**Trigger warning for anyone who might have been a victim** Hey, I've been reading this forum for a long time, but just recently felt the need to come here for help. Right now I'm in my 20s. When I was a teen, 17 exactly, I committed date rape twice. The first time was simple enough. I was making out with my girlfriend, and when I started to do more than make out, shes was ok with it, but when we came close to sex, she kept on telling me no and to stop, but I couldn't help it. She didn't talk to me for about 2 weeks after that, but I said I was sorry and she eventually forgave me and we kept on dating. The second time was with her again a few months after the first time I did it. We had an argument. It was a dumb argument, her deciding to go out with a friend on a weekend I wanted to go out with her. I got angry and kind of felt that urge creep up on me so I just stopped talking and walked out of the room to cool down. Maybe that was the bad thing to do, because I started to think about more and brood about it, so I walked back in and I didn't say anything, it just happened. My feeling at the time was to "put her in her place." I know most people say that rape is about power. I think that's true some of the time. The first time it was not, I just wanted more because she was so pretty. The second time, I think it was about power. Long story short, I told her I was sorry for doing it again. and she eventually forgave me for it after a few weeks. I have not forced myself on a girl since. Since then, I have not even come close to committing date rape again. When I was in uni, I talked to a counselor about rape, and I think she wanted to help me, but maybe it was difficult for her to understand my feelings. I dont know if it's because she was not experienced with counseling someone like me, or because she was not a man and could not relate. I'm different now. I mark up those past things as teenage wildness. Lot's of people will do stuff as teens, like binge drinking, hard drugs, sexual experimentation, crime ect... but they can just move on and not want to do any of it again when they are adults. I wont ever do it again, but I still think of it. Anyway, is anyone here in the same boat as I am? I know this is a subject that's different from most topics here, so if you want to PM me instead of replying here to keep a part of your life private, I understand. I'll respect your privacy if you PM me and never mention to to anyone. Beyond that, any advice, wisdom, anything, I welcome. Maybe this makes me a bad person? In any case, I'm just another Christian with a struggle. Thanks
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