Suicide.

[Michee1209]

My name is Michelle. I'm 21. I live in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.

My husband, Jacob, committed suicide on Friday night, August the 31st.

I'm posting here for support. I'm not angry or hate God. I just need some help coping, being able to talk about it helps. And of course.. prayer.

 

[Missinyou]

Unfortunately none of us will ever have the real answers for something like this. We can beat ourselves up over and over again looking for the answers but only God and the ones who take their own lives will ever know what or why. All we can do is ask God to help us go on and make some kind of order out of what we have left...and if we ask Him, he will help us, in some way. Our prayers go out to you and the families. May God watch over you all and help ease the pain.
Missinyou

 

[JeanR]

Dear Michelle,
I am so sorry. I can't sit here and say I know how you feel, because I don't. But, I do know the pain of loss. We are here for you and you can vent, cry, or whatever you have to do to pull through this. I will be praying for you. I know that the next several days and weeks will be a burden, but the Lord will sustain you and guide youl. Now is the time to rest in the Lord and let him be in control.

 

[Michee1209]

Unfortunately none of us will ever have the real answers for something like this. We can beat ourselves up over and over again looking for the answers but only God and the ones who take their own lives will ever know what or why. All we can do is ask God to help us go on and make some kind of order out of what we have left...and if we ask Him, he will help us, in some way. Our prayers go out to you and the families. May God watch over you all and help ease the pain.
Missinyou

Thank you. All I can do now is look to God for comfort. He's the only constant in my life.

 

[Michee1209]

Dear Michelle,
I am so sorry. I can't sit here and say I know how you feel, because I don't. But, I do know the pain of loss. We are here for you and you can vent, cry, or whatever you have to do to pull through this. I will be praying for you. I know that the next several days and weeks will be a burden, but the Lord will sustain you and guide youl. Now is the time to rest in the Lord and let him be in control.

Yes. I've prayed more this last couple of days than I ever have. I just don't want this to be the only reason I'm coming to the Lord. I want to be close to Him for the rest of my life.

 

[Missinyou]

I think that losing a spouse gives a new meaning to all our relationship's with God. Whether we like to admit it or not, we are coming to him for a whole different reason than we did before, and I would like to see the person in which it does not become the center of their relationship. And does God look with disfavor on this? I really don't think so. I think God will understand if this is, and it will be, the only reason you are coming to him. At least for awhile.

 

[Michee1209]

I hope so. I just want to do everything His way. My way didn't work, obviously.

 

[JeanR]

Michelle,
When Terry first died, I prayed for God's strength. As time went by, I found I had a great deal of trouble praying. I went immediately for grief counseling, and the counselor told me it is quite common to not feel like praying and not to dwell on it. He said this is the time to let the Lord carry you. He knows what you need without you having to ask. And, our God is big enough to take the anger you may be feeling. You may not feel that anger at this moment, but it will come. God can take it.

In time I was able to pray again. And, I am grateful for the advice of my counselor. I think I would have felt guilty for the way I was feeling, but he helped me to see that it was normal.

You are in my prayers,
Jean

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I'm so sorry for your loss! When something like this happens we suddenly realize that God is the only constant in our lives. He knows you are hurting, and he is really the only one that can heal that pain for you. All of us are here because we too, lost someone we love. While all our situations are different, we all have one thing in common, we lost a loved one. All of us are very understanding and you really can ask any of us for help and we will do our best to help you. I will also pray for you. While I can't imagine what you must be feeling, our God can, and I pray in Jesus name that he would comfort you now, and that he would give you strength in this time. I pray that you wouldn't blame yourself for his actions, and that the Holy Spirit would comfort you as long as you need it. I do pray also that you would get some grief counseling for this. Because of the uniqueness of the situation it will really help you I think. God Bless you sister. Call on us whenever you need us OK?

 

[This_Beautiful_Grace]

Michee1209 , I'm not going to bother and tell you that I am sorry for your loss (although I am) because I know that there is nothing I can say... there is nothing to say. I would like nothing else but to just sit with you right now and/or hug you.

You are so right that God is the constant in Your life. How wonderful it is that we can trust and know that He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He is unchanging, His love is unfailing and soooo stable for us to rely on and cling to. I just want to take a moment to remind you that God is your rock in Whom you can take refuge in. He is your shield, your horn of salvation, your stronghold, refuge and savior. He is your comforter, guiding light, your strong tower, your lamp who turns your darkness into light. He is your strength, your deliverer and healer. Even in your darkest days He will come for you, bring you close to Himself, lift you up and uphold you. He is your very present help in time of need and He draws close to the broken-hearted and they are blessed. He is everything and more. He is all you need and He is MORE than enough.

Sister, feel more than free to talk here as much as you like. Know that you are being covered in prayer.

 

[smsdavis]

I can honestly say I know what you feel. On Valentine's Day this year my husband, the only man I've ever loved and the father of our SIX, yes, six children put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

Why?

Nothing anyone can say makes it any better. This is the worst pain I've ever felt and I've given birth six times!

What am I supposed to do now? It wasn't my plan to have a big family it was his. Then he quit on it. AHHH!

I love him, I hate him, I want him back, I want to move on. I want to know why. Was it me, was it him, was it the finances, was it the lies?

Unfortunately I can understand what you are feeling. If you want to talk, I'm here. I have no clue what I'm doing. The kids keep asking what we're doing today and I say when God let's me know, I'll tell you.

 

[dellinw]

O'h my heart goes out to you. you have come to the right place. You will be in my prayers. I lost my husband 8mo ago to lung disease and it has been so hard. I can't even imagine what you are going thru. Just trust in God and ask him to get you thru that one day, then do the same the next. Do you have access to a grief counselor. your medical ins could help or there might be other avenues thru your local gov agencies. Look and ask for all the help you can get. God Bless and please post again.
Helen

 

[Manna]

My husband died of his own hand as well. It's something that no one knows how to coach you though...this isn't supposed to happen. I would encourage you to find a good Christian counselor to simply help you talk through everything that has been happening. What changed my grieving process was diving into the Word. I joined an in-depth Bible study and it was JUST what I needed, even though it may not sound like it. This year will be 4 years since he died, and things are much better. I promise, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Please feel free to send me a message if either of you would like to talk.