Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (5)

[Criada]

((((((((((katey))))))))))
Praying, sweetie.
Text if I can help, k?
Love you

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*hugs everyone*
hope things improve soon katey...


hm... i just want to give up at the moment. im feeling mentally physically and emotionally drained...

 

[Soulwings]

Awww Katey, Bec, loves... don't give up, please. Keep fighting. I know that you both can make it through these rough patches... you are stronger than you think you are - after all, you have made it this far. I know it feels like these trials will never end... but they will. I promise. Just keep fighting, ask for help when you need it, and don't be afraid to contact me via PM or visitor message.

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Bec, what's up? are you managing to find some down-time, just to relax??

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Lady Bug, good to hear from you, but sorry to hear that things are so rough atm. Anything I can do to help? anything specific for me to pray for?

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I am doing alright. Struggling a bit with getting breakfast when Jarrod's not around, but other than that, I'm hanging in there.

...

 

[beckybooiloveu]

nope... no down time... in fact ive been workin even more... like multiple eight to fourteen hour days in a row!!!

i have been crying for over an hour now... im just so overwhelmed

 

[Soulwings]

Awww love. Why the tears? just so overwhelmed? Is there any way that you can call in sick or something? because those are crazy work hours... you know that you need to take care of yourself or else you'll get sick. Please, sis. Try to get some down time in there.

 

[Lady Bug]

Lady Bug, good to hear from you, but sorry to hear that things are so rough atm. Anything I can do to help? anything specific for me to pray for?

Hi Soulwings I'm sorry to always come here with nothing new to say, other than something bad. I wish I could come here and say something positive for a change. I did lose a couple of pounds these past couple days but I didn't do anything extraordinarily different. I have a feeling I'll gain it back again soon because I ate a couple extra too many cookies today - they're not huge cookies but they're not small cookies either. Hard to tell what size they are - maybe the size of a coaster. Now I'm really worried. I'll try not to eat ice cream tonight and maybe I won't gain it back. That darned ice cream is evil.

My dad really doesn't get my difficulty in controlling. He just...doesn't...get...it... He doesn't have my biological makeup, he just can't understand even if he wanted to. He thinks all I have to do is tell myself to control.

For the past few days I had been having an extra piece of toast when I'm certain that I should feel "satisfied" with the quantity I currrently consume. But I haven't been. After the usual quantity of toast I have been eating, I had been having a couple "coaster-size" cookies because I simply am not satisfied. Unfortunately those cookies can trigger the appetite more - something about the texture and the sugary-ness of it all is a trigger.

So instead of eating those extra cookies, I had been making an extra slice of toast instead and he really got irked on that. To him, I'm "trying to lose weight by eating more" and it just looks completely senseless to him. I had tried to tell him that it was either this, or eat an extra cookie or cookies which has more sugar. Honestly - I think I'm wrong in what I'm doing, as much as my father is wrong in lack of understanding the whole situation - on the surface, it seems right for him to ask me why "eating more" will help me lose weight. I tell him that if I feel like I'm starving, it will ultimately lead to a binge but we go back and forth bickering about that without coming to any agreement. It's not a fight however - but it's just a conflict that I could spare myself of.

*hugs everyone*
hope things improve soon katey... hm... i just want to give up at the moment. im feeling mentally physically and emotionally drained...

I also feel the same way - we'll have to suffer together on this I have absolutely ZERO motivation to do ANYTHING. It's gawdawful.

nope... no down time... in fact ive been workin even more... like multiple eight to fourteen hour days in a row!!!

i have been crying for over an hour now... im just so overwhelmed

I mostly cry "inside" but I'm always afraid to actually cry because at those moments I feel my weakest. I'd also be crying if I were in your situation - and I hate crying

hope every1s ok??? sorry not been around not having good time with life at min n its taking all my effort to just get up n put clothes on at min let alone see people

Same here, facing the regular world out there feels so hard, but I can't put my finger on as to why. I deplore being isolated, and I also don't like being around people that I think I don't like. What gives...

 

[Lady Bug]

Can someone with slightly more stamina than I have, skim this thread (http://christianforums.com/showthread.php?t=7323508) for me? It is really, really hurting my self-esteem right now.

(edit - the link didn't work)

You do not have to read all the responses - because it can take a bit of time. But it digresses to the topic of how overweight people have it bad in the dating world (not that I don't know this). And boy did it ever relate to me - sort of.

I was trying to find "single" posts to link to, to make this easier but I just ended up giving the whole thread.

 

[Celtic Camel]

merry christmas precious friends
praying that today is one of freedom and not fear and that you experience the love God has for you, as His adored and cherished child...
Remember, Jesus has experienced human existence, and he does understand.

 

[katey]

Merry christmas everyone, hope your all doing ok and managing through crimbo xxxx

 

[Criada]

Merry Christmas everyone.
Praying that you can enjoy the celebrations, and rest a little.
God bless you all.. you are an amazing group of people.

