The assignment: write a vivid description of an event in your life. Easy enough for Eng. 101. Anyone want to give me an opinion on my essay?
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How could you do this to us? After all that weve done for you? She paced the room before me, every step heavily shook the floor, her soles were full of lead and each time they hit the ground, my ears echoed with their heavy sound. Her intimidating stalk around me seemed to last a lifetime. Time stood still, the entire universe stopped in its tracks and watched. I didnt move. I couldnt move.
What were you thinking? I cant believe you would do something like this. I never thought She breathed a heavy sigh. Sonya, what were you thinking? What was I thinking ? I slowly reviewed this question. What was I thinking? I sat in the chair; my hands loosely grasping the sides of the seat, my mind began to spin. I couldnt comprehend the question; I couldnt understand what she was asking of me. I wanted to look to her face and show my vulnerable confusion but I dared not to move my eyes. I stared at the ground before me. I left no sign of expression on my face; I rarely blinked. I held an impenetrable façade; nothing was going to break me, she doesnt understand.
Say something. I felt her eyes pierce my head; shes trying to read my thoughts. I stood firm. She wont understand.
Sonya, please say something. My heart screamed out with regret, my soul shattered from my stubbornness but my mind remained persistent. I know she chooses not to understand.
Youre wasting your breath, shes just another harlot. harlot. That vile word, to this day his slitting words still linger over my scars. He left the room; he couldnt stand the sight of me. I never felt so ashamed and angry at the same time. I heard his anger swell as he walked away. He doesnt understand either.
I wanted to shoot my father with a defiant eye. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and yell my side of the story! I wanted to stand up and wave my hands frantically in the air in a final attempt to make them listen! But I remained still. I remained quiet. I took every blow. I soaked in every word. Tears wanted to escape my eyes but I couldnt cry. I wouldnt cry. My stubbornness was strong.
Please say something. Her voice was a bit smoother this time. I was beginning to soften. She really does care, doesnt she? I thought to myself. But I realized I was allowing myself to slip. No, she doesnt care. She doesnt want to understand. My heart hardened once more, I was too unrelenting to consider her feelings. I was being irrational. A blizzard in my heart roared on, there was no sign of ending the horror now.
I just dont get it. How did you ever get involved with him? My mouth wouldnt move. My eyes blinked once. I stole a slow gaze at her mouth. I still couldnt find the will to look into her eyes. Was it shame? I couldnt say. I stared at her troubled mouth but it was too intense. I looked away and waddled back into my mulish position. I continued to watch the floor as she sat in the chair next to mine. She watched my every move and studied me closely. She couldnt find anything but I could find everything in her.
I fidgeted in my chair. Suddenly the coldness of the room became more uncomfortable. Guilt was creeping upon me. My mom kept watching me. Her eyes penetrated my vulnerability. I wanted to throw up. I couldnt stop myself from realizing her feelings. The guilt was engulfing. I could feel the frustration that clouded her mind. I could sense the dissatisfaction I caused. I could feel the anger and I could feel the confusion. But most of all, I could feel the sadness. My poor mother. At that point, I was hoping my father would walk in and comfort her but he was angered beyond words. No one in this house was happy.
I saw her disappointed face in the corner of my eye and yet again, I felt my hardheartedness begin to waiver. Im sorry, mom, I thought. My heart was staring her in the eyes; I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to spill my soul before her but I couldnt let myself. My lips did not budge. My voice did not squeak. My mind swirled around and around in my head; it was beginning to hurt.
I took one breath. I had to tell her.
Ignorance is bliss.
For as long as I could remember I suffered from a continuous sadness, a never-ending bleak emptiness. The brightest days were always clouded and the clearest nights were always blocked. Days meshed into weeks, weeks became months, and before you knew it, I was entering high school. I hardly remember any day when I was wholly and completely happy, maybe there was none, I cant remember anymore.
I began classes in Shiprock High School thinking that things were going to change. I was going to become a better person and I am not going to feel sad anymore. After the first week of class, I was the loneliest person in the school. I had no friends and no one took notice of me. It didnt take me the rest of my freshman year to figure out that I was incapable in making friends. History loves to repeat itself in my life; the same thing happened every year I went to school, no matter what school I attended.
