Struggling so Bad

[Broken Hearted]

Im new here. And im just trying to find support, prayer, someone just to listen and talk to. Ive battled with SI since i was 13 and Im 27 now. My life hasnt ever been great Ive battled many things in life that few people will ever see in a lifetime. I thought i got my life back on track when i was 18 and i did i came off of drugs and SI and got on track. I did it to make my mom proud of me which was the biggest thing for me to do. But almost two years ago when I lost my mom to suicide My life fell to pieces and i fell back to old coping skills to deal with it. I havent been able to deal with it and then when i lost my brother to suicide it just made me feel worse. Ive felt like losing them was my fault and maybe i could of saved them. But now days the only time i feel real or as if im alive is from SI and may it only be for a min or two it lets me know im alive. So please any help or prayer would be nice.

 

[Mayflower1]

I'll definitely pray for you broken heart. I struggled with SI since I was 16 and I am now 24. I'm sorry about your mom and brother... that is very sad... maybe it would help if you talked to someone about it? I know it has helped me to talk about things I went through and am going through... si, I have learned only causes more pain... working through it is harder, but you feel better about yourself. it is a daily struggle, but I draw my strength from God and realize anything other then I am a beautiful, full of purpose woman, who is loved and accepted by a great God, is a lie. You are too... I know it may be hard to see yourself that way at times, because it is hard for me too, but you are... praying for you. Shara

 

[goldenviolet]

sweetie *HUG* ... i've lost three people to suicide too. i really felt guilty for my dad's. i can talk more about it if needed. but i'd rather focus on your healing.
bless your heart!... this is a rough road with many triggers. you will get very distraught and triggered, then seem to start grieving all over again. we each have a different time-line on mourning. what helped me during these trials was creating a memory book. i use pictures, cut outs, poems, dried flowers, paper announcements, etc... then i worked on it as i mourned. later i pulled it out of the closet to read the memorials etc. so, i could walk through all my grief and memories. now many years later, i consider my time of grief has been replaced by some very special memories. i can ponder and pass on to my children and their children, the funny or mazing stories, without falling to pieces. you are in my prayers....
aaaawww

it's Broken Hearted's turn to be the bunny!

Ecclesiastes 3
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

xo dee

 

[Broken Hearted]

Thank you goldenviolet. I hope one day to be where you are with the grieving. Right now im just a mess. I feel im just a shell of a person trying to survive. I tend to try not to think or to have feelings because the feelings are just to much. Ive had alot of problems in my life from abuse to loss and i never was able to heal from any. Im currently in therapy and I have to take meds because im bipolar ad have anxiety disorder, and i also have ptsd. But it cant fix what my heart feels. Maybe im weak and just so lost.

 

[goldenviolet]

me too! therapy, meds, abuse, bipolar, etc...
wow. bless your heart! *HUG*

it's ok to be overwelmed. what really counts is that you manage through it in healthy ways. try this thread:
Sticky: *~*~*~*...us Bipolar exsperts on managing skills...*~*~*~*

 

[goldenviolet]

My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
Psalm 6:3-4

 

[Broken Hearted]

thank you lily00 and goldenviolet. Its been a struggle these past few days not doing so well.

 

[Mayflower1]

keep your head up.