Hey everyone, this is my first time writing in any type of forum, my name is Charlie and I just came here because I need to let something out that has been welling up in me for some time. I am someone who has same sex attraction and it sucks so much when you're also a Christian. Yes, that's my big problem! No, I do not partake in any homosexual activity, it is simply an attraction, an attraction that has been affecting me since I was in elementary school. All my life I have been a Christian, and I always will be one no matter the struggle, and I feel overzealous now more than ever, but something that is at the back of my mind is the loneliness of being a celibate. I am a virgin, planning on always being celibate because of my same sex attraction, haven't had as much as a peck on the cheek. This is why I am struggling. It feels so painful to be living like this, and every time I imagine the future, I just think of the ensuing loneliness, the pain of a life lacking in affection, touch and love. Sometimes I counter this with, God is infinite love, I don't need anyone else, but then I start comparing myself with the happy straight Christian couple and think, they have infinity plus one in terms of love and they are allowed to have that. I try not to get filled with jealousy every time I see straight couples and how in love and filled they seem, but the envy is inevitable, who in their right mind would not want that!? It sucks because for someone like me, there is only the option of being celibate. You know what sucks more than seeing happy straight couples? Happy gay couples. I see them and sometimes just want to throw this whole celibacy in the trash and find some random gay person to have sex with, but my obedience to Christ is too grand and I never do it. I'm in college, keep in mind, so my hormones are everywhere and they are making things worst for me. Homosexuality, unlike many sins, takes so much; it takes away the priceless touch of another person. I know that I could never disobey God like this, but there are times where I feel like I am going to explode! I'm getting exhausted and I think the Holy Spirit guided me here for a reason. But yeah, sorry for my little rant, I just had to let this out instead of steering opposite to Christ, which is tempting but not an option for me. It just sucks, but God made me like this for a reason and I will obey, forever and always.
PLEASE READ WITH ALL YOUR HEART WHEN YOU HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO REFLECT
Hello, i will advice you to hear the sermons of Leonard Ravenhill on "repentance", "the bride prepared" and other sermons. We can have the "wish" and "will" to stop sinning but unless we make a conscious and firm decision to die to our sins in the death of Jesus Christ and live in His resurrection power (that is, believing that He did not only die but resurrected) we might end up living our lives with an unaccomplished "will" to "stop sinning". For this we need to
1. Acknowledge that there are sins in our lives.
2. Know (list) them and decide what we want to do about them.
3. Do we really want to get rid of these?
This is the point where we realise if we are "willing whatever cost it makes" to live a life of repentance.
4. Always pray and seek God vehemently to help us live a life which pleases Him (to glorify Him) and to stop sinning.
5. While doing the above start replacing bad habits with good habits.
Christian life requires discipline in all things (praying, sleeping, working, eating, etc) and self-denial.
If you live with the purpose of following Christ, you will suddenly see that other things are no distraction to you anymore since you are disciplined and have an aim at hand. If you set your mind on Christ and on the things that are above and discipline yourself and crucify your flesh [put your fleshly desires (gluttony, love of materials, sexual immorality) under subordination], you will also see that this is the battle in the Christian life (because the flesh and the spirit fight against teach other) and you will be more focused on Christ.
The flesh and the spirit fight against each other because our spirit wants to follow Christ but our flesh (old man) refuses to die with Jesus on the cross and therefore how can the new man come if the old has not died?
Jesus gave the parable in
Luke 5:36-39 kjv
36 And he spake also a parable unto them; No man putteth a piece of a new garment upon an old; if otherwise, then both the new maketh a rent, and the piece that was taken out of the new agreeth not with the old.
37 And no man putteth new wine into old bottles; else the new wine will burst the bottles, and be spilled, and the bottles shall perish.
38 But new wine must be put into new bottles; and both are preserved.
39 No man also having drunk old wine straightway desireth new: for he saith, The old is better.
This is the reason why you find it difficult to stop sinning. You are used to your old lifestyle or sinful nature (vs. 39).
No matter what many people tell you, it is still YOUR DECISION to renounce your old nature and follow Christ.
Even Jesus himself said REPENT. No one can be forced to, but all must make a choice.
Joshua said to the unrepenting Israelites (in the book of
Joshua 24:15 kjv) who followed other gods just like we follow the world, its ways and its sins:
15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
So what is your decision?
You can have all the WILL and WISHES in the world but unless you make a decision and stand firm, repentance will be difficult.
Stay blessed, think and pray about it.
