Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[Soulwings]

Ladybug, I know what you mean with the feeling that God doesn't have emotions... but He does. He knows sadness - the aching sadness that comes when His children don't listen to Him or believe in Him; He knows joy - the joy that comes when His children try to do His will and surrender their lives to Him and His Son; He knows anger - the anger that comes when someone wrongs one of His children or Him; He knows love - the love that comes whenever He thinks of any of His creations. He is a wonderful God and while feelings make it seem like He is only judgmental and cruel, they are feelings, and feelings cannot be relied upon.

I hope some of that helped.

Katey I hope you get out of hos soon. How long have you been in? and they aren't going to want to let you go until you show signs of improvement... please try and work your hardest... they only want to help you.

Sabrina, I'm glad that you find balance in exercise & food. It's hard for me, because my metabolism really is messed up, and my hunger cues are still messed up as well, but I'm working on it. I do a yoga class once a week, which is a real workout, and walk some (not counting all of the fast walking I do on campus to get from one class to the next - hills, oh joy!). I have to make sure to eat healthily too, because I do get cravings for chocolate or cookies sometimes... What kinds of cravings do you get?

I have had my ED for three years, and right now it is pretty much in remission. I still struggle with getting enough to eat during the week (like I said before), but I am working on it. Recovery is pretty cool - I don't think I will ever be one hundred percent, but I will do my best. I am cutting my N visits down to biweekly appts - can I hear a yey?? First time in two years that that has been able to happen!!

 

[LovesTruePassion]

Now that I have found balance my cravings for junk food has gone down. Junk food(ice cream, cookies, fried foods) used to be my b/p food, I could never eat it normally. To this day its still triggering but I find more of a balance with it, like if I want chocolate I opt for a square or two of dark chocolate(rich in antioxidants)I try and find healthy ways to eat those kind of foods. Like I make my own ice cream now with lots of dark chocolate or even add fruit in it. If I want a cookie I make my own, I get anxious when I buy store bought because of all the processing and stuff they put in it. I just feel more comfortable with a healthy exchange Not to say there isnt anything wrong with a store bought cookie or cake, its just my ED trying to push me over....but then again making healthy choices isnt bad either....just all comes down to balance.
Recovery is cool, it will always be-and I dont think we will ever be truly 'cured' -but when you stick with recovery and have a solid foundation it gets easier to fight the voices...and they quiet down.

 

[Soulwings]

Mmm dark chocolate, the food of the gods!! Hehe. Really, it is wonderful stuff. I have about six bars of it stored away in my room for "emergencies." And no, I don't binge on it... just a square or so every few days. It's my nonprescription medication of choice. Homemade ice cream sounds like it would be delicious... I've never made any, I don't think. However, ice cream is still one of the few foods that I absolutely cannot eat... and I don't know why. Too much concentrated sweetness I think, and I freak out about the calories still, even though I am mentally able to handle a milkshake, which has a comparable amount I think. For some reasons milkshakes sound so much more healthy (I used to make them at our county fair, and they do have much more milk in them than just plain ice cream does [obviously ])...

Balance, balance, balance. Seems like I need to have so much of that in my life. It's kind of ridiculous, but sensible at the same time (if that makes any sense). Blah. I guess life really is all about balance; no one's got the dance quite perfect yet - that's God's job - but some people have a better handle on it than I do, that's for sure!!

I got triggered today in my lifecycle nutrition class... it was not fun at all. It's been awhile since I've been triggered like that, guess I still am sensitive. We were doing case studies - this particular individual whose case study we were looking at happened to be underweight - and a girl I was working with was like, "I'm blah blah blah inches tall and I'm that weight and she's taller than I am, so of course she's underweight!!" And I... I don't know. I still feel huge most of the time. My user pic is recent, and while I can look at it objectively and say, "No, I'm not that fat," I still feel like a whale.

My day at uni is over... still here on campus but no more classes, for the day. Tomorrow, my N appt in the morning and then tutoring and schoolwork in the afternoon. Fun times.

