Temporary seperation...

[markyg]

Hi guy's,
My Girlfriend and I have decided to take a break in our relationship, we've been together for 3 years and only recently haven't been getting on very well,. We have mutually agreed to take a break, with in mind to spend more time with God, without the worries of the relationship.
God has clearly shown us that it is the right thing to, She (my girlfriend (kinda?!)) often calls me her friend which i don't really like cos it emphasizes that we are no longer together, i feel as if she's slipping away, i cant really phone as much cos it makes things a little difficult. I am really struggling with the situation, I am praying which does help, but I was wandering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and if they have anything of some help?

Thank you
Mark

 

[septemberskies]

I've been down this road before and we have taken a couple of breaks... this was because of some lust issues. It does help because you spend time alone with God and figure out where you are what you want. I've always worried about him "slipping away" but i found if you truly love one another, some time apart is not gonna kill things. We went 3 months with no communication (not even an e-mail), and yet we are still together. We are not declared bf and gf but it's kinda understood... we are working things out. Pray and focus on God.... If you need to talk more one to one you can PM me.

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I don't think I've ever taken a break in a dating relationship-it sure didn't work for my marriage. I am trying to keep in mind that if I put God first and do the things that need to be done the relationship will happen if it's meant to be.

 

[f U z ! o N]

i dont understand breaks and i believe they shouldn't happen because it only adds drama and heartbreak to the relationship

 

[plum]

i dont understand breaks and i believe they shouldn't happen because it only adds drama and heartbreak to the relationship

yeah i know that feeling too.


so, tell me... your goal was:

We have mutually agreed to take a break, with in mind to spend more time with God, without the worries of the relationship.
God has clearly shown us that it is the right thing to

And this is how you've been doing:

I am really struggling with the situation, I am praying which does help

So, is the break helping you with that goal? Do you know if it's helping her with that goal?

It seems like the break actually added to your worries about the relationship.

 

[f U z ! o N]

breaks are a huge waste of time because they cause unneeded drama and when you get back together its kinda awkward. if it can't be discussed in the relationship whats going to make it work if you are not in the relationship?

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Breaks DO NOT WORK. You wanna know what a break really is? It's the initiator saying "Okay, I'm gonna go look for someone better, but if I can't find anybody I'll settle for you" - yes, it's true. Girls will never admit it but it's what's really going on. People who love each other don't need breaks, and those who do think they need breaks, are just plain incompatible to begin with, which is why they are stressing each other out to the point of needing a break. Your SO should be the first one (besides God) that you COME to for your break from the pressures of everyday, not part of the everyday stress itself.

Look man, I've been in your situation before. My ex wanted a break for that same reason. I went crazy without her. I wanted to be with her more than she wanted to be with me. That is unhealthy, and that's part of why we are through. My personal advice would be to cut it off right now. She is calling you her friend and de-emphasizing your relationship, and that is possibly the worst sign.

 

[f U z ! o N]

Breaks DO NOT WORK. You wanna know what a break really is? It's the initiator saying "Okay, I'm gonna go look for someone better, but if I can't find anybody I'll settle for you" - yes, it's true. Girls will never admit it but it's what's really going on. People who love each other don't need breaks, and those who do think they need breaks, are just plain incompatible to begin with, which is why they are stressing each other out to the point of needing a break. Your SO should be the first one (besides God) that you COME to for your break from the pressures of everyday, not part of the everyday stress itself.

Look man, I've been in your situation before. My ex wanted a break for that same reason. I went crazy without her. I wanted to be with her more than she wanted to be with me. That is unhealthy, and that's part of why we are through. My personal advice would be to cut it off right now. She is calling you her friend and de-emphasizing your relationship, and that is possibly the worst sign.

i agree 100% with this and this is exactly what happened to me.

 

[barefeetonholyground]

Honestly, I don't think it's going to work like that. Taking a break would keep the relationship healthy, but not if you take a break when things aren't going well. You just get tend to get further and further apart. I think it would be better for you to break it off clean, and if the two of you get back together later on down the road, let it happen naturally.

