Struggling to believe

[DanielleLindan]

I'm having some problems with my faith, and I haven't been able to find satisfying answers yet. I believe in God, and have for a while, so it isn't belief in God that is my issue.

About three years ago I started studying Judaism with an intention to convert, but about six months ago I felt pulled away from that path through various different things in my life, and so I began looking into Christianity and I think this is where I'm supposed to end up. I keep praying that if this is true then please, God, let me believe it in my heart. But this seems to be my stumbling block.

I've looked for answers online, but mostly they seem to either tell the reader to open their heart to Jesus (they never say how, though), or to remember the faith you had before this rough patch. Neither is very helpful.

The more I read about Christianity the more I think it makes sense, and my objections to it are melting away, but I'm struggling to believe it, and to feel this faith. I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know. I ask them how and they say I just will.

So, how can I have faith? And how can I know? I feel like I'm banging on a door that just won't open, but when I ask for hell people just don't see how I can't open it, because to them it's very easy.

If this is true, I want it. I believe it is true, so how do I get it?

 

[AvgJoe]

Faith is the avenue or the instrument God uses to bring salvation to His people. God gives faith because of His grace and mercy, because He loves us (Ephesians 4-5). The Bible specifies the way, or the means, that God gives faith to people. “Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ” (Romans 10:17). It is the Word of God that produces faith. Someone could receive faith while hearing a sermon teaching the gospel, someone else by reading about Jesus in the Bible—any time the true gospel of Jesus is communicated, there is potential for faith.

I'd recommend reading the gospels, that's the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John, in the Bible, as they cover the life, ministry, death & resurrection of Jesus. Matthew, Mark, Luke & John are the first 4 books of the New Testament and I'd recommend reading John first, then Matthew, Mark & Luke. If you need a Bible, Biblegateway is a good online Bible~~~> Bible Gateway passage: John 1 - New King James Version . Another great resource for answers is the Got Questions website~~~> www.gotquestions.org/where-does-faith-come-from.html . And, of course, you can ask ever question you have right here on CF.

 

[dhh712]

I'm having some problems with my faith, and I haven't been able to find satisfying answers yet. I believe in God, and have for a while, so it isn't belief in God that is my issue.

About three years ago I started studying Judaism with an intention to convert, but about six months ago I felt pulled away from that path through various different things in my life, and so I began looking into Christianity and I think this is where I'm supposed to end up. I keep praying that if this is true then please, God, let me believe it in my heart. But this seems to be my stumbling block.

I've looked for answers online, but mostly they seem to either tell the reader to open their heart to Jesus (they never say how, though), or to remember the faith you had before this rough patch. Neither is very helpful.

The more I read about Christianity the more I think it makes sense, and my objections to it are melting away, but I'm struggling to believe it, and to feel this faith. I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know. I ask them how and they say I just will.

So, how can I have faith? And how can I know? I feel like I'm banging on a door that just won't open, but when I ask for hell people just don't see how I can't open it, because to them it's very easy.

If this is true, I want it. I believe it is true, so how do I get it?

My understanding is that you have faith when you can sincerely from your heart say that you trust that Jesus has covered your sins, that you are resting upon his finished work and not trusting in anything of your own to allow you to stand before God under his judgment (and not perish).

Before I was converted I struggled with similar issues you mentioned here; I wanted to believe, but there was never any substance (if that makes any sense) to my belief, it was just a liking of the religious ideas and something I wanted to have in my life.

Have you ever read the Westminster Confessions of Faith? It wasn't until I read through that book that God gave me faith to believe upon Jesus. Things just made so much sense. I understood and really felt my lack and worthlessness before a holy God and realized just how much I needed Jesus as a Saviour.

There was the substance to go along with the feeling that I was missing before--the Scriptures were alive with meaning to me finally when before they were just words about something, I hardly remember what I thought about it before it's like I was reading it for the first time. Yet that beginning of faith would hardly have lasted for a long time if I hadn't come to understand doctrine. The cares of the world and contradictions it seems to have as well as that lack of feeling that is mostly in my heart now would have convinced me that it was just an experience or just a feeling that I got deluded into for a while.

I'd give it a try if you hadn't read it already, you may have the same problem I had, I don't know. If not, continue to pray, continue to ask the Lord Jesus to convert you.

