Hi everyone!
I am a member of an AOG church, although Im not one big on denominations, however, the church I belong to has my complete agreeance at this point. I had hands laid upon me and was prayed for for the gift of the Holy Spirit, and although I had been attempting to speak in tounges for quite some time before that, I believe that moment was the moment I truly let go of myself and entered into really praying in tounges. However, since then I have struggled. It's not something I do a LOT although when praying or worshipping I try....but I feel so self conscious...like people are listening and can see right through me that its not for real....and I over think everything that I say....its so repetitious I wonder whether I am even doing it properly sometimes....then theres nother times when i know it feels genuine....
I was hoping someone out there had had similar experiences, and could tell me how things are now and what helped? Thanks!
Hey sis,
No need to struggle. May you have peace from God.
Let me give you my testimony about tongues. I was baptized while having a vision of the Lord, and had power come into my life from that moment. But, I didn't know I had the ability to speak in tongues until one day I was praising with all of my might in song, and suddenly I started speaking something not English. Within I had a peace it was from God, but in my head I was analyzing it and doubting it. I said a quick prayer, "I rebuke any influence from the adversary against me while praying and praising, right now, in the name of Jesus! Lord, if this is truly from you, let me keep doing it more!"
Well, I put my trust in his will there, and started praising again, and again it began coming out as tongues I did not know. So, I rejoiced in it and just kept speaking for hours. Now, this is someone who before that had only know Baptist church and never heard anyone speak in tongues, or been taught about it at all, though I'd read the Scriptures many times through and knew it was scriptural.
I noticed in the days after this, that when I'd go to speaking in that manner, that my mind would go crazy with doubts and arguments against it. I know some think this is Satan, but I think it more likely your flesh, the carnal mind, wanting to stay in control of the mind and tongue, and because it is losing more ground, it is fighting to remain alive.
Well, I'd just tell those thoughts to shut up, and I'd take them captive in Messiah. I kept on speaking as the Spirit had given me the utterance (I realized later that it went all the way back to that night with Jesus touching me in a vision or in the spirit somehow, but that I had just never actually consciously spoken in that utterance until that night I was just letting go of myself to praise my King.
I noticed that over time, the arguments and doubts in my mind became less and less, and I continued to study out tongues in the Scriptures, and my faith was greatly built up in the matter. Over time, the carnal mind finally shut up completely, and I no longer here it arguing over speaking from the spirit, rather than the understanding (1 Cor 14). In fact, I haven't heard and argument in my mind for many years now. Over time, I've received new utterances.
I've spoken some that were known languages, such as Hebrew, without having naturally learned them. I've spoken before and it sounded Chinese or something. But usually, it is my normal utterance, my "prayer language," which also has developed more and more over time, from fewer sounds and words, to more and more complex ones, that now sound more like sentences and statements.
I must admit though, that mine did not start out as very repetitive, as I had many sounds and words to start, that differed. I just want to be honest there. But then state that I have laid hands on others and they have spoken in tongues, and every time it has been different.
One guys language I almost chuckled over, after I laid hands on him. It sounded like nothing I'd ever heard, and it was sounds and syllables but just different. If it could be typed, I suppose it would go something like..."shhhlllemiashlaahmashllemiahshlamffffttttssss."
Seriously, it sounded "funny," to my natural ears. However, it is his, and he's unique, just like his utterance. I've heard some bizarre sounding tongues from laying hands on others to receive, though I've had the discernment they were from God to those people.
The Scriptures say that the things of the Spirit are foolishness to the natural man/mind. That is certainly true with speaking in tongues. But, just because our natural minds think it sounds "bizarre" or "funny," or "how do you know that is of God?" and such, does not mean we should listen to that. When I almost chuckled over the one guy's, (if you ever saw the guy dance in praise it makes people want to chuckle also, he was just very unique, but sincere), I kept it in and conquered that fleshly thought. Spiritually I knew "it isn't funny." But the flesh thought it sounded funny and foolish.
Don't pay any attention to naysayers or mockers or scoffers. Only you and God know for sure that you are his and he's given you utterance. As far as judgment goes. So don't let another judge you in that regard.
Keep on speaking the utterance you've been given, and over time, you'll conquer the fears and doubts in the carnal mind.
You'll also over time, as you submit as a living sacrifice, to do God's will and not your own, will be further empowered supernaturally, to do greater works for his Kingdom. Just hang in there and be encouraged and keep up the fight of faith.
Shalom in Yahshua (Jesus)!
David