The Cat & Dog Diaries...

[silouanathonite]

Has anyone ever read this. It had me cracking up because I believe it is so true that I had to share it.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG' S DAILY DIARY


8:00 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite
9:40 am - Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 am - Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!
11:30 am - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
12:00 noon - Oh Boy! Kids! My favorite!
1:00 pm - Oh Boy! The garden! My favorite!
4:00 pm - Oh Boy! Kids! My favorite!
5:00 pm - Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!
6:00 pm - Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 pm - Oh Boy! Sleeping in moms bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT' S DAILY DIARY


Day 183 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of " allergies. " Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

 

[Michael G]

That is hilarious!

 

[Shubunkin]

I got that in an email one time. It is the truth! I have both dogs and cats, so I should know.

 

[Michael G]

I got that in an email one time. It is the truth! I have both dogs and cats, so I should know.

Is it true that when a cat brings you a mouse it is trying to teach you how to hunt? That is what a friend of mine insists is the truth.

 

[Jacob4707]

 

[Michael G]

That is hilarious, but sooooooooooooooooooo true!

 

[silouanathonite]

What the URL for those comics?

 

[Mary of Bethany]

So Silouan . . . .

I'm still waiting (impatiently!) to hear about your trip.





Mary

 

[Jacob4707]

What the URL for those comics?

I googled for images and

far side cats dogs

because Gary Larson had lots of funny Far Side cartoons about this topic!

 

[Komnenos]

You know whats funny? Dogs are actually smarter then cats. Cats are just Sneakier

 

[Philothei]

LOL... those were great

 

[Shubunkin]

Is it true that when a cat brings you a mouse it is trying to teach you how to hunt? That is what a friend of mine insists is the truth.

In my opinion, they are just trying to gross me out. But this is just my opinion.

 

[Hoankan]

Forgive me if I get this joke wrong, it has been many years and my memory is a bit fuzzy.

In the beginning man was lonely, and God looked down upon His creation and took pity. He created a loyal, ever loving, and faithful companion for man. And man named it dog. And man was happy, and dog was happy.

But man became arrogant in his nature towards dog and treated dog poorly, and so God realized that man must learn not to be so unkind and arrogant to another. So God created a companion that was self-centered, vain, and arrogant. And man was happy and called it cat.

Now the cat taunted man by not doing as man commanded like the dog had. And man was humbled, and dog was happy, and cat did not care.

sorry I think I screwed it up

 

[Michael G]

In my opinion, they are just trying to gross me out. But this is just my opinion.

LOL! Is that so?

 

[Mary of Bethany]

Forgive me if I get this joke wrong, it has been many years and my memory is a bit fuzzy.

In the beginning man was lonely, and God looked down upon His creation and took pity. He created a loyal, ever loving, and faithful companion for man. And man named it dog. And man was happy, and dog was happy.

But man became arrogant in his nature towards dog and treated dog poorly, and so God realized that man must learn not to be so unkind and arrogant to another. So God created a companion that was self-centered, vain, and arrogant. And man was happy and called it cat.

Now the cat taunted man by not doing as man commanded like the dog had. And man was humbled, and dog was happy, and cat did not care.

sorry I think I screwed it up

Even if you did, it's still funny.

Mary (worst joke-teller in the world!)

 

[Jacob4707]

Forgive me if I get this joke wrong, it has been many years and my memory is a bit fuzzy.

In the beginning man was lonely, and God looked down upon His creation and took pity. He created a loyal, ever loving, and faithful companion for man. And man named it dog. And man was happy, and dog was happy.

But man became arrogant in his nature towards dog and treated dog poorly, and so God realized that man must learn not to be so unkind and arrogant to another. So God created a companion that was self-centered, vain, and arrogant. And man was happy and called it cat.

Now the cat taunted man by not doing as man commanded like the dog had. And man was humbled, and dog was happy, and cat did not care.

sorry I think I screwed it up

I learned it this way:

In the beginning man was lonely, and God looked down upon His creation and took pity. He created a loyal, ever loving, and faithful companion for man. And man named it dog. And man was happy, and dog was happy.

But man became arrogant in his nature towards dog and treated dog poorly, and so God realized that man must learn not to be so unkind and arrogant to another. So God created a companion that was self-centered, vain, and arrogant. And man was happy and called it woman.

Now the woman taunted man by not doing as man commanded like the dog had. And man was humbled, and dog was happy, and woman did not care.

 

[Michael G]

I learned it this way:

In the beginning man was lonely, and God looked down upon His creation and took pity. He created a loyal, ever loving, and faithful companion for man. And man named it dog. And man was happy, and dog was happy.

But man became arrogant in his nature towards dog and treated dog poorly, and so God realized that man must learn not to be so unkind and arrogant to another. So God created a companion that was self-centered, vain, and arrogant. And man was happy and called it woman.

Now the woman taunted man by not doing as man commanded like the dog had. And man was humbled, and dog was happy, and woman did not care.

Where is the rolling eye smiley when I need it?

 

[4Everloved]

This is all some funny stuff! I enjoyed each joke.

I own 2 dogs and 2 cats. They are hilariously different from each other.

 

[silouanathonite]

Here is another one. Enjoy guys...


How to Wash the Cat

Thoroughly clean the toilet. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION!!!!!
Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
Flush the toilet three or four times.
Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. Sincerely,
The DOG
​

 

[Michael G]

Here is another one. Enjoy guys...


How to Wash the Cat

Thoroughly clean the toilet. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION!!!!!
Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
Flush the toilet three or four times.
Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. Sincerely,
The DOG
​