The Gift of Singleness

[Supplanter]

Sorry but I don't think that there is any such thing as circumstantial, "involuntary" singleness as a gift. Either you have the gift of celibacy, or you are single without desiring to be for no apparent explanation.

Frankly the kind of "gift of singleness" stuff being inculcated into the minds of our youth who are struggling with sexual frustration seems very heretical and I am baffled as to why this idea is being promoted to people who do not have the gift of celibacy.

I think you have an excellent point. I believe that youcan have the gift of celibacy which is a legitimate gift from God and you use it to glorify God, but I'm little iffy on the whole gift of singlness thing also. It just doesn't make sense to me. Singleness can be a gift, but I don't think it is a "spiritual" gift like celibacy or speaking in tongues. Man was made for companoinship. If you are celibate then you find that desire fully fulfilled in every aspect by Christ and don't have the same issues as someone who is single. IMO.

 

[Lady Bug]

I just want to clarify that just because I think that the "gift of singleness" is wrong it does not mean that you are less of a person in God's eyes.

I think that maybe we feel like we need to have the gift of "something" in order to feel validated. I think all of us are born with some sort of gift in one way or another. We just may not realize it.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

...I have the gift. I'm almost certain of it. But with this gift comes alienation and mockery. Nobody understands me even if I call it this, but it's nice not having the burden. I hope the Lord uses me to his glory, since I've been set apart in this way. (Though I'd say marriage and celibacy are equal gifts of the spirit, I have one, you have the other, we all get one.)

 

[RosaVernal]

I feel so ungifted!

*stage tears of emoness*

But seriously, I did enjoy being single overall. It's more time to have with yourself, and frankly, I'm one of the most interesting people in the world. At least, I am to me, and I like things that interest me.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Seeing your custom title, I'd say you have a gift too. I don't know why people make such a big deal out of it. :/
I wish it weren't so rare though.

 

[Supplanter]

...I have the gift. I'm almost certain of it. But with this gift comes alienation and mockery. Nobody understands me even if I call it this, but it's nice not having the burden. I hope the Lord uses me to his glory, since I've been set apart in this way. (Though I'd say marriage and celibacy are equal gifts of the spirit, I have one, you have the other, we all get one.)

I'm sorry you get alienated and mocked because of your gift. I think you are absolutely correct that marriage and celibacy are equal gifts. One is not more special than the other, they are just alloted to different people according to God's will.

Honestly, I considered being celibate at one point in my life and I had an amazing experience for a time when I didn't even think about a relationship outside of Christ and it was wonderful, but as I sought God about being celibate, He told me that it was not my gift and he had other plans for me. At the time, I was a little jaded that celibacy was not my gift to have, but I just rejoice in whatever God gives me. He never disappoints and is always faithful to guide us where He wants us.

 

[PrincessFromOz]

Thanks guys for all the thoughts...

In the book I'm reading Hsu goes on to say that he thinks we have the gift of singleness while we are single, and that when we are married, we have the gift of marriage. So we only have one gift at one time, and both are equal. Having either gift does not mean we don't struggle with temptation or unfulfilled desires, but rather these are facts of living in a fallen world.

I guess I was kinda hit with the thought that I may not ever get married, and that was kinda troubling, because I've assumed that because I have a desire to get married that I wasn't one of those people called to be single my whole life.

Perhaps I need to get used to the fact that whether or not I am married or single, I'll always have problems, and will always have unfulfilled longings, until I am with the Lord in heaven. Whatever stage of life I'm in, I've just got to love Jesus with all that's within me.

... And trust him!

 

[silentpoet]

I think Hsu is an utter and complete moron if he thinks this is a gift that I have. Does he think that people with cancer have the gift of cancer and those who are healthy have the gift of health? Or maybe as I said in my first post the only way this is a gift is if the devil gives gifts. People who say that to everybody this is a gift have no basis in scripture and are very possibly blasphemous. There are indeed some who have it as a gift and then there are those like me to whom it is a curse to be endured.

Jesus said not everbody has this as a gift. Paul said that not all men are gifted as he was. Is this Hsu somehow more knowing than Paul or Jesus? The book of James says that from God we get good and perfect gifts. Jesus said God gives only good to us. It sounds like Hsu is contradicting they very words of Jesus. Instead he is saying God gives us evil and harm. Hsu is attributing to God the works of the devil, at least in my case he is, that could well be blaspheme.