 

[Lady Bug]

i'm seriously thinking that the doctors dont want to let me leave this placE!! i hate it, i'm not doing anything and they wont let me go. i'm sat around with nothing to do i need to get out of here. i'm gna end up running if they dont let me out of here soon!!!!!!!!

Hi Katey
I don't have experience in being hospitalized, be it voluntarily or otherwise - I have the feeling that if you give the appearance of possibly fleeing from the place they'll find a way to keep you there it stinks. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to get the heck out of there.

Yes, I still exercise....I really dont think recovery would be as smooth sailing if I didnt. It gives me some sense of relief in knowing I have had a balanced day with healthy eating and exercise....I hate sitting around eating and not doing anything..its triggering for me.
I usually do some jumping jacks/squats in the morning before breakfast, then throughout the day I run thrity minutes and do pilates(great for relieving stress ) and every other day or so I lift weights while I walk or while Im watching tv. I really like balance in all this, its so healthy and it clears my mind...I really dont worry about making up for calories lost...I just try and listen to my body and when Im hungry I eat....
Oh and Ive had an ED for eight years. Attempted recovery like 3 times, they all failed of course because I used to rush myself which only lead to relapse...taking is slow and finding balance is key.

You seem to have a good balance of activities - I wish I were like that but I am not. Speaking of making up for calories lost - haha I feel like I'm backwards - I feel like I have to burn calories that I put on - I have to make up (by exercising or some other form of activity) for calories GAINED - ha.

Ladybug, I know what you mean with the feeling that God doesn't have emotions... but He does. He knows sadness - the aching sadness that comes when His children don't listen to Him or believe in Him; He knows joy - the joy that comes when His children try to do His will and surrender their lives to Him and His Son; He knows anger - the anger that comes when someone wrongs one of His children or Him; He knows love - the love that comes whenever He thinks of any of His creations. He is a wonderful God and while feelings make it seem like He is only judgmental and cruel, they are feelings, and feelings cannot be relied upon.

I know what you mean. I think it's one of those things where I know it's a fact that God has feelings - but I am not feeling those feelings being transmitted from Him right now. It's not that I am denying that He has the feelings - I feel like I'm denying the feeling of receiving those feelings from God. A lot of things we have to accept as truth even though our hearts struggle with actually feeling that truth. I don't know if I am making any sense. There's a myriad of examples out there that could probably prove this point - but at this point I cannot think of any examples. lol.

Now that I have found balance my cravings for junk food has gone down. Junk food(ice cream, cookies, fried foods) used to be my b/p food, I could never eat it normally. To this day its still triggering but I find more of a balance with it, like if I want chocolate I opt for a square or two of dark chocolate(rich in antioxidants)I try and find healthy ways to eat those kind of foods. Like I make my own ice cream now with lots of dark chocolate or even add fruit in it. If I want a cookie I make my own, I get anxious when I buy store bought because of all the processing and stuff they put in it. I just feel more comfortable with a healthy exchange Not to say there isnt anything wrong with a store bought cookie or cake, its just my ED trying to push me over....but then again making healthy choices isnt bad either....just all comes down to balance.
Recovery is cool, it will always be-and I dont think we will ever be truly 'cured' -but when you stick with recovery and have a solid foundation it gets easier to fight the voices...and they quiet down.

I'd make my own ice cream/cookies from scratch if I could motivate myself to. But still I don't trust myself with those either. lol. Ice cream is a pain and a half - you can't really eat the so-called serving size on the box. Well not me I can't. lol.

Mmm dark chocolate, the food of the gods!! Hehe. Really, it is wonderful stuff. I have about six bars of it stored away in my room for "emergencies." And no, I don't binge on it... just a square or so every few days. It's my nonprescription medication of choice. Homemade ice cream sounds like it would be delicious... I've never made any, I don't think. However, ice cream is still one of the few foods that I absolutely cannot eat... and I don't know why. Too much concentrated sweetness I think, and I freak out about the calories still, even though I am mentally able to handle a milkshake, which has a comparable amount I think. For some reasons milkshakes sound so much more healthy (I used to make them at our county fair, and they do have much more milk in them than just plain ice cream does [obviously ])...

lol - I am a dark-chocolate hater, hahaha. Really - for me, that is tantamount to aspirin. I love the milk kind though but that isn't being helpful for my eating control. lol.

