The guy I like isn't Christian...

[Stephanie Greenwood]

I met a guy through umpiring and he's not Christian, but some reason I feel drawn to him and can't get him off my mind. I know that he likes me (a lot, as he's told me and I can see) but there are three problems:

1. He's not Christian and I always said I wouldn't date a non-believer.
Also dating always ends in either a marriage or a breakup, so I dont want to date someone I wouldn't consider marrying and I wouldn't consider marrying someone who isn't Christian. Why am I doubting this now?

2. I'm 14 (15 in a month) and my parents always said nobody in our family could date before the age of 16. While I feel that I am more mature than my two older sisters were at my age and people constantly tell me that I'm incredibly mature/wise, especially for my - which I doubt to be honest because if I am, why can't I stop liking this guy - but that is still the rule and there's no way I'll go behind my parents backs.

3. Personally I'd like to get to know God better before I date - something my friend and I thought of was "you'll never find fulfilment in an earthly relationship until you find fulfilment in God, and only then can you truly love a man because only then will God be at the center of your relationship" and that pretty much sums it up for me.

I honestly dont know what to do, normally when I find myself infatuated with someone I dont think is good for me I can just sort of "unlike" them fairly quickly, but for some reason I can't get him out of my head (outside of when I'm studying the Bible and praying and stuff, at which point he tends to all but vanish unless I'm actually praying for him).

The worst thing is he knows that I like him, and he knows that I wouldn't properly date someone who is Christian and that I'm not aloud to date til I'm 16 and I dont want to go behind my parents' back on that, and when he found that all out he said his thoughts at that point were basically just "what the f***" (but he abbreviated it to an acronym.

I wish I never started liking him. Honestly I wish I never met him. But now that I have, what do I do?

Also I really want to get him along to youth group, but I'm also scared that he'll pretend to be Christian just to get me and even if I dont end up dating him, it'd be incredible if he could end up actually being saved. I know God put me in his life for a reason but I dont know what that reason is - if it's simply to show him God's love and try help him find it for himself, or something more than that? I'm also scared of me liking him but not dating him because of my religion putting him off Christianity because he thinks it's all just a load of rules.

I think I should talk to my mum about it but I'm kind of scared of what she'll think of me, too. I'd really appreciate your advice!!

 

[YesMe]

You should talk with your parents about these things, they are your best friends, they want the best for you, this is my humble advice.You have to put all your faith in God, He knows your heart, remember, if you truly have faith in Jesus, you will receive more than you can ever imagine.Be very careful, like I have said, talk with your parents, you are still so young, you have many things to learn about life, believe me.

No one in this world loves you more than your parents, and no one in the whole universe loves you more than God, never forget that.Your parents have the answers, you have to trust them no matter what, they want the best for you, let God's will be done.

You are blessed to know God, put all your faith in Him.

 

[least]

Good advice from YesMe. It sounds like you already know what to do though. And going with wht you know will do you better than going with how you feel.

 

[thehehe]

I agree with what has been said, your parents are the ones who could help you the most. Even if you consider yourself mature, you remain a teenager and you still have a lot to learn. I was quite surprised to read you writing about marriage. Well, I would never advice any teen to think about marriage at 15 : marriage is quite a long business, and it seems a bit foolish to really imagine ourselves living with the same person for the rest if our life at such a young age. And break-ups, yes, they do happen. Not for anyone, sure, but they can help some people to understand better what they wish and what they are looking for.
You know, he won't be the only one you will like, the world will not stop if you don't date him. And if you do, think: what will happen now? You remind me of my cousin, who thought at your age that she had met this guy to give him faith. Well, it did not work, actually she is the one who lost faith when she understood she had no divine mission to guide him on earth. As she told me, she really believed she had a duty, she was going to marry him etc, but if was just a teenish illusion and she now feels pretty embarrassed about that. As an ironic and quite sarcastic girl, she considers she made a fool of herself (and to be honest, I quite agree). That has been said, there is no reason such thing will happen to you. I just wanted to tell you this story to show you there is no need to rush, to feel anxious or anything, to feel pressured. The only pressure that could exist is the one you put on yourself about he not being a Christian.
As long as it is only for a teen date, and as there is nothing serious, faith is not a big issue. Now, if your parents do not allow you to date before 16, you should perhaps listen to them. Ask them for their reasons to prevent you from dating, they will surely very well answer. You have plenty of time, no need to rush.