 

[dougangel]

I'm having some problems with my faith, and I haven't been able to find satisfying answers yet. I believe in God, and have for a while, so it isn't belief in God that is my issue.

About three years ago I started studying Judaism with an intention to convert, but about six months ago I felt pulled away from that path through various different things in my life, and so I began looking into Christianity and I think this is where I'm supposed to end up. I keep praying that if this is true then please, God, let me believe it in my heart. But this seems to be my stumbling block.

I've looked for answers online, but mostly they seem to either tell the reader to open their heart to Jesus (they never say how, though), or to remember the faith you had before this rough patch. Neither is very helpful.

The more I read about Christianity the more I think it makes sense, and my objections to it are melting away, but I'm struggling to believe it, and to feel this faith. I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know. I ask them how and they say I just will.

So, how can I have faith? And how can I know? I feel like I'm banging on a door that just won't open, but when I ask for hell people just don't see how I can't open it, because to them it's very easy.

If this is true, I want it. I believe it is true, so how do I get it?

Hey God bless you for opening up like that.

Are Christ's truth claims in the gospels true or not ?
Reading the word of God builds faith. As the previous person said read the gospels.
More and more anxiety is coming on the world and for some people this reduces there faith and more and more people in western countries think they don't need a relationship with God because there needs are met.
To me it's a sign Jesus will be revealing himself is closer and closer.
Have you felt the holy spirit ?
It is good to go to a spirit filled church as a young christian.
God bless hope this helps

 

[thesunisout]

I'm having some problems with my faith, and I haven't been able to find satisfying answers yet. I believe in God, and have for a while, so it isn't belief in God that is my issue.

About three years ago I started studying Judaism with an intention to convert, but about six months ago I felt pulled away from that path through various different things in my life, and so I began looking into Christianity and I think this is where I'm supposed to end up. I keep praying that if this is true then please, God, let me believe it in my heart. But this seems to be my stumbling block.

I've looked for answers online, but mostly they seem to either tell the reader to open their heart to Jesus (they never say how, though), or to remember the faith you had before this rough patch. Neither is very helpful.

The more I read about Christianity the more I think it makes sense, and my objections to it are melting away, but I'm struggling to believe it, and to feel this faith. I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know. I ask them how and they say I just will.

So, how can I have faith? And how can I know? I feel like I'm banging on a door that just won't open, but when I ask for hell people just don't see how I can't open it, because to them it's very easy.

If this is true, I want it. I believe it is true, so how do I get it?

Hello friend,

The key to giving your life to Christ is first to realize your great need for Him. Have you heard the gospel?

Romans 3:23

For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God

We have all sinned and broken Gods laws. If you're human like the rest of us and you compare your life to the ten commandments, I am sure you will see that you have broken many of them several times.

Once you know you are in fact a sinner, you will also have to come to grips with the fact that when you die you will stand in front of God and account for your life. You will be judged for every sin you have committed:

Hebrews 9:27

And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment

There is only one way this will go because the wages of our sin is death:

Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death

This is not just our physical death, but eternal death. There is a place called hell which is Gods prison, and when God judges a sinner that is where He sends them. Hell is eternal conscience torment.

However, God doesn't want to send people to hell:

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

So, not desiring that we should perish, He made a way for guilty sinners to be forgiven. This is the good news!

This is the other half of Romans 6:23

For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord

God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to pay the penalty for our sins in our place:

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life

Jesus paid for our sins so that when you put your faith and trust in Jesus as your Lord and Savior, God will forgive all of your sins.

When you stand in front of God, He will declare you not guilty and your case will be dismissed because justice has already been done through Jesus

This is the basis of our belief in Jesus Christ and the foundation of our relationship with Him. That is just the beginning because God wants to do some amazing things in your life:

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future

Upon our faith in Jesus Christ, God will send the Holy Spirit to come live inside of you and make you into a new person:

John 14:16

And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever

Jesus will become real to you and the scripture will become alive; You must be willing to surrender your life and turn from the things which do not please God. He will reveal Himself to you and transform your life, and He will guide you daily. Do you feel like you are ready to do that?

 

[Tempura]

Congrats, you're on an honest search.

