Struggling....again....

[eolculnamo2]

Sometimes I get like that. Sinning and not feeling like changing will help anything. Feeling bad about it, almost feeling like a bad person.

I did find some things in the Bible that helped me a lot and actually helped with my sinning. I feel a whole lot better after doing two things: Helping a struggling Christian and Loving another person because I want God to love me. THose usually help me get back to being close with God.

James 5:20
let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

 

[OrchidAngel]

There are good words here to mentor you Sister. Do not doubt that Jesus still loves you---sin and all. I suffer from depression and anxiety---but I still make sure to look to the Lord every day to see what He wants me to do. I know I am still useful to share His love on this earth, even if I find myself thinking I am unworthy.

 

[searchingforpeace]

Sometimes I get like that. Sinning and not feeling like changing will help anything. Feeling bad about it, almost feeling like a bad person.

I did find some things in the Bible that helped me a lot and actually helped with my sinning. I feel a whole lot better after doing two things: Helping a struggling Christian and Loving another person because I want God to love me. THose usually help me get back to being close with God.

James 5:20
let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.

Thank you for the scripture They are great and very helpful with this.

 

[searchingforpeace]

There are good words here to mentor you Sister. Do not doubt that Jesus still loves you---sin and all. I suffer from depression and anxiety---but I still make sure to look to the Lord every day to see what He wants me to do. I know I am still useful to share His love on this earth, even if I find myself thinking I am unworthy.

You are not unworthy and I am learning that neither am I.

 

[Godslilgurlalways]

's to you, I am so sorry that this is going on in your life. I think that it's okay to wear pants to, we should come as we are. God wouldn't turn us away b/c we are wearing jeans. Because, it shouldn't be about form or fashion, it goes about, having a relationship with him. Wearing skirts/dresses doesn't make anyone better than someone else who is wearing jeans in the sight of God. Also, I personally feel women shouldn't have to cover thier heads in church. I know some people end up getting hurt by the church instead of helped. I am sorry that you were one of those that got hurt by the church. I hope that you will know that not all christians and not are churches are like that. Keep praying for your husband, the other week a lady's husband came to church with her for like the first/second time and guess what he gave his life to the lord. I truly believe that prayer changes things, keep claiming it, that he will be saved in Jesus name.


Also, God wants us to come as we are if you can't read your bible or pray 24/7 know that it's okay. God knows the intent of your heart, he looks at your heart. Don't worry about fixing your problems or situation before coming to him, go to him while having them, he will help you to work them out. I pray that you will find your way back to him


If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a pm anytime

 

[Kimberlyn]

I am not really sure as to why I am posting here...I guess reaching out even thought I feel that is pointless. I have reached out many times to Christians, to God, to Jesus and I always end up back where I started....lost, feeling hopeless, feeling like no matter what I do God can not be in my life. I have thought in the past I have been saved, but I see that was not so because I guess if I was ever saved I wouldn't fall back into the sins in my life, I would be able to put aside the things that keep me separated from God. I know he does not push me away, it has always been me pushing him away. I push him away with my sins and with my unwillingness to give up the things that have been a part of my life for so long. I'm 33, married. I thought I became a Christian a few years back. I loved the Lord, loved the Word, loved being at church, loved being surrounded by Christians and filling my life with things I felt drew me closer to God. I fell away. I was hurt by the church I attended, hurt that I was told I was not saved because I took medication for bipolar disorder. I walked...no, I ran away from it. I ran so far that I turned to Buddhism. All that did was fill a void but did not fill my heart. I came back to the Lord and found that it seems to cause strife between my husband and I. He has no interest in knowing the Lord. He had no interest in attending church with me, no interest in any of it. He would comment how I was obsessed. Was I? Yes at times I think so. (but having OCD tendencies, that happens with just about everything in my life here and there). It was effecting my marriage, putting a wall between us...in and out of the bedroom. I somehow have always ended up in churches that try to change every single thing about me, from what I wear( I think it is ok for women to wear to pants, how did I always end up in churches that said no...women should always be in a dress...women should cover their heads?). I know that being saved, being a Christian, loving the Lord with all ones heart, does change them. And that change can be the most positive thing ever. But for me it was never positive, it always ended up being negative, making me feel very bad about who I was, feeling bad about my life, making me feel that I would never be good enough, never be accepted, and never truly be a Christian. I know that praying, reading God's word is so important but I was always made to feel that if I was not doing that 24/7, that if I was doing anything other than reading the Bible or praying that I was not good enough. I don't know, I don't know why I am here...Well, I guess I do...I miss the Lord in my life....I miss him in my heart...I miss him in my days and in my nights. But I am scared beyond words. I don't want to feel like no matter what I do that I am not good enough, that I don't measure up, that I don't belong. I get scared that obsession will take hold and it will once again become a problem in my marriage. I get scared of trying to see if there is a balance. I know I am just rambling and I apologize for that. I have been holding in so much for so long and I guess it just can't stay in anymore. I see my Bibles on the bookshelf but can't get myself to open them because I am afraid of losing me, afraid of God not wanting, afraid the feeling of hopelessness will only increase. I sat here today listening to some of my favorite Christians songs, the songs that always lifted me closer to the Lord , I sat here and cried. Cried because I do feel so lost, because I do feel if I get close to God again, it will once again all slip away. I just needed to reach out, I just needed to clear my head. I don't know if it helped me any, I don't really know what the point of it all was. Once again sorry for rambling and forgive me if I shouldn't have posted any of this.