Anyway, there is also another fact: it is amazing that you like him! yes, this is amazing to discover that our heart can like, even love someone. It could be the most amazing discovery of every teen years, so no matter what you finally decide, no regret. You can love, and this is the best of it.
Welcome on the Teen Area by the way, I hope you will feel welcomed and happy here!

 

[timewerx]

I met a guy through umpiring and he's not Christian, but some reason I feel drawn to him and can't get him off my mind. I know that he likes me (a lot, as he's told me and I can see) but there are three problems:

1. He's not Christian and I always said I wouldn't date a non-believer.
Also dating always ends in either a marriage or a breakup, so I dont want to date someone I wouldn't consider marrying and I wouldn't consider marrying someone who isn't Christian. Why am I doubting this now?

2. I'm 14 (15 in a month) and my parents always said nobody in our family could date before the age of 16. While I feel that I am more mature than my two older sisters were at my age and people constantly tell me that I'm incredibly mature/wise, especially for my - which I doubt to be honest because if I am, why can't I stop liking this guy - but that is still the rule and there's no way I'll go behind my parents backs.

3. Personally I'd like to get to know God better before I date - something my friend and I thought of was "you'll never find fulfilment in an earthly relationship until you find fulfilment in God, and only then can you truly love a man because only then will God be at the center of your relationship" and that pretty much sums it up for me.

I honestly dont know what to do, normally when I find myself infatuated with someone I dont think is good for me I can just sort of "unlike" them fairly quickly, but for some reason I can't get him out of my head (outside of when I'm studying the Bible and praying and stuff, at which point he tends to all but vanish unless I'm actually praying for him).

The worst thing is he knows that I like him, and he knows that I wouldn't properly date someone who is Christian and that I'm not aloud to date til I'm 16 and I dont want to go behind my parents' back on that, and when he found that all out he said his thoughts at that point were basically just "what the f***" (but he abbreviated it to an acronym.

I wish I never started liking him. Honestly I wish I never met him. But now that I have, what do I do?

Also I really want to get him along to youth group, but I'm also scared that he'll pretend to be Christian just to get me and even if I dont end up dating him, it'd be incredible if he could end up actually being saved. I know God put me in his life for a reason but I dont know what that reason is - if it's simply to show him God's love and try help him find it for himself, or something more than that? I'm also scared of me liking him but not dating him because of my religion putting him off Christianity because he thinks it's all just a load of rules.

I think I should talk to my mum about it but I'm kind of scared of what she'll think of me, too. I'd really appreciate your advice!!

If you are having anxiety over this then are not matured enough.

You should wait until you do so you can be pretty sure you are making the right choices in life (we only got one life to live, not plenty of room for mistakes...). It's for the best trust me.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Not a christian, don't date him, it will end bad. Even more so if you think maybe you can convert him later on. Also given your age I seriously wouldn't bother dating until your early/mid 20s. May sound like forever since your a teen but it will save you a TON of heart break. They say we don't really mature until around 25. What that means is by the time someones 25 they not only may be a bit immature/not ready, but they will likely have alot of changed views every year. BTW not saying you are immature, just stating some factual stuff.

Yes, get to know God better. Get to know what you want in life more (career wise, education wise...etc). Because if you date and marry lets say at 18, you will have lost much of your future that you could have spent improving things in your life.

Lastly, and I don't mean this as in every man is bad, but MANY boys that age just want one thing.... your body. They will tell you whatever you want to hear so they can gain your trust and have sex. Even more so they aren't christian. Often as teens our love is truly blind. We think "This is the one meant for me!" because we don't realize yet true love is not like in romance movies we see. Which is why many young people who date or even marry don't last long. Again, there are exceptions. But you don't want to find out the hard way.

 

[Stephanie Greenwood]

You should talk with your parents about these things, they are your best friends, they want the best for you, this is my humble advice.You have to put all your faith in God, He knows your heart, remember, if you truly have faith in Jesus, you will receive more than you can ever imagine.Be very careful, like I have said, talk with your parents, you are still so young, you have many things to learn about life, believe me.

No one in this world loves you more than your parents, and no one in the whole universe loves you more than God, never forget that.Your parents have the answers, you have to trust them no matter what, they want the best for you, let God's will be done.

