That's bad advice....

[Leader of the Banned]

Take a lit match and put it in the gas tank, when it goes boom, time to gas up

My puter freezes up every time I hit it with a hammer, whhat should I do?

 

[QuickandSilver]

Try hitting it with something bigger.


How do you eat a coconut that is still in it's shell?

 

[Leader of the Banned]

with calvins 'n hobbs transmorphing machine! Turn yourself into a beetle and chow down.

One of my table's legs is too short, now what?

 

[QuickandSilver]

Well, duh, take an axe to the other three?

All of my batteries in my PDA are dead. What now?


Calvin and Hobbs stopped answering my e-mails years ago.

 

[Leader of the Banned]

You better replace it PDQ

My daughter is flying to England. I want to go too. Where can I get that kind of money?

 

[QuickandSilver]

A real no-brainer: Las Vegas, of course!!!!

I think I have lost my mind....where to look for it?

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Found it!

I feel like I deserve a BIG raise at work. What should I do?

 

[rosemoss]

Walk around with a sign around your neck showing everybody how much money you make and how much money you think you deserve to make.

I fell down, can't get up, what do I do?

 

[QuickandSilver]

Do some exercises, relax, and start yelling for help.

My doctor says at my age, I should expect certain problems. What does that mean?

 

[rosemoss]

Means you should punch him in the nose because he's insulting you!

The neighbor won't turn his loud music down, what should I do?

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Find a dance partner and enjoy the music

The zoo has been broken into the last few days. How can we get this to stop?

 

[QuickandSilver]

Well, for a start, try to control yourself....and get treatment!!!


I think I really need a facelift, how can I be sure?

 

[QuickandSilver]

Look down on the floor, if you see it there, you need a facelift.

My library audio books are overdue and I lost some of the cassettes, help?

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Throw out the rest of the cassettes and tell the Librarian you used them to beat out the flames on her car


How do I give a hippopotamus a tranquilizer?

 

[QuickandSilver]

Just tell it a few of your best jokes.

I am so weary of rich, adoring, celebrity hunks calling me up all the time. How to get rid of them??????

 

[rosemoss]

Quit answering the phone.

I won a million dollars and just don't know how to spend it? Any ideas?

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Oh, don't worry yourself with finance! Just gimme the money....

My dog keeps "grooming" herself in public, how can I get her to stop?

 

[Greenthumb]

Join her? :o

My neighbours are having a party and the music is way too loud, not to mention bad...what should I do?

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Make a gas bomb and use the stereo system for target practice

I'm fat, what should I do?

 

[QuickandSilver]

First, relieve your distress with one visit to Pizza Hut Buffet daily, or alternate with Kentucky Fried Chicken Buffet. Take until totally uncaring or you can't get out of the house without removing a wall.

My brother is in his 60's and still does not believe in
Santa Claus!! How can I help him see the light?