah now that is funny.

 

[krugerpark]

Casual HookUp sex is not only a total abomination to God, but has proven itself to be utterly destructive to individuals involved and hence to an entire Nation . Other than the current huge National STD Epidemic which is taking lives prematurely or leaving people with a lifelong uncurable STD which costs people and A Nation many billions of dollars in HealthCare costs , the 4000 daily murders of developing children in the womb directly from Sexual Hedonism gone further wrong .... it is destroying the opportunities for REAL DEEP personal relationships from seeing the opposite sex as just an object for temporary fulfillment without a shred of commitment , honor, or dignity toward the Other. If Hooking Up continues at the alarming rate it is, countless individuals will never experience the true real love and bonding that comes thru demonstrating great respect toward another Human Being . It will also increase as the Culture has a greater impact on very young boys and girls who will be molded into this eventual pattern of illicit sexuality making both sexes nothing but self seeking sexual Perannahs . It will continue to fool those involved that sex is just a physical thing and doesnt involve the actual Soul of a Person , and, it will continue to play great emotional havoc especially for women being the weaker emotional gender. The present massive Sexual Illicit Culture along with a Mass Media that doesnt care what they promote (for revenue) , will make sure that it remains in popular demand further contributing to the problem a desired reprobate mind . Some will escape the addiction by coming to Christ, but most will end up in greater peril in this life and certainly for all of eternity for missing Gods Love thru Christ sacrificed so lifestyles of sin can be escaped.

The false and superficial Bill of Goods that people like Dr. Alfed Kinsey pushed by giving sexual immorality a license for fun...is now coming to fruition some 50 years later in drastic repercussions. America has once again, been duped big time thru personal entitlement and psuedo-liberty to act as One likes .

It is difficult to predict which will be the ruin of America : Sexual immorality for a nations pastime or vast Economic decline leading to bankrupcy.

+1 dude

 

[HiLo]

and this are all females who just randomly sleep with a dude and still end up married for long years? can somebody give some hope or words for women like me (im 25) virgin, who keeps waiting and waiting on the lord only to walk against a wall when I find these cases? why is this behavior rewarded? Why are good women and men being "punished" in way and seen as freaks of nature just because they haven't found a significant other yet?

It's like you can never win....most women are acting like enemies against each other, I can see it and men just take it all as a game. I can't take this anymore, please advise...

I guess I'm not understanding what other peoples relationships and lives have to do with you. How is it that you are being punished for being a virgin? You've made a choice to do something, how is it the worlds fault that you haven't found a husband? How is it that bad behavior (Which I disagree is an accurate assessment) being rewarded?

Also, there aren't many "men" in college. You may be trying to base your thoughts on the actions of "boys", not men. There is a difference. If you believe being a virgin is what you are to do, then keep faith that God will send you someone, in His time. Blaming the world only reveals a lack of faith in God, who is in control of all.

 

[AzureBlue]

I guess I'm not understanding what other peoples relationships and lives have to do with you. How is it that you are being punished for being a virgin? You've made a choice to do something, how is it the worlds fault that you haven't found a husband? How is it that bad behavior (Which I disagree is an accurate assessment) being rewarded?

Also, there aren't many "men" in college. You may be trying to base your thoughts on the actions of "boys", not men. There is a difference. If you believe being a virgin is what you are to do, then keep faith that God will send you someone, in His time. Blaming the world only reveals a lack of faith in God, who is in control of all.

Of course it has to do with me when that's all you hear, breath and see each day and you are left to be the freak. Luckily I found my answers somewhere else , this forum doesn't help much....

 

[brohammer26]

I think it really does ruin. I was a part of it, when I was younger all I ever wanted was to have a gf and get married. I got mocked, ridicoloued...called gay and many other things for not seein women as for sex and wanting to only be with them for relationshps...even by women. Eventually it got to me...and when I found that most men got gf's by being sexual...and by being sexual with many women I feel into the path. It got bad and I regret that part of my life..there was only one girl the whole time who touched my heart and is what made me want to turn away from it. I turned into someone I wasnt..it makes me sick thinking about it now. I didnt know god at the time and it is quit easy to fall into the way the world wants you to be...so yes I think it is bad.

 

[krugerpark]

so what is your tance ...you seem to be for it or what?

No not for it but if you are against it you got your work cut out because there is a very strong pull towards it in society, it can pull the best of us in!! it leads you into severe spiritual compromise, bottom line. But if you are going to try use the excuse that you are afraid of STD's, that's not a valid excuse (and not the reason we are supposed to abstain) because STD's are avoided easily enough. The reason not to do it is because the bible says so.

 

[TheyCallMeDave]

Heres the recap then :

1. It makes a man (especially) , view Women as cheap and disposable along with no respect.

2. It will not provide for a deep relationship with the opposite sex because the entire casual hookup sex is just about a copulatory experience with no attachment desired. Sadly though, the very act of sexual intercourse BINDS two Souls together as that is Gods purposed design (to enhance a marital relationship for life) . So, we end up with countless people not knowing how to have a meaningful relationship...and/or not even desiring such. This makes People very shallow .

3. Pregnancy arises out of wedlock with no commitment for the male to stick around. Abortion increases leaving a woman emotionally devastated and increases her chance of breast cancer , depression, anxiety, and hardening of her Soul from trying to pretend it wasnt a developing child in the early stages.

4. It serves to superficially increase a males ego based on his number of meaningless sexual conquests.

5. For those women who dont abort, it increases the Single Parent population where kids dont have Dad around for balanced emotional wellbeing ...and this very often leads to a kid acquiring anger problems, immorality, and committing crimes.

