Swimsuits

[tiredwalker]

I think your post is a little over the line there. You have no right to say something like that about my child. I have never talked about anyones child. I don't believe in doing that because I believe that you reap what you sow in that area. So, I would NEVER say something like that to another parent.

I very seldom buy myself clothes and could careless what brand they are. I also don't read fashion magazines. So, no she doesn't get her need for clothes from me. I do take her shopping but that is because I love her for her to get "prizes" for the things she does.

I think every parent is sad to see their children grow up.

It was an honest observation, and you asked what we thought...so, that's what I think. Having worked at schools with teenage kids (where your daughter will be before you know it), I've seen what this does. Put a pretty girl in a provocative outfit and the boys come around. They assume that because she's wearing such things that she's easy. This is not just my personal opinion, I've actually heard boys talking about this in the halls.

I'm not trying to say that you are a horrible parent or heap judgement upon you. You're writing threads about clothing/shopping/spending money (there was one during Christmas I recall) where you ask peoples' view on how you are raising your child to be popular/trendsetter, and then you get defensive about everyone's response.

As far as reaping what I sow, I'm all for it. I may be harsh, but I'm also not asking people to express their views on how I raise my kids.

The only thing I know about your child is that she is young, pretty (from your picture), and able to be influenced...like all young people. I don't think she understands (as she shouldn't) what boys think when they see her in those outfits (I didn't know until the sweater incident mentioned before when I was 15. My mother's friend took me aside and said very frankly, "When boys see you in a shirt like that their ___ goes straight out." That was a very clear message). She's still a little girl, but the fashion industry loves to lay ground work for the future. If they can get young kids to think that clothes are where it's at, they can secure there $$$ in the future. That is being backed up by her "prizes" that you get her.

There are other ways to show your daughter that you are proud of her and love her. Build her mind up. If fashion truly seems to be a gift for her, inspire her to fashion modest clothing, to design and sew her own. I had a student who did this and had her own fashion show to raise money for the American Cancer Society. Her styles were great, but there was so much more to it than just buying and wearing what was popular. She learned skills and built a portfolio. Then, she got accepted into a great college in LA. You're daughter could do the same. She could influence fashion instead of being influenced by it.

You are her parent. You are responible for how she dresses. You own the car; you have the money. If she owns something you don't like, get rid of it.

 

[jgonz]

No bikinis in this house. Tankinis are ok, but mostly it's been 1 piece swimsuits. I like Lands' End for swimsuits~ for the quality and the modesty. The boys like the swim trunks that go down to their knees.

 

[MyaShane]

What type of swim suits do you allow your tweens to wear?

Something with long sleeves and pants.

 

[Laurie919]

Something with long sleeves and pants.

You don't live in the south do you, lol. You can't wear long sleeves and pants most of the year because it is too hot.

 

[jgonz]

We live in the south (far west TX to be exact) and around here there are problems with West Nile Virus, so kids are advised to wear long sleeves and long pants Even in the summer when the mosquitos are out.

 

[LovesEnduringPromise]

I wear a tankini and board shorts for swimming.

Hubby and I will make sure our girls (if we have any) will be similarly attired.

And our boys will probably wear rashies too...

Also, as someone else has posted about not swimming in public, hubby and I always pick really quiet beaches. If I'm going to make the effort to cover up a bit, then we feel that it also makes sense for hubby not to be where there are loads of people parading around in what amounts to nothing more than their underwear (his words, not mine).

Anyway Laurie, I agree with the others...you are the parent - your daughter has to do what you say even if she doesn't like it at the time. She'll have plenty of years to make her own decisions, but I don't feel that at 10 years old she should be making them yet.

I agree, we dont swim really...and if we did it wouldnt be public..its kinda pointless for us to cover up but be around almost nude people....and I wouldnt want to be in that environment with what I believe is immodest clothing....

 

[Laurie919]

We live in the south (far west TX to be exact) and around here there are problems with West Nile Virus, so kids are advised to wear long sleeves and long pants Even in the summer when the mosquitos are out.

I just spray taylor down really good since the state bird here is the mosquito.

 

[sparassidae]

You don't live in the south do you, lol. You can't wear long sleeves and pants most of the year because it is too hot.

We wear stinger suits- goes to wrist and ankle, deals with the modesty plus sun protection issue. They were developed for areas in NORTHERN Australia (yeah, it's similar climate to your SOUTH) where box jellyfish are a big problem at the beach.

Google it if you want a pic.

And if you are actually swimming (vs lazing on the sand) then it's not too hot.

 

[Tea]

I live in the north, and here that is the same as living in the south in America.
My girls have never been allowed to wear bikini's. Tankini's yes but always with a sleeved t-shirt and board shorts over the top. They will not go swimming if they can't fully cover and for them it is completely a modesty issue.
They feel naked if they show any more flesh, and they don't feel that it is right to "flaunt" their bodies before the opposite sex.
I am proud that they have self respect not only for themselves, but also for others. To be honest, tan lines have an ever been an issue. We abhore vanity, and discourage it at every turn.
Tracey

 

[heart of peace]

I am definitely in the minority of opinion in this thread. It's not the idea of a bikini I'd be at odds with for my tween, it's the type of bikini I'd have issues with.

tiredwalker, you make some valid points about what boys may be thinking, but as a woman who experienced regular street harassment as a teenager (who finally got my father to go over there and put an end to it all or else we'd file a police report), the last thought I'd have in approving the style of clothing a girl [if I had one] is the fear of what some boys may be thinking. Rather, I'd prefer to instill inmy child to have an inner motivation to honor his temple. I don't like to live my life based on the reactions of other people and I certainly do not want to raise my child to live their lives in that manner either.

