Struggling....again....

[searchingforpeace]

I am not really sure as to why I am posting here...I guess reaching out even thought I feel that is pointless. I have reached out many times to Christians, to God, to Jesus and I always end up back where I started....lost, feeling hopeless, feeling like no matter what I do God can not be in my life. I have thought in the past I have been saved, but I see that was not so because I guess if I was ever saved I wouldn't fall back into the sins in my life, I would be able to put aside the things that keep me separated from God. I know he does not push me away, it has always been me pushing him away. I push him away with my sins and with my unwillingness to give up the things that have been a part of my life for so long. I'm 33, married. I thought I became a Christian a few years back. I loved the Lord, loved the Word, loved being at church, loved being surrounded by Christians and filling my life with things I felt drew me closer to God. I fell away. I was hurt by the church I attended, hurt that I was told I was not saved because I took medication for bipolar disorder. I walked...no, I ran away from it. I ran so far that I turned to Buddhism. All that did was fill a void but did not fill my heart. I came back to the Lord and found that it seems to cause strife between my husband and I. He has no interest in knowing the Lord. He had no interest in attending church with me, no interest in any of it. He would comment how I was obsessed. Was I? Yes at times I think so. (but having OCD tendencies, that happens with just about everything in my life here and there). It was effecting my marriage, putting a wall between us...in and out of the bedroom. I somehow have always ended up in churches that try to change every single thing about me, from what I wear( I think it is ok for women to wear to pants, how did I always end up in churches that said no...women should always be in a dress...women should cover their heads?). I know that being saved, being a Christian, loving the Lord with all ones heart, does change them. And that change can be the most positive thing ever. But for me it was never positive, it always ended up being negative, making me feel very bad about who I was, feeling bad about my life, making me feel that I would never be good enough, never be accepted, and never truly be a Christian. I know that praying, reading God's word is so important but I was always made to feel that if I was not doing that 24/7, that if I was doing anything other than reading the Bible or praying that I was not good enough. I don't know, I don't know why I am here...Well, I guess I do...I miss the Lord in my life....I miss him in my heart...I miss him in my days and in my nights. But I am scared beyond words. I don't want to feel like no matter what I do that I am not good enough, that I don't measure up, that I don't belong. I get scared that obsession will take hold and it will once again become a problem in my marriage. I get scared of trying to see if there is a balance. I know I am just rambling and I apologize for that. I have been holding in so much for so long and I guess it just can't stay in anymore. I see my Bibles on the bookshelf but can't get myself to open them because I am afraid of losing me, afraid of God not wanting, afraid the feeling of hopelessness will only increase. I sat here today listening to some of my favorite Christians songs, the songs that always lifted me closer to the Lord , I sat here and cried. Cried because I do feel so lost, because I do feel if I get close to God again, it will once again all slip away. I just needed to reach out, I just needed to clear my head. I don't know if it helped me any, I don't really know what the point of it all was. Once again sorry for rambling and forgive me if I shouldn't have posted any of this.


D.

 

[Countrygirl1976]

Sometimes human hurt other humans and they don't care that they are doing that. The people in the church you were talking about need to do some serious talking to God the father. You made the choice to let Jesus come and dwell in your heart. You are saved and it doesn't matter that you are bipolar. Jesus and God loves you for who you are and they loved you first. When you talk to others on here you are having a church of your own because in the Bible it says I can't quote exactly that when you talk to others about the Lord you are worshiping him. I hope that this helps you. I will pray for you. If you want to talk to someone I am here. My husband is bipolar so I understand where you are coming from.

 

[searchingforpeace]

Sometimes human hurt other humans and they don't care that they are doing that. The people in the church you were talking about need to do some serious talking to God the father. You made the choice to let Jesus come and dwell in your heart. You are saved and it doesn't matter that you are bipolar. Jesus and God loves you for who you are and they loved you first. When you talk to others on here you are having a church of your own because in the Bible it says I can't quote exactly that when you talk to others about the Lord you are worshiping him. I hope that this helps you. I will pray for you. If you want to talk to someone I am here. My husband is bipolar so I understand where you are coming from.

