Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! poss. trig (4)

Soulwings · Jun 18, 2008

Katey, I'm glad that you'll probably be going in hos. Hopefully it will help you out a lot. I'm also glad that you opened up and let your cpn know what's up. I understand the yucky feelings about telling someone that you have plans (remember, just did that this weekend ) but it's for the best, I remember someone telling me...

Kerin, I hope that you manage to find some way to get your mind off the thought of needing to lose weight. I'm sure that you don't... but that is what happens when scales are yucky... I agree with Katey, try to find something that you enjoy that can get your mind off somewhere else.

Ari, Bec, thinking of you two. Bec, I hope your exams go well - you only have what, two days of them left?

I'm doing okay. Didn't think of SI at all today (well, much).

katey · Jun 18, 2008

everyone hope you all doing ok.

i have n assessment with doc and cpn tomorrow, spoke to her today and they were going to take me up today but consultant wants to see me tomorrow so i have to try and hold on tonight. i'm guessing i'll b in by tomorrow night though because evryone seems to be agreeing where i need to be right now, and esp seen as i'll be home alone all weekend. theyr worrying about that.

Soulwings · Jun 19, 2008

I'd be worried about it too, Katey. I hope that you get the help that you need. Let us know, if you can, how long you're going to be in. Hang tough and I hope that you made it through last night okay.

MyaShane · Jun 19, 2008

Katey! I am glad for you though! Please check in with us and let us know your situation!

How is everyone?

Soulwings · Jun 19, 2008

Kerin how're you doing?

I'm alright. I cut this morning ... had horribly gruesome nightmares last night, with lots of blood in them, and I woke up discombobulated and triggered. So I guess SI was inevitable as I really don't know how to avoid dreams like that! and have no fantastic coping mechanisms either.

MyaShane · Jun 19, 2008

Those dreams sound awful I'm sorry you had to deal with those! Because I don't know much about the SI, I'm always thinking I'll say the wrong thing so how about a hug and some prayers instead?

Soulwings · Jun 19, 2008

Thanks, Kerin I'm glad that you don't understand SI... bc you can only understand that if you've been there, I think, or else have studied it much (and even then, I don't think that professionals who haven't had LOADS of experience really know what they are talking about). But prayers are very welcome. It was just a slipup... I hope... (so don't ask me why I carry sharps and bandaids in my purse )

It's been a rotten, rotten day. And our phone is on the fritz, so I've not been able to talk with Jarrod at all (he acts as a very good mood stabilizer, better than any of my meds). Blah.

katey · Jun 19, 2008

everyone, i cant stay long as i'm not ment not ment to be on the net. i'm in hospital. i asked if could bring my laptop in to do sum uni work while i'm here (yes i kno this sint uni work!!!) they struggled to get me in though i did a bit of a dissapeaing act, sumone forgot to shut/lock the door and i rang as soon as they said i was going in. i'm on a 72 hour section though now because i flipped and wouldnt coem in. didnt go down to well but everyonme waned me in. i'm not sure how long (after the 72 hours) i'll be in but they want to change my medsication. theyr giving me slepers tonight. and they keep trying to get me to eat, its not happening at all.

APril, am sorry that you had those bad dreams, theyr hard to get over. dont beat urself up abou cutting too much, please your doing soo well (even if you dont think you are)

Kerin, i agree with APril in a way its good you dont understand, hugs andprayers are great thankyou x

Soulwings · Jun 19, 2008

Katey Please try and be compliant... they aren't your enemies, they just want to see you better. And don't rush the time spent in there either... take your time and work at getting better. You ought to be as stable as possible when you come out, so you can face uni and the real world again as healthily as possible.

I don't think I'm doing very well. I don't see that at all. I'm not doing as badly as I could be... but I am not doing well.

MyaShane · Jun 20, 2008

We'll be praying for you Katey!!

I'm so sorry April! What helps you lift your mood during these times? Taking a walk, going shopping, getting together with friends? Hope you feel better soon!

It's a busy day and I usually don't check in on weekends much, so hope everyone has a great couple of days!!

Lady Bug · Jun 20, 2008

Well I weighed myself today and either the scale is whacked or I've gained 4 pounds...

