Swimsuits

[Manna]

Holy cow. Okay, first off, no way is my daughter wearing something like that. Not now, not ten years from now, not as long as she's living under my roof.

Secondly -- you don't like the suits? You're her mother! You're not her buddy, you're her mom, you don't approve of the suits, they go away! And we live on the MS gulf coast and also spend a LOT of time at the beach or pool, and my daughter's swim suit last year (yes, she had one, that's all she needed) was in nearly perfect condition after being used so frequently. And it came from walmart.

When I was a teen, my parents only allowed me to wear a one-piece. I went swimming very frequently with my friends (again, living down here on the coast, much water activity) both from my public school and from my church, and not ONCE was I given a bad time about it, and was never a "total outcast." In fact, I just asked the little girl that I nanny (she is the same age as your daughter) if people give her a bad time for not wearing bikinis (her mother only allows her to wear one-piece swimsuits also), and she said nothing's ever been said. Food for thought.

I'm of the opinion that morals and proper boundaries are more important than social acceptance anyway.

 

[Leanna]

So does that mean you will reap welfare babies???

I have never been on welfare..... you show your ignorance at every turn....

 

[Laurie919]

As you can see from those i posted there is a way to be trendy yet still modest, i doubt she would be an outcast in either of those suits.

What you posted is very cute and modest. She just won't wear it because she freaks out over tan lines.

 

[Laurie919]

........

 

[RedTulipMom]

Well I guess we know where your priorities are..... you reap what you sow.

So does that mean you will reap welfare babies???

Dear Sisters!!
please stop the backbiting and meanness towards each other..its unbecoming of you both! Let's follow Jesus! If you havent nice things to say, why say anything? This is unneccessary, hurtful and makes others in the thread uncomfortable as well! Plus flaming is against the rules!
huggs,
karen

 

[Laurie919]

Holy cow. Okay, first off, no way is my daughter wearing something like that. Not now, not ten years from now, not as long as she's living under my roof.

Secondly -- you don't like the suits? You're her mother! You're not her buddy, you're her mom, you don't approve of the suits, they go away! And we live on the MS gulf coast and also spend a LOT of time at the beach or pool, and my daughter's swim suit last year (yes, she had one, that's all she needed) was in nearly perfect condition after being used so frequently. And it came from walmart.

When I was a teen, my parents only allowed me to wear a one-piece. I went swimming very frequently with my friends (again, living down here on the coast, much water activity) both from my public school and from my church, and not ONCE was I given a bad time about it, and was never a "total outcast." In fact, I just asked the little girl that I nanny (she is the same age as your daughter) if people give her a bad time for not wearing bikinis (her mother only allows her to wear one-piece swimsuits also), and she said nothing's ever been said. Food for thought.

I'm of the opinion that morals and proper boundaries are more important than social acceptance anyway.

I didn't say she would be an outcast for wearing a one piece. I was talking about one of those dress swimsuits.

 

[Laurie919]

Dear Sisters!!
please stop the backbiting and meanness towards each other..its unbecoming of you both! Let's follow Jesus! If you havent nice things to say, why say anything? This is unneccessary, hurtful and makes others in the thread uncomfortable as well! Plus flaming is against the rules!
huggs,
karen

I am very sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, I will delete my post.

 

[Manna]

I didn't say she would be an outcast for wearing a one piece. I was talking about one of those dress swimsuits.

Okay...well there's a whole post there with responses to your posts. I believe very strongly in the things I said.

 

[RedTulipMom]

She did wear things like this when she was younger. Now, she is too worried about tan lines. I don't know where she gets this from because you wouldn't catch me dead in a swimsuit without something over it.

but if she wore tankinis ALL the time, then the tan lines would stay the same wouldnt they?

 

[Manna]

Dear Sisters!!
please stop the backbiting and meanness towards each other..its unbecoming of you both! Let's follow Jesus! If you havent nice things to say, why say anything? This is unneccessary, hurtful and makes others in the thread uncomfortable as well! Plus flaming is against the rules!
huggs,
karen

I agree, some of those things said were just uncalled for, take it to a PM if you want to go off.

 

[RedTulipMom]

Laurie,
at 10 yrs old i am sure wearing a bikini isn't a big deal and she isn't turning on the men and all that stuff, but the thing is one day she will be 16 and 18 and if she is used to wearing these revealing bikininis then she will continue to. i think if you look toward the future and what it could mean you might want to consider telling her tankinis or one piece bathing suits are more modest and explain to her about guys and sexuality..(or maybe she is too young yet for that talk)...well your her mom, but you started the thread saying you didn't feel comfortable with the bikini she chose so as her mother its up to you to take a stand and tell her to take it back if your uncomfortable with it. Its your choice.

 

[Laurie919]

but if she wore tankinis ALL the time, then the tan lines would stay the same wouldnt they?

RTM yes they would be. I don't know why she thinks she needs to wear these things and honestly I don't like it.

I know that we have issues at my house about who the mom is and who is in charge. Things are backwards and I don't know how to fix them.