I do know now that God loves me no less because I am bipolar, he chose for whatever reason to give me this struggle in life, and I am ok with that, because I do know at times I have helped others. I do not question my salvation b/c of the bipolar anymore but because of the sins I can not put aside, b/c I have fallen away so many times. I question it b/c others I have seen once they are saved, everything about them that was not Christian-like falls away and they never look back.

D.

 

[BigNorsk]

It almost sounds like you keep running into Judaizers that think you perfect God's grace through the law.

I note that you think that sin shows you aren't saved. Well Christianity doesn't teach that you are saved because you are perfect or become perfect in this world, you are saved because Jesus is perfect and you believe.

It is faith, no works that saves. You cannot look to yourself for proof, but simply look to Jesus and and accept that because he is perfect, you believe his promise of salvation.

I hope you see the difference.

Marv

 

[Johnnz]

You have not been given a great welcome into the Christian community have you? Sadly there are Christian groups that don't really get what the good news is.

Feel free to PM me if you want to toss around some of your questions and struggles.

Bless you
John
NZ

 

[searchingforpeace]

I note that you think that sin shows you aren't saved. Well Christianity doesn't teach that you are saved because you are perfect or become perfect in this world, you are saved because Jesus is perfect and you believe.


Marv

I was taught that if we continue to sin then it shows that we are not saved. So that is not true?

 

[searchingforpeace]

You have not been given a great welcome into the Christian community have you? Sadly there are Christian groups that don't really get what the good news is.

Feel free to PM me if you want to toss around some of your questions and struggles.

Bless you
John
NZ

When I first became a Christian and started attending a church, I felt very welcomed, very loved, very much at home. But once I opened up to my Pastor and to the members of the church, that is when I felt unwelcomed..being told to stop medication, to fast and pray until I was healed so that I could be saved is where it all started to go very wrong.

I can't pm yet because I don't have enough posts...but will take you up on that once I can.

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

Jesus said "whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life." (John4:14 and similar elsewhere) referring to the infilling of the Holy Spirit which could not be given until after he had died and risen to the Father . . .

"And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave them utterance.
. . . Therefore being by the right hand of God exalted, and having received of the Father the promise of the Holy Ghost, he hath shed forth this, which ye now see and hear . . . the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call." (Acts 2:4, 33)

That means you and me . . . The speaking in tongues is "drinking that drink" and is "the refreshing"
(1 Cor. 12:13, Isaiah 28:11-12) . . . don't write Jesus off until you have received this!
It allows Him to lead you in prayer according to God's perfect will for you,
it will enable you to believe as never before (Jude 20) and what was hard will become easy
because you are allowing God to do what only he can do - relationship not ritual.

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

I was taught that if we continue to sin then it shows that we are not saved. So that is not true?

God hasn't just said "I forgive your sin" - man would sin all the more!

God has given power over sin - a new & living way, something better.

Gal. 5:16: This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

To "walk in the Spirit", you must first receive the Spirit, as detailed in Acts 2:4, 10:44-48, 19:5-6.

 

[Criada]

God loves you very, very much!
Whatever you do, nothing can ever change tht!
And when you sin, it grieves Him - but He forgives you as soon as you repent!
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

The bible says that He removes our sins as far as the East is from the West!

You are saved.
He loves you!
Nothing and no one can change that!
And He longs for You to come back, to spend time with Him.
He longs to fill you with His Spirit and give you the power and the strength to live a godly life.
And whenever you stumble (we all do!) He will pick you up and restore you.
And He truly doesn't mind what you wear!
Or whether you are taking medication!
He loves you - so much that He died for you.
I am so very sorry that other Christians have acted in an un-Christlike manner to you.
But God hasn't changed!
Read the story of the prodigal son!
He is waiting for you to come home, with His arms open!

God bless you, sister.
I am praying for you.

 

[searchingforpeace]

God hasn't just said "I forgive your sin" - man would sin all the more!

God has given power over sin - a new & living way, something better.

Gal. 5:16: This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.

To "walk in the Spirit", you must first receive the Spirit, as detailed in Acts 2:4, 10:44-48, 19:5-6.

So if one is fulfilling lusts of the flesh, this means they have not recieved the spirit and so are not saved?