You are blessed to know God, put all your faith in Him.

Thanks so much! I think I'll talk to them today. Honestly appreciate that so much

 

[Stephanie Greenwood]

Not a christian, don't date him, it will end bad. Even more so if you think maybe you can convert him later on. Also given your age I seriously wouldn't bother dating until your early/mid 20s. May sound like forever since your a teen but it will save you a TON of heart break. They say we don't really mature until around 25. What that means is by the time someones 25 they not only may be a bit immature/not ready, but they will likely have alot of changed views every year. BTW not saying you are immature, just stating some factual stuff.

Yes, get to know God better. Get to know what you want in life more (career wise, education wise...etc). Because if you date and marry lets say at 18, you will have lost much of your future that you could have spent improving things in your life.

Lastly, and I don't mean this as in every man is bad, but MANY boys that age just want one thing.... your body. They will tell you whatever you want to hear so they can gain your trust and have sex. Even more so they aren't christian. Often as teens our love is truly blind. We think "This is the one meant for me!" because we don't realize yet true love is not like in romance movies we see. Which is why many young people who date or even marry don't last long. Again, there are exceptions. But you don't want to find out the hard way.

Thanks a ton! Seriously appreciate beimg able to get the advice from someone who is not emotionally attached to the problem, it's super helpful

 

[Stephanie Greenwood]

I agree with what has been said, your parents are the ones who could help you the most. Even if you consider yourself mature, you remain a teenager and you still have a lot to learn. I was quite surprised to read you writing about marriage. Well, I would never advice any teen to think about marriage at 15 : marriage is quite a long business, and it seems a bit foolish to really imagine ourselves living with the same person for the rest if our life at such a young age. And break-ups, yes, they do happen. Not for anyone, sure, but they can help some people to understand better what they wish and what they are looking for.
You know, he won't be the only one you will like, the world will not stop if you don't date him. And if you do, think: what will happen now? You remind me of my cousin, who thought at your age that she had met this guy to give him faith. Well, it did not work, actually she is the one who lost faith when she understood she had no divine mission to guide him on earth. As she told me, she really believed she had a duty, she was going to marry him etc, but if was just a teenish illusion and she now feels pretty embarrassed about that. As an ironic and quite sarcastic girl, she considers she made a fool of herself (and to be honest, I quite agree). That has been said, there is no reason such thing will happen to you. I just wanted to tell you this story to show you there is no need to rush, to feel anxious or anything, to feel pressured. The only pressure that could exist is the one you put on yourself about he not being a Christian.
As long as it is only for a teen date, and as there is nothing serious, faith is not a big issue. Now, if your parents do not allow you to date before 16, you should perhaps listen to them. Ask them for their reasons to prevent you from dating, they will surely very well answer. You have plenty of time, no need to rush.

Anyway, there is also another fact: it is amazing that you like him! yes, this is amazing to discover that our heart can like, even love someone. It could be the most amazing discovery of every teen years, so no matter what you finally decide, no regret. You can love, and this is the best of it.
Welcome on the Teen Area by the way, I hope you will feel welcomed and happy here!

Thanks!! Honestly can't say how grateful I am I have another question though - how do you suggest I tell him these things? I still want to be friends and hopefully influence him, and I dont want to make I awkward/painful where possible

 

[-Luca]

Why do you want a relationship and what are you going to get out of it?

Will it benefit your relationship with God?

 

[Stephanie Greenwood]

Hahaha wow you know how to get me to answer this for myself. Why I want a relationship (though to be completely honesty I don't even fully know if I do, which is partially why I'm here) is pretty much fun, and because I like him and want to spend more time with him and I know that my parents aren't comfortable with me hanging out with guys one-on-one, which is mainly what I do even if it's just as friends.

I'm probably not going to get anything out of it though, and unless he becomes Christian it won't really benefit my relationship with God. At all.

 

[Poppyseed78]

His disdainful response really says it all, when you told him about not wanting to go behind your parents' backs. He shouldn't be encouraging you to deceive your parents. Not dating until age 16 is fully reasonable in my opinion. I think you should focus on your relationship with God, school, your family and friends. There's no need for dating right now - you have plenty of time for that in the future.