Also, Taylor has been treated like an adult her entire life. Because it has been just her and I. She doesn't act like a child, she acts like she is 20. If you were to have a conversation with her on the phone you would think you were talking to an adult.

I have made a lot of mistakes as a mom, this is just one of many. It is just hard to turn things around now.

One of the reason she thinks these are ok is because when she was very small I bought her Tommy Girl bikinis because I thought they were sooooo cute. Now that she is older and developing "it ain't so cute anymore".

 

[lovesdolphins]

I think this all goes back to what churches are teaching - or not teaching on modest. Obviously they aren't teaching a lot of people anything about modest. I think Robinegg has the correct idea on what modest swimwear is/should be.

I normally wear a swimsuit - and cover with a t-shirt. Sometimes I buy mens swim trunks - to cover my legs. It has nothing to do with how I feel about myself, it's all about how God feels about what we wear, or don't.

 

[lovesdolphins]

Well - it's not too late to put your foot down on what she can and cannot wear.

Even though she did earn the money herself, it doesn't mean that she can spend it on whatever she wants. You are still her mother, and need to guide her.

As RTM said - who knows how things are going to be in 6-8 years if they keep going the direction they are now.

 

[Laurie919]

I think this all goes back to what churches are teaching - or not teaching on modest. Obviously they aren't teaching a lot of people anything about modest. I think Robinegg has the correct idea on what modest swimwear is/should be.

I normally wear a swimsuit - and cover with a t-shirt. Sometimes I buy mens swim trunks - to cover my legs. It has nothing to do with how I feel about myself, it's all about how God feels about what we wear, or don't.

Your right churches aren't teaching on what they need to. I know the church I was in didn't touch on anything that might step on someones toes from "shackin'" to modesty.

 

[Manna]

I know that we have issues at my house about who the mom is and who is in charge. Things are backwards and I don't know how to fix them.

You walk in the hosue and say "This is how it's going to be." Period. Buy the swimsuit you approve of, get rid of the others. If she fusses, puts up a fight, then sobeit. You're training her now on what is appropriate and what is not.

 

[Meshavrischika]

I'll be unpopular: Randi wears a bikini (babies are cute with as much nakedness exposed as possible). Elsa does too but she's at that age where hiding under a t-shirt is her thing. I don't know if it is so much about what clothing they wear (provided it's not a thong or something) it is about the character you instill in them and their body image. Personally, I think it's more likely at this age that girls with low self esteem are the ones who will parade their "goods' for everyone to see in a teeny bikini... but I could be mistaken. There are, however, modest bikinis... and these IMO are fine.

 

[Robinsegg]

For the record, I wear a 1-piece with skirt attached and a Tshirt over (I burn very, very easily and am not comfortable with the public seeing that much of my body). My daughter wears a 1-piece (will be 8 this summer).

As for the total outcast comment . . . . I'm not exactly certain where that came from? I was suggesting she could go more modest (though not necessarily those I linked to) and set a trend for that instead of displaying her body.

The way you reverse your mistakes (esp. longstanding ones) is to go to your daughter, apologize for your mistakes, and let her know that this is the direction we'll be starting with now. My dad did it when I was 12, you can do it with your daughter at 10.

I am *not* trying to condemn you as a parent, nor your choices. I *do* want to see if I can help you in any way. I'm not sure what your daughter's concern about tanlines is, or where it came from. If she's as mature as you say, maybe you could ask her about it?

Rachel

 

[Christdefinesme]

Tan lines??? Well, a 10 year old worried about tan lines, sounds to me like someone grew up too fast already, hate to say it.
I would be willing to bet, that's simply her excuse to wear the bikini she wants to wear (and you sympathize, it sounds like). She's still gonna get tan lines, even with the bikini. The only way not to, is to wear nothing at all.
So, imo, that's not a real argument, her excuse, yes, but not legit imo.
I say, if you don't like her wearing them, you should put your foot down. Sorry to say, and I hope I'm wrong (I really do), but with the bikinis, belly button piercing, etc., she's really racing into a world that as a Christian mother, you may not want her in. And you are supporting it.
You set the standard for values in your household, not a 10 year old.

 

[Laurie919]

Tan lines??? Well, a 10 year old worried about tan lines, sounds to me like someone grew up too fast already, hate to say it.
I would be willing to bet, that's simply her excuse to wear the bikini she wants to wear (and you sympathize, it sounds like). She's still gonna get tan lines, even with the bikini. The only way not to, is to wear nothing at all.
So, imo, that's not a real argument, her excuse, yes, but not legit imo.
I say, if you don't like her wearing them, you should put your foot down. Sorry to say, and I hope I'm wrong (I really do), but with the bikinis, belly button piercing, etc., she's really racing into a world that as a Christian mother, you may not want her in. And you are supporting it.
You set the standard for values in your household, not a 10 year old.

We aren't piercing anything. Since she watched me get the last tattoo I got (had three miscarriages and wanted something to remember it by) I doubt very seriously she will ever want one of those either.