Struggling with ungratefulness and envy

[Revelation210Faith]

Recently, no matter how hard I try to shut it out of my heart, I just cannot stop thinking about what I do not have but others do and thinking and acting like I deserve more. How do you guys keep your minds on how much God has blessed you and stop worrying about what others have or do? I would appreciate it greatly if you prayed for me too. Thanks and God bless

 

[ValleyGal]

Practice gratitude. This will take work, but there are ways - keep a gratitude journal, at least one entry per day, one thing you are grateful for and why you are grateful for it. Another way is to make a list of everything you envy about others, and thank God that others have those things - this is gratitude on behalf of someone else, which helps you to get thinking of others rather than yourself. Another is to practice humility - since all good things come from God, then we do not deserve anything in our own right - and we only have what we have by his mercy. Another way is to reframe what it would mean to have the things you envy - that by not having those things, you are preventing others from being envious of you, so by not having those things, you are preventing someone like you from the sin of envy.

Another thing to think about is why you might think you are entitled to have the things you envy, and why you might think you are more "deserving" of stuff than others are. You might want to process this out with your pastor.

 

[EmmaCat]

Recently, no matter how hard I try to shut it out of my heart, I just cannot stop thinking about what I do not have but others do and thinking and acting like I deserve more. How do you guys keep your minds on how much God has blessed you and stop worrying about what others have or do? I would appreciate it greatly if you prayed for me too. Thanks and God bless

Well, I look at it this way: I don't deserve anything, and that's the absolute truth. I work very hard for what I do have and along the way, I was gifted with things and blessed. I deserve nothing; no one owes me anything; but I owe plenty.

I owe my parents for my life and for all I have. To some, a tiny apartment over a tractor garage may not be much and in fact, it's old and needs a little work. But it's warm and tight, clean and happy.

I owe my employer a good honest day's work and then some. They trust me implicitly.

I owe my community and will help anyone in need, and I do.

This may sound harsh and I don't mean to be rude, but actually, the world doesn't revolve around you.

The world could not care less about you, or me, or anyone else.

It's also none of your business who has what and how much.

What matters is God. The reason you're not drawing close to Him is because you think you deserve something and you are more concerned with what others have. That's what Satan likes to do to people, especially younger ones who are obsessed with deserving this or that and who has what. He's drawing you away from God, filling your head with these ridiculous notions. If you grow up to be an adult with these thoughts still active in your mind, you won't be a nice person and you might find yourself becoming depressed because you didn't get this or that, someone's got a better (name it) than you, and that isn't a good life.

If you have a roof over your head, food to eat, a warm bed, and clothes on your back, you've got it made. The rest is stuff. You need to put Satan's influence far away from you, pick up your Bible, and start reading and studying. Ask a Chaplain for help with this -- they're wonderful here. You came to the right place, my friend.

Just don't fall into Satan's trap. Don't let him win. Sure, it won't be easy, but it's not impossible and you've come to the right place for help. You're 16 and at a crossroad ... I pray you'll do the right thing.

You'll never regret it. Go with God, friend!

All good things
Emmy

 

[Greg J.]

Acquiring humility is usually painful and requires regular renewal. But it comes from accepting the truth, which is something we can seek and fight to accept. What we have earned for ourselves and deserve is eternal punishment. Anything short of that is a gift from God (that we didn't deserve).

“But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ (Matthew 20:13-15, 1984 NIV)

Stop looking just at the people who have more than you. Look at the people who have less, sometimes much less. Also, how many of them are destined for eternal punishment (like you were)? God has already granted us eternal riches, which is so, so much more than we deserve. He's the one who sacrificed everything so we could be saved without having to pay for our sins ourselves at all.

 

[EmmaCat]

Acquiring humility is usually painful and requires regular renewal. But it comes from accepting the truth, which is something we can seek and fight to accept. What we have earned for ourselves and deserve is eternal punishment. Anything short of that is a gift from God (that we didn't deserve).

“But he answered one of them, ‘Friend, I am not being unfair to you. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? Take your pay and go. I want to give the man who was hired last the same as I gave you. Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’ (Matthew 20:13-15, 1984 NIV)

Stop looking just at the people who have more than you. Look at the people who have less, sometimes much less. Also, how many of them are destined for eternal punishment (like you were)? God has already granted us eternal riches, which is so, so much more than we deserve. He's the one who sacrificed everything so we could be saved without having to pay for our sins ourselves at all.

That ^^^ and then some.

I live in a Fundamentalist Christian community waaayy up in the mountains that didn't even see electricity until 1995. We just got Internet last year. Many folks here still cook on wood-burning cookstoves.

And you never saw a happier bunch of people. Yesterday at our Memorial Day picnic, it poured on us right after we started putting the food away and setting up the games. For a split second, there was a flash of disappointment, then someone yelled, "Praise the Lord! Let it rain!" So we clapped and cheered and thanked God and got soaked and didn't care. Up here, rain means food.

We needed the rain a lot more than we needed games and God knew that. One thing that's not always taught at home is the concept of priorities.