D.

I just want to start out by saying I'm so sorry your past churches have made you feel the way you do about yourself and God. It breaks my heart that those things are being taught to so many Christians! You need to know that the things you've been taught at those churches aren't biblical at all. God doesnt expect perfection from us. There has never in the history of this earth been a perfect human being, other than Jesus Christ. The fact of the matter is that no human can ever be good enough. That's why God sent his son to die for us in order to cover all our iniquities. If we were capable of perfection we wouldnt have needed Him to do that. It's God's grace alone, not our perfection, that saves us.

Something that needs to be clear to you is that once you accept Christ, you're saved. It's not a matter of whether or not you still sin...we ALL sin. That just goes back to what i said before about Jesus coming to cover all our iniquities. If we could be perfect, we wouldnt need saving. See, God knows your heart, and he knows whether or not you're trying to please him. From what you've written here you really are seeking Him and you're willing to put effort into a relationship with him. You truly love him, and He'll bless you for that.
And God doesn't care if you take necessary medicine for a disorder! The people that are against necessary drugs are the same people that think it's a sin for a woman to use tampons (which is stupid).

Another thing that needs to be clear to you is that it is a VERY good thing if God is your obsession! Don't let anyone, not even your husband, convince you otherwise. God wants to be your first priority. If you make that happen, he'll take care of everything else: your marriage, friendships, and so on. But your husband needs to come second, after God. I know that must be really hard but if you make that happen, you will not regret it. God will bring you more joy than anything or anyone on this earth ever could, but only if you put him first.

Also, God doesnt expect you to be reading and praying 24/7. He understands that you have a husband, a social life, and not to mention a need for sleep that needs to be taken care of. Making God first doesnt mean ignoring all these other needs in your life. It just means that you include him in all of it. Yes, read your Bible. Yes, pray. Both of those are how you and God can directly communicate with one another. But, he knows you cant do that all the time. Our God is good, he loves usand he knows what we need and want, and he knows if we love him.


"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
-Romans 5:6-8

 

[eolculnamo2]

Something that needs to be clear to you is that once you accept Christ, you're saved. It's not a matter of whether or not you still sin...we ALL sin. That just goes back to what i said before about Jesus coming to cover all our iniquities. If we could be perfect, we wouldnt need saving. See, God knows your heart, and he knows whether or not you're trying to please him.

You're saved if you try your best and repent. Once you're baptized, you have to try your best not to sin and when you do sin, repent. While yes, God doesn't expect perfection, he does expect that we try our best.
If we don't do the right things, you'll still be condemned. You can't be both a Christian and a consistent sinner.

Revelation 3:16:
"'So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth."

Luke warm referring to people who try to balance worldy sins and God.

