The best approach?

[blissfullyamy]

I thought I'd post in this forum to seek Christian advice. It is related to my job situation.

I work as an instructor at adult ed. school. I started working there almost a year ago. It was an interesting experience and got to know a few students who stayed there for a long while.

There's this situation that is making me feel a bit uncomfortable or maybe I'm being paranoid? Most of the times it wouldn't affect me that much because I knew how to draw the line between professional and personal boundaries, and in my previous jobs I don't really work with people like I do now.

There's this male student (a young adult) who enjoys talking with me often and recently become a believer in Christ. He knew that I was a believer in past. I made that mistake by giving him my pager and email address, thinking that we would stay in touch once in a while. Now, he text msg. me almost daily as he progresses in Christ and wants to talk to me in private few times without the others (also my students). He kept hoping that I'd be there at the church and bible study where we all attend the same church. Plus, he likes to hang out with friends all the time so he can learn more how to be more independent and he had problems with his family. He paged me about it but not the whole story. He wants to learn so much and wants me to be a "personal" teacher/friend guiding him how to live. One time, he wanted to be alone and talk to me. Then all of sudden, his friends/my students saw our conversation on his pager and they all teased him. I'm paranoid that he has become enamored with me or it's just his way of sharing too much/getting too comfortable with me. I was on vacation recently and I kind of feel dread returning to work and see him and those student friends of his. I felt like he went past the professional line...I don't know why I feel uncomfortable about this since he hasn't done anything to me to cause this uncomfortable feeling. Any thoughts? I'd appreciate it.

 

[tapero]

Dear BlissfullyAmy,

Hi. I think that happens a lot to people. I would think to kindly direct him to a gentlemen to talk to, as that would be appropriate. Perhaps you may even know someone he can speak with. It sounds like he doesn't know the boundaries, and you are not obliged I believe as a female to counsel and be his friend.

I know it's touchy, but you said you had good boundaries and I'm sure you do. I know these situations are difficult. I often see people encourage females to females and males to males in the realm of Christianity.

I'm sure a pastor on site here runs into these things frequently and could give you good information.

Sincerely,

Tapero

 

[blissfullyamy]

Thanks for your suggestions. That's the thing...he already has a male friend he can talk and learn from and a fellowship with other students who share same faith. He usuallly hangs out with them. For some reason, he wants me included or wants to share with me, which is flattering, but since I'm a teacher I don't feel right to be involved way too much. He must have picked on my sincere concern and acted on it as if it's perfectly all right for him to talk to me and seek counsel, since I'm an "authority figure". As a result, I had to stop communicating with him for the moment although he continues to text msg. me and would want to talk to me in person when I return to work tomorrow. It's entirely different if it's a female, which I have no problem with, but with a young man, it's kinda different. Maybe I should speak with a female member at the church and explain the situation. She could offer a solution to this or direct me to the pastor.

Blessings,
Amy

 

[rogsr]

Hello Amy,
I have a few questions. Are you both around the same age? Do you feel that the young man is attracted to you? Are you attracted to him?

Often times males and females get their lines crossed in this area and confuse a helping hand with something else.

Do you think the young man is someone who could "handle" a friendship/discipleship with a female? If not then I suggest you clarify the nature of friendship you desire. It is always best to be honest as soon as possible in these situations so things don't progress to a point where both parties become hurt. Be tactful and shrewd, but also caring with the love of the Lamb.

Yours in Christ