Welcome,
Kinda wanted to cut back, but suicide cases seem to have a weak spot for me.
Well, first off you need help. Look for any good churches and ask paster if can council you. Or find a true friend, trusted love one, or seek out a any theoripst/councilor options. Got lot going on inside your head, going to need encouragement, prayer, and lot personal growth to pull out of the hole. Realize thou you have to save yourself, admitting and seeking help is the first and most important step.
Till you get that help, please grab onto that thread of reason thought in your mind. Listen to your spirit, and let it guide you out of the darkness.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Galatians 5:16-26;&version=51;
"25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirits leading in every part of our lives. "
"16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives."
" 22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control."
Read the whole thing please. Keep hope sister, tomorrow is always a better day. Don't dwell on the dark thoughts, they are your enemy. You have great potiential and victorious life awaiting you, all you have to do is grab hold of it and never let go.