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Taking a Risk
- Thread starter Living4Him03
- Start date
Yah but if you call TOO much or overstep unspoken boundaries he has for what he thinks is aggressive or not aggressive, forward or not forward, then he is scared away. Sometimes being a friend and checking on someone can be mistaken for desperation or trying to force someone to like you and that's something I don't want to happen either.mina said:
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Fatolia
War, love, and prayer...my life
L4Him, I'm wondering...why is weight and looks such a concern for you? I know plenty of """attractive""" girls who tell me they never get asked out. The frustration from the dating scene is not just your problem, it's a communication problem for a wide range of people across genders. You tell us a lot about instances where there's a certain 'popular' girl that gets all the attention. But what about the other ladies? Watch how much attention they get. I can understand your frustration a bit, but notice that it's a problem for all the other gals.
I bet that you're quite an attractive person in real life, and to some guys...you're probably steaming HOTTTTT! Not all guys are attracted to dumb skinny blondes or peachy bods. I'll pass on Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston...not my type. My first two girlfriends were actually kind of chubby...it was cute. Unfortunately, I was physically attracted to them enough to cast a blindness over my gauging of their character. However, several years after they broke up with me, now that their diets have gone out of control did they blimp up, and they lost all appeal. You can really tell if someone tries or doesn't try. Over Labor Day weekend, one of the RA friends of mine was on duty, so I went and spent about six hours at her place. Yes, she's chubby. Along with her extremely obese friend, they ate a pizza and several chocolate bars. I look at a person's food habits, and their weight is often directly correlated with (but some people can eat anything they want.) They didn't try, but all the people I know try diets look very good to me, regardless of their weight...there's just something about their overall health that grabs me...in fact, some of them incite sinful temptation...
gieste does have a point though. Of course, you really want to have a man who is obsessed with Christ in his life and fights the struggle of sin with God's power, we need a spouse who we are sexually attracted to, or once we get in the relationship, we'll feel like were missing out on something. But don't worry...there's a group of men that are probably physically attracted to you; it's just not apparent because most guys are shy. Here's something...be more wary of your surroundings and see if guys are glancing at you. Catch them two or three times, then give them signs that you're interested, like look at them...Get closer and ALLOW them to initiate.
I don't know what it's like in a girls' head...I sometimes catch them glimpsing at me. By about the third time I catch them, I usually drop what I'm doing and approach to talk. Usually I get into a conversation with them, but they NEVER show signs of interest...just cool and collected or standoffish. No interest, no need to ask out. I'm not going to take another girl out just because she wants a free dinner.
In another sense, I have a gal friend who tries her hardest to gain weight...she wishes at least the opportunity to get some fat on her, and she believes some chubby people are absolutely beautiful. I have another gal friend who wishes she could have some acne instead of having such bland skin.
No girl (who's not a sex addict) has ever told me I'm physically attractive. I wish someone would tell me that sometimes, but instead of trying to get an answer, I just have to confidently KNOW. And I have to be satisfied with how God made me and to understand that these bodies are temporary, that Christ's love surmounts it all anyway.
I bet that you're quite an attractive person in real life, and to some guys...you're probably steaming HOTTTTT! Not all guys are attracted to dumb skinny blondes or peachy bods. I'll pass on Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston...not my type. My first two girlfriends were actually kind of chubby...it was cute. Unfortunately, I was physically attracted to them enough to cast a blindness over my gauging of their character. However, several years after they broke up with me, now that their diets have gone out of control did they blimp up, and they lost all appeal. You can really tell if someone tries or doesn't try. Over Labor Day weekend, one of the RA friends of mine was on duty, so I went and spent about six hours at her place. Yes, she's chubby. Along with her extremely obese friend, they ate a pizza and several chocolate bars. I look at a person's food habits, and their weight is often directly correlated with (but some people can eat anything they want.) They didn't try, but all the people I know try diets look very good to me, regardless of their weight...there's just something about their overall health that grabs me...in fact, some of them incite sinful temptation...
gieste does have a point though. Of course, you really want to have a man who is obsessed with Christ in his life and fights the struggle of sin with God's power, we need a spouse who we are sexually attracted to, or once we get in the relationship, we'll feel like were missing out on something. But don't worry...there's a group of men that are probably physically attracted to you; it's just not apparent because most guys are shy. Here's something...be more wary of your surroundings and see if guys are glancing at you. Catch them two or three times, then give them signs that you're interested, like look at them...Get closer and ALLOW them to initiate.
I don't know what it's like in a girls' head...I sometimes catch them glimpsing at me. By about the third time I catch them, I usually drop what I'm doing and approach to talk. Usually I get into a conversation with them, but they NEVER show signs of interest...just cool and collected or standoffish. No interest, no need to ask out. I'm not going to take another girl out just because she wants a free dinner.
In another sense, I have a gal friend who tries her hardest to gain weight...she wishes at least the opportunity to get some fat on her, and she believes some chubby people are absolutely beautiful. I have another gal friend who wishes she could have some acne instead of having such bland skin.
No girl (who's not a sex addict) has ever told me I'm physically attractive. I wish someone would tell me that sometimes, but instead of trying to get an answer, I just have to confidently KNOW. And I have to be satisfied with how God made me and to understand that these bodies are temporary, that Christ's love surmounts it all anyway.
