Struggling with anger

[Libbysmum83]

Hello,
I have not been a Christian long, 2 years or so.
However, I keep doing something that troubles me very much and I often pray about it, but I never seem to be able to change.
I feel very resentful and bitter against certain people in my life, they haven't done anything awful to me, but I often feel they could treat me better, they are in a position over me where I should feel supported by them, but they don't offer any and they often make me feel I let them down continually even though I realy do strive to do my best with what knowledge and skills I have.
I often get very angry and say horrible things about them, then struggle with feelings of guilt afterwards.
I know its wrong to feel this way against another person, but I keep doing it. It's like a rage takes over and I can't stop myself from getting mad.
I feel like i'm trapped in a situation and was wondering if i was being punished by God, or at least kept in the same circumstances until i have changed my ways.
It just feels impossible to change when I'm so unhappy in the said situation.
I often say i should change my situation, but doing so would be a massive inconvenience to this person, and i'm so timid and feel too guilty to speak up for myself.
I hope this makes sense and isn't too vague, I'm reluctant to go into more detail on a website, but feel like i can't speak to anyone at church about it.
Any advice or prayer would be gratefully recieved.

 

[St_Worm2]

Praying for you!

 

[paul1149]

Hi Libbysmum,

The Lord doesn’t want to punish you, he wants to bless you. He allows us to experience situations because they force us to confront things we'd otherwise leave alone, so we will be more conformed to His image.

You're blessed that you see this situation so clearly. The anger and bitterness are turning malignant, and are obviously harming you. Something needs to be done, because nothing ever stays the same for long – it either gets better or it gets worse.

I would suggest a two-pronged approach. First, we are commanded to forgive: "when you stand in prayer, forgive…" Whenever you pray, release these people of any judgments. That doesn’t mean you are saying they're right if they're not. In that case it just means that you are letting go and leaving judgment to the Lord.

Now, with a clear connection you can draw near to the Lord and gain the power to deal with your end of the situation. It may be that you need to begin to change the way you deal with these people, or allow them to deal with you. You may need to take more responsibility for making sure your relationships are more healthy.

When we sign on to the Lord's army, we enter basic training, and it isn't all easy. But He trains us up and the end result is worth it. Keep abiding in His love and peace, and drawing on His forgiveness and strength. It may help to study Romans 8 concerning His love, and Hebrews 12 concerning discipline.

 

[tturt]

Also, according to Scripture, we're to bless them. Like Paul1149 said, it isn't all easy. But just keep asking Yahweh to bless them.

 

[heymikey80]

It's a tough thing to live under a careless authority. I'm sorry for your situation. Remember what has been granted to you in Christ, through no just worthiness of your own. That often helps me.

We are all in situations where we're not getting fairness. Then again, in an ultimate sense we're just ignoring our own undeservedness for something fair. Better to represent Christ's favor regardless of people's merit. It's after all what He has done.

 

[hedrick]

I doubt that God very often just punishes people, i.e. gives them bad experiences as payback for something they did without any other goal. And I also doubt that his plan involves just you. So something bad may be a learning experience for you. But he may also be intending to use you to help people around you. Or maybe both.

Consider both what you might learn, and how you might help others. To be more specific we'd need to know more about the situation, and even then, there are often more than one reasonable way to handle something. Maybe it's an opportunity to learn to be more assertive, and also to help deal with people who aren't acting very well. But depending upon the situation, it may be something else entirely.

 

[Harry3142]

Libbysmum83-

First, your OP sounds like others are passing judgement on your work. This is an area where we are to see God, and God alone, as our judge. So long as we are attempting to do his will in our lives, no other mortal has the right to judge our actions. If you adopt this attitude toward their judgementalism toward you, you will find that the judgementalism they offer instead of encouragement has lost its sting.

In certain cases that I have witnessed, the judgementalism of others toward a certain person was not due to their genuine concern for that person and their endeavoring to improve his actions. Instead, it was a manipulative device designed especially to keep that person 'under their thumb', so to speak. They offered praise and encouragement if that person would only improve his work, but that praise and encouragement was offered as a carrot on a stick, always out of reach but enticing the person to do ever more work.