 

[""]

Hi D (searchingforpeace)

I haven't read all of the responses to your post, but I did want to respond to you if you don't mind my doing that without reading through the entire thread. I'm not feeling very well myself tonight and so reading through the whole thread is a bit much for me, but I will come back and do that tomorrow.

Firstly, I just want to say...
Wow! You really are suffering dear. I see it in your words and I feel for you, so much. I can just feel the pain dripping from your words as I read them. I'm so sorry that your hurting. I just want to take your hand and tell you how precious you are to our Heavenly Father, D. I know my words are just another stranger, telling you how much you are loved by your Creator. Yet, I need to tell you anyway.

I can see that you do understand that G-d loves you and that you being bipolar does not keep Him from loving you. For me this is a redundant statement, but I noted that you acknowledged it and i was happy about that. Yes, He loves you, and me, and all of us, whether we are afflicted with bipolar disease, cancer, diabetes, depression, and anything else. Why? Because He looks into the heart and soul of mankind, behind the flesh. Does that mean that He doesn't care about our flesh? Surely not. He cares very much for us, body and soul. You know how the bible says that G-d loves us even more than the birds of the air, and how He takes the time to clothe them in beautiful feathers and feed them, so how much more will He do for us. That's one of my favorite verses, because it shows the very character of our Creator. He even loves the little birdies.. those same little birdies that wake us up in the darkness of morning, poop all over our car windows, steal our vegetables from the garden, and dive bomb us when we're out taking a walk. lol Yes, those birdies. He loves them. (I love them too!) Well, He loves them because He understands their nature, just as He loves us because He can understand ours. We have a sin nature, you and I. We were born into sin, because of the first sins of mankind. So even when we mess up, G-d doesn't abandon us. No no, He loves us in spite of it. He loves us so much that He came down and died for us! Wow... double wow! That's more wow than all of the wow for your deep suffering.

His sacrifice of atonement for your sins and mine, was enough to take away every sin that we commit. As long as we love Him with our whole heart, we can continue to come back to Him daily and say "Oh Father, I have just had the worst day. You saw what I did. Why did I do that? I just don't kow why I keep falling and failing but I know you understand me. Please forgive me again, and help me to become stronger in my faith. I love you and I love what you did for me. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen."

So don't give up on yourself, because G-d hasn't. He LOVES you and He wants a deeper relationship with you. The key to that is for you to start reaching back to Him, in the knowledge that He loves you ENOUGH to forgive you, when you come before Him in sincerity. Not just once, at the time of your first prayer, but every day, hun. Every single day.

Now, on to the other issue of a church. You like to be casual. Have you tried any non-denominational churches? There are many that are really good. If you want to PM me, and tell me the city you live in, I can send you a list of several for you to try out. When it comes to churches, the most important thing is that they teach biblical truths. If they teach from G-d's word, without straying, then they're a good church. That goes for any denomination.

About your husband...

My opinion of that is this:
If you make G-d your first focus, and being a loving, compassionate wife, your second focus, the Holy Spirit will reach your husband. Spend more time joyfully being a loving wife, and less time being a worrying wife. G-d's word says that we are not to fear, and when you think about it, when has fear ever changed a relationship for the positive?

If you ever want to talk, please feel free to send me a Pm any time.


He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

 

[searchingforpeace]

's to you, I am so sorry that this is going on in your life. I think that it's okay to wear pants to, we should come as we are. God wouldn't turn us away b/c we are wearing jeans. Because, it shouldn't be about form or fashion, it goes about, having a relationship with him. Wearing skirts/dresses doesn't make anyone better than someone else who is wearing jeans in the sight of God. Also, I personally feel women shouldn't have to cover thier heads in church. I know some people end up getting hurt by the church instead of helped. I am sorry that you were one of those that got hurt by the church. I hope that you will know that not all christians and not are churches are like that. Keep praying for your husband, the other week a lady's husband came to church with her for like the first/second time and guess what he gave his life to the lord. I truly believe that prayer changes things, keep claiming it, that he will be saved in Jesus name.