Actually I need some chocolate in my life to prevent my binging from getting worse, believe it or not.

 

[katey]

Thanks Ladybug, hospital seems to have become my second home (or rather my first) ive been in and out for a while and i hate it. it doesnt get much easier, i understand why it has to happen and all that but this place is just a holding place for people, there women ranging from 16-64/65 with all sorts of mental health problems its a very busy ward so theres not much time to talk to staff, even when you do a lot arent that helpful. the occupational therapy department isnt too bad but yeah theres 4 wards so you dont get to do loads. the support workers try and get things going on the ward but doesnt alwasy happen. and yeah it does stink, they know me so well now, they know that i often do run from there, but if they let me out a little more it might not happen so much. ive been in for ages now june(ish) i think it was when i came in. i am doing better than i was, it just seems to go up and down.

 

[Soulwings]

Ladybug, how can you hate dark chocolate? Actually, I can understand that (kind of) - it's an acquired taste. When I was little I didn't like it... not sweet or creamy enough... but now I welcome the lower carbs, higher antioxidants, and sweetish bitterness.

Katey, keep working at getting better... you said you are doing better than you were - that's fantastic! Stay focused on your goal of being healthy... you can do it. How did you manage to get in so promptly? - I've heard that the NHS in the UK can be pretty horrible at waiting lists. Maybe I'm wrong??

Blah.

 

[LovesTruePassion]

Im so sorry about the trigger April in class-however I know its hard but try not to compare your body to another-you are your own..not someone else. They might be this and that, but it doesnt change your beauty-your beautiful no matter what you no one should ever be compared to another. Stay strong.
I have a hard time with hershys milk chocolate with almonds in it, thats a major binge food, I have to stay away from that....I just loooove chocolate and almonds.maybe I shoudl hush now..Ill get the urge to binge

 

[Soulwings]

Triggers suck. [/obvious] Hehe.

I am so tired.

There is a uni lockdown or something going on now. Weird. I have no idea what's going on.

In Lifecycle today we are going to be talking about EDs. Wish me luck... the prof showed a picture of an anorexic woman last class and that is another thing that triggered me.

 

[Lady Bug]

hi everyone

yeah katey - I can indeed imagine how the hosp can feel like a holding place - although I can't understand firsthand - I can easily empathize - I wish I knew of a way to numb that frustration.

lol I have hated dark chocolate from day 1 so that won't trig me - but it could others.

I don't like almonds either - but that's just me - doesn't mean I don't like nuts - but I won't mention the names - don't wanna trig.

sorry that the anorexic triggered you soulwings - we all have our weak spots don't we? it feels like we're residing with a demon in our heads (I am not suggesting we are possessed).

 

[LovesTruePassion]

I agree about the demon thing ladybug-I believe that when we all get tempted a demon is riding our backs(not in possession like you said) but I do believe there is a demon of depression/weakness/etc.
What triggers me more than anything is when I get stressed, my way of dealing with stress is not eating-when Im stressed I just want to find some sort of control and freedom so I turn towards the desire to lose weight....Im not really triggered when I see another persons body that is smaller-I could be if I was stressed/depressed before hand. Also when I get in an argument with someone or someone yells at me my way of 'showing' them how they hurt me is starving myself-its silly I know..but its true for me.

 

[Lady Bug]

I also believe that there is a demon of depression/weakness, etc.

You have the opposite trigger to me, LovesTruePassion - when I am stressed - my defense mechanism, if you will, is eating - it placates my mood to the extent that it assuages my tendency to feel p'd off - not that I'm not depressed when I'm full though.

I get triggered whenever I see a woman in pants/jeans that hug her body - I always feel like a bag lady or something - however I did just get a couple pairs of those kinds of pants at the store about 10 days ago lol - it's just that I gained X pounds since then and I have to lose it back - they're the kind of pants that do stretch over time but when they're new you don't necessarily feel that way.

