Struggling

[OakeyAngel]

I have posted a long while back about the reasons I have moved back to California from my new home in Oklahoma. My decision to leave my husband was so hard. But after 4 long months living alone and him telling me to leave and that it was over I finally did. And guess what? 3 days later, before I was even out of Arizona, he was calling wanting me to come back. Crying even. Well, I'm not that rich, and I was even more still hurting from all of it. I wasnt' pulling the kids out of school again until we worked it all out.
Things had been going really well. He even flew out for Christmas and spent a week here.
Now he is pulling away. Not like before, but things don't feel right. I feel myself being insecure and questioning things. And when I needed to hear from him, instead, my ex boyfriend from before him called me and now I am feeling guilty.
I haven't seen him, but just talking to him makes me feel bad. I love my husband. I would never cheat on him. but I know I would not want him talking to his ex. But It's like all the things I was wanting to hear from my husband, instead were coming out of my ex's mouth.
When I was with my ex, he helped my relationship with God grow so much, that it changed me, and what I wanted. Our relationship ended not because we didn't love each other, but because he had big issues in his life to deal with.
I never expected to end up marrying my husband almost a year later. But it just seemed like God was saying, Yes, this is it. This is what I want you to do. When do we know it is God telling us to do something, and not us wanting it to be that way?

 

[llghoney]

my friend,

I just wanted to say that you are in my prayers. Also, I would pray seriously about what is going on. SOmetimes the devil will try to sneak in when we are not paying attention. Keep you head high & stay strong! God only wants the BEST for us!


Love in Christ

 

[Chrystal-J]

My husband was doing that 'yo-yo' stuff with me. (Now I want you--now I don't.) What I finally did was to just allow myself to be alone. I don't talk to my husband, I don't have any men in my life that I would see as future dates after my divorce (if I get one). I'm not saying that's what you're doing, I'm just saying that I needed some space and 'alone time' to see what God can do in my life. My husband was so abusive and he loved to play so many mind games, that I didn't have the energy left to read the Bible or pray. Now, with-out any distractions, I can devote so much more time to the Word, going to church and praying. I find that by doing this I'm finding out what God really wants my life to be like. So, for now, I'm just happy being alone.
I hope your situation improves.
C J

 

[E-beth]

Let me just say that the devil knows EXACTLY when to tempt us. And if it makes you feel guilty, it is probably wrong. But if you search for God's will, and are obedient to Him, He will bless you in terrific ways.

It might be a good idea to immerse yourself in the Word, and keep your focus on the hubby and how to jump start his heart. I pray it all works out for you.

You are in my prayers.

 

[heartnsoul]

I agree with all the wonderful advice given here. Take time out (a year) to strengthen your relationship with God. As you immerse yourself in God and learn what God's expectations are for a marriage, you will have a better, clearer understanding of God's will for your life.

Obviously the marriage problems were serious enough for you to file for a divorce. It's best not to second-guess and fill your mind with self doubts. Don't dwell on the past. If it's meant to be for you and your husband to reconcile, it will happen in its own time. For now, I think it would be in your best interest to work on yourself and you may want to suggest to your ex-husband to work on himself too. You said your ex-husband had a lot of issues to work through. There's no sense rushing back into a relationship with him when he also needs time to work through whatever issues he has.

Take it one day at a time and renew your commitment to God. Love God with all of your heart and soul and trust in Him. He knows what is best for you and things will happen according to His plan. God loves you and wants the best for you. May God give you strength, peace and wisdom.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Usually if we do the right thing God eventually rewards us for it. If you are married the right thing probably involves being with your husband.

 

[gwenevere]

I agree with all the advice every one is giving you. Take some time and spend it reading the word of God. Get into a deper relationship with God. I'm going though a divorce and I don't know what God wants in my life but I know he has good plans for me and he also has them for you....
I'll keep you in my prayers

 

[Tgeezee]

I would ask you.....
How close were you, AND your husband with the lord?
You said the the ex boyfriend got you close with the lord and that he just had some personal issues to deal with and you and him ended up breaking up. Soon after you meet your husband and got married. Well how much of a part of your husbands life does he give to God? At any time either now or the begaining? If he ever was close, then see (after only getting back close yourself) if you can help him get there again. Then see how things fall in place. If he never was close and put the lord first. Pray for him and help him find god. Show him that the lord is now first in your life and that if things are going to work out, then he to has to have the lord first in him life as well. That's what the lord wants. Its not a matter of what you want. We dont understand anything. That's why we have to pray and give our problems to the lord that he will take them and work them out for us.
About the talking to the "ex" thing. I know exactlly how you feel. I'm going though something close to you. It feels wrong that I've talked to her. And like you said ...she has all the right things to say. And I think...why is she still here? Is this love, did I miss something? Did I make a mistake and get with the wrong one? No this is the devil working. Nothing wrong with the "ex" But that's not what my heart wanted in the first place. You just have to be strong and like I said put the lord first and for most - trust him - pray about what's going on and what you want the lord to do and show you. And take this time for that! The lord is waiting to see what you do in this time. Turn to him and he'll take care of the rest.

 

[Ceili]

I struggle with the same things you do. I think after reading everyone's advice I'll take some of it myself. I'm newly divoriced by 2 months.