I rarely "feel" much either. And perhaps, perhaps it's a good thing. If I was overwhelmed by a feeling and let that be the cornerstone of my faith, I could just as well be chasing the wind. And we both know that feelings can come and go. We also know of people who have done horrible things to each other because of their feelings (or perception of God in that feeling) told them so. And on this very forum you will see people of different beliefs argue, each one backing their own beliefs the best they can, and many of them claiming to feel and know it too.

I don't know much, but I'd say this: don't worry about the feeling. Don't chase a feeling. If God blesses you with something like that, then so be it, but don't make that your goal.

Also about "feeling and knowing", it seems like many people in new testament didn't have that either. Jesus Himself had people around him who didn't understand Him at all times. Paul wrote to people who didn't seem to know what to do with their faith.

My search started and will end with Jesus. I didn't "feel" Him, but something about Him resonated so strongly that nothing has come close. The loving wisdom and the notions of God's grace struck a chord. To this day, I haven't found anything else that I'd rather believe in. And probably that's why you're here as well, I can't know. And every time I struggle - because I often do with my faith - I always return to Jesus. It's almost as if there is a beautiful simplicity to it. Loving and forgiving one another as a purpose given by God, not just because it's a good thing to do, but because that seems to be the nature of God too and a way to perhaps know Him better. I've needed, and continue to always need His forgiveness and grace through Christ as well, so it all comes together for me. And I had to go very low in order to realize how weak and miserable I am, and how much I actually need Christ, that forgiveness, that direction and love. Not to say that everyone should wreck their lives and be miserable, but I think I needed that myself.

In a way, faith is also a choice. I have chosen to believe in Christ. At my weak moments, when I'm in doubt, I pray to the very God I'm doubting to get me through it. I choose to believe in Christ, first of all because I cannot know and I cannot prove anything to you, but also because I'm drawn to it, and I see so much hope in it.

But I think you said it very well yourself: "please, God, let me believe it in my heart". Root your faith in humility like that. Allow God to know your weakness. Of course He knows it anyway, but be honest to yourself as well. Don't think you have to perform rites of pretense. Also about that prayer, I think you hit the nail in the head. You find you can't do something, so you ask God to do it for you. And we're promised that when we ask, we will receive, especially in these things. If it takes time, then it takes time, don't worry about it. We don't always know how things work out. When I prayed for God to help me when I was on the verge of suicide, I would've said, if someone asked, that "there was no answer". Looking back, I believe I was carried over the absolute worst. I was granted just enough hope and blessing and something to hang on to. And I can't tell you how much I learned over those years of recovery, I needed all that too.

But I digress. Allow yourself to be the child, and God to be God, like it was when you prayed. Have an honest heart, as I believe you do. Read the Bible, don't barricade your doors from God's love as if it's something you have to earn by countless tricks, or as if your sins are somehow more powerful than Christ. Love your neighbor and embrace your own weakness and limits, as well as those of others. It's okay to be confused, don't fret. No magic tricks needed. In time, you'll be less confused. We will never know absolutely everything about God until we leave this earth and we can't see/feel Him clearly (can't remember which one of Paul's letters had some nice words about this), but it's okay. Don't think you have to know or feel everything.

I don't know if my ramblings helped. I know if I didn't provide a simple, clear answer to your question. Then again nobody else could have done the same when I started my search, and God had to do it instead! I believe that's how it went. Best of luck on your search, from another searcher. One day this search ends, and God willing our eyes can see better then. Said a prayer for you, God bless you. No fear.

 

[CodyFaith]

I'm having some problems with my faith, and I haven't been able to find satisfying answers yet. I believe in God, and have for a while, so it isn't belief in God that is my issue.

About three years ago I started studying Judaism with an intention to convert, but about six months ago I felt pulled away from that path through various different things in my life, and so I began looking into Christianity and I think this is where I'm supposed to end up. I keep praying that if this is true then please, God, let me believe it in my heart. But this seems to be my stumbling block.

I've looked for answers online, but mostly they seem to either tell the reader to open their heart to Jesus (they never say how, though), or to remember the faith you had before this rough patch. Neither is very helpful.

The more I read about Christianity the more I think it makes sense, and my objections to it are melting away, but I'm struggling to believe it, and to feel this faith. I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know. I ask them how and they say I just will.