I don't think much good will come out of entering a relationship at your age, especially with someone who doesn't share your faith. As for what reason you met him, I don't think it matters. We all meet a lot of people in our lives, and sometimes there is no apparent reason.

 

[Ikerepc]

I met a guy through umpiring and he's not Christian, but some reason I feel drawn to him and can't get him off my mind. I know that he likes me (a lot, as he's told me and I can see) but there are three problems:

1. He's not Christian and I always said I wouldn't date a non-believer.
Also dating always ends in either a marriage or a breakup, so I dont want to date someone I wouldn't consider marrying and I wouldn't consider marrying someone who isn't Christian. Why am I doubting this now?

2. I'm 14 (15 in a month) and my parents always said nobody in our family could date before the age of 16. While I feel that I am more mature than my two older sisters were at my age and people constantly tell me that I'm incredibly mature/wise, especially for my - which I doubt to be honest because if I am, why can't I stop liking this guy - but that is still the rule and there's no way I'll go behind my parents backs.

3. Personally I'd like to get to know God better before I date - something my friend and I thought of was "you'll never find fulfilment in an earthly relationship until you find fulfilment in God, and only then can you truly love a man because only then will God be at the center of your relationship" and that pretty much sums it up for me.

I honestly dont know what to do, normally when I find myself infatuated with someone I dont think is good for me I can just sort of "unlike" them fairly quickly, but for some reason I can't get him out of my head (outside of when I'm studying the Bible and praying and stuff, at which point he tends to all but vanish unless I'm actually praying for him).

The worst thing is he knows that I like him, and he knows that I wouldn't properly date someone who is Christian and that I'm not aloud to date til I'm 16 and I dont want to go behind my parents' back on that, and when he found that all out he said his thoughts at that point were basically just "what the f***" (but he abbreviated it to an acronym.

I wish I never started liking him. Honestly I wish I never met him. But now that I have, what do I do?

Also I really want to get him along to youth group, but I'm also scared that he'll pretend to be Christian just to get me and even if I dont end up dating him, it'd be incredible if he could end up actually being saved. I know God put me in his life for a reason but I dont know what that reason is - if it's simply to show him God's love and try help him find it for himself, or something more than that? I'm also scared of me liking him but not dating him because of my religion putting him off Christianity because he thinks it's all just a load of rules.

I think I should talk to my mum about it but I'm kind of scared of what she'll think of me, too. I'd really appreciate your advice!!

First of all, sorry for bad English and maybe inappropiate thread. But it's realistic, I just wanna help.

So, one my friend had a very similar problem, only I'm guessing she went a bit deeper into it. She was around 15 - 16 when they "find each other", started kissing and dating and so (no sex or anything like that). But she feel empty after every kiss and everything they maybe done and shouldn't.

So... Here is my suggestion for you, but I have few questions too.

1. How long does it been since you like him? And what do you want from him? Or better question, what you want to give him? And your body or any part of it isn't good answer.

You are 15, I can assure you that you are not in love, you just like him.
Do you know what love is? A lot of peoples think that it's when you 2 are nice, giving each other something but you both want other person. Love is when you put needs of other pearson before yours. Just like Jesus did. He died just so we can choose our path. To live or death. That is true love. Give someone everything but search for nothing. But when I say everyting, I don't think body or things or something material or something like that. That would lead him to sin and that's then completely wrong.

Now when I tryed to clarify it, I assume you still think it's love but you are questioning yourself, right? That's good. That's right.

1. You sayed that he is not christian. Firstly, just to be known, I'm writing this generally. I personally don't see problem here to be honest. Why? Cause what matters is if he cares about you. If he do, he would care about kids too. And if you thinks that it's best for them to give them faith, he will accept it. But again, it's too early talk about it at your age. Anyway. He is not beliver or he is another faith or he is atheist? His family too?

2. As stated, you are too young. Why? See, like you stated, relationship usually ends with breakup or with marriage. For marriage you need a lot of time, and breakups hurts a lot. Are you ready for that? Also, if you are together too young, you may come to state when you will want to kiss or something more and that will RUIN your relationship. Belive me. Why? Cause that makes you more away from God and you stop respecting each other. That can't be prevented other way than to be... Idk English for that... But not kissing or trying anything. That way you will save your and his dignity and chance to succed in marriage Now, you don't need to keep all of that on yourself, you are young, you are just entering puberty ant that will be really hard (really hard) to deal with it... So I agree with your parents in a matter of speaking. They are just trying to protect you. I know you may be grown up. I know my sister and few friends who are younger than me and was more grown up before few years than me now But it's not about that.
Your parents have really good reason for that but I understand you either.