I have realized that some fruits I consume could cause me to gain (I hardly eat fruit though lol) - like red grapes - hope this does not trigger anyone - I think grapes are more fattening than they make themselves out to be. But I don't know.

 

[Shannie]

Hi girls!
I hope I can join in here. I've posted a handful of times before, but not for quite a while. I can't keep up with the thread sometimes so I just don't post at all, although I read sometimes.
I'm Shannon, I'm recovering from EDNOS and I'm doing pretty well right now but I'm under very little stress so I'm trying to think of ways to make sure I stay doing well when the stress kicks in
Hope all you wonderful ladies are doing well. Have a good night

 

[Lady Bug]

Hi Shannie

That's a cute screen name lol. I'm more than positive you can come in here - I mean - there's no doubt lol - I'm sure people would love to have you around here -

I'm not too good at figuring out ways to give advice lol - I stink at that lol but that doesn't mean others here won't be able to help you (who knows - maybe I can too) -

anyway what is EDNOS?

 

[Shannie]

Hi Ladybug!
Nice to meet you. Sorry, EDNOS is Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. So people who don't fit into one of the other criteria, but have an eating disorder. In my case I restricted but have since half tried to recover and it's now just a screwed up mix of overeating and restricting and trying to recover and general confusion. Although lately it's been more like recovery and normal eating, so hopefully that continues. I like it when my work in recovery looks like it's paying off. I was in that frustrating "Has to get worse before it gets better" phase in the spring.

How are you doing?

 

[Lady Bug]

Well - I'm hanging in there. I think I'm kind of like you - I have an overeating disorder - it's like the bulimia minus the purging.

It has caused unfortunate weight gain for me - can't say how many pounds - for if you give numbers, it is triggering for some. I have my own triggers - even though they are not numbers.

I'm so tired right now that I can't write more - someone will bump this thread sooner or later - it's matter of time lol. You will find that the same group of ladies keep posting in this thread but that's not a problem for me - it feels like a little community.

 

[Meagan_Believes]

Why on EARTH is there an eating disorder support group on a Christian forum?

 

[beckybooiloveu]

because... believe it or not... christians do suffer from eating disorders... and do need support... it is nice to be able to find support from other ppl who share similar beliefs with you...

 

[Shannie]

Ladybug,
I'm sorry you are struggling with your ED so much right now. I know what you mean about triggers other than numbers. Numbers can trigger me, but they aren't my main ones.

Meagan_Believes,
There is an Eating Disorder Support group for the reason beckybooiloveu said. Some Christian people have eating disorders. Myself included. Just in case you misunderstand the group, it's not pro-eating disorder. It's a support forum for people who already have eating disorders adn need somewhere to be able to talk about it. At least that's how I see it.

 

[Soulwings]

Shannie! *glomp* I've wondered how you have been. And yes, I actually do remember you and have indeed missed seeing your posts. I'm EDNOS too... and am so glad to hear that you're doing well in recovery. That is wonderful. I'm working away at it too - trying not to eat too much sometimes - my hunger triggers are still not one hundred percent.

Ladybug, grapes are high in sugar so if you eat a lot of them, they could cause a shift in weight. Personally, I would aim more for veggies than fruits, although there is definitely a balance that is needed. Salad with just mixed greens (not just iceberg lettuce - that has pretty much zero nutrients), Italian marinated tomato and cheese and pepper/onion/cucumber salad, cucumbers and tomatoes and green pepper strips with some sort of low fat dressing/dip... there are about a bajillion different things that you can do with vegetables that make them flavorful and delicious!

Bec, how are you doing, love?

Meagan, this is not a pro-ED board. Christians have EDs too, you know, and need support just like anyone else. I'm rather surprised that you posted what you did... not worded in the best way possible.

My N appt this week went really well! *bounce* I lost fat weight and gained some lean muscle... wheeeeee. Hehe.

 

[LovesTruePassion]

Shannie!? The same one I used to email for a while back? I MISS You....I wondered where you went off too....I was worried. How are you???

Muscle is great April! Without being able to workout I dont think I could have made a solid recovery..