Life was getting me down and I was as average as the American teenager came. Depression about school and friends was literally killing me, or the depression was making me want to kill myself. In the lowest point of my insecurity, I had written several notes of explaining my suicide but I never gathered enough courage to succeed in my predictable plan. There has got to be more to the world than this, I always thought. But during that lonely summer, I was dead wrong. Emptiness took hold again. Frost cumulated over my heart and snow began to fall. My soul shivered from the new storm. I entered my sophomore year more quiet than usual. No one cared so why should I care? There is nothing more to the world. A blizzard roughly twisted my insides. Life, my life, did not have meaning; my hope was wearing me thin. Theres got to be more to life than this.
This was when I met Lyman.
I was 14 and he was 20. He lived three houses up the street from my home. I met him by pure chance, through a soon-to-be friend. Like I said, I was never one to make friends but I met this girl in church many years before. She was so nice to me, I liked her, and then I left the church. I never got to thank her for her kindness. If I was allowed one friend, I would have chosen her. By fortunate luck, she was sitting on the bus that drove me home from school. I glanced at her and didnt see anything. But something deep inside brought me back to her, I glanced at her again. Letisha?
Once again, she was so nice. I never knew she lived so close to my home. We began to talk on the bus, she was always so nice to me, I couldnt ask for a more open mind. I enjoyed knowing her as my only friend but then she mentioned someone else. For the first time in a long while, I felt intrigued by making a new friend. She asked if I knew Lyman and I replied with a curious no. She began to talk about him, I almost felt envious. The way she described him greatly interested me, I want to know this Lyman. She said she would introduce us soon.
I couldnt wait, I felt almost giddy, a rarity in my life at that time. She came, brought me to his home, and we met. He was handsome. Everything about him fascinated me. He loved the same music I did, he loved to draw, he loved to write poetry; I thought I witnessed heaven fly down from the skies. His eyes were more intense than the shadow of the wind, and his soul, as I came to learn, was deeper than the darkest sea. The night in my heart cleared its skies and let the stars shine brighter than ever before. The snow freezing my heart ceased and began to melt. I felt strange. This was when I began to write poetry. He was my inspiration.
The days passed, the months lightened, and I was so happy. We spent most of our time together, we greatly enjoyed each others company, and we couldnt separate for hours at a time. It was pathetic to see us together, something bonded us to each other and we couldnt get out of it. We didnt want to get out of it. Life took on a whole new meaning. Everything happened for a reason, all things mattered, happiness was always in the heart, and love, above all things, was all that we needed. I had become blind. Reality is always so cruel.
I did not taste the rude awakening of reality until the morning Lyman left. He did not leave our relationship, he left the state. He moved to Colorado because of family complications. One door of our love closed but another opened. Our interest in one another all of a sudden took on a new meaning; it wasnt puppy love anymore, it became an obsession, a pure desperation.
The one thing both Lyman and I had experienced was depression but there was something about it that shocked us both when he left. It made us more insecure than we had ever known was possible. The thought of being alone again terrified us. We did not want to face the cold world alone again. The glistening summer of naïve love faded in my heart and leaves began to fall. Inevitable autumn was approaching and I could feel the early chill of winter kiss my fragile soul. What will happen to this wonderful companionship we had? Is it going to fade away and leave me in the darkness? Do I have to go back into the emptiness? He left but we couldnt let go of our serenity. The snow lightly fell onto my heart then it stopped. Frost was what was left, nothing more. We decided to try what destroyed most relationships around the world, a long distance relationship.
A few months passed and my interactions with Lyman began to deepen. We would talk to each other on the phone for hours at a time. We werent able to see each other but we would find solace in each others voices. We found peace when it seemed like everyone else was too cruel. We understood each other perfectly; nothing was keeping us from one another. No one had the nerve to speak against what we felt for each other. We couldnt stop it, this love had become a drug and I was addicted. Reality tried its hardest to separate us but it did not succeed; instead, it made us yearn for one anothers presence even more. It brought new meaning into our lives and every day I ate, drank, and felt Lyman. My puppy love crush had turned into an obsession and before you knew it, he was all I could think about, he was all I could talk about, and there was no other world without him. No one understood what I was feeling, no one but Lyman. Everyday we would talk and everyday I fell deeper and deeper in love with him. No one could stop me, no one could cease the feelings I had, no one except my parents.
