Please forgive the spacing errors. 
This is an article I wrote about involving a relationship I had with a dear friend, and things that happened that could have possibly damaged that friendship, and the basis under which it was restored.
Thank you for reading...
I paused before going in. Many years of past rejections hindered
me, but I didnt want any trace of apprehension to show. Id been
learning for a long time how to cover my emotions, to escape being
vulnerable in front of others, and put such learning into practice
before opening the door.
My two roommates were sitting on the sofa in the living room,
watching something on the t.v. Amy looked up and smiled as I came
in. Theresa simply stared at the television. I could tell she
obviously still upset about our past quarrel. It hurt, but I hid
it well. I smiled at Amy.
Hey, how was your day, Amy asked. Id been working for the
mentally challenged for several months. Though rewarding, it
definitely had its challenges, both with the students and the work
ethics among my colleagues. Now, however, didnt seem the time to
share those challenges. Theresa was mad enough as it was, and I
didnt want to make matters worse by rehashing the days events
when she was watching something that was apparently of great
interest to her.
Oh, it was pretty good. Thanks, I said lightly. Im just going
to take my things in the other room.
O.k. Amy could sense the tension between Theresa and I, but,
like me, she knew that probably wasnt the best time to approach
it.
Taking my notebook and purse into the bedroom, I closed the door,
unsure when the best time would come.
About me
Im not a person who deals well with confrontations. I sometimes
tend more towards avoidance than addressing the issue at hand. If
someone appeared upset or ruffled by my actions, I often remained
silent, hoping the situation would diffuse on its own. Sometimes
it seemed to work. Indeed, there were times when silence seemed
golden. But there were other instances when I kept my feelings to
myself, and my silence seemed to only make matters worse.
Where it began
Simply put, one day I decided to go on an extended fast. Problems
of a loved one were weighing themselves upon my heart, and having
heard and read of some of the victories that accompanied prayer
and fasting I decided to do it. Theresa, however, didnt hold the
same views that I did.
Theresa, in her own words, was like a baby in her spirituality.
Wide eyed, she observed closely even the little things, asking
questions, making comments it soon became obvious that there was
little she seemed to miss.
Theresa herself was wrestling with anorexia nervosa. I, on the
other hand, could obviously stand to lose a few pounds. She
worried that my fasting for so many days was unhealthy, and that
perhaps subconsciously I was doing it to lose weight. Though I
couldnt deny I wasnt saddened by the added pounds coming off, I
told her my reasons for the fast was for a different cause. She
remained concerned, believing anorexia could begin by such a
thing.
Understanding her feelings, I tried to hide what I was doing from
her, but she was too observant. Figuring I needed to press on, I
ignored her points and continued with my fast.
Eventually, within a matter of days, tension had built between
Theresa and I. While she was battling her own illness, the stress
of my decision was turning her fear into anger, adding additional
stress to her. Feeling out of control, anger giving way, she
declared she didnt want to talk to me until I decided to eat.
About us
Within the span of about seven years Theresa had become like a
sister to me. Within that time, weve been both friends and
enemies. She could reach my heart in a way that was rare, and her
actions in turn could affect me deeply. If she hurt, I hurt. If
she was happy, so was I. If she made what I perceived as bad
choices, it distressed me greatly. In a way, I was often
reminded of my heavenly Father in my friendship with Theresa, for
in how closely His heart is tied with ours. Hence, Theresas
decision to ignore me, the fact that I was causing her distress,
made the fast difficult. And as I thought of her pain, the words
of Jesus, in Matthew 5:23-25, about making reconciliation with
your brother if he has "aught" against you, seemed hard to block
from my mind.
Devotional
I came across a book, one of my then favorite devotionals to
read. Opening it up, I was surprised at what it read. The days
devotional centered on reconciliation, and the importance of
taking your brothers feelings into account.
That night
I left one night, on my own. I needed to think, to pray. To see
what was right in this situation.
I started to reflect on how my actions were affecting Theresa. I
considered her own personal struggle, and how what I was doing may
have looked to her. I thought of how this was affecting our
relationship, and after much contemplation and prayer, I made a
decision.