You are only 16, and have probably been raised a lot differently than I. One thing we were always taught was, "God first. Everything else will fall into its natural place if God is first." He is THE priority. Once you really learn that and start living it, bit by bit it becomes a priority. Then it becomes a major priority. Then it snowballs happily into THE priority of your entire existence. But you've GOT to start now, my friend. Don't put it off. You came to the right place at the right time, and now's your time to start shining.

People say you're an adult at 18. Not necessarily. Some are adults at 12, and I know several 30-something-year-olds who still need to grow up. You aren't yet, but you're enough of an adult right this moment to understand what's wrong in your life, and start asking the right questions to the right people in the right forum. You're articulate and you're definitely smart and want to do better.

People who hang on to the "I deserve this ... " and "So-and-so has this and I don't ..." junk never grow out of it until they make God a priority. I work in a pretty big country store, and we have a few customers (older than you and I) who are horrible people. One man makes us want to hide or pull the fire alarm when he walks in. Let me tell you about these people in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s who think like that:

This one guy walks in and doesn't care if there are other customers in the store. He slams his list down on the counter and tells me, "Fetch, girl," and laughs like a rabid hyena. I have to go get everything, ring it up, bag it perfectly, and take it to his car and load it for him. The whole time, he's telling me I'm slow, asks me if I'm retarded, and insults the store and me for not having certain brands or whatever he can find wrong.

You don't want to know what people say about him when he leaves. Even his neighbors hate him. You want to be that guy? I hate to say it, but that kind of behavior begins with exactly what you're saying you feel right now.

Another was a 21-year-old college student who berated her poor Mom during the whole shopping trip about getting one of those real expensive new IPhones. Mom is a single Mom working two jobs to get this kid through college and the kid says she deserves a new phone that costs HUNDREDS of dollars. She accused her Mom of not caring, how she NEEDED this phone, everyone has them, she deserved the phone because she has a high GPA, Facebook is faster on it, blah, blah, blah. The whole time she was yelling at her Mom, she never lifted a finger to help her. Not once.

The reaction to her behavior was a whole lot less than favorable.

Don't be these people. They're miserable and unhappy and make everyone else miserable and unhappy. You're better than this, and I think you know it somewhere inside. Please talk to a Chaplain here. I did, and I was truly blessed by the whole experience! It may seem weird to pour your heart out to him, but please trust me when I say the Chaplains really do "get it" here! I was a little nervous about it but that lasted all of 12 seconds, so you'll be fine and in good hands.

Just try to prioritize, putting God first, and get some good spiritual help. I'm praying for you.

All good things
Emmy

 

[Born Again2004]

It is a mindset and a heart thing with God in you and you knowing it that makes the difference. I would suggest you research the Bible and see what St. Paul had to say about coveting! Believe it or not, you being here and admitting you have this problem is a big step!!!

 

[longwait]

You are in my prayers. I don't know what your area of lack is. For me this scripture is comforting. Better to be lowly in spirit and among the oppressed than to share plunder with the proud Proverbs 16:19. I used to feel inferior for as long as I can remember. But lately I feel that that is the best place to be. When you are proud about yourself then you will fall. Lately I have witnessed many prideful people brought low by the hand of God. The Lord opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

 

[Revelation210Faith]

Thank you all for your advice so far. I've taken it to heart and these past couple of days have definitely been much more relaxed and peaceful though I'm still growing. I think much of my struggle has to do with the fact that the moment I step into school, practice, the workplace, or even just check my messages, everyone seems to be bragging about "I did this or that", "I want to do this or that", etc and peer pressure really builds. Over time, I inevitably feed off such a mindset until it just becomes engrained within me and I have realized that it takes a daily, conscious effort to continually fight my own nature. I just ask for your continued prayers that God give me the strength I need everyday to stand upon His word and His principles and not give into the flesh and the temptations of the devil. Once again thanks so much and it really means a lot that I can just go online and find a community of strong, committed Christians that are willing to help me whenever I get myself lost in a rut

 

[tturt]

Here's a couple of verses that are helpful to me.
"This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." Psa 118:24
"Thus saith God the Lord, he that created the heavens, and stretched them out; he that spread forth the earth, and that which cometh out of it; he that giveth breath unto the people upon it, and spirit to them that walk therein:" Isa 42:5

That covers the first few seconds of the day...++++++

 

[EmmaCat]

Thank you all for your advice so far. I've taken it to heart and these past couple of days have definitely been much more relaxed and peaceful though I'm still growing. I think much of my struggle has to do with the fact that the moment I step into school, practice, the workplace, or even just check my messages, everyone seems to be bragging about "I did this or that", "I want to do this or that", etc and peer pressure really builds. Over time, I inevitably feed off such a mindset until it just becomes engrained within me and I have realized that it takes a daily, conscious effort to continually fight my own nature. I just ask for your continued prayers that God give me the strength I need everyday to stand upon His word and His principles and not give into the flesh and the temptations of the devil. Once again thanks so much and it really means a lot that I can just go online and find a community of strong, committed Christians that are willing to help me whenever I get myself lost in a rut

LOOK AT YOU!

