The Gift of Singleness

[GQ Chris]

I don't think it is a matter of trading in problems. In fact, being married can alleviate some problems. The main issues comes with having to be mature enough to be fully committed someone and selfless enough to continually put their needs before your own. However, if a relationship is going great and all cogs are meshing nicely, then there is no reason to think that the marriage will not continue to be a blissful state. It takes knowing that it will be a lot of hard work and being willing to do that work, but it is the same with being single. We have goals that we want to meet personally and professionally and that takes commitment and work.

We were made for companionship. It is a myth to believe that a marriage won't have problems, but it is also a myth to believe that marriages can't be blissfully happy despite having some bumps along the way.

Again, there are not a lot of "blissful" marriages, quite the contrary, and the Bible is pretty specific that marriage is more problems. I don't think that your view is in line with what Scripture says, even though I somewhat agree with you about being with someone you can get along with.

 

[deliciousBass]

yeah but you said you'd be a sad Panda about it, lol. Of course things could be better, but once the Novelty wears off, it's just like anything else, just check out the Married forums, lol. It is just a different set of problems, instead of Single problems they will be Marriage problems.

Oh, I know, I've been married. But still, if they preferred single person problems to married people problems, well then they'd be single wouldn't they? The fact is that something is making them prefer being married than to being single and like I said, companionship, genuine love for your partner, a family and awesome sex on a regular basis is just scratching the surface.

But hey, if you want to forgo those things, more power to ya man. I think I'd be tired of rosey palm by your age.

 

[GQ Chris]

Oh, I know, I've been married. But still, if they preferred single person problems to married people problems, well then they'd be single wouldn't they? The fact is that something is making them prefer being married than to being single and like I said, companionship, genuine love for your partner, a family and awesome sex on a regular basis is just scratching the surface.

But hey, if you want to forgo those things, more power to ya man. I think I'd be tired of rosey palm by your age.

I didn't advocate forgoing things, I'm just saying you don't have to be a sad Panda about it. And as far as rosey palms, I haven't taken the purity thing serious until fairly recently.

 

[die2live]

The way I see it is that we can't know what we are going to be until we die. Seriously. If you're dating, you can be dumped. If you're engaged you can be dumped. Even if I do get married, at any given time, my husband can be struck by lightning and leave me all alone. Even if I have six kids, we can all be driving in a car one day, end up in an accident and I can be the only survivor, once again living the single life. There is just no way of knowing what will happen in the future.

So I take one day at a time. Yeah, the prospect of living the next fifty or so years alone is kind of disconcerting. But living the next twenty-four hours that way isn't so bad. I heard someone say that about marriage once. When you are having a hard time comprehending how you are going to continue living with this crazy guy for who knows how long, slow it down a little. Just think of living the rest of the day with him. It's much easier.

Of course, if you have real problems, this isn't to say that you should just live with them. I like the phrase "plan for the future, live for the present." Get help if you need it, by all means. Fix the problems, if you can. Just don't get overwhelmed thinking about how hard it will be if you remain in this state forever.

Do I have the gift of singleness? Maybe. Maybe not. I won't know until I'm dead, and by then I won't care. God can fedex me Mr. Right any day, or I could search for him day and night for the rest of my life and never find him. Or I may find him, and he'll die or leave me or something like that. I probably will be doing some active searching, when I am ready, if he doesn't magically appear in the next decade or so (got plenty of things to keep me busy until then). But I know that no matter how hard I try, I may never find him. Then again, I might. I just don't know and I never will. So, why stress out about it? I try to live each day to the fullest, regardless of what the next day will look like.

All that's in the Bible somewhere. In Matthew. And other places.

 

[GQ Chris]

The way I see it is that we can't know what we are going to be until we die. Seriously. If you're dating, you can be dumped. If you're engaged you can be dumped. Even if I do get married, at any given time, my husband can be struck by lightning and leave me all alone. Even if I have six kids, we can all be driving in a car one day, end up in an accident and I can be the only survivor, once again living the single life. There is just no way of knowing what will happen in the future.

So I take one day at a time. Yeah, the prospect of living the next fifty or so years alone is kind of disconcerting. But living the next twenty-four hours that way isn't so bad. I heard someone say that about marriage once. When you are having a hard time comprehending how you are going to continue living with this crazy guy for who knows how long, slow it down a little. Just think of living the rest of the day with him. It's much easier.