The fact that Lyman was 6 years older than me did not sit well with them. Ever since they found him to be part of my life as a friend, they grew protective of their daughter. Today, I do not blame them for their actions but back then, I did not know better. During that time, I was convinced that I was missing something in my heart, and during that time, I was also convinced that I had found what I was looking for. This love was going to complete me, it was going to make me happy, and it was going to help me realize that in life, everything mattered. Or at least, I thought everything mattered.
First, it was my studying that suffered. I began to drift in and out of class while I was physically always there. My homework was almost never turned in and my grades were painfully declining. I was the A student and all of a sudden I couldnt pass a single exam. It was the middle of the first semester of my junior year and I was a lost case. My parents began to worry. I started to worry but whenever I spoke to Lyman, I didnt care anymore. My parents than became suspicious. It was not like me to throw off an assignment, especially the writing assignments. What had come over me? My parents started to notice my telephone calls. They frequently tried to monitor my time and make me study but I silently did not abide by their rules. I had found what Ive waited for; I was not going to give it up for a few stupid books! I became what I had never wanted to become, another ignorant average teenager.
The second thing that started to collapse was my emotional self. During the daylight hours, teachers would be pressing me for homework. Endless bantering of the students would rattle my brain and I could not stand it in the least. My parents pushed me for improving my grades. They pierced my eardrums with stabbing questions and I started to lose my temper. My heart was buried in a light snow but now I could feel the blizzard start up again. I was becoming cold. Everyone saw the heartlessness on my face, my eyes no longer held a twinkle, I looked almost dead. Everyone killed me inside when they spoke to me; I was losing my strength to remain where I was. I needed Lyman. He was the only person I wanted. No one else mattered. He was the only one who could save me; at that point, I would have done anything for him.
As it turned out, I did do what he wanted, and this was the reason why my parents lectured me for two hours into the latter of the night. All states have a law that list a specific age of when a person can give consent to sexual intercourse with a person over the age of 18. In the state of New Mexico, the person must have been at least 17 years of age when engaged in sexual contact with the person over 18. I was 15 and Lyman was 21. We broke the law. Actually, in my parents words, he broke the law, not I. It was still a brainless decision on my part; I take full blame today.
(continued on next post)
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How could you do this to us? After all that weve done for you? She paced the room before me, every step heavily shook the floor, her soles were full of lead and each time they hit the ground, my ears echoed with their heavy sound. Her intimidating stalk around me seemed to last a lifetime. Time stood still, the entire universe stopped in its tracks and watched. I didnt move. I couldnt move.
What were you thinking? I cant believe you would do something like this. I never thought She breathed a heavy sigh. Sonya, what were you thinking? What was I thinking ? I slowly reviewed this question. What was I thinking? I sat in the chair; my hands loosely grasping the sides of the seat, my mind began to spin. I couldnt comprehend the question; I couldnt understand what she was asking of me. I wanted to look to her face and show my vulnerable confusion but I dared not to move my eyes. I stared at the ground before me. I left no sign of expression on my face; I rarely blinked. I held an impenetrable façade; nothing was going to break me, she doesnt understand.
Say something. I felt her eyes pierce my head; shes trying to read my thoughts. I stood firm. She wont understand.
Sonya, please say something. My heart screamed out with regret, my soul shattered from my stubbornness but my mind remained persistent. I know she chooses not to understand.
Youre wasting your breath, shes just another harlot. harlot. That vile word, to this day his slitting words still linger over my scars. He left the room; he couldnt stand the sight of me. I never felt so ashamed and angry at the same time. I heard his anger swell as he walked away. He doesnt understand either.
I wanted to shoot my father with a defiant eye. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and yell my side of the story! I wanted to stand up and wave my hands frantically in the air in a final attempt to make them listen! But I remained still. I remained quiet. I took every blow. I soaked in every word. Tears wanted to escape my eyes but I couldnt cry. I wouldnt cry. My stubbornness was strong.
Please say something. Her voice was a bit smoother this time. I was beginning to soften. She really does care, doesnt she? I thought to myself. But I realized I was allowing myself to slip. No, she doesnt care. She doesnt want to understand. My heart hardened once more, I was too unrelenting to consider her feelings. I was being irrational. A blizzard in my heart roared on, there was no sign of ending the horror now.
