The death date

Lindaschatting

Fight or flight
Jan 9, 2014
22
0
USA
✟15,132.00
Faith
Catholic
Marital Status
Politics
US-Republican
A few weeks before the first year of my husband day of death, I began to feel the worst anxiety all over again. Couldn't kick it, got very nasty to some good people at work, but realized what was going on in time. Apologized and asked to have the day that my husband had died off from work. I had a 45 minute ride to work each day and seriously thought that I would die on that day also. So I didn't want to die while on the road, possibly injuring someone else. They gave me the day off, I went to bed that night believing that I would not wake up in the morning and was glad it was soon to be over.
I remember opening my eyes that morning and wondering where I was.. Looked like the bedroom.. but it was very hard to move.. afraid to move or something.. Slowly I would start to move, felt for the floor and got onto my feet.. Looking around very cautiously, wondering if I was dead or alive.. looking to see my husband or what, where was I?.. Made my way into the kitchen and eventually took a deep breath. Made a cup of coffee as I realized I had made it through the first year.
 

blackribbon

Not a newbie
Dec 18, 2011
13,388
6,674
✟190,401.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
The anniversaries get easier but they are always hard. Most widows I know have the same experience. It isn't helped because everyone says "wait a year" for everything and somewhere along the way, we start to believe that something magically happens on that anniversary. It turns out that is just mean you have survived a year.

I think it was Beth Moore who was talking about surviving a tragedy in her life...and people asked her how she managed to live through it. Her answer was "I just kept waking up."
 
Upvote 0

memoriesbymichelle

Senior Veteran
Jun 8, 2007
10,211
931
64
Arizona
✟22,350.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
US-Republican
I'm so sorry for your loss. While survivors grieve in various ways, there's no "right way" to grieve. Here I am 10 years' later, and I still miss my husband because he was a good guy! And yet, Jesus has been there for me, no doubt.

9 years for me here, and IDK what it was about this year but it was harder than some others. It doesn't help when your loved one had his birthday on one day and died on the next day. I just miss my husband SO much this year and IDK if I will ever be fortunate enough to meet someone to finish this life with or if I have to persevere alone until Jesus comes.
 
Upvote 0

ThyLovingkindness

Senior Veteran
Feb 16, 2012
4,528
381
✟14,359.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Private
9 years for me here, and IDK what it was about this year but it was harder than some others. It doesn't help when your loved one had his birthday on one day and died on the next day. I just miss my husband SO much this year and IDK if I will ever be fortunate enough to meet someone to finish this life with or if I have to persevere alone until Jesus comes.

I can relate. The 10-year mark was huge. In fact, it was 10 years ago today (Valentine's Day) that my late-husband and I were married. Wow.

I can also identify with your late-husband having a birthday, and then passing away. When mine died, his birthday was 3 days later. And yet, this isn't something I wish to dwell upon. I intend to go to his niche today, and place red carnations in the vase attached to it. It really is time for me to move on, even though I will always love him in my heart. Jesus has him now, and I cannot think of a better lifelong Partner for him.

:)
 
Upvote 0

memoriesbymichelle

Senior Veteran
Jun 8, 2007
10,211
931
64
Arizona
✟22,350.00
Faith
Christian
Marital Status
Politics
US-Republican
May I ask you what kind of changes you have made over the past nine years?


well I definitely can say I am NOT better off or doing better than when he was here. I am 54 currently going thru menopause and that has caused me to gain weight and not be able to lose it (I also quit trying).
I put myself in financial ruin unintentionally by trying to maintain things for my kids. I did not do anything fancy but I am now claiming bankruptcy. I also got a second job because I was trying to pay back my debt, now even though I am claiming bankruptcy I still will need my second job. It sucks because in less than 2 years my youngest son will be 18 and then the benefits from SS stop and I will only be 56. Not old enough to claim widows benefits and not old enough to claim SS and not old enough to take money out of my IRA either.

I have learned to be by myself and "like" myself though. I have continued going to church and my relationship with God. This year (I said this last year too though) I hope to get my life in better shape. Get a fresh start financially, hopefully lose weight and get in shape and try to prepare for the future.
 
Upvote 0

NOTWHATIWAS

I take my stage direction from God.
Jun 27, 2016
680
701
63
Oregon, USA
✟20,309.00
Faith
Calvary Chapel
Marital Status
Single
A few weeks before the first year of my husband day of death, I began to feel the worst anxiety all over again. Couldn't kick it, got very nasty to some good people at work, but realized what was going on in time. Apologized and asked to have the day that my husband had died off from work. I had a 45 minute ride to work each day and seriously thought that I would die on that day also. So I didn't want to die while on the road, possibly injuring someone else. They gave me the day off, I went to bed that night believing that I would not wake up in the morning and was glad it was soon to be over.
I remember opening my eyes that morning and wondering where I was.. Looked like the bedroom.. but it was very hard to move.. afraid to move or something.. Slowly I would start to move, felt for the floor and got onto my feet.. Looking around very cautiously, wondering if I was dead or alive.. looking to see my husband or what, where was I?.. Made my way into the kitchen and eventually took a deep breath. Made a cup of coffee as I realized I had made it through the first year.
One step at a time. It really does get easier. Your memories will start to be a comfort to you. I was where you are about nine years ago. You are in my prayers.
 
Upvote 0

bill5

Well-Known Member
Jul 30, 2011
6,091
2,197
✟63,199.00
Faith
Agnostic
Marital Status
Private
I guess I am "weird" in this respect. The so-called anniversary day wasn't particularly harder for me, as every day without her was and has been hard. Ultimately it's just another (pick favorite nasty word) day for the most part. Her birthday and Valentine's Day are far harder.
 
Upvote 0
This site stays free and accessible to all because of donations from people like you.
Consider making a one-time or monthly donation. We appreciate your support!
- Dan Doughty and Team Christian Forums