Taking the her last name

[coloradoguy]

I know it's probably a long shot, but I am wondering if any of husbands on here took their wife's last name instead of her taking his? I have thought about this, and am planning on doing so. Basically, both my wife and I feel apart of her family than mine, and in reality are many ways more involved and such.
If so, how did you explain it to your parents, friends, etc.? No one knows except her parents who, though at first taken back, were very supportive and flattered I would choose to take hers and their last name.

 

[Angeldove97]

I know it's probably a long shot, but I am wondering if any of husbands on here took their wife's last name instead of her taking his? I have thought about this, and am planning on doing so. Basically, both my wife and I feel apart of her family than mine, and in reality are many ways more involved and such.
If so, how did you explain it to your parents, friends, etc.? No one knows except her parents who, though at first taken back, were very supportive and flattered I would choose to take hers and their last name.

I'm not in that situation (I went from a 10 letter long Russian last name to a 4 letter long German name HAPPILY ), but I think if that is what works for you and your wife then that is all that matters.

How do you think your family is going to react to it? I would assume they might be more hurt over it, but it is still a decision that only you and your fiance should make together.

Prior to finding more family in Russia, I was actually thinking of asking my husband to let us hyphenate our last names since I wanted my family's name to continue to be around (my parents didn't have a son). But I knew that would be some what a pain in the butt for my kids (to have a last name with 14 letters).

I didn't put up a fight to take my husband's last name after getting married (and he was really good with going to places with me when it came to having to change my lat name), but I knew that he wanted me (expected me?) to change my last name. But that is what worked for us personally.

I know one gay couple who hyphenated their names after their legal marriage took place. So let's say one was Bill A and the other was Peter B. There new names were Bill A-B and Peter B-A. Another gay couple that I know decided to not change either of their last names.

 

[newbie110]

I think you should do it.



Have a happy and long marriage.

 

[Inkachu]

I know it's probably a long shot, but I am wondering if any of husbands on here took their wife's last name instead of her taking his? I have thought about this, and am planning on doing so. Basically, both my wife and I feel apart of her family than mine, and in reality are many ways more involved and such.
If so, how did you explain it to your parents, friends, etc.? No one knows except her parents who, though at first taken back, were very supportive and flattered I would choose to take hers and their last name.

I'm not a guy, and my husband didn't do this, but I see nothing wrong with it at all. Our names don't define who we are, they're just a label we wear through life But if you feel like you'd be joining her family, and taking her last name seems right for you, go for it!

 

[DZoolander]

What do your guy friends think of that choice? lol

 

[South Bound]

I know it's probably a long shot, but I am wondering if any of husbands on here took their wife's last name instead of her taking his? I have thought about this, and am planning on doing so. Basically, both my wife and I feel apart of her family than mine, and in reality are many ways more involved and such.
If so, how did you explain it to your parents, friends, etc.? No one knows except her parents who, though at first taken back, were very supportive and flattered I would choose to take hers and their last name.

Out of curiosity, do you know what marriage represents?

 

[coloradoguy]

What do your guy friends think of that choice? lol

We haven't told anyone yet outside of her parents. We're telling mine next, and then we're announcing it to our friends that way at the wedding people know why the minister says "For the first time, Mr. and Mrs. ______!" instead of my last name I'll probably get some crap for it, but whatever.

Out of curiosity, do you know what marriage represents?

Christ and the church.

 

[South Bound]

Christ and the church.

So, does Christ submit to the Church? Or does the Church submit to Christ?

 

[Inkachu]

Do you honestly think God views this as him "submitting" to his wife? He simply feels that he'll be more a part of her family now, and wants to reflect that in their name. It has absolutely nothing to do the issue of "submission" within their relationship. He's hardly being brow-beaten into it by his fiance. Who-takes-whose-name has always been a cultural decision, not a spiritual one.

 

[South Bound]

Do you honestly think God views this as him "submitting" to his wife?

I don't know. Maybe. But I didn't ask him about God so your question is a non sequitur.

He simply feels that he'll be more a part of her family now

And how do you square that with Jesus' teaching that a man and his wife become a new family, with the husband as the head, not that the husband is blended into the wife's family? Jesus said a man leaves his mother and father, not that he puts himself under the wife's mother and father.

And what does this say about the wife? How does this show submission on her part?

Who-takes-whose-name has always been a cultural decision, not a spiritual one.

Yes, a cultural decision based on scripture.

 

[Inkachu]

I don't know. Maybe. But I didn't ask him about God so your question is a non sequitur.

You asked about Christ, and you don't think Christ is God?

 

[South Bound]

You asked about Christ, and you don't think Christ is God?

I really thought you were better than this.

 

[Inkachu]

I really thought you were better than this.

I'm trying to understand what you were saying/meaning, you don't have to get hostile.

 

[South Bound]

I'm trying to understand what you were saying/meaning, you don't have to get hostile.

I'm not getting hostile at all. I'm sincerely disappointed. You were one of the last people here I thought would resort to such tactics.

Hostility would be name calling or false accusations or trolling, not disappointment.

 

[Inkachu]

I'm not getting hostile at all. I'm sincerely disappointed. You were one of the last people here I thought would resort to such tactics.

Hostility would be name calling or false accusations or trolling, not disappointment.

I'm not using any "tactics". If you want to be obstinate and refuse to explain what you meant under the ruse that I'm doing or saying something that I'm not, then that's your privilege.

 

[LilLamb219]

MOD HAT ON

Whoooaaaa! This is just a misunderstanding...calm down and take a breath. Let's just get back on topic. Thanks!

MOD HAT OFF

 

[Inkachu]

Agreed, Lil! Thank you

 

[keith99]

I know it's probably a long shot, but I am wondering if any of husbands on here took their wife's last name instead of her taking his? I have thought about this, and am planning on doing so. Basically, both my wife and I feel apart of her family than mine, and in reality are many ways more involved and such.
If so, how did you explain it to your parents, friends, etc.? No one knows except her parents who, though at first taken back, were very supportive and flattered I would choose to take hers and their last name.

If this is the reason in a society where the expectation is that the wife takes the husbands name it is a slap in the face to your parents.

There are other reasons that would not be.

 

[mkgal1]

I agree that you should do it (take your wife's last name). I think it's a compliment to your relationship with her family (and *not* that it means that you are "putting yourself under" anyone).

With that reasoning (that a last name means anything about "putting yourself under" someone)....then how can it be perceived that the husband is "leaving" his family of origin when he maintains their last name?

From what I understand....the culture behind the name change has little to do with Scripture and more to do with women being property (changing hands from the father to the husband). I like this idea much better (taking on the name of choice).

 

[DZoolander]

While I personally wouldn't do it - taking a matri-lineal approach to names does make logical sense when it comes to offspring.

You know with 100% certainty that it's hers.

Before y'all get in an uproar or something - some of y'all are scandalous. lol