3. I'm studednt of theology. I know a lot of priests, profesors, doctors of theology and I an say you one thing. As more as you are meeting and discovering God, it looks like farest you are. You can never meet God on the Earth. You can try and should, that will help you and bring you closer and all, but you will never "know him" So don't vorry about meeting God better. Just belive, read Bible and other Holy texts, do everything what you should like Christian and you will be fine

At the end, please post if you wanna ask anything or you don't understand something.

Please, talk to your parents. That is love. They love you. They gave you everything and searched nothing back. They only want for you to be ok. So try talk to them slowly, say that you like him (or just say someone), I don't know them but i guess that you can just say something and ask them to help you and to lead you.

And one more thing, if you are going to Curch, to holy confession (right?), and you trust your priest (right?), tell him too and ask what to do. He will try to help you

Good luck and God bless you

 

[Anthony16]

Well if he’s not a Christian don’t date him. Apostle Paul warns us of this in 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”. Also he doesn’t seem to respect your parents wishes on dating which is not a good sign.

 

[Rebemk80]

I met a guy through umpiring and he's not Christian, but some reason I feel drawn to him and can't get him off my mind. I know that he likes me (a lot, as he's told me and I can see) but there are three problems:

1. He's not Christian and I always said I wouldn't date a non-believer.
Also dating always ends in either a marriage or a breakup, so I dont want to date someone I wouldn't consider marrying and I wouldn't consider marrying someone who isn't Christian. Why am I doubting this now?

2. I'm 14 (15 in a month) and my parents always said nobody in our family could date before the age of 16. While I feel that I am more mature than my two older sisters were at my age and people constantly tell me that I'm incredibly mature/wise, especially for my - which I doubt to be honest because if I am, why can't I stop liking this guy - but that is still the rule and there's no way I'll go behind my parents backs.

3. Personally I'd like to get to know God better before I date - something my friend and I thought of was "you'll never find fulfilment in an earthly relationship until you find fulfilment in God, and only then can you truly love a man because only then will God be at the center of your relationship" and that pretty much sums it up for me.

I honestly dont know what to do, normally when I find myself infatuated with someone I dont think is good for me I can just sort of "unlike" them fairly quickly, but for some reason I can't get him out of my head (outside of when I'm studying the Bible and praying and stuff, at which point he tends to all but vanish unless I'm actually praying for him).

The worst thing is he knows that I like him, and he knows that I wouldn't properly date someone who is Christian and that I'm not aloud to date til I'm 16 and I dont want to go behind my parents' back on that, and when he found that all out he said his thoughts at that point were basically just "what the f***" (but he abbreviated it to an acronym.

I wish I never started liking him. Honestly I wish I never met him. But now that I have, what do I do?

Also I really want to get him along to youth group, but I'm also scared that he'll pretend to be Christian just to get me and even if I dont end up dating him, it'd be incredible if he could end up actually being saved. I know God put me in his life for a reason but I dont know what that reason is - if it's simply to show him God's love and try help him find it for himself, or something more than that? I'm also scared of me liking him but not dating him because of my religion putting him off Christianity because he thinks it's all just a load of rules.

I think I should talk to my mum about it but I'm kind of scared of what she'll think of me, too. I'd really appreciate your advice!!

Don't be with him. Since he's a teenage boy and a non-believer there's a really high chance hes going to want you to send him nude photos of yourself or even have sex no matter how "mature" he says he is. You are really young and can easily be led on. I think you should wait until you are older like your parents say to start dating. I know you like him, but you still need to grow and I promise you you will be better off if you don't date when you're young like that especially if you think you will marry the guy your with at 15.

 

[lezter]

i am 21 years old and i already have a daughter because of letting my emotions to conquer me, before become true follower of Christ, in my own perception, your 3 problems are not really the problem, the problem is your emotions, my advice to you is to set your focus on God, because our heart is so deceitful and it will just hurt us, set your focus on things that is important, Seek first God and His righteousness and other things shall be added to you, DELIGHT yourself in Him and He will give the desires of your heart. learn from experiences of others Godbless.