6. A lifestyle of sexual immorality concludes with eternal seperation from God in a very regretful place where there is no escape and constant regret is experienced in a venue of NO relationship with anyone . Only Self , forever. Only turning from it and getting forgiven by Christ can avoid the terrible choice One makes .

7. Young kids learn about Hooking Up and in no time, they want to experience the popular pastime themselves. They get sexualized , used, and fooled at an innocent impressionable age which allows them to grow up with a reprobate Mind including self centeredness, apathy toward whats moral , and taking advantage of women whenever an urge arises to do so (which is often).

8 . It ruins a Nation because the Nation becomes of a reprobate mindset which affects other bad behavior and actions .

9 . The drastic STD EPIDEMIC grows exponentially from the 39 STD's which currently exist whereby 2 are fatal and most last a lifetime without cure. As Hooking Up increases, so will the Epidemic. Most dont use condoms and when they do, its only a 10% rate of protection since they rip, tear, come off in passion, or sperm oozes out during passion , or they get installed incorrectly. (scientific studies available on condoms being 10% effective, upon request) .

10 . The Hookup Sex philosophy gets handed down from Parents to Offspring along with ever increasing promotion from an out of control Mass Media that cannot be governed . Each successive generation will get worse and worse. It will continue to break down American Society on many fronts, including huge financial burdens on individuals and a Nation at large due to contracted diseases.

Jesus Christ is the answer, the only answer . Education to try to get around sexual sin, isnt the answer .... nor are excuses based on entitlement . I hope it hasnt got you addicted . If so, God can make you an Overcomer .

 

[AzureBlue]

Heres the recap then :

1. It makes a man (especially) , view Women as cheap and disposable along with no respect.

2. It will not provide for a deep relationship with the opposite sex because the entire casual hookup sex is just about a copulatory experience with no attachment desired. Sadly though, the very act of sexual intercourse BINDS two Souls together as that is Gods purposed design (to enhance a marital relationship for life) . So, we end up with countless people not knowing how to have a meaningful relationship...and/or not even desiring such. This makes People very shallow .

3. Pregnancy arises out of wedlock with no commitment for the male to stick around. Abortion increases leaving a woman emotionally devastated and increases her chance of breast cancer , depression, anxiety, and hardening of her Soul from trying to pretend it wasnt a developing child in the early stages.

4. It serves to superficially increase a males ego based on his number of meaningless sexual conquests.

5. For those women who dont abort, it increases the Single Parent population where kids dont have Dad around for balanced emotional wellbeing ...and this very often leads to a kid acquiring anger problems, immorality, and committing crimes.

6. A lifestyle of sexual immorality concludes with eternal seperation from God in a very regretful place where there is no escape and constant regret is experienced in a venue of NO relationship with anyone . Only Self , forever. Only turning from it and getting forgiven by Christ can avoid the terrible choice One makes .

7. Young kids learn about Hooking Up and in no time, they want to experience the popular pastime themselves. They get sexualized , used, and fooled at an innocent impressionable age which allows them to grow up with a reprobate Mind including self centeredness, apathy toward whats moral , and taking advantage of women whenever an urge arises to do so (which is often).

8 . It ruins a Nation because the Nation becomes of a reprobate mindset which affects other bad behavior and actions .

9 . The drastic STD EPIDEMIC grows exponentially from the 39 STD's which currently exist whereby 2 are fatal and most last a lifetime without cure. As Hooking Up increases, so will the Epidemic. Most dont use condoms and when they do, its only a 10% rate of protection since they rip, tear, come off in passion, or sperm oozes out during passion , or they get installed incorrectly. (scientific studies available on condoms being 10% effective, upon request) .

10 . The Hookup Sex philosophy gets handed down from Parents to Offspring along with ever increasing promotion from an out of control Mass Media that cannot be governed . Each successive generation will get worse and worse. It will continue to break down American Society on many fronts, including huge financial burdens on individuals and a Nation at large due to contracted diseases.

Jesus Christ is the answer, the only answer . Education to try to get around sexual sin, isnt the answer .... nor are excuses based on entitlement . I hope it hasnt got you addicted . If so, God can make you an Overcomer .

Thanks for your input, It makes sense when I read it but I always get attacked no matter what. Look at the comments made as a reply to me in a video of Lolo Jones commiting to virginity , it's like it gets the worst out of some people when virignity is brought into discussion as a right for others to practice, they get all offended and mighty because a few girls are not "getting along with the program" of the current hook up culture..

She said:

Clearly this chick has no idea what she's in for. Kudos to her for sticking to her guns. But on the other hand, she's a single, unmarried, 30 year old virgin while hundreds of non-virgins younger than her are married with children. That's very ironic and highly pathetic even for a Christian.

---------------------

The only reason men want virgins is because they can't handle a woman who's sexually experienced, smart, worldly and knows things because then they have to work harder to please that woman and be better than the men she's had before. That's why it's so much easier to be with a virgin. They're innocent, naive, gullible, inexperienced and don't have a clue about sex. You can be totally lousy and they'll enjoy it. You can even assault them and they won't know. Basically, a virgin is just easy prey.

----------------------------------

When people thinking like this no wonder most of have to keep our choice quiet while the rest of the world can openly announce they are having sex until the dawn of time...something doesn't feel right about this..

 

[Gottservant]

I keep looking at this thread, thinking "what makes hook up culture go away"

and the only answer I get, is that the sons have to start tuning their guitars properly (without breaking the strings)

until they are living for the song, instead of just going along.

A culture that cannot control its desire, is rotting from the inside.