Of course, if you have real problems, this isn't to say that you should just live with them. I like the phrase "plan for the future, live for the present." Get help if you need it, by all means. Fix the problems, if you can. Just don't get overwhelmed thinking about how hard it will be if you remain in this state forever.

Do I have the gift of singleness? Maybe. Maybe not. I won't know until I'm dead, and by then I won't care. God can fedex me Mr. Right any day, or I could search for him day and night for the rest of my life and never find him. Or I may find him, and he'll die or leave me or something like that. I probably will be doing some active searching, when I am ready, if he doesn't magically appear in the next decade or so (got plenty of things to keep me busy until then). But I know that no matter how hard I try, I may never find him. Then again, I might. I just don't know and I never will. So, why stress out about it? I try to live each day to the fullest, regardless of what the next day will look like.

All that's in the Bible somewhere. In Matthew. And other places.

Wow, it took a 20 year Old to post more Wisdom than some of the older folks putting timeline speculations on when they would like to have things by. not singling anybody out folks...

I can tell you read your Bible.

 

[GQ Chris]

...basically there aren't any guarantees in life. Read the book of Ecclesiastes too.

You could get divorced, your spouse could die early, you could die early...

 

[Supplanter]

Again, there are not a lot of "blissful" marriages, quite the contrary, and the Bible is pretty specific that marriage is more problems. I don't think that your view is in line with what Scripture says, even though I somewhat agree with you about being with someone you can get along with.

I believe my view is completely scriptural. Paul says that it is better to remain unmarried if you can handle that, but he never says that marriage is bad in and of itself. Also, the metaphor that God uses for his relationship with us is that of marriage, the Bride and the Bridegroom. Marriage is the closest representation we have on this earth of what Christ wants with us. I don't think he wants problems in that. Assuming that people involved in that marriage are adhereing to biblical principles, a man who loves his wife as Christ loves the church and a wife who submits to and respects her husband. Marriage is suppose to be a beautiful sacred thing, just like sex is as an extension of marriage and I believe that is what God desires fo us in marriage.

 

[GQ Chris]

It isn't without problems though, but you emphasize the "Bliss" the Bible doesn't emphasize that, but the "trouble in this life", so your view isn't exactly scriptural since you Highlight the "bliss".

 

[Supplanter]

It isn't without problems though, but you emphasize the "Bliss" the Bible doesn't emphasize that, but the "trouble in this life", so your view isn't exactly scriptural since you Highlight the "bliss".

Believe what you want. Christ is blissful even if there is trouble in this life. And I believe a Christ-centered marriage is blissful despite the trouble that may come and must be dealt with. I suppose my definition of bliss is not exactly on the mark. To me, bliss does not mean that you will never have problems, but that when you do, you will have the ability to deal with them in a positive way. Instead of you and your spouse tearing one another down through the trials and tribulations, you encourage and build one another up. I'm advocating ignorance, but there is no reason not expect joy in our lives through marriage or anything else, we have an almighty God who cares for us and loves us with an intense and deep love. This doesn't stop us from having problems, but it should change our outlook on them.

I don't believe God wants us to focus on the trouble of today but instead:

Philippians 4:8 (New King James Version)

New King James Version (NKJV) Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.



Meditate on These Things


8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

In fact, a friend just reminded me earlier that there is no need to waste your energy on thinking about certain things and I think that it is somewhat the same with this. I acknowledge that marriage can have it's problems, but I choose not to meditate on those things on a constant basis, because it will only lead to discontent and a lack of trust in God.

 

[deliciousBass]

You have smart friends, Supplanter. They give excellent advice. You should send them a portion of your earnings as compensation for their advice.

 

[GQ Chris]

I'm not avocating focusing on troubles either, just keep things in proper perspective.

 

[latteda]

I just think there is an awful lot of truth to what Paul said about how "it's better to marry than to burn." The dude knew what he was talking about. I think that's a pretty good clue as to whether or not you have the gift.

I don't know...maybe I oversimplify things.

 

[silentpoet]

It isn't without problems though, but you emphasize the "Bliss" the Bible doesn't emphasize that, but the "trouble in this life", so your view isn't exactly scriptural since you Highlight the "bliss".

Funny you talk about people being sad pandas, whatever that is, when you are the one emphasizing the negative side of marriage.

 

[GQ Chris]

I just think there is an awful lot of truth to what Paul said about how "it's better to marry than to burn." The dude knew what he was talking about. I think that's a pretty good clue as to whether or not you have the gift.

I don't know...maybe I oversimplify things.

