Struggles with Sexuality and Identity

[Superman117]

I have a problem.


I am a black guy living in Boston. I have a secret. I am bisexual. I dont look or act Gay. I look and talk like a normal man. I do "guy" things. I dont look or talk or dress like a sissy.


When I was 13, I fell in love with a girl named
Saindya. She betrayed me by sleeping with my best friend Manny. I dont trust girls too much after that. I dont hate them. I just think that they are real good at fooling people.

In high school, I didnt get involved with people. Yet I still fell for a girl named Jessica. She didnt like me back. I also fell for a boy named Sean. He didnt like me back even though he was Gay, he was ashamed of himself.


A girl named Indira like me but I felt no passion for her. I felt passion for my heterosexual best friend Karl. I liked him a lot.
He was strictly into girls. I was confused. I was hurt. At some point in May 2003, I even considered suicide.

I didnt kill myself.


I went to college in Boston. I liked the city.


I met a girl named Lauren and sort of fell for her. She was a cute tomboy. I liked her a lot. She had a boyfriend, though. I was desperate for love. I had a fling with a girl named Kia. I also had a thing with a girl named Emily. I decided to just pursue pleasure instead of love.
I had fun with the girls and they were so easy.


I was still not comfortable with being a bisexual so I kept this to myself.


I told my best friend Karl that I am bisexual. He is okay with it. I also told my cousin Mario and another one of my cousins, Dadelie. They both tell me NOT to let people know.


Lately, I feel divided. Sometimes I want the whole world to know what I am. Others, I want to keep it to myself.

I recall the first girl I had sex with, Annie. I also can recall Ivan, the only boy I had sexual relations with.


My father and mother dont know what I am. My family doesnt know. They are Black People and Hate Homosexuals. I dont want them to know. Yet sometimes I dont care.

At school, girls like me but there are so many drama queens and I dont like females that act ridiculous....at all. I just cant put up with bs sometimes.

I've become involved in Activism. I support Men's Rights because men get discriminated in court. The Justice System favors women. That's not fair.
Men are assumed to be always guilty and women are assumed to be victims. I know of some very violent women and I dont like them. At all.

I am a member of S.A.F.E. whose website www.safe4all.org advertises to Stop Violence For Everyone. They try to help Abused Men, Gays and Lesbians.


I dont know where I am going in this life. I dont know what I am looking for. All I know is that I am only me. I just want to find someplace to belong. Maybe some decent man or woman to love.

Do you think I will ever find that ? Am I weird ?

 

[seebs]

You may find it, but you might want to move someplace a little saner than Boston to do the looking.

 

[Carico]

I have a problem.


I am a black guy living in Boston. I have a secret. I am bisexual. I dont look or act Gay. I look and talk like a normal man. I do "guy" things. I dont look or talk or dress like a sissy.


When I was 13, I fell in love with a girl named
Saindya. She betrayed me by sleeping with my best friend Manny. I dont trust girls too much after that. I dont hate them. I just think that they are real good at fooling people.

In high school, I didnt get involved with people. Yet I still fell for a girl named Jessica. She didnt like me back. I also fell for a boy named Sean. He didnt like me back even though he was Gay, he was ashamed of himself.


A girl named Indira like me but I felt no passion for her. I felt passion for my heterosexual best friend Karl. I liked him a lot.
He was strictly into girls. I was confused. I was hurt. At some point in May 2003, I even considered suicide.

I didnt kill myself.


I went to college in Boston. I liked the city.


I met a girl named Lauren and sort of fell for her. She was a cute tomboy. I liked her a lot. She had a boyfriend, though. I was desperate for love. I had a fling with a girl named Kia. I also had a thing with a girl named Emily. I decided to just pursue pleasure instead of love.
I had fun with the girls and they were so easy.


I was still not comfortable with being a bisexual so I kept this to myself.


I told my best friend Karl that I am bisexual. He is okay with it. I also told my cousin Mario and another one of my cousins, Dadelie. They both tell me NOT to let people know.


Lately, I feel divided. Sometimes I want the whole world to know what I am. Others, I want to keep it to myself.

I recall the first girl I had sex with, Annie. I also can recall Ivan, the only boy I had sexual relations with.


My father and mother dont know what I am. My family doesnt know. They are Black People and Hate Homosexuals. I dont want them to know. Yet sometimes I dont care.

At school, girls like me but there are so many drama queens and I dont like females that act ridiculous....at all. I just cant put up with bs sometimes.

I've become involved in Activism. I support Men's Rights because men get discriminated in court. The Justice System favors women. That's not fair.
Men are assumed to be always guilty and women are assumed to be victims. I know of some very violent women and I dont like them. At all.

I am a member of S.A.F.E. whose website www.safe4all.org advertises to Stop Violence For Everyone. They try to help Abused Men, Gays and Lesbians.


I dont know where I am going in this life. I dont know what I am looking for. All I know is that I am only me. I just want to find someplace to belong. Maybe some decent man or woman to love.

Do you think I will ever find that ? Am I weird ?

No, you are not weird at all. You are just looking for love in all the wrong places. You can never get unconditional love from people because they are too busy looking for unconditional love from you! You can only get it from God. The "feel good" sensation that we get from sex is not love but lust. God will ALWAYS keep your cup full of love if you ask Him. Once you receive his undending love, forgieveness and mercy, you will stop trying to get it from others and start giving it instead. Not only will you then get it back from others but you will have God's love throughout eternity. It is is win-win situation that lasts forever. Nothing beats it!!

 

[Outspoken]

I would say you should seek counciling instead of anyone on a message board's opinion, but since you asked for it I would say choose to be hetero if you are a christian, for that is what God wants.