So, how can I have faith? And how can I know? I feel like I'm banging on a door that just won't open, but when I ask for hell people just don't see how I can't open it, because to them it's very easy.

If this is true, I want it. I believe it is true, so how do I get it?

Hey.

I myself come from a background of almost attempting to go through the process of converting to Judaism. God pulled me out thankfully.

Do you still believe the God of Israel is God? Because once you do away with the options of Judaism and Islam being true in your sight, it can be easier to see Christianity for the truth it holds if you still believe in the God of Israel. At least it was for me personally.

In Isaiah 8:14 God says he will be a stumbling block into Israel. Christ said he himself is the stumbling stone, the rock of offence.

Christ says in order to come to him you must become like a little child. Children accept what is taught, they trust their teachers meekly.

If you put your faith in Christ, you are saved and forever a child of God.

Hope this helps some.

 

[crossnote]

Feelings may come but not before faith in the Gospel message...

Now I would remind you, brothers, of the gospel I preached to you, which you received, in which you stand, and by which you are being saved, if you hold fast to the word I preached to you—unless you believed in vain. For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures,
(1Co 15:1-4)

because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, "Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame."
(Rom 10:9-11)

 

[xianghua]

I'm having some problems with my faith, and I haven't been able to find satisfying answers yet. I believe in God, and have for a while, so it isn't belief in God that is my issue.

About three years ago I started studying Judaism with an intention to convert, but about six months ago I felt pulled away from that path through various different things in my life, and so I began looking into Christianity and I think this is where I'm supposed to end up. I keep praying that if this is true then please, God, let me believe it in my heart. But this seems to be my stumbling block.

I've looked for answers online, but mostly they seem to either tell the reader to open their heart to Jesus (they never say how, though), or to remember the faith you had before this rough patch. Neither is very helpful.

The more I read about Christianity the more I think it makes sense, and my objections to it are melting away, but I'm struggling to believe it, and to feel this faith. I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know. I ask them how and they say I just will.

first; the basic point is that you believe that god exist. check this section for instance:

Design Features Questions and Answers - creation.com

 

[Glen Yoshida]

Hey Danielle,

It could be that your expectations of what you “should” feel is why you sometimes feel some dissonance. I don't know of a single Christian, Buddhist, or Muslim that doesn't have those feelings of conflict and confusion. It's part of the journey. I'd be a little weirded out if someone told me that they never had occasional doubts in their heart.

Since God is love doing good is a great way to get closer to God. Be helpful and kind and that means to yourself too. If you are not treating yourself as well as you think you should treat your best friend or lover then it makes it harder leave room for Jesus in your heart too.

Do kind and sweet things to help others, people you know, and strangers that you have yet to know. When you do something positive and you get that genuinely good feeling in your heart think about the possibility that it's not just a warm fuzzy but that it could be a direct connection with God too.

 

[paul1149]

I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know.

My first pastor used to say often, "Feelings come and feelings go, but feelings are deceiving; I'll put my trust in the Word of God, none else is worth believing".

We all like the good feelings, and they are indeed part of the walk, but it is not good to be dependent on them. This is why the Bereans of Acts 17 searched the scriptures daily, "to see if these things were true", not to look for feelings. The combination of experience and faith is powerful, and one is often the pathway to the other, but we often get their importance out of order.

It sounds to me that you already have faith, but that you want an increased and experiential faith. Both of these are good things. Jesus was approached several times with the exactly request, "Increase our faith". Each time He replied, "If you had faith the size of a mustard seed, you could move mountains". IOW, He said they should use the faith they had, however small they felt it was, rather than focusing on faith they did not have.

All the many parables about stewardship back this up also. The stewards who used what they had were rewarded. Those who buried what they had inherited dishonor.

How this plays out for you, I can't say exactly. But I would suggest you think about it and find what ways you can start living more for God. Seek to honor Him. He says in 1 Samuel, "He who honors Me, I will honor". So if you can find a way to make your faith more real and your relationship with Him more intimate, I think you will find His present reality waiting for you there. That will include Bible devotions and study, prayer of various kinds, allowing the Word to transform your inner man, fellowshipping with believers, books and videos, doing good works, etc. Eventually you will be changed, even if you can only feel it happening occasionally. We are assured in the Sermon, that those who seek, find. Be patient and persistent, and you'll get there.