I do think you have that last paragraph pretty much dead on. We have to place our trust in God in spite of our sufferings and deny our sinful nature. It is a hard struggle to have faith when in an ongoing situation like this. For me it is particularly hard when people try to say me being single is a gift from God. But I know that God is good and this hurtful circumstance cannot be from the hands or will of a loving God. And with His grace I will endure until He delivers me from evil.

 

[Luther073082]

I think Hsu is an utter and complete moron if he thinks this is a gift that I have. Does he think that people with cancer have the gift of cancer and those who are healthy have the gift of health? Or maybe as I said in my first post the only way this is a gift is if the devil gives gifts. People who say that to everybody this is a gift have no basis in scripture and are very possibly blasphemous. There are indeed some who have it as a gift and then there are those like me to whom it is a curse to be endured.

Jesus said not everbody has this as a gift. Paul said that not all men are gifted as he was. Is this Hsu somehow more knowing than Paul or Jesus? The book of James says that from God we get good and perfect gifts. Jesus said God gives only good to us. It sounds like Hsu is contradicting they very words of Jesus. Instead he is saying God gives us evil and harm. Hsu is attributing to God the works of the devil, at least in my case he is, that could well be blaspheme.

I do think you have that last paragraph pretty much dead on. We have to place our trust in God in spite of our sufferings and deny our sinful nature. It is a hard struggle to have faith when in an ongoing situation like this. For me it is particularly hard when people try to say me being single is a gift from God. But I know that God is good and this hurtful circumstance cannot be from the hands or will of a loving God. And with His grace I will endure until He delivers me from evil.

Ok man turn down the drama a little bit. I know how you feel, trust me I understand. But first of all you are getting way too mad at this guy's interpreation. I don't agree with his interpretation because that seems to alledge that for those that do not wish to be single but yet are it is still a gift.

Singleness for some is a gift and for others its what they are, not so much a gift but a state of being.

I do disagree that the devil has anything to do with your singleness. And perhaps you need to look within yourself and ask yourself what you are contributing to it.

I don't know you or anything and I'm not judging here but if you have the attitude that you are cursed by being single, that does come through. Being depressed really is not going to help you find someone, it makes you unattractive. People really are attracted to people who are happy with who they are. That is not to say that there are not situations that the person would like to change. (Such as singleness) But don't treat those things as though they are sufficating or impossible to overcome.

Just take it easy bud.

 

[silentpoet]

I have the advice of at least two Godly advisors who truly know my situation. These are mature Christians with much more faith and experience. They know the situation much better than you do, so I will accept their wisdom over yours. You don't know as much as you might think about my life. You have almost no clue about these matters. I don't mean that as an insult or condemnation, but just as a simple statement of fact. I don't reveal much of the particulars of my situation, so there is no way you could know.

Why I am so vehement is that I struggle to fight that lie of the devil every day. The lie that singleness is a gift for all people. People who say that are indicting God. I may not like what God does, but I have to stand up for what I believe is right. This lie is at the heart of all my doubt, if I don't fight it I am saying the devil is right. The people who sepouse this theory are the most effective tools the devil has against me. So I will fight this blaspheme and argue them.

 

[Luther073082]

Relax man, its not a blasphamy to say that singleness is a gift for all people all the time.

Its just incorrect.

Theologically speaking I find no instance in scripture where the devil ever got in the way of someone's ability to find a mate. And even if that where so you have to accept the fact that it is because God has allowed him to do so. The devil can not operate in any sense without the consent of God. If he could, then his power would be compairable to God's. (And the entire book of Job would be rendered uninspired)

 

[silentpoet]

I don't know for sure if it is blaspheme, but it is attributing to God the works of the devil. The pharisees were condemned for attributing the works of Jesus to the devil. And I heartily condemn any theory that says all people are given this gift. The first time I heard somebody say that on the radio I had to turn it off to get my temper under control. I don't think the people who spout this theory know how much harm they do. They are well meaning fools.

The whole issue of God allowing it is why I have trust issues with God. As an aside Job is at times not very inspiring or comforting. The only thing that really uplifts me about Job is the reference to it in the book of James. And that is more a reference to Job's restoration. Trust is not the easiest thing for me. But I am hopeful God will act and change my circumstances and heart. I know it is beyond what I can do.

 

[GQ Chris]

I don't know for sure if it is blaspheme, but it is attributing to God the works of the devil. The pharisees were condemned for attributing the works of Jesus to the devil. And I heartily condemn any theory that says all people are given this gift. The first time I heard somebody say that on the radio I had to turn it off to get my temper under control. I don't think the people who spout this theory know how much harm they do. They are well meaning fools.

