struggling with masturbation

[argyleman]

Hi,
I have been trying to stop it for years but somehow I never make it longer than maybe 1 week. The thing is that it's not even certain wether it's a sin or not.
In most cases I don't have dirty fantasies. I get the urge to do it mostly when I'm depressed, it's a way to release tension.
Actually I wish I could just stop it but it doesn't work! After a few days I get the urge to do it and then I do it and then I feel bad and then the whole thing starts again.
I have tried to stop it so often somehow I cannot even imagine that I succeed one day and after all what does succeeding mean? Doing it never again? I doubt this is possible and imagine you have not done it for month and then you fall, then the chances are pretty good that you will fall again after a few days cause you are demoralized.
And I don't even know how to be free. I mean is it all down to my own will? Do I have to fight this fight and really fight the urge in my own strength? I don't think this works. I mean sometimes I win and do not do it but in most cases I simply give in.
And another really huge problem is that I often have really filthy dreams!
I dream of having sex with girls and when I wake up I have this stuff in my mind! That's like having watched a porno! It affects you! When I dream such stuff then the chances are high that I touch the next day simply because I have this stuff in my head.
I don't like these dreams but what shall I do? I cannot do anything against them. I also do not watch porn. I mean it's not that I have never watched a porno but I don't have this stuff at home and I do not watch it regularly, so porn is not a problem in my case.
But often 1 pic of a woman is enough to directly tempt me and when you surf on the internet you always see something filthy even when you're not looking for it.

 

[canehdianhotstuff]

wrong forum....

 

[Nietzsche]

There’s nothing wrong with it, an any one who tells you they don’t do it is a total liar.

Further any one who tells you its some how wrong is COMPLETLY INSANE.

Just incase you were rubbing your eyes when i said that, ill say it again

COMPLETLY INSANE.
​

 

[ForeRunner]

Those urges are perfectly natural. You are a human being after all, and human beings are sexual creatures, by nature. Why would God give us all these urges and then tell us to suppress them? It doesn't make any sense. If you want to know the real reason those things are considered wrong send me a PM and I'll tel you.

 

[Jet Black]

stop browsing the internet and do something else before you go to bed.

alternatively wear one of these to bed

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/03/sci_nat_wellcome_exhibition/html/7.stm

 

[argyleman]

Um...actually I had hoped for a serious discussion...
this is a christian board right?

 

[coyoteBR]

Argyleman, yes, this is a christian forum; and some people are saying it's a perfectly normal body function (I second that), and try and add some humor to their response. Humor, laugh, fun, can help us understand better a couple of things, and lightenens the talk.

But you may want to repost your question on other areas of the place; there's a christian olny area with a struggles with sexuality sub-forum.

There people will probably give the answer you want.

Peace of Christ

CoyoteBR

 

[Ananel]

http://www.christianforums.com/f389

As Coyote says, there are other places that will address your questions in the fashion that it seems you desire. Some of the responses have been fairly serious, but they're not coming from your perspective. I, for one, would be most concerned with the lust you feel and not the actions of your hand. I am not one to feel that Onan's sin can be extrapolated as much as the Catholic Church chose to do so.

 

[Jet Black]

Um...actually I had hoped for a serious discussion...
this is a christian board right?

yes, but this is the non christian section of the board. My suggestion wasn't a joke either, if you can't mentally stop yourself, then physically stop yourself with the male equivalent of a chastity belt. This will definitely stop you masturbating, and doing something else before you go to bed will tire you out and that will stop as well. eventually it will just become habit to not touch.

 

[argyleman]

chastity belt? are you kidding?
Imagine wearing this thing at night and then getting an erection!
This would break your penis.... I doubt that this is a real solution.

 

[Nathan David]

Biblically there is no reason to think it's a sin. Masturbation is embarassing to talk about and it involves sexual urges and private parts of the body so people often feel guilty or weird about it.

 

[Fuzzy]

Chastity devices and exhausting yourself may help with the
erection, but I'm wondering about something else...

I get the urge to do it mostly when I'm depressed, it's a way to release tension.

Have you figured out where the depression is coming from? That would be the
better point to approach from, in my opinion as a person. Are you depressed
because of work? Home life? Lack of success in some way? Developing
ways to cope (chastity belt, intense physical activity) with your current
coping mechanism (masturbation) doesn't solve your root depression, it just
conceals it under another layer. Good luck getting the life you want.

 

[mxyzptlk]

Listen to your body, and be who you are. Don't try to be someone or something you're not, because you are you, there's no helping it, and fighting yourself will only bring more frustration (in my own experience at least).