That night I saw Theresa sitting alone outside as I came up to
the apartment. I considered walking past her, not saying
anything, feeling somewhat awkward about our past conflict. In
the end though, I decided to stay.
She said nothing, just looked at me, then away.
Hi, I said quietly. I knew what I wanted to say (kind of), but
beginning the conversation was difficult.
Hi, was her quiet response. For some reason, that little bit
encouraged me.
Kneeling down on the pavement, just a few feet or so from her, I
realized the possibility that it may have already been too late.
Did I look extreme to her? Did I look like a fanatic? Would she
even want to talk to me after this?
Im planning on eating tomorrow. She seemed surprised, and
looked at me briefly before turning away again. I continued
something like this:
Im sorry I scared you. I didnt mean to. I thought I was doing
the right thing. And I just wanted you to know I was going to
eat.
Uncertain silence
Then, unexpectedly, Theresa stood. Not being in the most
comfortable position, I stood too.
Honestly, it wasnt so much unexpected the she stood up, as it was
what she did next.
To my surprise, Theresa opened her arms for a hug.
Gladly, I accepted the invitation. Nearly in tears, we stayed like
that for a few moments. I was surprised to hear her tell me she
was sorry, that she loved me. I knew shed been worried, but it
felt so good to hear such words from her.
The reconciliation felt wonderful, and at that moment I
experienced the beautiful result of the precious instruction to
make peace with your brother if you have made aught against them.
I could go on and on here, retelling countless stories of similar
situations, but I think this story illustrated the point enough..
The point that no matter what we do, no matter how we think we may
know, without love, we are nothing.
Ofcourse, each situation requires wisdom, discernment. Not in
everything will one need to acquiesce to the other persons feelings.
But from my experience, too often such feelings are ignored, and
rather than show love, we show indifference, and hence forget to
show Jesus.
Is it difficult,the humbling, the not having your own way, that
can sometimes feel required for reconciliation? Many times, I
would say, yes. But is it worth it? Again, many times, I would
say, definitely, yes.
This is an article I wrote about involving a relationship I had with a dear friend, and things that happened that could have possibly damaged that friendship, and the basis under which it was restored. Thank you for reading...
I paused before going in. Many years of past rejections hindered
me, but I didnt want any trace of apprehension to show. Id been
learning for a long time how to cover my emotions, to escape being
vulnerable in front of others, and put such learning into practice
before opening the door.
My two roommates were sitting on the sofa in the living room,
watching something on the t.v. Amy looked up and smiled as I came
in. Theresa simply stared at the television. I could tell she
obviously still upset about our past quarrel. It hurt, but I hid
it well. I smiled at Amy.
Hey, how was your day, Amy asked. Id been working for the
mentally challenged for several months. Though rewarding, it
definitely had its challenges, both with the students and the work
ethics among my colleagues. Now, however, didnt seem the time to
share those challenges. Theresa was mad enough as it was, and I
didnt want to make matters worse by rehashing the days events
when she was watching something that was apparently of great
interest to her.
Oh, it was pretty good. Thanks, I said lightly. Im just going
to take my things in the other room.
O.k. Amy could sense the tension between Theresa and I, but,
like me, she knew that probably wasnt the best time to approach
it.
Taking my notebook and purse into the bedroom, I closed the door,
unsure when the best time would come.
About me
Im not a person who deals well with confrontations. I sometimes
tend more towards avoidance than addressing the issue at hand. If
someone appeared upset or ruffled by my actions, I often remained
silent, hoping the situation would diffuse on its own. Sometimes
it seemed to work. Indeed, there were times when silence seemed
golden. But there were other instances when I kept my feelings to
myself, and my silence seemed to only make matters worse.
Where it began
Simply put, one day I decided to go on an extended fast. Problems
of a loved one were weighing themselves upon my heart, and having
heard and read of some of the victories that accompanied prayer
and fasting I decided to do it. Theresa, however, didnt hold the
same views that I did.
Theresa, in her own words, was like a baby in her spirituality.