The whole issue of God allowing it is why I have trust issues with God. As an aside Job is at times not very inspiring or comforting. The only thing that really uplifts me about Job is the reference to it in the book of James. And that is more a reference to Job's restoration. Trust is not the easiest thing for me. But I am hopeful God will act and change my circumstances and heart. I know it is beyond what I can do.

I think it may also be a lack of Faith on your part which further compounds your problem because without Faith, it is impossible to please God. Have you ever had a long term relationship with a woman at all?

 

[silentpoet]

To answer your question, yes.

I know I lack faith, but that is up to God. I am like Thomas who needed to see the nail hole. I need to be convinced in order to fully believe God. I have heard and read lots of promises, but I need to see fulfillment. Faith is most certainly not a spiritual gift of mine. But in spite of my feelings I serve God. In spite of any real reason to do so I deny myself. If God wants faith out of me, He alone can make it happen. I sure can't.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

I have the advice of at least two Godly advisors who truly know my situation. These are mature Christians with much more faith and experience. They know the situation much better than you do, so I will accept their wisdom over yours. You don't know as much as you might think about my life. You have almost no clue about these matters. I don't mean that as an insult or condemnation, but just as a simple statement of fact. I don't reveal much of the particulars of my situation, so there is no way you could know.

Why I am so vehement is that I struggle to fight that lie of the devil every day. The lie that singleness is a gift for all people. People who say that are indicting God. I may not like what God does, but I have to stand up for what I believe is right. This lie is at the heart of all my doubt, if I don't fight it I am saying the devil is right. The people who espouse this theory are the most effective tools the devil has against me. So I will fight this blaspheme and argue them.

I don't think anyone is saying singleness is a gift for all, though why it is so extremely rare that I am the only person I'll ever know ever to ever have it is a little annoying.

 

[silentpoet]

I am not familiar with Hsu, but according to the original poster he believes that everybody who is single has the gift of singleness while they are single. And Josh Harris has said being single is a gift from God. Also several articles online by differing authors say much the same thing.

Ishida you really have my sympathy. Your struggles is different, but the hurt you feel is probably about the same as I deal with. I don't understand your gift at all because I am so different, but I know what it is like to feel like you are the only one who is a certain way. The loneliness of being unique, this I do understand.

 

[die2live]

I'm not going to say all people who are single have the gift (as I said in an earlier post, I don't think anyone can know for sure that they have any gift until they are dead). But I do think sometimes people blow their struggles way out of proportion. And I say this without judgment since I do the same thing occasionally and used to do it all the time. Why is singleness something we have to think about all the time (if we're single)? Why does it have to be the defining factor of our lives? I know, a lot of you will say it's not, but I think a lot of people have made it such without realizing it. It seems sometimes that the number one focus in 99% of single people's lives is finding a mate. And I know it's a big deal. Decisions regarding marriage are probably among the most important decisions we will make in our lives. But I don't see why that means we can't be happy until that decision is made (whether that decision results in actual marriage or celibacy). Maybe I'm just rambling; I apologize, I have a hard time making my thoughts coherent. I guess I'm just saying I don't think people should get so upset just because they are single at the moment. If you are convinced that you do not have the gift of celibacy, then you are also convinced that you will be married eventually, and then you will never be single again. So enjoy it. Make yourself available and make sure that you are ready to be a good husband or wife, and then just love life without the problems of marriage since that time won't last.

I know it sounds like I'm trivializing all of every discontented single's feelings. That's not my intention. I've been a discontented single myself for many years. Yeah, I know, you're all probably like, when was that, when you were two? Yeah, I know I'm young and I do recognize how that limits my perspective. Nevertheless, I've learned a lot in my twenty years, particularly in the last five years, and I had several good reasons for being discontent at such a young age, if there is even such a thing as a good reason for being discontent. I don't know if anything I say will actually help anyone. My guess would be that it won't. I learned through experience, heartbreak, and forgiveness, and I think most people learn the same way. But since this is a discussion board, I thought I'd discuss. I just also want to make it clear that I do understand the feelings, and I am not trying to trivialize them.

And, slightly off topic but still relevent, I just wanted to applaud something that SilentPoet said: But in spite of my feelings I serve God. That's right on, not just in this issue but in every area of our lives. We won't always "feel" like doing what God is telling us to do, but we do it anyway. I'm putting that on my favorite quotes list. I think you have a lot more faith than you realize.

 

[IDDQD]

Singleness, in my opinion, is not a gift. It's not a curse, either. It's simply a state of being in one's life that's either permanent or temporary.