Also, God wants us to come as we are if you can't read your bible or pray 24/7 know that it's okay. God knows the intent of your heart, he looks at your heart. Don't worry about fixing your problems or situation before coming to him, go to him while having them, he will help you to work them out. I pray that you will find your way back to him


If you ever want to talk, feel free to send me a pm anytime

That is one thing I am really trying to keep in mind. Not all Christians, not all churches are the same. And that is one thing I am looking for in a church, diversity.

Maybe I had to go through the hurts to come out on the other side a stronger person with my eyes open to what is truth and what is not, what lines up with God's word and what doesn't.

 

[searchingforpeace]

I just want to start out by saying I'm so sorry your past churches have made you feel the way you do about yourself and God. It breaks my heart that those things are being taught to so many Christians! You need to know that the things you've been taught at those churches aren't biblical at all. God doesnt expect perfection from us. There has never in the history of this earth been a perfect human being, other than Jesus Christ. The fact of the matter is that no human can ever be good enough. That's why God sent his son to die for us in order to cover all our iniquities. If we were capable of perfection we wouldnt have needed Him to do that. It's God's grace alone, not our perfection, that saves us.

Something that needs to be clear to you is that once you accept Christ, you're saved. It's not a matter of whether or not you still sin...we ALL sin. That just goes back to what i said before about Jesus coming to cover all our iniquities. If we could be perfect, we wouldnt need saving. See, God knows your heart, and he knows whether or not you're trying to please him. From what you've written here you really are seeking Him and you're willing to put effort into a relationship with him. You truly love him, and He'll bless you for that.
And God doesn't care if you take necessary medicine for a disorder! The people that are against necessary drugs are the same people that think it's a sin for a woman to use tampons (which is stupid).

Another thing that needs to be clear to you is that it is a VERY good thing if God is your obsession! Don't let anyone, not even your husband, convince you otherwise. God wants to be your first priority. If you make that happen, he'll take care of everything else: your marriage, friendships, and so on. But your husband needs to come second, after God. I know that must be really hard but if you make that happen, you will not regret it. God will bring you more joy than anything or anyone on this earth ever could, but only if you put him first.

Also, God doesnt expect you to be reading and praying 24/7. He understands that you have a husband, a social life, and not to mention a need for sleep that needs to be taken care of. Making God first doesnt mean ignoring all these other needs in your life. It just means that you include him in all of it. Yes, read your Bible. Yes, pray. Both of those are how you and God can directly communicate with one another. But, he knows you cant do that all the time. Our God is good, he loves usand he knows what we need and want, and he knows if we love him.


"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
-Romans 5:6-8

You are right, about making God #1. See, I was putting other things off, which I know God doesn't want. I don't feel that makes me a good witness through my actions if other things in my life, important things get pushed to the side.

 

[searchingforpeace]

You're saved if you try your best and repent. Once you're baptized, you have to try your best not to sin and when you do sin, repent. While yes, God doesn't expect perfection, he does expect that we try our best.
If we don't do the right things, you'll still be condemned. You can't be both a Christian and a consistent sinner.

Revelation 3:16:
"'So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth."

Luke warm referring to people who try to balance worldy sins and God.

Yes I know perfection will not come, and learning to accept that and realize that God does not expect that, but does expect me to be the best I can be, to turn to him, to turn to his word's to learn how to live my life, how to presure my relationship with him. Being lukewarm is not something I want. Thank you for the verse. Very powerful.

 

[searchingforpeace]

Hi D (searchingforpeace)

I haven't read all of the responses to your post, but I did want to respond to you if you don't mind my doing that without reading through the entire thread. I'm not feeling very well myself tonight and so reading through the whole thread is a bit much for me, but I will come back and do that tomorrow.

Firstly, I just want to say...
Wow! You really are suffering dear. I see it in your words and I feel for you, so much. I can just feel the pain dripping from your words as I read them. I'm so sorry that your hurting. I just want to take your hand and tell you how precious you are to our Heavenly Father, D. I know my words are just another stranger, telling you how much you are loved by your Creator. Yet, I need to tell you anyway.

