Stunned

[Svt4Him]

I AM IKSHUDAA'S MOM RENUKA HERE.........I DIDN'T REALISE THAT SHE HAD NOT LOGGED OFF BEFORE I TOOK OVER....MY ID IS Renuka

So why didn't you log out and back in again?

And this is Svt4Him's second cousin so don't think he's being mean.

As for the op, it's hard to believe I know, but not everything that is said during the dating period is true. For instance, I was told I'd have coffee in bed EVERY morning. Now all I get is a 'don't forget to turn off the lights when you leave'.

 

[Leanna]

As for the op, it's hard to believe I know, but not everything that is said during the dating period is true. For instance, I was told I'd have coffee in bed EVERY morning. Now all I get is a 'don't forget to turn off the lights when you leave'.

Well I don't know about all that......... but saying you want kids and then changing your mind is a lot different than breakfast in bed or whatever.

 

[Svt4Him]

Well I don't know about all that......... but saying you want kids and then changing your mind is a lot different than breakfast in bed or whatever.

Ya, but I was just giving the example I'd share. Some of them I wouldn't. But I agree that it's an issue that really should have been understood before. But how will that change anything now I guess is the real issue.

 

[acasimir1908]

As a women, and as an only child I personally am dying to have children. I am so sorry for your wife's revelation. I agree with the other women on this thread. Do not press the issue at this time. I do not know how old you and your wife are but, to me 7 months is a little to soon to start a family. I personally think that you should have some time to get to know your new wife. It is totally different ball game when you guys were engaged. This time you are living together and see every little aspect of her personality and behavior. Throwing a baby into the mix at this time can cause some major distress in your marriage.

She may be scared at this time she's trying to feel her way through this new time in her life. I am recently married and I do want children but I know having a child would be to much for me at this time.

Continue to love her and treat her like you did when you guys started to get serious. pray for her and pray with her about this issue( I suggest at the apporiate time not right after a fight God forbid if there is any more fights about this issue!) and other issues in your home (gentley of course). Dont let the emeny steal your joy in your marriage.

think about it. If you get her pregnant now she'll have major mood swings, pains, sickness who wants that in your first year of marriage? Have fun run around the house like teenagers (if you cathc my drift! ; ) go out on dates, get to know her and let her get to know you.

Hopefully this is a temporay issue with her. This culture of ours (American) puts WAY to much pressure on us to be thing and pretty. Tell her she is beautiful in your eyes and God and that being skinner than her sisters does not matter. It sounds like vanity. She probley tall blond and gorgoues!


Hope this helps

write back and tell me what happens

acasimir

 

[erin74]

I can understand the sister thing. My sister spent a lot of time losing weight, and was terrified of putting it back on. So she planned before she fell pregnant to have a personal trainer after she had the baby. She made sure she had the money, and the time to get to the gym before she even fell pregnant. And she did lose the weight again. She put on a lot of weight - I think that knowing she was going to get a trainer she made some very poor eating decisions... but hey she did the work to get it off again.

She actually started training quite a while before she fell pregnant so that it was a good habit, and also it made her feel good about herself - exercise does that really well for women.

My other thought is - have you looked into foster care or adoption. There are a lot of kids out there that need a family - perhaps this could be a way for you to help those kids, and help your wife at the same time.

 

[Renuka]

So why didn't you log out and back in again?

And this is Svt4Him's second cousin so don't think he's being mean.

As for the op, it's hard to believe I know, but not everything that is said during the dating period is true. For instance, I was told I'd have coffee in bed EVERY morning. Now all I get is a 'don't forget to turn off the lights when you leave'.

Yes, I did before the next post,,,I realised only after i posted that i had posted on her ID.....anything wrong???? I am sorry but I am not very tech savvy and I didn't know how to change the post to my ID

 

[bliz]

I was thinking about this the other day... the wife will still not have the satisfaction she wishes. If her sisters were nasty enough to pick on her for being the heaviest, they will not stop now. They will declare that the only reason she is now the thinnest is because she has not had children... and therefore THAT willbe what is wrong with her, the fact that she has not had children and is not therefore a "real" woman.

She is still trying to get the approval and love from people who, I suspect, will never give it to her no matter what she does. That great need went unmet all of those years in her life, and so she is still trying so hard to fill it now that she puts them above her husband.

Family is wonderful - but when family is dysfunctional and harms it's members instead of helping them, family can do terrible damage.

She needs to see herself not in their eyes, which will never approve, but through God's eyes and her husband's eyes. I'd suggest counseling or moving or both.

 

[Galadriel]

My friend had a wife who was afraid to have kids-- he was a physician and had her change her birthcontrol pills to a different brand. Secretly- he just had her take a placebo- and voila- she was pregnant. Being a Christian, she didn't even fathom an abortion.

