First of all, I want to say hello. I'm new, and this is my first time posting here.
Some background info: I'm a young man, at the age of 20. I go to college. I'm in the music program here at the University of Louisville. I play the violin. Right now I'm on summer break so I have a lot of free time, even though I work nearly 30 hours a week. I've been a christian for a few years now, even though I've never been a dedicated one until recently. I am a non-denominational christian. I attend Southeast Christian, if any of y'all have heard about it.
Some additional info that pertains to this thread. I'm a virgin, and outside of a couple of innocent childhood interactions with other kids my age*, I've never done anything sexual with another person in my life. I've also never been in a relationship, for several reasons.
*(like 4 years old...we didn't know what we were doing and we quickly learned it was wrong)
While I may be physically clean, I'm far from being mentally clean. I struggle rather intensely with lust. I don't even have to actively think about it, it'll just randomly pop in my head. I'll be walking down the street, and I'll see an attractive girl, and I'm automatically thinking about...well, what I would like to do with her but haven't yet. Quite vividly as well. I can treat females with the utmost respect, and I have a lot of female friends, good ones, and I can control my actions. In fact I'm impressed with my own ability to suppress my desires and not act on them. But that doesn't make me without sin in that regard.
For if I even think about it, I'm already doing it in my heart.
The worst part is that I have almost no control over it. My sex drive is driving me up a wall. It has led to other actions, namely masturbation. The problem, is that while I physically do not interact with others, my intense attraction builds up and creates an incredible amount of tension. So...the only way I know how to alleviate this is by masturbating. Another problem arises: I lust while doing that. The whole "fantasizing" thing comes into play. And I'll admit, that while I'm not a regular watcher of it, I have watched pornography and sometimes still do. I've done "experiments" to see how long I could go without watching. I can go a long time, but I always want to go back. I believe that if I were married, it wouldn't be an issue, granted that my wife and I had a good sex life.
Another problem is that I've convinced myself that masturbation is the only thing keeping my sex drive in check. Maybe it's true, but it's still taking the "lesser of two evils" approach.
The problem is only getting worse as I get older. I really don't know what to to do curb it any longer, other than maybe getting castrated! Kidding, but seriously. I don't know what to do. Luckilly I've not done anything physically with a woman (or a man!) that I would regret later. But I would like to be guilt free and in complete and total control. If that's not possible, then I still need to do something...
Is there any advice or insight as to what I may be able to do?
Thanks.
Some background info: I'm a young man, at the age of 20. I go to college. I'm in the music program here at the University of Louisville. I play the violin. Right now I'm on summer break so I have a lot of free time, even though I work nearly 30 hours a week. I've been a christian for a few years now, even though I've never been a dedicated one until recently. I am a non-denominational christian. I attend Southeast Christian, if any of y'all have heard about it.
Some additional info that pertains to this thread. I'm a virgin, and outside of a couple of innocent childhood interactions with other kids my age*, I've never done anything sexual with another person in my life. I've also never been in a relationship, for several reasons.
*(like 4 years old...we didn't know what we were doing and we quickly learned it was wrong)
While I may be physically clean, I'm far from being mentally clean. I struggle rather intensely with lust. I don't even have to actively think about it, it'll just randomly pop in my head. I'll be walking down the street, and I'll see an attractive girl, and I'm automatically thinking about...well, what I would like to do with her but haven't yet. Quite vividly as well. I can treat females with the utmost respect, and I have a lot of female friends, good ones, and I can control my actions. In fact I'm impressed with my own ability to suppress my desires and not act on them. But that doesn't make me without sin in that regard.
For if I even think about it, I'm already doing it in my heart.
The worst part is that I have almost no control over it. My sex drive is driving me up a wall. It has led to other actions, namely masturbation. The problem, is that while I physically do not interact with others, my intense attraction builds up and creates an incredible amount of tension. So...the only way I know how to alleviate this is by masturbating. Another problem arises: I lust while doing that. The whole "fantasizing" thing comes into play. And I'll admit, that while I'm not a regular watcher of it, I have watched pornography and sometimes still do. I've done "experiments" to see how long I could go without watching. I can go a long time, but I always want to go back. I believe that if I were married, it wouldn't be an issue, granted that my wife and I had a good sex life.
Another problem is that I've convinced myself that masturbation is the only thing keeping my sex drive in check. Maybe it's true, but it's still taking the "lesser of two evils" approach.
The problem is only getting worse as I get older. I really don't know what to to do curb it any longer, other than maybe getting castrated! Kidding, but seriously. I don't know what to do. Luckilly I've not done anything physically with a woman (or a man!) that I would regret later. But I would like to be guilt free and in complete and total control. If that's not possible, then I still need to do something...
Is there any advice or insight as to what I may be able to do?
Thanks.
I hope you find the support here to help you through.