I just dont get it. How did you ever get involved with him? My mouth wouldnt move. My eyes blinked once. I stole a slow gaze at her mouth. I still couldnt find the will to look into her eyes. Was it shame? I couldnt say. I stared at her troubled mouth but it was too intense. I looked away and waddled back into my mulish position. I continued to watch the floor as she sat in the chair next to mine. She watched my every move and studied me closely. She couldnt find anything but I could find everything in her.
I fidgeted in my chair. Suddenly the coldness of the room became more uncomfortable. Guilt was creeping upon me. My mom kept watching me. Her eyes penetrated my vulnerability. I wanted to throw up. I couldnt stop myself from realizing her feelings. The guilt was engulfing. I could feel the frustration that clouded her mind. I could sense the dissatisfaction I caused. I could feel the anger and I could feel the confusion. But most of all, I could feel the sadness. My poor mother. At that point, I was hoping my father would walk in and comfort her but he was angered beyond words. No one in this house was happy.
I saw her disappointed face in the corner of my eye and yet again, I felt my hardheartedness begin to waiver. Im sorry, mom, I thought. My heart was staring her in the eyes; I wanted to tell her everything. I wanted to spill my soul before her but I couldnt let myself. My lips did not budge. My voice did not squeak. My mind swirled around and around in my head; it was beginning to hurt.
I took one breath. I had to tell her.
Ignorance is bliss.
For as long as I could remember I suffered from a continuous sadness, a never-ending bleak emptiness. The brightest days were always clouded and the clearest nights were always blocked. Days meshed into weeks, weeks became months, and before you knew it, I was entering high school. I hardly remember any day when I was wholly and completely happy, maybe there was none, I cant remember anymore.
I began classes in Shiprock High School thinking that things were going to change. I was going to become a better person and I am not going to feel sad anymore. After the first week of class, I was the loneliest person in the school. I had no friends and no one took notice of me. It didnt take me the rest of my freshman year to figure out that I was incapable in making friends. History loves to repeat itself in my life; the same thing happened every year I went to school, no matter what school I attended.
Life was getting me down and I was as average as the American teenager came. Depression about school and friends was literally killing me, or the depression was making me want to kill myself. In the lowest point of my insecurity, I had written several notes of explaining my suicide but I never gathered enough courage to succeed in my predictable plan. There has got to be more to the world than this, I always thought. But during that lonely summer, I was dead wrong. Emptiness took hold again. Frost cumulated over my heart and snow began to fall. My soul shivered from the new storm. I entered my sophomore year more quiet than usual. No one cared so why should I care? There is nothing more to the world. A blizzard roughly twisted my insides. Life, my life, did not have meaning; my hope was wearing me thin. Theres got to be more to life than this.
This was when I met Lyman.
I was 14 and he was 20. He lived three houses up the street from my home. I met him by pure chance, through a soon-to-be friend. Like I said, I was never one to make friends but I met this girl in church many years before. She was so nice to me, I liked her, and then I left the church. I never got to thank her for her kindness. If I was allowed one friend, I would have chosen her. By fortunate luck, she was sitting on the bus that drove me home from school. I glanced at her and didnt see anything. But something deep inside brought me back to her, I glanced at her again. Letisha?
Once again, she was so nice. I never knew she lived so close to my home. We began to talk on the bus, she was always so nice to me, I couldnt ask for a more open mind. I enjoyed knowing her as my only friend but then she mentioned someone else. For the first time in a long while, I felt intrigued by making a new friend. She asked if I knew Lyman and I replied with a curious no. She began to talk about him, I almost felt envious. The way she described him greatly interested me, I want to know this Lyman. She said she would introduce us soon.
I couldnt wait, I felt almost giddy, a rarity in my life at that time. She came, brought me to his home, and we met. He was handsome. Everything about him fascinated me. He loved the same music I did, he loved to draw, he loved to write poetry; I thought I witnessed heaven fly down from the skies. His eyes were more intense than the shadow of the wind, and his soul, as I came to learn, was deeper than the darkest sea. The night in my heart cleared its skies and let the stars shine brighter than ever before. The snow freezing my heart ceased and began to melt. I felt strange. This was when I began to write poetry. He was my inspiration.
