swinging low...again. *might trigger*

[berry2000]

Swinging low again, only this time it is an agitated depression. I'm angry, exteremly negative self talk, self hate want to self harm. Hormones play a role, so does stress. I took some Xanax for the anxiety. I just don't feel like I"m up for this rollercoaster crud again. I just wish I had even moods. I asked my husband...if he ever had thoughts of, you know...suicide. He said no never. I just can't image what life would be like w/o those thoughts. Oh, don't worry I never act on them, and I'm seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow. But I mean I can't stand these feelings anymore. The anxiety, the depression, the anger and lashing out feelings. I just want to be normal, whatever that is.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Berry


If I'm right you have just started to find the right meds. It takes time sometimes to try different meds to put you where you call normal.



I think we all get very tired at times and I know I was just ONE HAIR away from ending my life. I was in so much pain!!!



The only thing that kept me from it is GOD'S WORD where it says your not to take your own life.



Before that I had been committed for 28 days and I got a very bad taste for the mental care unit and had no intentions of going back.


BUT


One Sunday I was sitting with my wife at the table and I told her I needed to go back and RIGHT NOW!!! I was going to do one or the other.



When they locked the door behind me I felt safe and relief because I could not carry out my plan.



Well that was my start on the road to recovery. They immediately stopped the meds I was on and put me on others that really helped.



Those meds didn't have it all under control but enough to tolerate life for a while longer. We continued to work with the meds to where I have been symptom free for about 4 years.



Every so often I get a little manic if I push myself above the stress level but for the most part I never have any problem and don't even know I'm taking my meds.



Dear you wouldn't have written this post unless this had been on your mind. So you better take action and do it now!!!



Burn the phone up if you have to!!! Let the doctor have NO peace until your stabel. Remember they do NOT feel your pain until you cause them PAIN!!!
LOL


If your not getting the right results from him go to another. IT'S UP TO YOU TO SEE THAT THIS IS TAKEN CARE OF!!!



DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO GET THE RIGHT MEDICAL TREATMENT.


Dear I can feel your pain and it is real!!!




JUST REMEMBER:




XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O
( click on the X and drag to the O ) ( then feel who is around you ) steven

 

[berry2000]

Wonder,
Thank you so much for your kind reply. I called my best friend last night and told her everything that was going on. We came up w/ a gameplan for the night and she said she would call me back in a few hours and see how I was doing. I made it through w/out self harm so that was really a blessing. I know exactly what you mean when you say the only thing that stops you is scripture promises. Me too. I have never attempted in all my years because of what God's word promises. But that doesn't make the feelings go away. So now it's more about coping through them and yes finding the right medication. Words cannot express how helpful it is just to have a place to talk about this stuff, and a place where God is exalted too!

 

[WhoeverLovesGod01]

I think you should stop taking Xanax in response to mood swings. Have you tried talking to somebody from church?

 

[Alive again]

I think you should stop taking Xanax in response to mood swings. Have you tried talking to somebody from church?

Praying for you!!!! Yes, the right med will really help stabilize these swings and help you in managing and coping with this illness. My suicidal thoughts have basically disappeared since being on the right meds. I had had suicidal thoughts since age 16 (30 years of those thoughts) One of the best things you can do is establish routine sleep hours-start with a routine wake up time you can live with and then figure out a routine bedtime. This will help reset your internal clock (cortisol and melatonin levels). And continue the search for the right med or med combo for you. do not hesitate to tell your doc if a side effect is a problem.

I also got to a point were I was able to leave the antianxiety (and even eventually the antidepressants-but they were necessary for awhile) meds behind, but this is not true for everyone. We all have the same illness, but there are individual differences as well.

Please never hesitate to come here to talk and I am thankful that you had a friend to call and help you get through the night!!

I am praying for wisdom for you and your doctor for today's visit!!1

Let us know how you are!

 

[DLX]

Hey, I am praying for you. I hope that you feel better soon and that you can find some supprt with your family, friends and church family as well.

My Dr says that I shouldn't take anti-anxiety meds when I am feeling suicidal because they take some of our reasoning power away. That's why it is important to practice bdeep breathing and other stress relievers when you are feeling well so that when the bad times hit, you are a little prepared. I am just saying this basically to say - be careful. Do you have #s for crisis teams or anything like that? Sometimes all that is bottled up inside of us is too much to just dump on a friend. The Crisis team is there for that kind of thing.

I hope you are doing better today. How did your appointment go?

Lexi

 

[berry2000]

Thank you everyone for your kind support and advice. My doc appoint went okay...could have been better. Didn't really feel understood although I know I was heard. Doc seems a bit puzzled although he still has ideas I am getting frustrated. But will continue to comply as he is the best I have ever seen.

Seems as though hormones are the hugest hugest trigger for me. Anyone else seen this happen or perhaps I am with something like Premenstral Dysphoric Disorder amoungst other things. I know this rapid spiral was all hormones as it became "my time" today and then wham I started feeling tons better. Everytime I try to convay this to the doc...the hormone aspect...he just throws mood stablizers at the problem. Perhaps there is another way to look at this problem altogether.

I will keep you all posted...thanks again...for the support. Seems I am okay at the moment.

God is always faithful.

 

[Alive again]

Yes, hormones can effect moods, but ther are ways of helping with that-see you doctor but be careful that you do not create more problems. I will sontinue to pray for you!!! Thanks for the update. Hormones do not necessarily mean you need to adjust mood stabilizers, always talk to your doc about these things!!!

 

[berry2000]

be careful that you do not create more problems

Yeah I think I am just creating more problems. But i dont' know if I should talk or should just keep quiet. When i'm queit the problems stay the same. When I talk it seems I create more chaos.