Today they are a very happy family with a couple of kids- she is into running and has a GREAT figure.

I think what he did is equivilent to rape, because it is going against her wishes regarding her own body without her conscent (isn't that what rape is?) I think that should be a criminal offfense.

I know if my husband pulled something like that on me, that would be it. I would have to leave, because that is an awful betrayal of trust.

 

[Chosen One]

I think what he did is equivilent to rape, because it is going against her wishes regarding her own body without her conscent (isn't that what rape is?) I think that should be a criminal offfense.

I know if my husband pulled something like that on me, that would be it. I would have to leave, because that is an awful betrayal of trust.

She entered into a marriage-- marriages bring children.

This is no where near rape. I think you need professional help.

 

[InTheFlame]

She entered into a marriage-- marriages bring children.

This is no where near rape. I think you need professional help.

Hmmmm... how would you feel about me doing a similar thing to hubby - getting pregnant when he's specifically said that he doesn't want kids?

 

[Linnis]

She entered into a marriage-- marriages bring children.

This is no where near rape. I think you need professional help.

No, unportected sex brings children, marriage and babies do not go hand in hand. Rape can happen within a marriage and while this wasn't rape(in my humble opinon) it was a great violation of the trust which should be between a married couple.

While I agree it's not rape, being a doctor and giving a woman, even his wife one medication, which was really another, he could have very well lost his right to practice medicine. I personally think he should bcause if a man is willing to lie to his own wife, no one should trust him.

 

[Galadriel]

No, unportected sex brings children, marriage and babies do not go hand in hand. Rape can happen within a marriage and while this wasn't rape(in my humble opinon) it was a great violation of the trust which should be between a married couple.

While I agree it's not rape, being a doctor and giving a woman, even his wife one medication, which was really another, he could have very well lost his right to practice medicine. I personally think he should bcause if a man is willing to lie to his own wife, no one should trust him.

Agreed. I didn't say that it was rape, but I think it is on a similar level, because he is totally betraying her trust, and he is manipulating her body without her consent (giving her a placebo when she did not know it, and as a result she bore a child which she did not want to).

I wouldn't trust him to come anywhere near me after doing something like that. How would he like it if she did something to him without his consent that he had no desire to have happen?

 

[Galadriel]

She entered into a marriage-- marriages bring children.

This is no where near rape. I think you need professional help.

Marriage does not necessarily bring children. If you and your spouse have agreed that you do not want children, then children don't enter into the marriage. It is a choice.

I think you could use some help myself, because you seem to think that betraying a spouse's trust on such a deep level is okay.

 

[AirForceTeacher]

She entered into a marriage-- marriages bring children.

This is no where near rape. I think you need professional help.

You are such a compassionate soul!

I am intrigued by your views. Can I subscribe to your newsletter?


Back to OP:

I'm glad to hear that you are going to be compassionate toward her, you can't usually go wrong by being compassionate and respectful.

Bliz: Great post!

 

[Chosen One]

Hmmmm... how would you feel about me doing a similar thing to hubby - getting pregnant when he's specifically said that he doesn't want kids?

A husband is married- he accepts children from God.

 

[alwaysyoung]

After my first baby was born, I was so surprised at how fast I got my figure back. I had always heard people talk about how after you have a baby your body goes downhill. That is not neccesarily true. I don't think pregnancy causes weight gain...I think a lifestyle change may cause it. You're sitting around feeding a baby instead of out riding a bike. If your wife is that conscious of her body weight, I think she'd do just fine. She'll probably be able to lose the weight as long as her lifestyle didn't change too much.
Lisa

 

[erin74]

After my first baby was born, I was so surprised at how fast I got my figure back. I had always heard people talk about how after you have a baby your body goes downhill. That is not neccesarily true. I don't think pregnancy causes weight gain...I think a lifestyle change may cause it. You're sitting around feeding a baby instead of out riding a bike. If your wife is that conscious of her body weight, I think she'd do just fine. She'll probably be able to lose the weight as long as her lifestyle didn't change too much.
Lisa

I think this is true for some, but not for all. I have a friend like you, who gets her figure back very quickly, but not because she doesn't have a change of lifestyle. She has 4 young children (the fourth was born just as the eldest started school). She certainly wasn't out excercising. She just has a physical makeup that helps her to maintain her weight - she is very petite.

Others are not so lucky, and are effected by the hormonal change that is going on. For me, I eat next to nothing during pregnancy and lose a lot of weight. Despite breastfeeding I seem to manage to put it back on afterward. I struggle to keep it down, or to lose it, no matter what I do. I could be eating exactly what my friend is, and doing exactly the same things as her and my body would react very differently.

That is why I can understand what this women is going through, and why I posted what my sister did, as I suspect the women in her family struggles with weight just as my sister and I do. Because it is our physical makeup.