Talking About Sex?

JCFantasy23 said:

Hmm perhaps I shouldn't have said the news and weather as an example, indicating it's that mundane. But around me it is very common. Perhaps we are just in different areas? I'm surprised if I'm that much of an exception from most. It's been discussed openly with me at my last 2 places of employment (especially the previous), brought up nearly every time at least once when I'm with my friends, my mother and I even discuss it (very lightly of course, parents - awkward) on occasion...Basically, every friend I have or person I know and have met more than a few times, the subject just seems to come up. Doesn't bug me either way.

As for the emotional impact, sure, sex to me is nothing without emotion. I'm not a one-night stand kind of person or anything. I can't imagine people having sex with no emotional attachment, although I know it happens. By discussing it without reserve when the occasion warrants it, I don't feel I'm diminishing the romantic and/or emotional depth of it.

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Fair enough. It seems I may have misunderstood your sentiment then. You've made yourself clearer this time round but I'm still not sure I share your opinion, although I don't think it's neccessary to convince you or anyone else.

What I would like to mention though, in response to you saying "But around me it is very common" and "It's been discussed openly with me at my last 2 places of employment, brought up nearly every time at least once when I'm with my friends" is the following:

Do not expect the majority to be correct, in fact, just the opposite seems to be the case for the most part. Mankind in general tend to lean towards the corrupt side of the moral spectrum. It is no surprise that Jerry Springer appeals to such a HUGE audience, that's the way the majority thinks. All I'm saying is, what is common is not neccessarily good. We are even told as much in the Bible and I should hope that Christians will always have the backbone to stand up against the majority, as the likes of Peter and Paul have done so admirably.

One of my favourite quotes is by a 17th century ethicist philosopher, Baruch Spinoza:
"Sed omnia praeclara tam difficilia quam rara sunt" - translating to "Everything great is as difficult to realise as it is rare to find".

Essentially what this tells me is, the great things in life, the things to be aspired to, are (a) not easily achieved and consequently (b) not readily found. Regardless of my Christian opinions, I would much rather fall into the category of people who aspire to the great things in life and be one of the minority in which it can be found, rather than the majority who does not achieve it and consequently in whom it is not found.

So my position is, while I agree that casual discussion about sex is commonplace (in my area as well as in yours), I will always remain indignant if someone discusses it with me in such a fashion and personally I will not discuss it in such a fashion, thereby from my side at least offering it the sanctity that I think it deserves - even if that makes me the drag and the dweeb at my place of employment.

sweaterpoorlyknit said:

We do. A lot actually. It's an amazing thing to look forward to and it's what keeps up strong in our decision to wait. It usually comes up if we start to get "carried away" with things. We remind ourselves by joking about it: "ohh just wait until our wedding night!" Makes things easier having it out in the open, I think.

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I agree, it seems to lessen the temptation to get carried away by talking about it, saying "I can't wait until the wedding night" or "It's safe to say that we'll have a healthy sex life after we get married".

what's wrong with just talking about it for plain old fun? I often think this kind of thing is taken way too seriously among Christians to the point at which the pleasure aspect of sex is diminished... I can't see how talking about it is wrong - to me it's just getting to know your gf/bf better.

chris414 said:

what's wrong with just talking about it for plain old fun? I often think this kind of thing is taken way too seriously among Christians to the point at which the pleasure aspect of sex is diminished... I can't see how talking about it is wrong - to me it's just getting to know your gf/bf better.

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Definitely. I think it's okay to talk about it for fun if you're in a long term relationship planning on marrying one day.

PS I love your signature! I'm going to remembe that one.

Wow, I'm really encouraged that so many of you are waiting until marriage to have sex.

As for me and DH, we talked about sex once we were engaged. In fact it was one of the subjects we covered in our pre-marriage counseling. We're both pretty laid back people, so it was never really an awkward discussion or anything. I agree with the others here who said it's an individual choice. Some people will want to discuss these things before the marriage, and some will wait. I do think it's important to discuss topics like porn before you get married though.

Me and my guy have talked about it.....In pretty good detail I'd say. What we want to try, what we don't, sex drives, even birth control since neither one of us want kids until later in life.