 

[GandalfTheWise]

FWIW, here's my story.

I grew up in a family that regularly attended church. I had always believed God was there (and most of the other standard Christian beliefs). However, I had an encounter with God when I was 12 that was life changing.

Our church was having some Lent services on Wednesday nights and we had a special speaker who was a missionary to Japan. I remember being impressed because he led some songs with a guitar (which was quite radical for the church we went to back in those days). I can't recall much about the service except the end. He asked if we felt certain we were going to heaven or not. I remember being struck with a sense that I hoped so, but that it was more an abstract idea to me. I have a vague recollection that he asked people to come meet with him afterwards if they wanted to know more. The main reason I went up was that the kid sitting next to me did. I wasn't feeling particularly spiritual at the time. The speaker just led us in a simple prayer. I cannot recall the exact words, but it was basically thanking God for Jesus' sacrifice to forgive me and asking Him to come into my life. At that moment, I can't really explain it except to say I felt different. It was sort of like I felt a warm comfortable loving presence inside that has been there since. Words don't really convey this well. But the main thing was that I felt like my spiritual life went from being about mentally agreeing with ideas to having experienced them.

In the decades since, I've learned that this is common. In some churches, this is openly discussed and made a main point. In other churches, it's considered a very private thing and not discussed openly as much. Some would say that I became a Christian at the point and the Holy Spirit came into my life. Others would say that I simply became aware of what God had already been doing at that point. Whatever the explanation, this has been a major part of my life since.

 

[anw0001]

Danielle,

It sounds as though you are looking for a religion to follow? Would you agree?

You might have heard the saying that Christianity is a relationship, not a religion before. It's clique, but absolutely true. The Bible teaches that God is Creator of all things, He created mankind perfect, and we rebelled against Him (sinned). Jesus is the way God has brought mankind back to Himself. Jesus lived the perfect life we could not. He died in our place on the Cross. Death could not hold Him though, He, being God, overcame death. This is how He gave us eternal life. Because He lives, we, Christians, those who believe in Jesus and obey Him, have eternal life.

"Feeling" God or Jesus is not the goal. Until you see yourself as the one that put Jesus on the Cross, because you are a sinner, you will not be saved. It is when we see ourselves as sinners, and repent of our sin; that is, turn from our sin and follow God, and have faith in Jesus (see Jesus as our way to God and give our lives to Him), that we are saved.

Wrestle with this, know that there is nothing good you can do to be saved, It is Jesus and Jesus alone that can save you.

 

[Alpha-Omega]

Hey Danielle,

It could be that your expectations of what you “should” feel is why you sometimes feel some dissonance. I don't know of a single Christian, Buddhist, or Muslim that doesn't have those feelings of conflict and confusion. It's part of the journey. I'd be a little weirded out if someone told me that they never had occasional doubts in their heart.

Since God is love doing good is a great way to get closer to God. Be helpful and kind and that means to yourself too. If you are not treating yourself as well as you think you should treat your best friend or lover then it makes it harder leave room for Jesus in your heart too.

Do kind and sweet things to help others, people you know, and strangers that you have yet to know. When you do something positive and you get that genuinely good feeling in your heart think about the possibility that it's not just a warm fuzzy but that it could be a direct connection with God too.

Greetings Glen! I was interested in reading your response to Danielle. It says that you are an "atheist", which usually means someone who denies there is a Personal "God". Yet, in your response, you refer to "God", and also quote from the Apostle John's First Letter, where it says: "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love" (chapter 4, verse 8), which is from the Holy Bible. You also speak of Jesus in a personal way, and that we can connect with God. All of which tells me that God must be a Personal, Living Being, for any of this?

 

[chriscomplex]

I'm having some problems with my faith, and I haven't been able to find satisfying answers yet. I believe in God, and have for a while, so it isn't belief in God that is my issue.

About three years ago I started studying Judaism with an intention to convert, but about six months ago I felt pulled away from that path through various different things in my life, and so I began looking into Christianity and I think this is where I'm supposed to end up. I keep praying that if this is true then please, God, let me believe it in my heart. But this seems to be my stumbling block.

