Submissiveness in Guys??? HELP!

[Clayburn]

I tried searching and didnt find anything on this subject so here goes.
Pardon my horrible grammar haha im no english major .

What is your thoughts on guys being submissive?

To start things off ill explain the reason behind my question, so here goes. Im a guy heh a very unusual guy, I have been told I have a very feminine personality, or to be more specific the defining traits of my personality are those which are usually attributed towards women (caring, compassion, loving, submissive, tender, etc etc you get the idea). Im a very submissive and meek person, I tend to let people walk all over me and take advantage of me all the time . I have tons of female friends (probably because I understand them and relate to them more then I do guys) and I have only 1 or 2 guy friends. Im single and I always have been heh, although this doesnt bother me . I wonder if my personality and the fact that im so submissive will make my relationships extremely difficult, and my romantic relationships bordering on impossible.

Biblically, as far as I understand, guys are supposed to be the dominant one in relationships and well this isnt really possible for me. Im not really worried about this per se im just concerned if this is something I should try to change in myself (not sure its even possible) or if I should just be happy with who I am .

Anyways any thoughts on this would be appreciated!

In Christ,
Clayburn.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

wow. I don't know the answer to that. But you should definately take it to God in prayer and ask him to reveal to you what things he wants you to change to make you more into the man of God he desires. I don't think God wants any of us to let people walk over us or take atvantage of us. I don't think there is anything wrong with you caring, compassion, tenderness, etc. In fact I think those are wonderful qualities that I WISH more guys had (sigh) Though God also wants for you to be a man and in doing so represent God in who he is. So in my opinion, it's ok to be meek and gentle but you also need to have self confidence and maturity and direction. You need to know when to make decisions and take authority. If you plan on getting married one day, I think the most important thing though; is not how big and tough and manly you are but that you love your wife as Christ loves the church, and then she will be more than happy to submit to you. So you may actually be further ahead than most guys with this one. But you shouldn't be a doormat either. I really don't know whether you are meant to be that way or if there are some things you could/should possibly work on changing. Only you know in your own heart and with your relationship with God. It is not for me to judge. I think it is important that women not only like you and trust to confide in you but that they also respect you. How to gain that respect? Not sure. Best thing I can say is try to model yourself after Jesus. I don't think he was meek and mild all the time even though he is portrayed that way. He knew when to take authority and take charge like when he tipped over the tables in the temple. Please pray about it and seek God for guidance...he can lead you to the scriptures that will grow you forward better than I can...Good luck and God bless....it's kinda early in the morning, I hope this reply didn't come out the wrong way. It was not meant to be insulting or anything. I was really trying to help. Just my opinion though as a woman of God. PEACE

 

[LifeInYou]

"Wives submit to your husbands, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church."

How did Christ love the church? Well, He submitted himself to His people to provide for their needs (a Savior). So, in this sense, husbands are supposed to submit to their wives as well. Before Adam and Eve fell they were equals, were they not? Eve was created to be at Adam's side, his partner. After the fall, the husband was supposed to 'rule' over the wife. In Christ, all Old things are New. And, just as before the Fall Adam and Eve were allowed to commune with God and were acceptable in His eyes, after Christ came, He essentially took us back to the state we were in before the Fall, restoring that right relationship between us and God. I will also go as far as to say that the 'partnership' and 'equal-standing' that Adam and Eve had before the Fall is restored to a husband and wife today if they are in Christ.

As far as your feminine personality traits, I think it may be more difficult for you to connect with a woman only because many of us are guilty of being influenced by our cultural expectations.(i.e. we find it attractive if a man, in addition to having a soft side, can be 'manly,' agressive, and take initiative) However, I have no reservations in telling you that there is a woman out there who will love you just as you are. The only valid reason I see for working to change your personality is if you feel it is preventing you from accomplishing the work God has for you.


Shalom

 

[DatingSmarts]

if you want to go out on dates with women, your going to have to step up to the plate and ASK them out. be direct. this is called taking charge aka taking the initiative.

this is completely different from dominating someone. dominating someone is not taking initiative. it is ruling over them with an iron fist and having no concern for them as autonomous human beings.

i think your female friends probably don't want to be more than friends. they like having you around and that is a good thing.

however, if they are being bossy, disrespectful or catty, putting them in their place will be good for them. and for you. and don't back down.

 

[DatingSmarts]

just remember that jesus was married to the church

you are not married to these women so don't feel like you should submit to them because that is what it says in the bible. you are under no obligation to submit to these women because you are not married to any of them. you are not called to die for them as in allowing them to be disrespectful to you.

