Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[jay2010]

hey guys

im sorry u are having rough time its late here im struggling also. i have anger problems as well ever since this i started trying to deal with all my problems but i keep asking God to change me, the process is so slow though. im upset tonite cos i am not doing well with ed lately keep falling into bad behaviours, so many changes in my life at the minute i feel everything is unsettled and outof control. just want stability sometimes losing hope of ever finding freedom. thanks for listening xx

 

[katey]

hey guys

im sorry u are having rough time its late here im struggling also. i have anger problems as well ever since this i started trying to deal with all my problems but i keep asking God to change me, the process is so slow though. im upset tonite cos i am not doing well with ed lately keep falling into bad behaviours, so many changes in my life at the minute i feel everything is unsettled and outof control. just want stability sometimes losing hope of ever finding freedom. thanks for listening xx

Hey, hope being able to write it here helped you a little bit. I understand the falling into behaviours when everything around you seems so out of control. Is there anything constructive that you can focus on and maybe try control that in a good way. sorry if thats no help. This might sound really harsh, i dont mean it too just not sure how else to say it. The asking God to change you bit. We've all done it i used to do it all the time and i got so so annoyed when nothing happened. i got so frustrated with God and just felt so on my own. I remember somone at church asking me why i thought nothing was changin, my reply was ' because God obviosuly hates me, and seems to enjoy how much im struggling.' There reply was, nope God doest hate you at all, his plan are not to harm you. however that does not mean he will change us. We have to work on that ourselves' i didnt quite understand it. if we want something to change, we have to work on it. We cant just sit around waiting for it to happen and then wonder why nothing it happening. i hope that makes some sense to you.
Do you have anyone that you can talk to face to face that will be a support to you?


Hows everyone else doing, thinking of you all loads.

 

[katey]

Sorry guys i need to vent somehwere and here seemed only place at minute. Todays been a really bad/tough day. Ive let my anger and aggresssion take over and fliped at someone who was really winding me up and then i trashed my room and just collapsed in tears. my heads really not in a good place at all!!!! staff have tried talking to me but argh theyr just doing my head in. i know theyre trying to help me but today really wasnt the day to constantly keep asking me whats up, do i want to talk etc!!!!!! then to top it off probation rung to sort out coming to see me about all stuff thats coming up!!!! not what i need over a weekend now my heads stuck going over that!! i need to get out of here its driving me crazy, i know im here for reason n all that but ive put weight on!!!( summit else im not happy about, but yeah i know needed to be done n all that!!!!!) and im trying to eat and work on it, but its everything else thats going of on one in my head that am struggling with!!!!!!!!!! ggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

sorry.

thinking of you all. hope todays been a better day for you than has for me

 

[Criada]

((((((((((((((Katey))))))))))))))

Don't apologise for venting, sweetie - we all need to sometimes, and you are having a really rough ride at the moment.
Wish I had something to say that would help... but I'm thinking of you, sweetie, and praying that somehow things get better and there's some breakthrough in the situation.
Love you

 

[katey]

thankyou, todays been bit better than yesterday, not that have really done anything.

hope your ok

 

[Reaper_2]

All i have seem to have done today is eat and eat i feel so disgusting

 

[katey]

reaper, sorry that your feeling like that. try remeber that your not disgusting its the illness thats making you feel like it. i know ho hard it is, can you do anything that will try and occupy your mind for a bit, if that helps at all

 

[jay2010]

Hey Katey thanks for ur thoughtful reply i am sorry ur going thru such a rough time and hope things stabilise a bit for u, i do understand what u mean its like u can't just pray for God to do a miracle without some cooperation on my part too. i have been trying to make changes in my life to help myself but its so so slow progress and when i get into these binge purge cycles it feels i have no control and there is no way out but i am really trying to get the help i need and distract myself and put plans in place. the enemy hates us cos god has good plans for our lives. i was listneing to joyce meyers and she said the same thing, we have to change out habits if we want progress we can't just sit about and pray or complain which is often what i do. so it takes about 21 days to create a habit, i want to go to yoga/pilates, read the word more, have a better social life, and of course eat better. so i will keep trying to make the right choices. i too, have been having really hard time with anger and frustration cos i hate my life at the minute cos ed seems to have taken everything away all my friends too. we can only keep going and believing it will all be restored back. take care x

 

[katey]