Now, we do live in a culture that is sex crazed and I would hope that I could raise a child who has class and desires this earnestly for themselves because he or she wants it, not because I want it or for fear of public reaction. Basically, my goal is for my child to develop a strong level of intrinsic motivation in life.

 

[Laurie919]

Taylor's best friends grandmother bought her the same suit Taylor has. Her mom said she won't be wear it. So, I am glad to see I am not the only one. Even though this friends mom will wear something like that in a heartbeat.

 

[Tawny]

Kirsty has an all in one swim suit for school and a tankini for leisure. No way on earth would she step one foot out in a string bikini. I am lucky though, because I am conscious of dressing her a bit modestly she notices and never asks for such things.

 

[Linnis]

I saw lots of cute more modest 2 pieces for both girls and women at Target.

As for confused roles. Put your foot down. Say these are the rules if she doesn't like it tough. Sometimes you can't make your child happy. No one is always happy.

When my nephew was 8 he refused to wear sun screen because he was worried about his tan. I'm like fine then you don't get to go outside and do stuff including swimming. He complained and moaned etc but after 3-4 days he let me put the sun screen on and after that it was a none issue. I believe he told me I was ruining his life. Sometimes as parents we have to make the choices which are best even if the kid at the time hates us for it.

She might hate you putting your foot down and be prepared for battles but it'll be a lot easier now when she's 10 than when she's 14 and she's wearing mini skirts or smoking weed just like her friends.

I swam for sport. I swam 3 hours a day, six days a week and worked 20 hours a week life guarding. I had 2 suits, each came from the sports store. Had to be one piece, fully lined front and back and they came in cute colors. They were about $45-50 each Canadian and they lasted a year. That includes being thrown in the washing machine after every use.

I'd return all those suits and take her to find a better one.

 

[MyaShane]

I am definitely in the minority of opinion in this thread. It's not the idea of a bikini it's the type of bikini I'd have issues with.

I agree with you. My girls have had several bikinis and I'm fine with that because of the specific type I buy for them. This year their suits are bikinis that have a sport look to them. To me that's ok. Any type with strings, sequins, or animal print for example, no way.

 

[cristianna]

Laurie I give you ample credit for acknowledging there's a problem within the home with discipline and things being backwards.

Your situation is not hopeless and you're not the only parent to do this. I see this all the time with children in school (middle school has been the worst, but it generally starts in late elementary school). And I'm quite glad we had control when our oldest was 10. It's made these subsequent years much easier than they could have been.

Taylor is at the prime age of testing her position and authority in the home. Trust me when I say the tests are ONLY going to get worse if you can't enforce some type of control now. And if you are willing to regain the control, it will be 10 times worse immediately simply because of the initial rebelling stage that will come about.

Of course consideration has to be taken into account when she's an only child (from what I gather) and you're a single parent. Those children have more responsibility on their plate from being latch key kids or daycare to helping out more around the home, parent sharing burdens that are not age appropriate and should be left for adults only, etc.

But the bottom line still remains. You are the parent. You can make changes in your home at any time you wish regarding her privileges, social status, fashions, etc. If she doesn't like it tough.

Her bottom line is the free reign is over- plain and simple. Her money or not no matter how it was obtained via gifts, report card, allowance, "entreprenuerhip" or whatever, you still have the authority over the purchases especially if it directly involves her modesty and compromises her character and integrity.

I would recommend, with all due respect and sincerity, to first get both of yourselves self esteem books. Move forward with a plan of action helping re-establish ground rules and definitely consider counseling. I say counseling, not as an insult, but due to the amount of conflict that will arise. She will need an adult she can rant and rave to, who also will at the same time tell her your rules and changes are not uncommon, are not ridiculous and have ample merit.

Good luck! And just remember, nothing is ever hopeless or too late.

 

[Laurie919]

Of course consideration has to be taken into account when she's an only child (from what I gather) and you're a single parent. Those children have more responsibility on their plate from being latch key kids or daycare to helping out more around the home, parent sharing burdens that are not age appropriate and should be left for adults only, etc.

Yes she is the only child. You are right she does have burdens put on her that most children do not. She is a latch key kid even though she wanted that instead of after school care it still is a big responsibility in her life.

She doesn't have more chores than other children. Actually she has no chores. She will help clean the kitchen and the bathroom but she doesn't have set chores. I do feel that she needs to help out more, but then I feel bad when I have to ask her to help. I don't know why.

She is an excellent helper and can clean better than I can when she wants to. She will go to her friends house and do baseboards and everything, but at our house she doesn't want to do anything. Crazy isn't it?