I think it's important to discuss it before marraige, and perhaps even before engagement. Marraige and relationships deffinitly aren't all about sex, but sex is an important part and if there's friction between a couple when it comes to sex, then it can cause friction in other parts of the relationship. So it's best to figure all that out before hand before you make the commitment.

chris414 said:

what's wrong with just talking about it for plain old fun? I often think this kind of thing is taken way too seriously among Christians to the point at which the pleasure aspect of sex is diminished... I can't see how talking about it is wrong - to me it's just getting to know your gf/bf better.

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Glad I don't stand out so much now with my post, I'm the same way

chris414 said:

what's wrong with just talking about it for plain old fun? I often think this kind of thing is taken way too seriously among Christians to the point at which the pleasure aspect of sex is diminished... I can't see how talking about it is wrong - to me it's just getting to know your gf/bf better.

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I don't know how it is in your relationship, but when DH and I were dating, we were very attracted to each other and it took a lot of discipline not to fall into temptation. Talking about sex for fun sure wouldn't have helped! While sex certainly doesn't need to be a taboo subject, I do think it's important for courting Christian couples to recognize that there is a seriousness about it. If our lives are for God's glory and we truly desire to serve and honor Him, then this is not a trivial issue. Talking about sex just for fun, especially with your partner will generally lead to lust.

As others have said here, talking about looking forward to the wedding night, etc. is a little different, and it can be really helpful because it helps you keep your focus instead of falling into temptation. And trust me, you guys it is WELL worth waiting for the wedding night!

deefstes said:

Respectfully, I'll have to disagree with this statement. I don't know you JCFantasy23 and I don't know your background but I really do feel sorry for you if sex has become such a mundane thing to you that you feel it should be discussed as one would discuss the weather or the news.

While I do believe that sex belongs in marriage and that there is something "sacred" about it from a Christian perspective, my argument with regards to your statement even comes from outside of my religious conviction.

Between a couple, the most intimate thing you can get involved in on a physical level, is sex. That is the top rung of the ladder, there's nothing more intimate. Putting that on the level of the weather or the news makes something which is very intimate into something very base.

While sex is a physically intimate thing, I could use the emotional analogy of discussing the death of one's father. That's an emotional intimate thing to discuss and I would never expect that someone should be able to discuss that with the same ease as the weather or the news.

For what its worth, I also believe sex to be more than just an intimate physical action but also a very emotional action but maybe that's just me.

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I TOTALLY agree with this.

HeDied4Me said:

If you believe sex before marriage is sinful, what is your opinion about talking with your SO about sexual topics (like things you might like to try after you're married, or specific sexual activities that don't appeal to you)? At what point in a relationship is this kind of conversation important?

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i personally think that it's a very important conversation to have once you're engaged. my husband and i were not virgins when we met, but we decided to wait for each other until we were married. but to make sure we were on the same page, we talked about sex and things we both enjoyed. if you are a virgin this might be a more difficult topic to discuss, but i still think it's something that should be brought up.

I wish people talked less about sex online. I don't really mean friends, although some shouldn't either at times. But the real culprit is all of the porn ads, people in bikinis, spam, etc. Everywhere I look I see sex online. It's unavoidable. There's talk of creating a new web extension only for porn. and trying clean up our net. I'm all for it. We get a clean web, people who want porn can still get it, everyone's happy. I admit I watch porn but often times I won't think about it for hours, then BAM porn ads remind me. I like to be able to watch occasionally on MY terms. Splitting net into 2 will give us that option. Spammers are stupid because tons of their ads aren't targeted towards those that do want it. You don't try to sell food at a plumbing store or lingerie at toy'r'us, right?

RecoveringPhilosopher said:

source?

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The Bible?

HeDied4Me said:

If you believe sex before marriage is sinful, what is your opinion about talking with your SO about sexual topics (like things you might like to try after you're married, or specific sexual activities that don't appeal to you)? At what point in a relationship is this kind of conversation important?

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I think if you are considering marriage then it is important to discuss sex, as long as you can do it without getting too carried away.