Such good news and I'm SO proud of you! You're identifying the issues, even pinpointing EXACTLY how it happens and where it happens ... oh you are a very wise one indeed already, my friend. I knew you had some smarts going on in there!

Oh sure they brag about this or that. Do you know why?

Because it's all they got. And that means, eternally speaking, they got NOTHING.

You're different now. Look at you! I'm not saying be prideful or arrogant about this, don't get me wrong, but look what you did compared to what they did.

You took a few steps closer to God, the Almighty God, the Creator ...

... and eternal life. I'm talking FOREVER here. Not just this life where we all pass, but you took a few steps toward the Kingdom of Heaven. That's FOREVER, and this is very serious stuff here. This is your SOUL, my friend.

You let God in a little. That's excellent! You're taking baby steps right now, and you have to. Babies don't go from crawling to Olympic running athletes overnight ... remember that. So you let God in a little, and you're a little less stressed. Good! That means you're listening!

Can they brag about that? No. Can you? Sure, but you won't. And you're NOT bragging here, either. You're helping US help YOU by describing your progress, identifying the weak links, asking for help, and being grateful for help.

That's humility. You're starting to step into humility, and that's a BIG step.

So, can your friends say they're a few steps closer to God and salvation and joy because they have this or did that?

No.

Can they say, "Well, I just admitted I have some issues and now all these people are praying for me and helping me get sorted out and on the road to Eternal Life."?

No.

Are they a little less stressed and able to see their issues more clearly?

No.

Are they BRAVE enough and MAN enough to come forward here and ask for help and identify their issues for all to know and understand?

No.

See? They got NOTHING.

You just opened the door to everything that is good, wise, joyous and ends up with Eternal Life.

I'm not saying there won't be tough times ahead; quite the opposite. Unfortunately, we aren't in Heaven yet, so we still have to deal with life and all its messes and heartbreaks and unfairness and junk, but it's like this:

Without God, it's a lot harder to deal with that junk. It's still a long road with dangers and potholes, but with Him, we can skirt the potholes and dodge the dangers, learn along the way and let Him lead. Without Him, it's like navigating a minefield without a metal detector and a mine map.

Keep drawing closer to Him, my friend. You're doing really well, and I know I can't be the only one who is proud of you. And do talk to a Chaplain if you wish. I'm glad I did. Honestly, they are good, fine Christian men and I'd trust them with my earthly life.

Have you thought about journalling your spiritual progress? I have a Praise and Worship journal, and an everyday journal, and I have a blog here. I write about everything and my blog is interactive, which means you can post to it whatever you wish (anyone can) and I'll answer you. If you read it (it's very long), you'll see what miracles happened to me in less than a month after finding CF.

But you keep going. I'm going to continue praying for you, and when the envy and the narcissism rears its ugly head, keep your eye on Eternal Life, your walk with God, think to yourself ...

"Cool. You did (whatever) and you got a (name it). I prayed today, and I'm working on my relationship with God. Whatever you did might have been fun, but will soon be a faded memory, and whatever you got today will end up in a landfill somewhere anyway.

What I've got will be Eternal Life which never fades and doesn't end up in landfills. It's FOREVER."

Then pray for them, because they may be feeling the same as you with the envy and stuff. You just never know. And even a short prayer for others will help get rid of some of that envy and narcissism.

Keep on rolling with God, my friend! I'm very proud of you!

All good things
Emmy

 

[Cernunnos]

My life is not my own. I BELONG to Jesus.. . . so, the standard for what "I deserve" is not dictated by culture, advertising, or anything else that might encourage me to believe I deserve more than I have. I am however deeply grateful for what I DO have, I realize it is all blessing & what God has given so that I can lead a life for Him. Check out the parable of the talents in Mathew 25:14-30 and Luke 19:12-27 . . . there are three servants in both stories. . . . nobody ever talks about the middle one. Being the middle one isn't bad, being the least (in the story) is bad. Take action based on what Jesus said & be blessed.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I just don't care. No seriously. I don't care if someone has something better or newer or more expensive then me. I never really have. Life to short to care about what you do or don't have. Because in the end a billionaire and a homeless person still get put 6 feet under and nothing goes with them to where they go next. Of course this doesn't mean lets all give up everything and live in a cave. Obviously we do want some important things like food, clothes...etc.

For my wife shes likes to get some things since she works hard to get a paycheck. When we go out she will say "You want this thing?" or "Let me buy this for you!". I will say no. She doesn't understand why I never want anything. Its just how I was raised. I can live with not much if need be. I'm used to it.

I remember I have everything I can ever need already. God! Its all I need. He also gives me life every day, breath...etc. I have food, a roof over my head, a wife. Life is good. And like many will say, we deserve nothing really. But God still gives us far more then we deserve. For example I woke up this morning alive. Praise God for that! Another day of life! Sure, theres a new movie I want to go see at the theater, but if I don't see it then thats ok. I'm alive today! Good enough for me.