 

[searchingforpeace]

God loves you very, very much!
Whatever you do, nothing can ever change tht!
And when you sin, it grieves Him - but He forgives you as soon as you repent!
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

The bible says that He removes our sins as far as the East is from the West!

You are saved.
He loves you!
Nothing and no one can change that!
And He longs for You to come back, to spend time with Him.
He longs to fill you with His Spirit and give you the power and the strength to live a godly life.
And whenever you stumble (we all do!) He will pick you up and restore you.
And He truly doesn't mind what you wear!
Or whether you are taking medication!
He loves you - so much that He died for you.
I am so very sorry that other Christians have acted in an un-Christlike manner to you.
But God hasn't changed!
Read the story of the prodigal son!
He is waiting for you to come home, with His arms open!

God bless you, sister.
I am praying for you.

I appreciate the prayers, I need them. I need to be restored..more than I can put into words.

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

So if one is fulfilling lusts of the flesh, this means they have not recieved the spirit and so are not saved?

No, it may mean that someone is not living the new life. The Galatians had received the Spirit, as had the Corinthians but some of them were not walking in the Spirit.

 

[BigNorsk]

I was taught that if we continue to sin then it shows that we are not saved. So that is not true?

To teach a person to look to themselves for the proof of salvation is the horribly weak theology of glory, instead of looking to yourself for proof look to the the cross, the theology of the cross is strong and sure. You aren't saved because you are perfect, you are saved because you believe in Jesus and his atoning work on the cross.

Marv

 

[searchingforpeace]

To teach a person to look to themselves for the proof of salvation is the horribly weak theology of glory, instead of looking to yourself for proof look to the the cross, the theology of the cross is strong and sure. You aren't saved because you are perfect, you are saved because you believe in Jesus and his atoning work on the cross.

Marv

Looking to the cross...that is now where I am trying to keep my eyes

 

[AllTalkNoAction]

Looking to the cross...that is now where I am trying to keep my eyes

Unless you become born again by receiving the Spirit you cannot appreciate grace or salvation. Calvary was to enable Pentecost to happen (Galatians 3:13-14).
Don't stop at Calvary, you will end up scattered like the disciples.

 

[BelindaP]

Some of the teachings of the church of which you are a member are in error. There are many churches that believe that if a person has enough faith, they won't need help with mental health problems. Yet these same people wouldn't tell a diabetic to stop taking insulin.

I would suggest that you find a new church where the people are less judgmental of mental health problems.

Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't saved because you struggle with sin. We all struggle with sin, and some are much harder to give up than others. There isn't a person on this planet who doesn't have some sin with which they struggle.

You are a wonderful child of God. I hope that you can find a congregation that will realize that and support you.

 

[Digit]

Heya Searchingforpeace.

I am not really sure as to why I am posting here...I guess reaching out even thought I feel that is pointless. I have reached out many times to Christians, to God, to Jesus and I always end up back where I started....lost, feeling hopeless, feeling like no matter what I do God can not be in my life. I have thought in the past I have been saved, but I see that was not so because I guess if I was ever saved I wouldn't fall back into the sins in my life, I would be able to put aside the things that keep me separated from God.

I think this really could be the base issues here. Just because we are saved in Christ, Jesus, does not mean we will never sin again. It simply means that God has given us a door, which leads to salvation. When you are unsaved, you have no such option. You are trapped in a room of sin with no way out. When you accept God into your life, you are saved and he provides a way out of sin, through Christ.

I sin. You sin. We all do it at some stages in our lives, there is not one single man or woman on this planet that does not sin. Some do it more than others, but God doesn't care. All He wants is your repentance, and for you to willingly turn away from sin towards Him.

It actually isn't that hard. I often see so many posts on these forums, from people expecting some miracle change in their lives, and I am not saying this doesn't happen on occasion, but it certainly does not happen with every person coming to salvation.

I know he does not push me away, it has always been me pushing him away. I push him away with my sins and with my unwillingness to give up the things that have been a part of my life for so long. I'm 33, married. I thought I became a Christian a few years back. I loved the Lord, loved the Word, loved being at church, loved being surrounded by Christians and filling my life with things I felt drew me closer to God. I fell away. I was hurt by the church I attended, hurt that I was told I was not saved because I took medication for bipolar disorder.