I can't handle this anymore. I'm 185 now. I thought 180 was bad enough...two months ago I was 170 pounds and I thought I was a pig at that time. Now I feel like I have to "concentration camp" myself in order to get down to that...

sorry for the use of that term. I'm using hyperbole to demonstrate how much it feels I have to "starve" to death to lose 5 pounds or something.

I think there was a post by SoulWings that had a couple of questions in it and I forgot to answer it...

I'll get to it if I can. I just wanted to post this because this was on my mind.

edit: oops. I noticed numbers are edited. That's ok...now I know why there's a number sign in place of the actual numbers I typed...

Soulwings · Jun 20, 2008

I hope that you have a fantastic weekend, Kerin.

I don't know what lifts my mood. I've been doing a bit of drawing lately and that gives me something to focus on... journalling works sometimes... being with friends works sometimes, but lately I've been withdrawing a lot, though, and don't even want to see Jarrod, so that's pretty rubbish.

Blah.

Ladybug, I hope that you can get some help sometime. I hate seeing you feel so uncomfortable with yourself.

Lady Bug · Jun 20, 2008

I hope so too Soulwings. I don't like having to say the same things all the time.

Soulwings · Jun 20, 2008

Don't feel bad about saying the same things over again. It's expressing how you feel, and that's what's important. I'm sure that we all do that - I know that I do. "I feel fat," "I feel fat," "I feel fat," "I want to SI," "I want to SI," "I want to SI" - that's what I feel like I sound like. But it's okay. And none of us here mind that. It's how you feel, and it helps to get it out where there are people that understand.

And btw, my name's April.

Lady Bug · Jun 20, 2008

hey April

Well my pants don't really feel that much tighter today than they did yesterday. If anything they feel the same. Do I wish they felt better? You bet...because they are still too tight on me and I am tired of how it is feeling. To come think of it though, my period is scheduled to be tomorrow (I'm usually not this blunt but something tells me that this is a female-dominated thread anyway) and occassionally I can gain X amount of pounds before that day. Sometimes I don't gain, but if I do gain a disproportionate amount overnight like that, that is an indicator.

Soulwings · Jun 20, 2008

Yep, female-dominated thread it is indeed. Weight like that before a period is usually just water weight, from edema. Must be stressful to gain like that, though, especially so fast. I hate seeing the number on the scale increase, no matter if it is fat, water, or lean muscle. It is innately awful for someone with an ED. Blah.

It's an icky evening.

katey · Jun 20, 2008

to everyone hope your all ok,

Ladybug, sorry i am reading/llistening to what your saying just having major yucky time right now, but am thinking of you.

APril whats making it icky???

i'm not sure how much i'm going to be able to get on, i'm trying to work with them but its not going to well. i cant eat anything and the staff keep trying to make me wich is making me feel worse. theyve taken most o my stuf, and they want my laptop before i go sleep aswell so wont be able to chat much, i get it if i'm good!!!

Lady Bug · Jun 20, 2008

it's an icky evening here too. well...it's great outside, but inside it is icky. I should have put the air conditioner on but now it's kind of becoming too late in the evening for that.

I walked around a lot today so I'll see what my weight says tomorrow. I have a hunch that it is because of the cycle. But I'll see.

I saw a wedding group today getting their pictures taken outside...that is always "triggering" to some extent. It makes me uncomfortable to see those scenarios, each and every given time.

Soulwings · Jun 21, 2008

Katey. I hope that you manage to eat something soon... you know it's not good for your body... and I won't hammer you with it bc I know that that won't help. But do your best, that's the only thing you can do.

Ladybug. Why is it hard to see weddings/newlyweds/etc.?

I don't know why it was an icky evening, it just was. I'm blaming the Zoloft. SSRIs are poison for me - Prozac landed me in hos the first time, in winter oh five, and then Lexapro landed me in hos twice in May oh six. Ugh!!

katey · Jun 21, 2008

thanks April,
i just cant faace it, i tred today they got me a really small portion and i just couldnt do it. i've managed to drink a little bit, and theyve put me back on ensures(i hate them so much) so gna b having them all the time, well theyl be giving them me wether they get drunk or not is another thing.

i so kno that feeling with that type of medication, been on so mnay of them, theyr horrible. did you discuss it thorugh with ur T n stuff. did they give you any suggestions on how to manage it??? my meds are getting change on monday.

Ladybug sorry its hard for you to see those scenarios maybe if you know why they trigger you could work at it a little bit.

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