I can see that you do understand that G-d loves you and that you being bipolar does not keep Him from loving you. For me this is a redundant statement, but I noted that you acknowledged it and i was happy about that. Yes, He loves you, and me, and all of us, whether we are afflicted with bipolar disease, cancer, diabetes, depression, and anything else. Why? Because He looks into the heart and soul of mankind, behind the flesh. Does that mean that He doesn't care about our flesh? Surely not. He cares very much for us, body and soul. You know how the bible says that G-d loves us even more than the birds of the air, and how He takes the time to clothe them in beautiful feathers and feed them, so how much more will He do for us. That's one of my favorite verses, because it shows the very character of our Creator. He even loves the little birdies.. those same little birdies that wake us up in the darkness of morning, poop all over our car windows, steal our vegetables from the garden, and dive bomb us when we're out taking a walk. lol Yes, those birdies. He loves them. (I love them too!) Well, He loves them because He understands their nature, just as He loves us because He can understand ours. We have a sin nature, you and I. We were born into sin, because of the first sins of mankind. So even when we mess up, G-d doesn't abandon us. No no, He loves us in spite of it. He loves us so much that He came down and died for us! Wow... double wow! That's more wow than all of the wow for your deep suffering.

His sacrifice of atonement for your sins and mine, was enough to take away every sin that we commit. As long as we love Him with our whole heart, we can continue to come back to Him daily and say "Oh Father, I have just had the worst day. You saw what I did. Why did I do that? I just don't kow why I keep falling and failing but I know you understand me. Please forgive me again, and help me to become stronger in my faith. I love you and I love what you did for me. I pray this in Jesus name, Amen."

So don't give up on yourself, because G-d hasn't. He LOVES you and He wants a deeper relationship with you. The key to that is for you to start reaching back to Him, in the knowledge that He loves you ENOUGH to forgive you, when you come before Him in sincerity. Not just once, at the time of your first prayer, but every day, hun. Every single day.

Now, on to the other issue of a church. You like to be casual. Have you tried any non-denominational churches? There are many that are really good. If you want to PM me, and tell me the city you live in, I can send you a list of several for you to try out. When it comes to churches, the most important thing is that they teach biblical truths. If they teach from G-d's word, without straying, then they're a good church. That goes for any denomination.

About your husband...

My opinion of that is this:
If you make G-d your first focus, and being a loving, compassionate wife, your second focus, the Holy Spirit will reach your husband. Spend more time joyfully being a loving wife, and less time being a worrying wife. G-d's word says that we are not to fear, and when you think about it, when has fear ever changed a relationship for the positive?

If you ever want to talk, please feel free to send me a Pm any time.


He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

No problem with not reading all the posts Sometimes it can be too much to keep up with all posts in so many threads. I hope you are feeling better.

I am feeling much better since this post. I have been focusing a lot on the fact that God is my creator, my father, my protector, my teacher, the one who no matter what is always there for me. He doesn't leave me. He doesn't push me away. I am finding that very comforting.

Yes, non-denominational is the type of church I plan on finding. I have found one, via their website, but oh so nervous about calling and getting more information.

You are right, being a loving compasionate wife is the way to go. God will take care of my worries, he knows what is on my heart and in his own way, his own time will handle it all.

 

[RandomSock]

Hi!!
I have only read your first post,and would like to respond to it,I hope it's ok.

My advice is,try to think of the way Jesus lived,how he treated others,what he teached,and you will feel peace you long for so much.
He did not judge people,or their past,he adviced them how to live better,how to become better,how to act better.He also gave people hope,all the people.

Please start at your home,by accepting your husband,and loving him,even if he rejects religion.Believe me,the best way to show people that God is great,is by being a good example.There will come time,your husband will become interested,and start asking,now just love him,and include him in your prayer.Talk to God about you,about your worries,do not worry about any formal or correct way ,just think about God,write letters ,do whatever suits you the best,and please,do not feel it has to be 3x a day,for 45 minutes ...just pray ,talk,cry ,share with God without fear of doing it any wrong way.
Find encouraging scriptures,and remind yourself of the love God has for the creation.
What to wear-I personaly would respect what a church requires,just to show the people of the church my respect,but I don't believe it has any effect on your relationship with God,it will help your relationship with people,so why not dress they way they require?
It is always nice to do little things for others,to show respect.Just remind yourselves,when you feel judged and hurt,that they simply don't know what they are doing,because they themselves need guidance and love.