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- Aug 11, 2004
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I just end up thinking guys are interested in me when they aren't. Talk about a chick that can't read the signs very well. 
In Christ,
Tink
In Christ,
Tink
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K
KeilCoppes
Guest
That's just being ready to go and then some. The glasses we look through tend to tint the reality we see. I've been the same way myself at times. Now I'm more laid back and hoping to take more time, though the Lord has yet to send me the opportunity. :^)TinkHeartsJesus said:I just end up thinking guys are interested in me when they aren't. Talk about a chick that can't read the signs very well.
(ps - I just looked across at the mirror and realized that .I'm. tinted. I must have gotten more sun on Saturday than I thought.)
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bubblegirl23
Resident bubble chick
WHa! Nobody told the men to call!?!?
Guys, if you like us, call! You'll sooner regret not asking, than being rejected, if at all. My thought in life is if it's a risk based on asking something or speaking up, do it! Ok, you may get embarrassed, laughed at, abused or hurt, but that is the other person's fault, not yours. Say whatever is in your heart. I've always done this and the worst you're thought of is passionate or honest.
If you like a girl, SAY IT! If you want to call her, DO IT! The worst we're going to say is we're not suited - which would have been said sooner or later.
I've called guys myself, but it doesn't help us feel wanted. It makes us feel like we are pushing the guy to care. We want to see they care without us having to nudge them.
Guys, if you like us, call! You'll sooner regret not asking, than being rejected, if at all. My thought in life is if it's a risk based on asking something or speaking up, do it! Ok, you may get embarrassed, laughed at, abused or hurt, but that is the other person's fault, not yours. Say whatever is in your heart. I've always done this and the worst you're thought of is passionate or honest.
If you like a girl, SAY IT! If you want to call her, DO IT! The worst we're going to say is we're not suited - which would have been said sooner or later.
I've called guys myself, but it doesn't help us feel wanted. It makes us feel like we are pushing the guy to care. We want to see they care without us having to nudge them.
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hockeysistah12
Regular Member
You know, you are 18 and you have a lot to learn as far as relationships because you should understand that looks are not everything in a relationship and that the love of christ outweighs any looks because looks will not help you into a crisis or sickness or anything else. Young people need to understand that before they get caught up into this "looks" issue. I'm not here to blast you, and that was not my intention, but when you say someone who is physically unatractive you won't date and not looking inside a person's heart, the motive is not in the right place.MrDude said:
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Thanks tuffguy
Maybe confident guys like you take the initiative but the rest of them don't.
Maybe confident guys like you take the initiative but the rest of them don't.
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It's a simple fact that many of us, especially in the area of guys asking out girls, are unwilling to step out of our comfort zone.
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renaistre
The mountains are calling...
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Living4Him03 said:
Very true.
On the other hand, some guys don't ask girls out because they don't date at all. In my area that is pretty common, even though it adds a whole other layer of confusion to the mix.
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Tuffguy
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San Fransico? LOLrenaistre said:Very true.
On the other hand, some guys don't ask girls out because they don't date at all. In my area that is pretty common, even though it adds a whole other layer of confusion to the mix.
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Where I am, it has a lot to do with church culture. Our pastors want very much to create a place where woman feel safe (i.e. they don't have to worry about guys checking them out or acting like the church is a meat market). We want to be focused on God rather than finding a mate. We also do that bit about trusting God to put the perfect person in our path.
I think these are good ideals, but because of them, this has become the "unofficial" process for asking a girl out in my church:
Meanwhile, it's the women's job to wait patiently for the guy she likes to ask her out (while praying about it, but not letting him know that she's interested). I hear a lot of complaints about that too.
I think these are good ideals, but because of them, this has become the "unofficial" process for asking a girl out in my church:
- Get to know her in a group setting (absolutely no one on one time)
- Spend several months praying about it
- Seek counsel from at least three close friends
- Ask her out
Meanwhile, it's the women's job to wait patiently for the guy she likes to ask her out (while praying about it, but not letting him know that she's interested). I hear a lot of complaints about that too.
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SuperTech
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- Aug 29, 2004
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I just asked a woman out for the first time today! Unfortunately, I was shot down due to her having a boyfriend (or so she says). I'm almost 25 years old and I'm very shy. I have been praying to God to give me the courage to ask a woman out and He did! This girl and I were in orientation together and made some small talk and I knew I would probably never see her again (different departments), so I made my move. I knew I would be kicking myself forever if I did not ask.
I've been so shy that when women have put the moves on me I was too afraid to respond back. It almost sickens me how weak I was: so many missed opportunities!
Asking someone out on a date that you just met really puts people out of their comfort zone. Add to the fact that most men are "thick" and do not pick up on the signs that women give out. I think women need to be a little more obvious when they like a man. Maybe then they will get more "hits".
Anyways, onto the next victim, I mean woman!
I've been so shy that when women have put the moves on me I was too afraid to respond back. It almost sickens me how weak I was: so many missed opportunities!
Asking someone out on a date that you just met really puts people out of their comfort zone. Add to the fact that most men are "thick" and do not pick up on the signs that women give out. I think women need to be a little more obvious when they like a man. Maybe then they will get more "hits".
Anyways, onto the next victim, I mean woman!
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