I think that passage is always taken out of context though.. I mean, I still know married guys who struggle with lust/pornography despite being married with a wife.

 

[GQ Chris]

Funny you talk about people being sad pandas, whatever that is, when you are the one emphasizing the negative side of marriage.

No, what I mean is to keep things in proper perspective, I don't think it's highly blissful, maybe in the beginning, and I don't mean it's a total drag either. Marriage is temporal, no one will be married in Heaven, it is only for this life.

By the way, please don't condemn me, aren't You the one who's constantly posting about how miserable things are because you don't have a mate...

 

[silentpoet]

I didn't condemn you. I just found it amusing that in the same thread where you are talking about sad pandas, you are emphasizing the troubles of marriage. I know you were just trying to be realistic, but it is a funny contrast you must admit. I do indeed have a negative attitude about being single.

Tony Robbins said something to the effect of we are not looking for a problem free life, we are just looking for a better class of problems. I would much rather have the troubles of marriage than my current set of problems. At least then I would not be fighting them all alone.

I know Jesus said it, so it must be true but heaven does not sound all that appealing to me without marriage. Just my honest thoughts on the matter. Heaven is surely better than the alternative, but it lacks a certain luster for me.

 

[GQ Chris]

I didn't condemn you. I just found it amusing that in the same thread where you are talking about sad pandas, you are emphasizing the troubles of marriage. I know you were just trying to be realistic, but it is a funny contrast you must admit. I do indeed have a negative attitude about being single.

Tony Robbins said something to the effect of we are not looking for a problem free life, we are just looking for a better class of problems. I would much rather have the troubles of marriage than my current set of problems. At least then I would not be fighting them all alone.

I know Jesus said it, so it must be true but heaven does not sound all that appealing to me without marriage. Just my honest thoughts on the matter. Heaven is surely better than the alternative, but it lacks a certain luster for me.

Mr.dbass mentioned the Sad Pandas, that's the reason for reference, because he said he would be a sad panda if he had "the Gift".

What I was saying was to keep things in proper perspective, yes marriage is a good thing, but not without troubles, and also keep in light of the fact that marriage is only for this life, a part of this temporal world we live in, because in eternity no one will be marrying.

 

[Supplanter]

You have smart friends, Supplanter. They give excellent advice. You should send them a portion of your earnings as compensation for their advice.

LOL. I'll check into that.

 

[Supplanter]

I'm not avocating focusing on troubles either, just keep things in proper perspective.

Well, I am really saying this out of honesty and not saying that this is necessarily the case with you, but so often people who pride themselves on being realists and keeping things in proper perspective use that as a reason not to have faith. The Bible says that troubles will come, but it alos says that we have an almighty God and we have a high priest that cares for us and to cast our burdens upon Christ. And many times we are directed to have faith which often takes us beyond the realistic perspective.

I just think there is an awful lot of truth to what Paul said about how "it's better to marry than to burn." The dude knew what he was talking about. I think that's a pretty good clue as to whether or not you have the gift.

I don't know...maybe I oversimplify things.

I agree.

I think that passage is always taken out of context though.. I mean, I still know married guys who struggle with lust/pornography despite being married with a wife.

True, but that doesn't mean that it isn't better to marry than burn with passion, but that is a whole other issue that will take up too much space here.

No, what I mean is to keep things in proper perspective, I don't think it's highly blissful, maybe in the beginning, and I don't mean it's a total drag either. Marriage is temporal, no one will be married in Heaven, it is only for this life.

By the way, please don't condemn me, aren't You the one who's constantly posting about how miserable things are because you don't have a mate...

Mr.dbass mentioned the Sad Pandas, that's the reason for reference, because he said he would be a sad panda if he had "the Gift".

What I was saying was to keep things in proper perspective, yes marriage is a good thing, but not without troubles, and also keep in light of the fact that marriage is only for this life, a part of this temporal world we live in, because in eternity no one will be marrying.

Marriage is temporal, but it is still used to illustrate the eternal sate in heaven. (Bride/Bridegroom) We have temporal bodies but they can have an eternal impact and they are still used as tools to glorify God.

 

[Lady Bug]

Sorry but I don't think that there is any such thing as circumstantial, "involuntary" singleness as a gift. Either you have the gift of celibacy, or you are single without desiring to be for no apparent explanation.

Frankly the kind of "gift of singleness" stuff being inculcated into the minds of our youth who are struggling with sexual frustration seems very heretical and I am baffled as to why this idea is being promoted to people who do not have the gift of celibacy.