Sorry, I just woke up my mother because I had an anxiety episode. Is this really going to happen? I can barely breathe, I feel so suffocated. I'm not suicidal, but it's very intense.
What if God is telling me that it's true, I begged him to guide me to the truth, but I'm getting the same answer.
You may want to educate yourself more on aspergers. You are in defense mode which causes a LOT of anxiety.
Defense Mode is one of the
4 core pillars of the AE Model. This is a state in which someone with Asperger’s is scared, frustrated, or angry, as well as shut down and & withdrawn. In Defense Mode, everything is harder because you are constantly trying to protect against an imminent, perceived, but extremely vague threat. The perceived threat creates the same anxiety as a true life threatening situation. Fortunately, the vast majority are not actual threats, but merely signals that the brain perceives as threats.
In scientific terms, what is going on is a complex biological, neurological & psychological rat’s nest of “problems” that all compound on each other (but have roots in low vagal tone). Simply put, there is simply too much to process at once. Most of it is internal and unseen.
From an outside perspective Defense Mode can look like someone who is unmotivated, unwilling, uncooperative or “rude”. I’ve heard it called Oppositional Defiant Disorder, PTSD, lack of motivation, video game addiction and all sorts of other names.
With limited understanding, all of those are accurate to a point. They miss, however, the key understanding of Defense Mode: People with Asperger’s and Autism are in Defense Mode and shut down because they are scared, upset and/or angry, not because they are trying to spite you, or be rude, or defiant. And yes, it sucks as much as you might think. To complicate matters, it is scary to be angry with the people who support you when you are in are in Defense Mode. Add a fear of abandonment to the mix and it gets really complicated.
When you are in Defense Mode, since you spend the majority of your resources fighting your feelings, the outside world and anything you perceive as threatening, you have very little leftover resources for day to day functioning.
Someone who is in Defense Mode also has a hard time regulating their emotional state, connecting with others, not obsessing over 1 singular thing completely and finding their way in life (both metaphorically and physically).
So until you get out of Defense Mode, it is very hard to learn social skills, make friends, be productive in school or a job, and take care of yourself and manage the overwhelm and stress that can come with everyday life.
However, once you get OUT of Defense Mode, everything changes. Because you are not fighting your feelings with all your resources, you suddenly have 100x more energy than you used to. Your body and mind begin to work well together, and you feel like you’re gaining all sorts of super powers.
In reality, those super powers are just parts of your body and mind getting out of the freeze loop and turning back on. It is pretty super, though.
How to tell if someone is in Defense Mode
So how do you know if someone is in Defense Mode, whether that is you or someone else? Usually people who are in Defense Mode are shut down, retreated into themselves and withdrawn.
They tend to flip flop between fear or anger and shutdown, have health or gut issues and generally seem on edge all the time. In short: They are on edge and defensive. A lot.
Defense Mode is the underlying cause of 99% of the issues we work with our clients & customers on here at Asperger Experts. Once you get out of Defense Mode, it’s like a light switch gets turned on.
Suddenly you can see. Suddenly everything is easier. Suddenly you “get it”.