 

[Soulwings]

Wow, lots of posts since I've been here last.

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Lady Bug, sorry to hear about the conflict with your dad. That must be awfully hard... and I'm sorry about the triggering thread... I'm sorry you read it, if it was saddening or upsetting.

Is there any way you can have your dad (or you) not get ice cream or cookies or anything sweet/fattening? because that would help take away some of the urge, since the relief wouldn't be there. Or maybe put them where you can't easily get to them? I don't really know what else to suggest... but anyway, I am here to support you. Keep fighting for health, and I'm glad that you've managed to lose some pounds. If they don't stay off, don't freak out... just do your best to control your eating - that is all you can do, your best, so feel proud of even baby steps.

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Bec, how are you doing??

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Katey, Criada (Sarah?), everyone else, Merry Christmas to you too, even though I'm a bit late!! s all around.

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I'm doing alright. I think I ate a bit too much yesterday, but Jarrod told me I didn't... I had a tofurky sausage (healthy, even though it doesn't sound like it) and suffered gas pains last night... not fun... too much soy protein in too short a time, I guess. I've not had much soy lately, so yeah. Ugh.

But other than that, I'm doing alright, thank God. I see my N on Tuesday and I'm afraid that I've gained weight. I've not stepped on a scale for quite awhile now, so I had no idea. My sister says I feel smaller, but I really don't know... ugh. I HATE weight, and scales, and fat, and food. It's all so hard to manage!!

 

[beckybooiloveu]

*cries*

 

[Soulwings]

Oh Bec, love, what's up?? *ginormous hugs*

 

[katey]

Bec

hows everyone else doin, ive got updates n stuff but not in the best frame of mind to type them yet but i will do as soon as am feeling up to it a bit more. xxxxx

thinking of you alll

 

[Soulwings]

Katey Am looking forward to hearing your updates... are you still in hos?? I hope you're doing better, in any case, even if it's just a little bit.

s for everyone.

 

[Shannie]

Hi everyone!

I can't reply to all the posts I missed cuz I'm sooo behind now but I'll try to get over here more so I can do better going forward

My Christmas was really nice...I love love love Christmas. I act like a stupid kid, but it's fun. This year was better than last year food-wise, although now that it's over I'm a bit freaked out.

I have a professional exam coming up in a week and a bit and it's making me feel like I'm back in uni, cuz I should basically just be studying all day from now til then. And somewhat unexpectedly that has brought back a lot of ED stuff that I was trying to leave behind with my uni days. Not that it's been successful, but I had been doing better. But now with studying it's kind of ramped up a bit.

Does anyone else struggle with the whole new year's resolution thing btw? I don't always make them officially but it's in the back of my head. I want to make some but I feel like as soon as I think "goal" I think "restrict". Guess I need to work on that.

Hope you all have a good rest of the holidays

 

[beckybooiloveu]

wahts up is just the same old things... nothing new really... just hating myself... i havnet had that much time to exercise lately but now that one of my jobs is on holiday i have a few days off each week i am feeling like i need to spend all my days off exercising... i feel sooo obese atm... especially after being at home for a few days and being made to eat... i feel gross... disgusting... gahhhrrrr... i hate myself...
*bangs head against wall*

 

[Lady Bug]

Hi again...

Soulwings, it is probably hard for my dad not to get anything sweet simply because he himself likes to have a little bit of sweet stuff every night, and he also likes to bring a cookie to the library every day. However, it matters to an extent WHAT sweets he wants to buy. We need the ice cream to help give my mom her medicines - we put the crushed dosages in a certain small amount of ice cream and it's easier for her to get her meds that way. We used to use fat free ice cream, but it is so difficult to cut that my dad (and I for that matter) lost patience with it and chose to use regular ice cream because it is easier to cut. You may wonder why we can't put the meds in pudding for example - if it were up to me, I'd do that instead, but for my dad, I think pudding is more expensive only because it depletes quicker than the ice cream box does. My dad's budget is THAT bad where I feel that he literally counts every penny or something.

If he makes sweets, I tell him to avoid buying cake MIXES because those tend to make me gain more weight than brownie mixes. However - not all the brownie mixes are that great for me. Pillsbury and Duncan Hines have thinner brownies than Betty Crocker - and I tell him to please try to use the latter. Every once in a while he forgets, but usually he remembers.

The problem is - if I could just eat the brownie at night, I would probably SLOWLY lose weight. But after the brownie I can't resist grabbing the cookie in the cabinet. It's a bad idea I don't know how to quit it except think of something else to grab. It's hard to pass up a cranberry orange walnut cookie Grrrrr.

The pounds do want to come back on - I don't know what I'll be weighing tomorrow. I hate saying things in which I always sound like something's going wrong or no one knows what to say and people might get annoyed because they don't know what to say

Shannie, I don't know how your prof exam affects your ED but for me, studying during college did a terrible injustice to my weight Studying made me feel so hungry all the time.