 

[DatingSmarts]

controlling women might like you and be attracted to you because you are easy to control.

i think women do not like and respect passive men.

they also don't like aggressive men. or shouldn't and the ones who do end up in unhappy harsh marriages.

they like assertive men. as in assertive manly takes initiative.

assertive is the way to go.

 

[Tenorvoice]

to quote the memory verse from the dicipleship program that I am in @ the church that I attend (its on marrige this semester)

1 Peter 3:7---Husbands, in the same way, be concederate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as the heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. niv

as you look @ this verse it is speaking to the husbands to be the head of the household and to be understanding of our wife for they do not work in the same since that we do. Us men are more likley to be the kind of person to want to hurry up and get to the point so that we can fix it and get on with life. Look at it in this sence men are like a old coffee mug and women are like fine china the mug you can pretty much do anything to and we will hold up. Were as the china you have to VERY careful with almost in the sence that if we look @ it wrong it could shatter. On the other hand women and men are the same in the spiritual sence. We are both able to inheirt the gift of life in heaven with God the Father forever.

So to answer the question about men being submissive NO we are not!!! but we are also not to be overbearing and a whip cracking dictator.

 

[klewlis]

Just as Paul is about to talk about husband-wife relationships, he tells all Christians to "submit to one another in the fear of Christ" (5:21). He then goes on to expound on this in regards to family dynamics. All Christians are to be submissive. This is not the same as being doormats.

 

[fishstix]

I tried searching and didnt find anything on this subject so here goes.
Pardon my horrible grammar haha im no english major .

What is your thoughts on guys being submissive?

To start things off ill explain the reason behind my question, so here goes. Im a guy heh a very unusual guy, I have been told I have a very feminine personality, or to be more specific the defining traits of my personality are those which are usually attributed towards women (caring, compassion, loving, submissive, tender, etc etc you get the idea). Im a very submissive and meek person, I tend to let people walk all over me and take advantage of me all the time . I have tons of female friends (probably because I understand them and relate to them more then I do guys) and I have only 1 or 2 guy friends. Im single and I always have been heh, although this doesnt bother me . I wonder if my personality and the fact that im so submissive will make my relationships extremely difficult, and my romantic relationships bordering on impossible.

Biblically, as far as I understand, guys are supposed to be the dominant one in relationships and well this isnt really possible for me. Im not really worried about this per se im just concerned if this is something I should try to change in myself (not sure its even possible) or if I should just be happy with who I am .

Anyways any thoughts on this would be appreciated!

In Christ,
Clayburn.

God made each of us unique. He gave each of us the personality that He wanted us to have. Not all men were given the same personality as each other and not all women were given the same personality as each other. God didn't design us to be carbon copies of each other. It's ok for a man to have some traits that our culture regards as feminine and it's ok for a woman to have some traits that our culture regards as masculine. Sure, some people will have a problem when they see that in a person, but the rest will accept a person as they are. The fact that you have a lot of female friends shows that you are able to have good relationships with them (Relationships don't have to be romantic - friendship is a relationship too) As far as romantic relationships go, God will send the right person to you at the right time. The character traits you have listed will likely make that relationship better, rather than detract from it. The only danger I could see in being submissive is if you somehow end up marrying an excessively bossy and controlling woman - so try not to do that

 

[Sketcher]

Biblically, as far as I understand, guys are supposed to be the nt one in relationships and well this isnt really possible for me. Im not really worried about this per se im just concerned if this is something I should try to change in myself (not sure its even possible) or if I should just be happy with who I am .

Well, you can change. You're 21, not 60. Pray that God would turn you into the man He wants you to be. He made you, He loves you, and He's not done with you yet. He knows which of your traits ought to stay the same and which ought to change.

Wondering if change is possible - I sense a little dispair here. That is not of God, He is all about hope. If you take this to the extreme, you might not shed off sin habits that He definitely does not want you to keep. "It is God's will that you be sanctified" (1 Thess 4:3) but you have to say "yes" to the Spirit and "no" to temptation. Just sitting there thinking the temptation will always be too strong for you will not bring you closer to Him.

Not to say that I haven't wondered if I could ever change myself - I do. But I recognize how destructive that mindset really is now and that I need to get up and fight if I am to achieve victory in my life.

But, anyway back on topic . . .

The only danger I could see in being submissive is if you somehow end up marrying an excessively bossy and controlling woman - so try not to do that

Yeah - " Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife." - Prov 21:19

I wouldn't wish that on anybody.

 

[charligirl]

Some good replies... I would also add that you may want to read 'Wild at Heart' by John Eldredge. It may help you!