 

[CSMR]

Dear Superman117,
You are looking for a decent person who is faithful, but I would suggest that that is not the real solution for you, and you will be just as confused as you are now unless you see the need to change yourself: are you a decent and faithful person, to God? Would you be happy with someone who has the same sort of life as you? You have a Catholic symbol by your name - do you realise the need to seek God? In your sexual life with men and women, you are equally far from God. I don't see your sexuality as a huge problem beyond that faced by most people, since it is not with complete unrestraint that people fall in love, and the possibility of marriage is open to you. But before you take any possibility you need to find God, who can set our lives on a true course. You must not feel that it is too far from you to call on God, and too impossible to be redeemed.
Yours in hope.

 

[Ananel]

I would say you should seek counciling instead of anyone on a message board's opinion, but since you asked for it I would say choose to be hetero if you are a christian, for that is what God wants.

I'll agree with the counseling part. I think that you could stand to enjoy a good psychologist. He can help you work through the issues in your life.

Not going to agree on the will of god bit. Not going to at all.

Also, increasing the time you spend in the Word of God is a comfort in and of itself. Frankly, I'm going to suggest the Psalms. You may find many similar threads within it.

 

[Outspoken]

I'll agree with the counseling part. I think that you could stand to enjoy a good psychologist. He can help you work through the issues in your life.

Not going to agree on the will of god bit. Not going to at all.

Also, increasing the time you spend in the Word of God is a comfort in and of itself. Frankly, I'm going to suggest the Psalms. You may find many similar threads within it.

I won't get into it here, but I think God's word is pretty clear about homosexuality being a sin. That being said I won't say anymore as this is not the place for it. A good CHRISTIAN psychologist would be good.

 

[an7222]

First of all. Don't blame yourself if you like sex with man, woman, hermaprodites, etc... Its very natural. Nobody can say that he/she is 100% hetero or 100% homo, but we are all sexual beings. The only truth is that we have sexual desires, that can be satisfied or repressed. There's nothing immoral with it out of religious reasons. But avoid fornication, since it's morally wrong.

Second, society do not need to know what are your sexual desires. It's your business. So, keep it for yourself because our society is very narrow minded about this issue and you'll feel discriminated. Try even to become "heterosexual" if you can't keep it secret. Otherwise, keep it secret as long as you can and you'll not feel hated by society. That's my advice.

 

[Ananel]

I won't get into it here, but I think God's word is pretty clear about homosexuality being a sin. That being said I won't say anymore as this is not the place for it. A good CHRISTIAN psychologist would be good.

I think Good is as important as Christian. In a similar vein, I always appreciated Luther's mindset to rulership: Better to have a competent Turk to rule you, than an incompetent Christian. In regards to psychology: Better to have a competent humanist to conduct therapy than an incompetent Christian. Always know the core theories upon which a therapist bases their work, and if given a choice between two competent psychologists, a Christian man has the edge in my book. However, I won't choose a psychologist or suggest a psychologist just because they're Christian. I'll suggest them because they know what they're doing.

And yes. Let's leave that argument elsewhere. I simply could not allow confusion and the thought that you and I were in agreement on all points, which we both know we aren't.

 

[JohnnyV]

Pray and read the Bible. It doesnt matter what any of us tell you to do, or what a psychologist would tell you to do, all that matters is, What is God telling you to do? & If you dont know, then you need to seek him for answers.

 

[Ananel]

Pray and read the Bible. It doesnt matter what any of us tell you to do, or what a psychologist would tell you to do, all that matters is, What is God telling you to do? & If you dont know, then you need to seek him for answers.

No, God gave us the gift of trained professionals, and we are to listen to our elders. This doesn't mean we listen to them in defiance of God's revealed word, but professionals in an appropriate field should still be listened to.

Physical healing comes most often by God through the hand of a doctor, not a street preacher.

So too, Psychological healing.

That said, I would agree that prayer and scriptural reading are of benefit here and should be done by Superman for his own sake.

 

[VivDaGurl]

What I can see from there is that you are extremely to be loved by another person and you don't mind who that person is so long you have someone to love you. This isn't right and you have to understand that God had loved you in the first place even before you were born and that He'll love you, what more, He'll never leave you nor forsake you. You can turn to Him each time you have any difficuties.

The second thing I can see from what you've said is that, you have low self-esteem. Learn to look at yourself as something wonderful and you've been made unique by God. Learn to love yourself for who you are and that God had made you for a reason, for a purpose and to do His Will.

Do you pray or read the Bible? Establish a good relationship with God.

 

[StaySalty]

First I'd like to thank you for your honesty, I can tell that you want to do what is right, but you just may be having a tough time in getting there.

Struggles with sexual desire is a difficult thing without question. Many people struggle with them in one way or another, so you're not alone and no you aren't wierd. However, as a Christian, Jesus has given us the power to overcome sexual sin.

When we accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and Savior, he not only forgives us for our sins, but he also gives us a brand new nature, namely the Spirit nature, that is righteous and wants to please God.

Just as the sinful nature desires to serve sin (lust, sexual immorality, revenge, jealousy, hatred, rage, gossip, etc.), the Spirit nature desires to serve God (desires love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self control).

(read Galatians 5 and Romans 8)

These two natures war against each other, but you have the choice as to which one you submit to.

Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.

Romans 8:5

We also see that it was never God's intent for us to be bound by sexual immorality or lustful passion. Regardless of how strong these urges might be, we weren't created for sexual immorality, but for the Lord.

...The body is not made for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.
1 Corinthians 6:13

So, in Christ, you can resist the desires for sexual relations with men, but ask God for a loving Godly wife where you can enjoy His gift of sex.