I feel I have a problem in my life with extremes in myself and in what I read as regards the Holy Spirit. I have read books that are by charismatic authors (eg. The Bennetts, Francis MacNutt, Agnes Sanford, Kathryn Kuhlmann etc.) and authors that are cessationist (eg. MacArthur) as well as other theologians like Karl Barth, and I just feel this whole issue of spirituality has always been awfully troubling to me. I didn't grow up in a church that was particularly charismatic, and the whole matter of faith-healing, and people falling over (slain in the spirit as its called) was to me when I first seen it on TV something I was dubious about, and to be honest not something I was sure I wanted to experience either (ie. falling over). I have read both sides, but feel no further on in fact it doesn't help. I also had read New Age material earlier in life. I haven't done some of the spiritual practices I have heard of, but neither have I been sure in myself whether some of it is right or wrong. At times I have found myself agreeing with cessationist teachings then later rejecting them and going to the opposite extreme. I would certainly have called myself a christian at one point, but I have always struggled a lot and I feel its a lot to do with this matter of cessationism versus continuism and also christian views of the Holy Spirit versus New age.
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