The Decision.

[Antari]

First off, I have overcome the lustful desires of men (Paul pointed out something good, that "overcome" is not true, but that you have become able to "resist" it), I respect women, love them for who they are, not what they are, and I have no physical requirements whatsoever, be her deformed or anything, it doesn't matter. After all, love for a body will grow old and die with that body, yet love for a mind will grow stronger over time with that mind. IF you love someone, they will be attractive to you, because that body contains the person you love, and that makes that body beautiful. I am most definitely saving my virginity for marriage, even my first kiss.

My whole past is nothing but pain, I have suffered from over 11 mental illnesses, and I have an inferiority complex due to my body (I'm not attractive, and I am only 5' 2" at 16 years old) and all the things that I was forced to believe in my early youth. I've always been told I was nothing, that I could never be anything, I was never given any attention, ahd no friends, and was constantly ignored by everyone and insulted every day of my life. I feel like the weaker person in a conversation, as though I'm a child and anyone talking to me must be patronizing me. And if someone compliments me, it has to be a lie. To have a gf seems as far-fetched to me as going to the moon in your car, literally, it just doesn't seem possible. I feel worthless, that anyone who loved me is simply wasting their time. I feel that I'm different somehow, that I can never be the same as everyone else, and I don't know how to explain it. It just feels that everyone else has a better chance than myself at finding love.

I have lost my personality due to the social inhibitions placed on me from APD (Avoidant personality disorder), I'm slowly getting my personality back, but I have a hard time showing emotion or facial expressions. I feel horrible pain whenever I see a couple, and every guy I know (this is no exaggeration) has a gf, and they get along well, I'm the only guy who is single.

Online, dozens of girls have called me the sweetest guy they've ever met, and that all guys should be like me, yet... not in real life, as they look over me for my height. They say personality is all that matters, and that they want a sensitive, sympathetic, emotional guy who cares about them, not their body, yet they date the jerk, and not saying all tall guys are jerks, but they won't even look my way or give me a chance. I've been cheated.

Still, I can't get rid of this horrible desire to cease being alone... like I need a gf, but I know no girl could ever find interest in me, as no girl ever has. No girl has ever looked my way, talked to me, or ever asked me out. Just the other day, I welcomed a new girl to the youth group, I was very normal and all, and she kinda said "hi" and walked off, yet, when Richard greeted her, she is suddenly fascinated with him, and why? Why was she? He said "hey, you're new, huh? Welcome" and that's it, then walked away. Yet she would not leave the guy alone. Not that I want a girl like that, because I don't, but why are they so shallow? Why is the whole human race so shallow? Why doesn't anyone give me a chance? And why doesn't even one girl ever consider that maybe, just maybe, the small guy is nice?

Anyway, the question for you is: Should I continue to try and find a girl, as I'm never going to be able to focus on God otherwise? Or, should I just stop caring and live alone for the rest of my life?

I don't think any girl could care about someone as worthless as me.

 

[DaveKerwin]

Here's what you do: Start believing in yourself! If you think like a chump, you will be a chump! If you feel like a loser, you will be a loser. Sometimes you just gotta pose confidence until it is yours. You want to get married one day, great! You are as normal as they come. But this whole "I am not attractive" thing will get you no where. If you don't like how you hold in your emotions, then start sharing them! Ask God to help bring your online goodness into real life awareness. You gotta start taking risks brother, or life will pass you by. Again, stop thinking like a loser. Start thinking like you are someone who has tons to offer. You know good things about yourself, don't ignore them. Spend more time away from home.

 

[hugnluvable]

Do you know what? I couldnt have put it any better than the guys who have just posted before me. Mate, you're 16! You shouldnt be wandering round the world looking for your perfect life long partner - you've so much more to live until then!

I really would see your singleness at the moment as a huge blessing. Not because thats the generic thing someone says when a guy hasnt got a girlfriend but because being single gives you so many freedoms PLUS you can focus focus focus on having just an intimate relationship with Mr G O D!

My Mum once said to me that you need to truly know yourself INSIDE OUT before you even think about having a relationship and get to know them. And one thing YOU certainly need to realise is that YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS! Oh my word! It makes me cry how many people honestly feel that they are worthless all because of what other people think of them... well get this hun...

GOD THINKS YOU ARE AMAZING! and thats all you need to know and live by. It does not matter what anyone else thinks about you in this world. All that matters is Him!

Maybe you're not meant to meet anyone ever, yet, whatever... but have knowledge that none of it matters! Know that having a relationship with God and having faith that the creator of the whole universe WANTS to have a relationship with YOU is all that ever and will ever matter!

I hope that makes sense
Love,hugs and prayers
Erica
xxx