Hey Katey thanks for ur thoughtful reply i am sorry ur going thru such a rough time and hope things stabilise a bit for u, i do understand what u mean its like u can't just pray for God to do a miracle without some cooperation on my part too. i have been trying to make changes in my life to help myself but its so so slow progress and when i get into these binge purge cycles it feels i have no control and there is no way out but i am really trying to get the help i need and distract myself and put plans in place. the enemy hates us cos god has good plans for our lives. i was listneing to joyce meyers and she said the same thing, we have to change out habits if we want progress we can't just sit about and pray or complain which is often what i do. so it takes about 21 days to create a habit, i want to go to yoga/pilates, read the word more, have a better social life, and of course eat better. so i will keep trying to make the right choices. i too, have been having really hard time with anger and frustration cos i hate my life at the minute cos ed seems to have taken everything away all my friends too. we can only keep going and believing it will all be restored back. take care x

Hey your welcome, i'm glad it made sense and didnt come across in a 'have a go' way. Unfortunatly it can be a slow process, thats something i have to keep telling myself and we do have blips, some small and some really big but either big or small they can feel so out of our control that its just easier to let it take over. But these times i often find is when is tart getting annoyed at god, (and others too) but i forget that when things are going ok i also need to keep asking god for that help to keep me going, and help me change. It make take tiny baby steps, and a few of those may be backwards but we can get there, its not easy but we will. Yeah i like Joyce meyers shes knows her stuff. Don't be disheartened if your not seeing instant results sometimes we dont see the changes that are happening but those around us do, even if we dont believe them, they will be happening.
Yeah ED effects so much more than just physical stuff and emotions it does effect our lives, i have lost so many people for various reasons. ive lost everything i once enjoyed so much. Its so much easier to hate ourselves than blame the Ed, but it is the ED, its the illness not us thats done it. We just have to keep fighting, and remeber we have God on our side, which means we cant loose
Hope thise helped a little, do tell me to shush if it isnt helping you at all. i have a habit of just rambling on.


I have a meeting tomorrow to find out whats happening with everything so will try get on and update as soon as i can.

Hope all have had a good day today

 

[jay2010]

no it is very nice to hear u i hope ur meeting went ok. im not coping . really down.

 

[katey]

Sorry to hear you not coping is there anyone you can talk to in real life, that maybe able to help support you thorugh how your feeling?? thinking of you and praying for you that things improve for you.

My meeting, hmmm yeah well i should be used to these things by now!!!!! i hate being talked about while im sat there. There were some positive things that came from the meeting to do with 'his' release in a few weeks time so that was a bit of a relief although didnt really change how im feeling about it, just sort of put a blanket on things. Heads a little bit all over with it and hasnt sort of sunk in yet. :S

Hope everyones ok xx

 

[Criada]

no it is very nice to hear u i hope ur meeting went ok. im not coping . really down.

I'm sorry, jay - it sounds as though things are very tough.
Do you have any real-life support?
Praying for you, sweetie

 

[Criada]

Sorry to hear you not coping is there anyone you can talk to in real life, that maybe able to help support you thorugh how your feeling?? thinking of you and praying for you that things improve for you.

My meeting, hmmm yeah well i should be used to these things by now!!!!! i hate being talked about while im sat there. There were some positive things that came from the meeting to do with 'his' release in a few weeks time so that was a bit of a relief although didnt really change how im feeling about it, just sort of put a blanket on things. Heads a little bit all over with it and hasnt sort of sunk in yet. :S

Hope everyones ok xx

It must be such a difficult time, sweetie - I think you are doing incredibly well
Wish I could do something to help - praying very much, and here if you need an ear

 

[katey]

Thankyou, just listening to me rant and moan on here helps. hope your ok xx

 

[katey]

Hope evryones ok


things arent going too well my end i'm on on a one-to-one level at the minute. Heads been a bit mashed and not really sure whats been going on in it. I dont want to eat or drink which i know isnt a good thing generally but even worse with how things at the minute are with my weight and physical health. why cant things just be simple

 

[Reaper_2]

sorry i havent been around so much i have started restricting again i lost some weight but it isnt enough i want to lose more i need to lose more

 

[katey]

sorry i havent been around so much i have started restricting again i lost some weight but it isnt enough i want to lose more i need to lose more

Hi Reaper, i just thought id would pop in and see how everyones doing and just saw your post. i wish i knew what to say to help, but right now im not in the best place to give advice but wanted you to know im thinking of you and have read your post. please try take care of yourself as best you can. if theres someone who your trust enough to talk to maybe try talking, it sometimes helps.


Hows everyon else doing? xxx

 

[Reaper_2]

I si'ed about an hour ago feeling like i need to do it again

 

[katey]

I si'ed about an hour ago feeling like i need to do it again

hi, sorry didnt see this earlier. Thinking of you. hows things for you today????

 

[Reaper_2]

Am struggling wanting to cut i don't have any tools