I don't know about your health problems,but if your medication is helping you,stick to it.Don't make yourself ill to please others,I don't know how people get healed,
some claim being healed instantly ,some claim God send them a good doctor.
I don't know,many times in my llife I asked God for healing,and my health indeed improved,sometimes I was helped by a medication,or a good advice,the honest truth is I don't know if God heals people,and how,somehow I find it secondary.

I hope you will find support,cofort and advice just right for you

 

[searchingforpeace]

Hi!!
I have only read your first post,and would like to respond to it,I hope it's ok.

My advice is,try to think of the way Jesus lived,how he treated others,what he teached,and you will feel peace you long for so much.
He did not judge people,or their past,he adviced them how to live better,how to become better,how to act better.He also gave people hope,all the people.

Please start at your home,by accepting your husband,and loving him,even if he rejects religion.Believe me,the best way to show people that God is great,is by being a good example.There will come time,your husband will become interested,and start asking,now just love him,and include him in your prayer.Talk to God about you,about your worries,do not worry about any formal or correct way ,just think about God,write letters ,do whatever suits you the best,and please,do not feel it has to be 3x a day,for 45 minutes ...just pray ,talk,cry ,share with God without fear of doing it any wrong way.
Find encouraging scriptures,and remind yourself of the love God has for the creation.
What to wear-I personaly would respect what a church requires,just to show the people of the church my respect,but I don't believe it has any effect on your relationship with God,it will help your relationship with people,so why not dress they way they require?
It is always nice to do little things for others,to show respect.Just remind yourselves,when you feel judged and hurt,that they simply don't know what they are doing,because they themselves need guidance and love.

I don't know about your health problems,but if your medication is helping you,stick to it.Don't make yourself ill to please others,I don't know how people get healed,
some claim being healed instantly ,some claim God send them a good doctor.
I don't know,many times in my llife I asked God for healing,and my health indeed improved,sometimes I was helped by a medication,or a good advice,the honest truth is I don't know if God heals people,and how,somehow I find it secondary.

I hope you will find support,cofort and advice just right for you

I hope I did not come across in my post as not accepting my husband, but that is no where near the case. I love my husband, I accept my husband for who is his. He is very supportive of me and I just pray that one day he too can know the love of God.

 

[RandomSock]

Sorry I made you feel that way,I simply said that,so you did not feel you have to leave him,or change him,prompted by some church

 

[searchingforpeace]

Sorry I made you feel that way,I simply said that,so you did not feel you have to leave him,or change him,prompted by some church

I would never leave my husband. That thought would never even cross my mind.

 

[RandomSock]

From your OP,I was under an impression,that you were judged about the fact he is not 'saved',and that you strugle with that,and your marriage is somehow not as good ,as it would be,because of the church pressure on you.
Sorry if I misunderstood.

 

[searchingforpeace]

From your OP,I was under an impression,that you were judged about the fact he is not 'saved',and that you strugle with that,and your marriage is somehow not as good ,as it would be,because of the church pressure on you.
Sorry if I misunderstood.

No, my marriage is very strong. The issues came from what I would classify as maybe jealousy when I am spending time with God, him feeling it to be an obession. Sorry if I was not clear.

 

[RandomSock]

I see.I guess he feels he is loosing the woman he loves.
Does he tell you what is it he is worried about?

 

[searchingforpeace]

I see.I guess he feels he is loosing the woman he loves.
Does he tell you what is it he is worried about?

Not really. But from what I read from him, worried my love for him will fade and change. That also I will be so obessed that everything else in life will be cast aside. I think now that we have talked some about the type of church I am seeking out he is feeling better. He really did not like me being in the churches I have been in b/c they wanted to change me so much that there was hardly any piece of me left. I am showing him through my actions that there can be a balance.