There seems to be a common trend amongst many of these posts, in that people are being told they aren't saved, or that Christ hates them and so on. They have absolutely no authority to say these things and pass a judgement on you and your situation. There is only one being who can do so and that is God. It's the toughest thing we are often faced with, seeing someone who has fallen in sin and not judging them. But we have no right to judge anyone, it is not in our remit as fellow sinners.

I came back to the Lord and found that it seems to cause strife between my husband and I. He has no interest in knowing the Lord. He had no interest in attending church with me, no interest in any of it. He would comment how I was obsessed. Was I?

Being in a marriage with an unevenly yoked partner (not of the same faith) will indeed cause conflict. I have no experience in this regard, as my wife was loving and patient as I found Christ in my own time and on my own terms. The best I can suggest is to seperate this area of your life if possible. Or failing that, ask your husband to attend an Alpha course with you. I feel it could benefit you even if he doesn't want to come.

I know that being saved, being a Christian, loving the Lord with all ones heart, does change them. And that change can be the most positive thing ever. But for me it was never positive, it always ended up being negative, making me feel very bad about who I was, feeling bad about my life, making me feel that I would never be good enough, never be accepted, and never truly be a Christian.

Christianity is not a club. It's a relationship between you and God, I feel you have been gravey misled by others in this regard. Christianity requires no one else except you and God. It's a personal relationship between you both and you need no one else until you are ready. I strongly suggst an Alpha course, to learn about these basics, because if given an initial warped view, it will corrupt everything that follows it.

I know that praying, reading God's word is so important but I was always made to feel that if I was not doing that 24/7, that if I was doing anything other than reading the Bible or praying that I was not good enough.

To be honest there are things that are required and things that are preferred. For those advanced in their faith, they will surrender everything up to God, pray about everything and search scripture for everything. For a non-believer, or a new-believer that is a great deal to ask, as you are basically telling them to do a complete 180 and live another life, that is alien and foreign to them. God in addition, does not demand this of you. All He asks is for you to accept Him and have a genuine desire to follow Him, which it sounds like you most certainly have. When I first became a Christian, I had sort of spurts of seeking. Where I spent hours reading and researching, and then did nothing for weeks. The more I discovered the stronger this desire became, and now I am often immersed in scripture and I pray daily. It doesn't happen all at once, these are false milestones people have given you.

I don't know, I don't know why I am here...Well, I guess I do...I miss the Lord in my life....I miss him in my heart...I miss him in my days and in my nights. But I am scared beyond words. I don't want to feel like no matter what I do that I am not good enough, that I don't measure up, that I don't belong. I get scared that obsession will take hold and it will once again become a problem in my marriage. I get scared of trying to see if there is a balance. I know I am just rambling and I apologize for that. I have been holding in so much for so long and I guess it just can't stay in anymore. I see my Bibles on the bookshelf but can't get myself to open them because I am afraid of losing me, afraid of God not wanting, afraid the feeling of hopelessness will only increase. I sat here today listening to some of my favorite Christians songs, the songs that always lifted me closer to the Lord , I sat here and cried. Cried because I do feel so lost, because I do feel if I get close to God again, it will once again all slip away. I just needed to reach out, I just needed to clear my head. I don't know if it helped me any, I don't really know what the point of it all was. Once again sorry for rambling and forgive me if I shouldn't have posted any of this.


D.

You know, often we see things in life like giant mountains. If you try to reach the top in one day, you will likely exhaust yourself and end up defeated, tired, depressed and angry at your failure. Especially if people have told you that you should be able to do it. That if you were a good person you would do it. That if you loved God, you could really climb that mountain.

It's simply not like that.

If instead, you walk 1 mile a day. Eventually, no matter how high the mountain, you will reach the top. Babies don't start walking as soon as they are born. They crawl first, they take baby-steps and soon they are walking as if it was second-nature. Hence the saying, "First we crawl, then we walk."

When we first come to God, it is often on hands and knees. Asking for forgiveness. With time, we can learn to walk through life as a Christian.

Take a step back, take a deep breath and relax. You are on the right track, just slow down a little.