Wide eyed, she observed closely even the little things, asking
questions, making comments it soon became obvious that there was
little she seemed to miss.
Theresa herself was wrestling with anorexia nervosa. I, on the
other hand, could obviously stand to lose a few pounds. She
worried that my fasting for so many days was unhealthy, and that
perhaps subconsciously I was doing it to lose weight. Though I
couldnt deny I wasnt saddened by the added pounds coming off, I
told her my reasons for the fast was for a different cause. She
remained concerned, believing anorexia could begin by such a
thing.
Understanding her feelings, I tried to hide what I was doing from
her, but she was too observant. Figuring I needed to press on, I
ignored her points and continued with my fast.
Eventually, within a matter of days, tension had built between
Theresa and I. While she was battling her own illness, the stress
of my decision was turning her fear into anger, adding additional
stress to her. Feeling out of control, anger giving way, she
declared she didnt want to talk to me until I decided to eat.
About us
Within the span of about seven years Theresa had become like a
sister to me. Within that time, weve been both friends and
enemies. She could reach my heart in a way that was rare, and her
actions in turn could affect me deeply. If she hurt, I hurt. If
she was happy, so was I. If she made what I perceived as bad
choices, it distressed me greatly. In a way, I was often
reminded of my heavenly Father in my friendship with Theresa, for
in how closely His heart is tied with ours. Hence, Theresas
decision to ignore me, the fact that I was causing her distress,
made the fast difficult. And as I thought of her pain, the words
of Jesus, in Matthew 5:23-25, about making reconciliation with
your brother if he has "aught" against you, seemed hard to block
from my mind.
Devotional
I came across a book, one of my then favorite devotionals to
read. Opening it up, I was surprised at what it read. The days
devotional centered on reconciliation, and the importance of
taking your brothers feelings into account.
That night
I left one night, on my own. I needed to think, to pray. To see
what was right in this situation.
I started to reflect on how my actions were affecting Theresa. I
considered her own personal struggle, and how what I was doing may
have looked to her. I thought of how this was affecting our
relationship, and after much contemplation and prayer, I made a
decision.
That night I saw Theresa sitting alone outside as I came up to
the apartment. I considered walking past her, not saying
anything, feeling somewhat awkward about our past conflict. In
the end though, I decided to stay.
She said nothing, just looked at me, then away.
Hi, I said quietly. I knew what I wanted to say (kind of), but
beginning the conversation was difficult.
Hi, was her quiet response. For some reason, that little bit
encouraged me.
Kneeling down on the pavement, just a few feet or so from her, I
realized the possibility that it may have already been too late.
Did I look extreme to her? Did I look like a fanatic? Would she
even want to talk to me after this?
Im planning on eating tomorrow. She seemed surprised, and
looked at me briefly before turning away again. I continued
something like this:
Im sorry I scared you. I didnt mean to. I thought I was doing
the right thing. And I just wanted you to know I was going to
eat.
Uncertain silence
Then, unexpectedly, Theresa stood. Not being in the most
comfortable position, I stood too.
Honestly, it wasnt so much unexpected the she stood up, as it was
what she did next.
To my surprise, Theresa opened her arms for a hug.
Gladly, I accepted the invitation. Nearly in tears, we stayed like
that for a few moments. I was surprised to hear her tell me she
was sorry, that she loved me. I knew shed been worried, but it
felt so good to hear such words from her.
The reconciliation felt wonderful, and at that moment I
experienced the beautiful result of the precious instruction to
make peace with your brother if you have made aught against them.
I could go on and on here, retelling countless stories of similar
situations, but I think this story illustrated the point enough..
The point that no matter what we do, no matter how we think we may
know, without love, we are nothing.
Ofcourse, each situation requires wisdom, discernment. Not in
everything will one need to acquiesce to the other persons feelings.
But from my experience, too often such feelings are ignored, and
rather than show love, we show indifference, and hence forget to
show Jesus.
Is it difficult,the humbling, the not having your own way, that
can sometimes feel required for reconciliation? Many times, I
would say, yes. But is it worth it? Again, many times, I would
say, definitely, yes.