Everyone masturbates. At least the vast majority of guys do it (most girls do it too), Christian or non-Christian. I'm pretty sure that 99% of the 'men of God' speaking out against this are doing it themselves.

I usually touch every day (give or take) when not in a sexual relationship, and I'm very happy that I do. It relieves tension, that's for sure, at least after a WEEK of no [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]! Man, I can't remember the last time I went for a week without petting the little guy.

Have fun, listen to yourself, love God and be happy, but don't let anyone tell you that something as comfortable and refreshing as a self done hand-job is somehow unhealthy or a "sin".

On the contrary, I'm fully confident that the act of masturbation is VERY healthy and that in many cases, it'd be UNHEALTHY NOT TO DO IT. It's not necessary to exaggerate, but one should empty oneself (and have an [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]) every once in a while at least...

But of course, it's no substitute for the real thing, and shouldn't be treated as one. Nothing can compare to the physical and spiritual act of love making between two people who truly love eachother.

I hope I didn't say too much here..

 

[larryicr]

(NASB)
Deut 23:10-11 - If there is among you any man who is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, then he must go outside the camp; he may not reenter the camp. But it shall be when evening approaches, he shall bathe himself with water, and at sundown he may reenter the camp.

Lev 15:16-17 - Now if a man has a seminal emission, he shall bathe all his body in water and be unclean until evening. As for any garment or any leather on which there is seminal emission, it shall be washed with water and be unclean until evening.

The bible does tell us that it makes us "unclean", but that does not mean it is a sin. A woman is also unclean when she menstruates, but it is not a sin.

I think the critical point is of sexual thoughts and fantasies.

Mat 5:28 - but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

I feel bad and then the whole thing starts again.

It seems that your conscience is condemning you.

Rom 2:15 - in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them,

It is not "impossible" to never touch again. This kind of mindset will weaken your faith in the matter. Nothing is impossible for God.

And I don't even know how to be free. I mean is it all down to my own will? Do I have to fight this fight and really fight the urge in my own strength?

The only way to be free from anything in the flesh is to walk in the Spirit. If our wills could overcome sin, we wouldn't need a Savior.

Rom 8:1,4-10,12-14
Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
so that the requirement of the Law might be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace,
because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so,
and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him.
If Christ is in you, though the body is dead because of sin, yet the spirit is alive because of righteousness.
So then, brethren, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh--
for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die; but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the deeds of the body, you will live.
For all who are being led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.

You say that you do not watch porn "regularly". My suggestion would be to not watch it at all.

 

[ForeRunner]

Oh, and it lowers the risk of Prostate Cancer.

 

[argyleman]

I do not watch porn. But sometimes I see filthy pics on the net.
Anyway, this whole "walking in the spirit" stuff sounds so easy but it's not. I have no clue how it works.
And what shall I do when I have sexual dreams nearly every night? This is really starting to annoy me. I dream of sexual stuff nearly every night! How shall I be free when I dream such stuff? That's like watching porn every day!

 

[Nathan David]

Enjoy the dreams and remember they are just dreams. It's a normal thing to dream about. There's no sense feeling guilty about what shows up in your dreams!

 

[larryicr]

*** Some advice from David Wilkerson's book "Have you felt like giving up lately?"...

1 - Learn to hunger for holiness and hate your sin (you may already hate it)
2 - Be convinced that God loves you in spite of your sin (don't let guilt overwhelm you)
3 - Accept God's help in resisting and overcoming (we can't do it alone)

When the sin is conquered, your other enemies will flee - worry, fear, guilt, anxiety, depression, restlessness, loneliness.

*** End of David Wilkerson's advice

I would also suggest making a covenant with your eyes as Job did...

Job 31:1 - I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?

Make all the members of your body a living sacrifice to God...

Rom 12:1 - I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.

I know it is not easy, but God never said it would be. We are in a spiritual war and we must fight. Thank God He has not called us to fight this war with our own strength, but has given us His Spirit.

Remember that you are not being tempted by anything "new", we all have the same types of temptations and fall into the same types of sin...

1 Cor 10:13 - There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

The simple fact of the matter is you are yielding to the flesh, and it can be stopped by yielding to the Spirit. When you are tempted try praying instead of gratifying the flesh, I have found the results astounding!

Here is how the temptation and sin operate...

James 1:14-15 - But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

 

[fashionably_lonely]

There's a reason masturbation helps depression. Because sexual release is a good thing and makes you feel better. Simple as that.

 

[larryicr]

argyleman said

I get the urge to do it and then I do it and then I feel bad

So since it makes him feel bad, it does not seem to be helping his depression, and he does not seem to "feel better" afterwards as you put it.