 

[AnaSnow]

Ok, I agree with a few contradicting points here. It is true that if one person initiates a break and it isn't mutual, the other usually gets hurt and begins putting up walls. However, I do believe that if both people agree to take time apart from each other in order to grow closer to God, a break is a good idea. Breaks should have a clear set of rules. There should be a set time for when you return to your partner. Breaks are not meant for one to go looking for someone else. I believe communication should remain open. This helps to avoid any awkwardness after the break is over. Most importantly, the time should be used at it was meant to. Both people should be using the time for reflection and growth in Christ.

 

[fungku]

Breaks are ridiculous, and the point of datng is to find someone you're able to marry and spend the rest of your life with. If you need breaks now to be successful will you need breaks in the future if you're married to be successful? Because I don't see that panning out real well.

Besides, if you need some time alone with God, why do you see a need to "break" to do it? Can people not say "look, i need some time alone with God for the next few days or so"?

 

[f U z ! o N]

because breaks are a dumb way for a woman or man to get away from the person easily without "breaking their heart". i hate that because its rather dishonest. people should be more honest. granted i guess, breaks can work if its for a valid reason but any person who says "I need a break to figure things out" means the relationship is over and I'm not trying to hurt you by telling you how i really feel. its best to just cut all ties in that situation and move on.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

Ok, I agree with a few contradicting points here. It is true that if one person initiates a break and it isn't mutual, the other usually gets hurt and begins putting up walls. However, I do believe that if both people agree to take time apart from each other in order to grow closer to God, a break is a good idea. Breaks should have a clear set of rules. There should be a set time for when you return to your partner. Breaks are not meant for one to go looking for someone else. I believe communication should remain open. This helps to avoid any awkwardness after the break is over. Most importantly, the time should be used at it was meant to. Both people should be using the time for reflection and growth in Christ.

Even if you need a break to get closer to God, that's still bad juju, because if your relationship is right, your SO is supposed to HELP you get closer to God, not draw you away. It should not be a choice between your SO and Christ - it should be that your SO enhances your walk with God.

 

[alacarius]

Hi guy's,
My Girlfriend and I have decided to take a break in our relationship, we've been together for 3 years and only recently haven't been getting on very well,. We have mutually agreed to take a break, with in mind to spend more time with God, without the worries of the relationship.
God has clearly shown us that it is the right thing to, She (my girlfriend (kinda?!)) often calls me her friend which i don't really like cos it emphasizes that we are no longer together, i feel as if she's slipping away, i cant really phone as much cos it makes things a little difficult. I am really struggling with the situation, I am praying which does help, but I was wandering if anyone else has been in a similar situation and if they have anything of some help?

Thank you
Mark

if you have been dating 3 years and you are taking a break i would consider the possibility that you are not right for each other and that this is God trying to tell you that you should just call it quits.

 

[littlepie]

I think a break is a great way to focus on what is important to you without the distractions of what the other person wants. My bf and I took a break and while it was very hard we were able to get a lot out of it. I would suggest at least 2 months so both of you really get a chance to "see what you are missing".If you get back together you will appreciate eachother more. If you don't get back together then it wasn't ment to be and it is better to know now then later.

 

[AnaSnow]

Even if you need a break to get closer to God, that's still bad juju, because if your relationship is right, your SO is supposed to HELP you get closer to God, not draw you away. It should not be a choice between your SO and Christ - it should be that your SO enhances your walk with God.

I agree that your SO should enhance your journey with God, but I also remember Paul explaining why it is best to be single. God realizes and wants our partners to be a priority on our list. Therefore, are sharing ourselves with another human who requires our time. The truth is, we all slip from time to time. Sometimes, our SO slips further, faster, or at a different time than we do. A break can be a good way of avoiding being pulled down with them. It does not mean you disown them or stop all contact with them. You continue to pray for them and with them. You still support them, but you give yourself enough space to continue your own journey with the Lord.