As for our own attitude toward others, both friends and enemies, we find guidance in Scripture:

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary:

"If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:14-21,NIV)

Your anger toward others is brought on by your fear of their judgementalism directed at you. But realizing that it is God, and God alone, who is The Ultimate Judge of all of us (including those who are presently judging you) helps to negate the fear you have of their judgement of your actions. And recognizing that their judgementalism may very well be due to a desire by them to manipulate you rather than a genuine concern for you can cause you to take a more realistic look at the motives behind their criticisms of you.

God bless-

 

[Emmy]

Dear Libbysmum83. We Christians have one great weapon, it overcomes all anger and enmity: Love for God with all our beings, and love for our neighbour. ( all we know and all we meet, whether friends or not friends) Think of it, God made us all in His image, God loves us all, and Jesus died for us all. When those angry thoughts start forming inside you, start thinking of the Love which God has for us, and keep asking Jesus to take the anger away and give you His Love instead, and share it with those around you; keep asking and praying, think of nothing else for a while.It is up to you now, God knows and will support you. If you should stumble ask God`s Forgiveness, and then receive it. Thank God and keep ignoring your anger: keep praying and God will forgive you as you forgive others. Try to remember that those angry thoughts and words are not from God: ignore them. You will find your weight slowly, but surly lifted, your anger will flee at the word of Jesus, and with God by your side, who can stand against you? Always remember, Libbysmum, Love is stronger than anger or bitter thoughts or words. Let your love show, and nothing can overcome you. I say this with love. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[GoldenLioness]

Hello,
I have not been a Christian long, 2 years or so.
However, I keep doing something that troubles me very much and I often pray about it, but I never seem to be able to change.
I feel very resentful and bitter against certain people in my life, they haven't done anything awful to me, but I often feel they could treat me better, they are in a position over me where I should feel supported by them, but they don't offer any and they often make me feel I let them down continually even though I realy do strive to do my best with what knowledge and skills I have.
I often get very angry and say horrible things about them, then struggle with feelings of guilt afterwards.
I know its wrong to feel this way against another person, but I keep doing it. It's like a rage takes over and I can't stop myself from getting mad.
I feel like i'm trapped in a situation and was wondering if i was being punished by God, or at least kept in the same circumstances until i have changed my ways.
It just feels impossible to change when I'm so unhappy in the said situation.
I often say i should change my situation, but doing so would be a massive inconvenience to this person, and i'm so timid and feel too guilty to speak up for myself.
I hope this makes sense and isn't too vague, I'm reluctant to go into more detail on a website, but feel like i can't speak to anyone at church about it.
Any advice or prayer would be gratefully recieved.

All I want is to have fun and have a really chill boy but maybe that is not happening to me yet I don't know. o.o Ugh sometimes when I am upstairs in my room wanting to play and have fun Bobby yells and screams at me, and it makes me afraid. The higher tone of voice.

 

[Peripatetic]

Each one of us has certain sinful predispositions that will challenge us throughout our Christian journey. With the help of the Holy Spirit, growing Christians often find that some of our sinful ways lessen or go away completely. I can think of several areas that changed when I grew closer to God... without even trying too hard.

HOWEVER, each of has some especially difficult sinful tendencies that will be a challenge for life. Everyone still has to deal with pride and greed to some extent, and there are at least a few others that vary from person to person. It may be lust, gossip, lying, etc. In your case, anger appears to be one of those areas.

The first thing to remember: this is not a sign that God is punishing you, nor is it a signal that you are not a Christian. Actually, the fact that you see it in yourself is a very good thing. Sometimes our sinful tendencies are "blind spots" that we don't believe about ourselves. Now that you know about your predisposition towards anger, you can start to pray for ways of managing it. Even if it won't go away completely, there are ways in which some of that anger may be lessened or channeled into something productive. When I get angry, I tend to exercise more... which helps with the anger and my health.

I will pray for you.

 

[Isatis]

The Lord doesn’t want to punish you, he wants to bless you. He allows us to experience situations because they force us to confront things we'd otherwise leave alone, so we will be more conformed to His image.

God is the Potter and we are the clay (Isa 64:8)

I often get very angry and say horrible things about them, then struggle with feelings of guilt afterwards.
I know its wrong to feel this way against another person, but I keep doing it.

Pray and confess your anger to God and as you pray say positive things about them including the fact that they made it possible for you to deal with your anger problem.

May the Lord bless you