Becky - I know the feeling of eating but not exercising to offset what you ate and feeling fatter and fatter because of it. I hate it. At my previous job I didn't use to exercise in the morning and after I ate both breakfast and lunch, I hated, hated, hated sitting for four more hours at work hardly getting up. I wanted to walk so much after getting out of work. Knowing me, if I didn't exercise, I would have gained weight like no tomorrow

Which doesn't explain why I'm gaining weight now except my really disgusting eating habits...yuck I ate too much baked potato tonight. YUCK

anyway guys I had to disable the feature that enabled me to view signatures I got triggered by a couple of them here. Not in THIS thread, but elsewhere on CF. Mainly stuff about people's pregnancies - it triggered me and it was a turning point where I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle seeing this kind of stuff unless I turned the sig feature off.

Which means I miss those dancing ladybugs. But they're still in my signature - it's just that they're hidden from my view as are all the other people's sigs. I don't want that "sig that will trig."

 

[Soulwings]

Yey posts.

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Shannie, good to see you again. I understand the triggery'ness of feeling like you're back in uni again... ugh. I remember freshman year... so if I ever studied a science again I think I would have flashbacks (I started off as a bio major and my ED started when I was a freshman). Ugh, ugh, ugh!!!

But I'm so glad to hear that your Christmas was a good one!! I act like a little kid too, sometimes... but my Christmas this year was kind of depressing. I got a lot of useful stuff, which is really good 'cause it saves Jarrod and me spending a lot of money on bakeware etc... but still. I do have twenty-five dollars+ that I can spend on Amazon.com, though, from a friend, so that is a nice surprise. I also received a package that I completely was not expecting, and it was lovely. What did you get for Christmas? (and that question goes for all of you )

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Lady Bug, I'm sorry to hear about the whole buying sweets thing. Is it at all possible for you to eat the sweets in the morning rather than night? because at night you're not burning any calories after you eat the sweets, you're just sitting down and going to bed, rather than being up and about burning the calories doing whatever. Does that make any sense??

I wish I could help more!!!

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Bec, you're not obese, love. And please, don't overexercise. Exercise is good, but in moderation. Please, sis. Try to take care of yourself the way that you know that you should, rather than how you feel like you should. I know how it feels, to be where you are now, but fight it, sweetie.

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I'm doing alright. Went to see my N yesterday and found out that I gained weight. So I have to work to lose it again... but quick on quick off, I hope!! I need to eat more... he bumped up my caloric intake by quite a bit. But!! - I am allowed to exercise now, in moderation!! Woot woot!! Haven't been allowed to do that in months!!

 

[Shannie]

Hi girls

Becky,
I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I find being home can be really challenging sometimes ED-wise, which is sad because it should be a hpapy place. You have worked so hard on your holiday though, you should give yourself a break and rest a bit on your days off. I'm sending lots of .

Ladybug,
I also struggle with eating sweets more than I should. Sadly regardless of whether I'm restricting or eating normally or overeating I still eat sweets. Yes, counter-productive especially when restricting but I would still eat them. I think April's idea of eating them earlier in the day is good, that's what I was going to suggest too. I know for myself at night I tend to eat more than I would probably do in the afternoon. Can you maybe have one sweet with your lunch or something like that? That way you aren't hungry when you eat it and it's not like you are making it 'forbidden' or something, which always seems to increase the appeal at least for me.

I'm sorry you are so triggered by some of the signatures, but good job for recognizing that and taking care of yourself by turning them off. I am sorry you'll have to miss the dancing ladybugs though, they are super cute.

April,
I'm kind of glad what I said makes sense, although sad anyone else feels this way too about uni. I know so many people who talk about how fun uni was and how great a time they had and I just don't feel that way. So feeling like I'm back there is just not pleasant. Although I did meet someone special there so it wasn't all bad!

I'm glad it sounds like you had a productive appt with your N. What type of exercise are you most looking forward to?

__________________


I got some clothes and pj's for Christmas, although with money from various extended family members who didn't know what to buy lol. My b/f still hasn't bought me a present cuz I couldn't decide what I want! So I am still thinking of an idea haha. I was so busy buying for everyone else I didn't decide what I wanted/needed. I found really good presents for everyone and it made my Christmas really good though, I love giving people things. Of course the getting presents is good too.

Anyways I really need to go study. Just like in uni I am doing the same stupid things which generally involves wasting a lot of time for days on end until the end then I freak out and cram. It was stupid then and it's stupid now. I figured out why I do it (bad bad way of perfectionism playing out...if I can't be perfect I shouldn't bother trying too hard cuz then I have an excuse for not doing well type of thing). Still working on figuring out a way to stop though. Either way I know am in to frantic cramming mode because my exam is Monday. After that no more exams til the summer though. Why did I pick a career path with so many exams AFTER uni? lol.