The days passed, the months lightened, and I was so happy. We spent most of our time together, we greatly enjoyed each others company, and we couldnt separate for hours at a time. It was pathetic to see us together, something bonded us to each other and we couldnt get out of it. We didnt want to get out of it. Life took on a whole new meaning. Everything happened for a reason, all things mattered, happiness was always in the heart, and love, above all things, was all that we needed. I had become blind. Reality is always so cruel.
I did not taste the rude awakening of reality until the morning Lyman left. He did not leave our relationship, he left the state. He moved to Colorado because of family complications. One door of our love closed but another opened. Our interest in one another all of a sudden took on a new meaning; it wasnt puppy love anymore, it became an obsession, a pure desperation.
The one thing both Lyman and I had experienced was depression but there was something about it that shocked us both when he left. It made us more insecure than we had ever known was possible. The thought of being alone again terrified us. We did not want to face the cold world alone again. The glistening summer of naïve love faded in my heart and leaves began to fall. Inevitable autumn was approaching and I could feel the early chill of winter kiss my fragile soul. What will happen to this wonderful companionship we had? Is it going to fade away and leave me in the darkness? Do I have to go back into the emptiness? He left but we couldnt let go of our serenity. The snow lightly fell onto my heart then it stopped. Frost was what was left, nothing more. We decided to try what destroyed most relationships around the world, a long distance relationship.
A few months passed and my interactions with Lyman began to deepen. We would talk to each other on the phone for hours at a time. We werent able to see each other but we would find solace in each others voices. We found peace when it seemed like everyone else was too cruel. We understood each other perfectly; nothing was keeping us from one another. No one had the nerve to speak against what we felt for each other. We couldnt stop it, this love had become a drug and I was addicted. Reality tried its hardest to separate us but it did not succeed; instead, it made us yearn for one anothers presence even more. It brought new meaning into our lives and every day I ate, drank, and felt Lyman. My puppy love crush had turned into an obsession and before you knew it, he was all I could think about, he was all I could talk about, and there was no other world without him. No one understood what I was feeling, no one but Lyman. Everyday we would talk and everyday I fell deeper and deeper in love with him. No one could stop me, no one could cease the feelings I had, no one except my parents.
The fact that Lyman was 6 years older than me did not sit well with them. Ever since they found him to be part of my life as a friend, they grew protective of their daughter. Today, I do not blame them for their actions but back then, I did not know better. During that time, I was convinced that I was missing something in my heart, and during that time, I was also convinced that I had found what I was looking for. This love was going to complete me, it was going to make me happy, and it was going to help me realize that in life, everything mattered. Or at least, I thought everything mattered.
First, it was my studying that suffered. I began to drift in and out of class while I was physically always there. My homework was almost never turned in and my grades were painfully declining. I was the A student and all of a sudden I couldnt pass a single exam. It was the middle of the first semester of my junior year and I was a lost case. My parents began to worry. I started to worry but whenever I spoke to Lyman, I didnt care anymore. My parents than became suspicious. It was not like me to throw off an assignment, especially the writing assignments. What had come over me? My parents started to notice my telephone calls. They frequently tried to monitor my time and make me study but I silently did not abide by their rules. I had found what Ive waited for; I was not going to give it up for a few stupid books! I became what I had never wanted to become, another ignorant average teenager.
The second thing that started to collapse was my emotional self. During the daylight hours, teachers would be pressing me for homework. Endless bantering of the students would rattle my brain and I could not stand it in the least. My parents pushed me for improving my grades. They pierced my eardrums with stabbing questions and I started to lose my temper. My heart was buried in a light snow but now I could feel the blizzard start up again. I was becoming cold. Everyone saw the heartlessness on my face, my eyes no longer held a twinkle, I looked almost dead. Everyone killed me inside when they spoke to me; I was losing my strength to remain where I was. I needed Lyman. He was the only person I wanted. No one else mattered. He was the only one who could save me; at that point, I would have done anything for him.
As it turned out, I did do what he wanted, and this was the reason why my parents lectured me for two hours into the latter of the night. All states have a law that list a specific age of when a person can give consent to sexual intercourse with a person over the age of 18. In the state of New Mexico, the person must have been at least 17 years of age when engaged in sexual contact with the person over 18. I was 15 and Lyman was 21. We broke the law. Actually, in my parents words, he broke the law, not I. It was still a brainless decision on my part; I take full blame today.
(continued on next post)