Digit

 

[searchingforpeace]

Some of the teachings of the church of which you are a member are in error. There are many churches that believe that if a person has enough faith, they won't need help with mental health problems. Yet these same people wouldn't tell a diabetic to stop taking insulin.

I would suggest that you find a new church where the people are less judgmental of mental health problems.

Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't saved because you struggle with sin. We all struggle with sin, and some are much harder to give up than others. There isn't a person on this planet who doesn't have some sin with which they struggle.

You are a wonderful child of God. I hope that you can find a congregation that will realize that and support you.

Yes, I will never again allow anyone in a church to tell me I am not a Christian b/c of my issues. I learned from my mistake. And you are right, everyone struggles with sin...some just don't want to admit it.

 

[searchingforpeace]

Heya Searchingforpeace.


[/size][/font]I think this really could be the base issues here. Just because we are saved in Christ, Jesus, does not mean we will never sin again. It simply means that God has given us a door, which leads to salvation. When you are unsaved, you have no such option. You are trapped in a room of sin with no way out. When you accept God into your life, you are saved and he provides a way out of sin, through Christ.

I sin. You sin. We all do it at some stages in our lives, there is not one single man or woman on this planet that does not sin. Some do it more than others, but God doesn't care. All He wants is your repentance, and for you to willingly turn away from sin towards Him.

It actually isn't that hard. I often see so many posts on these forums, from people expecting some miracle change in their lives, and I am not saying this doesn't happen on occasion, but it certainly does not happen with every person coming to salvation.


[/size][/font]There seems to be a common trend amongst many of these posts, in that people are being told they aren't saved, or that Christ hates them and so on. They have absolutely no authority to say these things and pass a judgement on you and your situation. There is only one being who can do so and that is God. It's the toughest thing we are often faced with, seeing someone who has fallen in sin and not judging them. But we have no right to judge anyone, it is not in our remit as fellow sinners.


[/size][/font]Being in a marriage with an unevenly yoked partner (not of the same faith) will indeed cause conflict. I have no experience in this regard, as my wife was loving and patient as I found Christ in my own time and on my own terms. The best I can suggest is to seperate this area of your life if possible. Or failing that, ask your husband to attend an Alpha course with you. I feel it could benefit you even if he doesn't want to come.


[/size][/font]Christianity is not a club. It's a relationship between you and God, I feel you have been gravey misled by others in this regard. Christianity requires no one else except you and God. It's a personal relationship between you both and you need no one else until you are ready. I strongly suggst an Alpha course, to learn about these basics, because if given an initial warped view, it will corrupt everything that follows it.


[/size][/font]To be honest there are things that are required and things that are preferred. For those advanced in their faith, they will surrender everything up to God, pray about everything and search scripture for everything. For a non-believer, or a new-believer that is a great deal to ask, as you are basically telling them to do a complete 180 and live another life, that is alien and foreign to them. God in addition, does not demand this of you. All He asks is for you to accept Him and have a genuine desire to follow Him, which it sounds like you most certainly have. When I first became a Christian, I had sort of spurts of seeking. Where I spent hours reading and researching, and then did nothing for weeks. The more I discovered the stronger this desire became, and now I am often immersed in scripture and I pray daily. It doesn't happen all at once, these are false milestones people have given you.


You know, often we see things in life like giant mountains. If you try to reach the top in one day, you will likely exhaust yourself and end up defeated, tired, depressed and angry at your failure. Especially if people have told you that you should be able to do it. That if you were a good person you would do it. That if you loved God, you could really climb that mountain.

It's simply not like that.

If instead, you walk 1 mile a day. Eventually, no matter how high the mountain, you will reach the top. Babies don't start walking as soon as they are born. They crawl first, they take baby-steps and soon they are walking as if it was second-nature. Hence the saying, "First we crawl, then we walk."

When we first come to God, it is often on hands and knees. Asking for forgiveness. With time, we can learn to walk through life as a Christian.

Take a step back, take a deep breath and relax. You are on the right track, just slow down a little.

Digit

I am feeling a lot more on track You are right, we crawl first. I think I can handle a mile a day. Great way to look at it, thank you