I've looked for answers online, but mostly they seem to either tell the reader to open their heart to Jesus (they never say how, though), or to remember the faith you had before this rough patch. Neither is very helpful.

The more I read about Christianity the more I think it makes sense, and my objections to it are melting away, but I'm struggling to believe it, and to feel this faith. I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know. I ask them how and they say I just will.

So, how can I have faith? And how can I know? I feel like I'm banging on a door that just won't open, but when I ask for hell people just don't see how I can't open it, because to them it's very easy.

If this is true, I want it. I believe it is true, so how do I get it?

Why do you want it to be true? What will it answer? and What will it do to you if you believe?

 

[Alpha-Omega]

Why do you want it to be true? What will it answer? and What will it do to you if you believe?

Because the Christian Faith in Jesus Christ that is based on the Holy Bible, is VERY TRUE. It is the ONLY surety that any human being has for this life and the next. Whether a person believes it or not, there is a real heaven and real hell, and all those who reject the Lord Jesus Christ, cannot enter heaven!

 

[chriscomplex]

Because the Christian Faith in Jesus Christ that is based on the Holy Bible, is VERY TRUE. It is the ONLY surety that any human being has for this life and the next. Whether a person believes it or not, there is a real heaven and real hell, and all those who reject the Lord Jesus Christ, cannot enter heaven!

You believe there is not know there is, right? To know something is quantify it by evidence, to believe something is to hope that you will have the evidence one day.

 

[joinfree]

......
If this is true, I want it. I believe it is true, so how do I get it?

You could study the YouTube videos to find Home with your mind, as example:

 

[Jamminontha1]

I'm having some problems with my faith, and I haven't been able to find satisfying answers yet. I believe in God, and have for a while, so it isn't belief in God that is my issue.

About three years ago I started studying Judaism with an intention to convert, but about six months ago I felt pulled away from that path through various different things in my life, and so I began looking into Christianity and I think this is where I'm supposed to end up. I keep praying that if this is true then please, God, let me believe it in my heart. But this seems to be my stumbling block.

I've looked for answers online, but mostly they seem to either tell the reader to open their heart to Jesus (they never say how, though), or to remember the faith you had before this rough patch. Neither is very helpful.

The more I read about Christianity the more I think it makes sense, and my objections to it are melting away, but I'm struggling to believe it, and to feel this faith. I don't feel God although I have no doubts about his existence, and my belief in Him is fairly solid; but I don't feel Jesus, and the people I have asked say that when Jesus comes into my life then I will know. I ask them how and they say I just will.

So, how can I have faith? And how can I know? I feel like I'm banging on a door that just won't open, but when I ask for hell people just don't see how I can't open it, because to them it's very easy.

If this is true, I want it. I believe it is true, so how do I get it?

I think almost every Christian has had the struggle you have. Open your heart? Surrender? What does that mean? Well it's not such an easy thing to explain, but the moment you do it, it you will know that you did.

I will try my best to explain it through my story. I was an atheist, making $6,000 a month as a bartender, I was super fit and lean, lots of friends, partied a lot, doing drugs, freedom to do whatever I wanted. I went to a really expensive school for photography. But in the back of my mind, I was miserable, lost, and depressed. I tried to commit suicide, but before I got to the threshold, I decided to ask God to save me "If he existed." (Yes, I am guilty of the "God, are you there?" prayer) It was at that moment that I felt God. It was intense.

But if you read in between the lines of my story, I was ready to give up friends, a nice job, and my freedom, in order to die (Physically). It was easy for me to give my open my heart to God because I was about to give all that my heart clung to (material things) a physical death. Instead God gave me something better. I died to my old self that day and became a new creation. I lost some of my friends. I stopped partying and doing drugs. I dropped out of school. I quit my job to make $800 a month. All because God had opened my eyes and I saw things differently.

So what I can say is to "open your heart" or to "surrender" to God is to close your heart to all the material things in this world and the people that will pass away. Think of it as your whole life. All the things you own, love, and are working towards are dumbells in your hand, but in order to surrender, you have to lift your hands. If you can't let go of the dumbells (the cares of this world), it's going to be really hard to give your heart/surrender to God. (John 12:25)

I dropped everything I carried and God gave me the things he wanted me to hold on to.

So here's the promise waiting for you: Matthew 11:28-30.

I'll be praying for you.