Struggle with Sexuality in General

[Lee Fey]

Okay, I've grown up in a Christian home, and am firmly established in my faith in God. I've been through too many things not to know him.

I am also a young man, eighteen years of age. I grew up in America. My society is full of sexual images, and prompts, and it's as if everything in society is aimed at me. Intellectually, I realize it is, me and everyone else like me.

I have the inherent problem of desensitization (?), I've come to a point where homosexuality, transsexuality, bisexuality, premarital sexuality, multiple sexual partners, and many of the other sexual sins don't bother me much anymore. I know they should disgust me, but they don't. That is what disgusts me, that I don't mind them.

This problem is big for me, as well as the fact that I secretly harbor fantasies pertaining to sexual immorality. I've been addicted to masturbation for six years now. My heart hurts sometimes, very deeply. But I've never stopped. Recently, I've fell into a deep cycle of not caring. Then, even more recently, I've come to a point that I've declared war on my sexually immoral drives. I need help, I need someone who's willing to volunteer to walk through this with me. For some reason, I don't have the ability to step out and find someone, so this is my call for help, a cry for someone to come help me of their own accord, without my having to find you.

I don't know what else to do at the moment. Please help.

 

[bliz]

May I suggest that you post this on the Men's page and seek a mature man there who will be an electronic accountability partner with you? Accountability partners vow to be totally honest with each other about whatever the issue at hand is. They can read the Word together, pray for one another and support and encourage one another. Clearly this is best done in person, but an on-line relationship can also be helpful.

You may just want to read postings there and read profiles and seek out a few guys. (Personally, I always look for posters whose rep is larger than their posting number...) and someone at least 10 years older would be good... no, you're 16... I'd go for at least 20 years on you. People who are just a few steps further down the road than you often don't have enough experience to be as helpful as someone a mile further ahead does.

I think you are in a position to be really helped by a partner in this struggle.

 

[Johnnz]

We must be at war with wrong sex in any form. But we must never be at war with our own, normal sexuality. That is destructive.

PM me if you wish

John
NZ

 

[specialgirl]

Oh my goodness! I'm from America and I'm having the exact same problem.
I don't have any advice, but just wanted to thank you for posting this!

 

[herev]

Dear Lee
I pray God's blessings on you in this difficult time. There are many who may be able to help you. I would recommend first that you find a pastor or a pastoral counselor that can hear you out and work with you through it.
If that doesn't appeal to you, then I would recommend that you at least find a free counseling center, call and ask about support groups.
Lastly, and only as a last resort, seek out help from a female (pastor, if possilbe) online. ONline help and accountability is difficult to maintain. You need to be face to face with someone who can help. But you must take the first step--you can look in the phone book or call a local church--find help--take the first step.
God bless
Tommy

 

[Lee Fey]

Thank you, all of you. I often thought that many of the people here were having the same problems, but there were very few who actually knew of any of the solutions. Or have gone through the solutions. But here, many of you have given me practical, real advice worth listening to, thank you.

 

[VivDaGurl]

Lee, I understand that it's very difficult to be in such environment. It's normal to be aroused easily by having all these sex elements posters around you and it's very easy to fall into the temptation. Sometimes, it's really difficult for us to fight it through because we are made to enjoy sexuality but of course, at the correct time with the correct person. We need to be sure of what we want and what God wants us to be. He didn't invent sex for us to have pleasure on ourself? That is very selfish of us thinking in such a way.

Read the Bible and pray often to ask God to give you the wisdom and strength to break this through. When we became more Christlike, we'll begin to hate things that God do not like us to see. For example, I used to enjoy watching phonorgraphy and blue films in the past. Now, my walk with Christ had became much better and my relationship with God is very close. Whenever I see a phonorgraphy pictures or blue films or even being sexually tempted, I dislike it badly.

Sometimes, I will be drowned into the temptation but as soon as I realised, I quickly wake myself up by praying and ask God to forgive me. I also ask God to strengthen my soul that I will not fall into temptation easily. Another thing, when you pray, submit yourself to the Lord and submit your whole body as it belongs to God and ask God to keep your body holy.

Another tip is to try to get yourself involved in doing something that will keep your mind focussed on. With that, your mind wouldn't be drifted away and as you know yourself better, each time you feel aroused, try to focus on the Lord and do something else like reading the Bible. Read the Bible aloud, it helps...

I will be praying for you....

God be with you!

 

[tomodell]

I'm praying for you bro.

 

[Lee Fey]

Several weeks ago, a teacher of a Sunday school class I was attending said something full of wisdom. As humans, as Christians, we don't usually just openly state that we're going to rebel against God. Instead, we simply drift away from God. We are a slippery bunch. We have two very strong forces pulling on us from two polar directions, the Spirit pulling us towards godliness, and the flesh pulling us towards sin. Any little thing on our part can set off the balance that we've established, any little thing can send us careening towards one or the other. Unfortunately for us, we usually go careening towards the flesh, but every now and again, it's towards the Spirit. I've gone through things that sent me careening towards Him.

So, I've been trying to break the habits I've set up for myself, since I usually do certain things and think certain ways during certain times of the day. So, I'm trying to break the habits I've built, and start new ones, start better ones. It's so hard, so difficult, and with sexuality in general, the usually pleasurable experience are causing withdrawal symptoms. I'm addicted, I'm chained and enslaved to sin, and I don't know how to get out.

 

[Johnnz]

So, I'm trying to break the habits I've built, and start new ones, start better ones. It's so hard, so difficult, and with sexuality in general, the usually pleasurable experience are causing withdrawal symptoms. I'm addicted, I'm chained and enslaved to sin, and I don't know how to get out.

As you are a sexual being (most of those sexual feelings come from little hormones zapping around your system) they will not just 'go away". A greedy person will need to exercise better control over eating habits, but he will still feel hungry on a regular basis - so with our sexual feelings. Practical steps will help, but you will be a very old man before they are no longer a foorce in your life (perhaps not even then!)

If you are hinting at masturbation, that is another issue. there are plenty of threads on that topic already

John
NZ

 

[HomeChicklet]

your not the only one struggling with this trust me im there too... i have been addicted to masturbation for almost a year and i know how hard it is to tell it no... i dont know how to help you and i dont know what i can do for you except tell you that you arent alone and im praying for all of us struggling with this

love always in Christ
HomeChicklet

 

[Lee Fey]

Well, masturbation is really only a part of it. Sexuality is a powerful thing, a beautiful thing given to us by God, but Satan loves perverting every good thing God gives us. So, sexuality, one of God's most amazing gifts, is of course going to be the most perverted thing Satan can get us to become enslaved by. These are chains, our addictions. How hard is it to beat a soldier in chains? Not that hard. We are soldiers of Christ, but we've been chained by Satan, and because of that, we are incredibly weak when it comes to spiritual warfare.

So, I'm trying to break habits of sin and replace them with new habits.

 

[ascribe2thelord]

Okay, I've grown up in a Christian home, and am firmly established in my faith in God. I've been through too many things not to know him.

I am also a young man, eighteen years of age. I grew up in America. My society is full of sexual images, and prompts, and it's as if everything in society is aimed at me. Intellectually, I realize it is, me and everyone else like me.

I have the inherent problem of desensitization (?), I've come to a point where homosexuality, transsexuality, bisexuality, premarital sexuality, multiple sexual partners, and many of the other sexual sins don't bother me much anymore. I know they should disgust me, but they don't. That is what disgusts me, that I don't mind them.

This problem is big for me, as well as the fact that I secretly harbor fantasies pertaining to sexual immorality. I've been addicted to masturbation for six years now. My heart hurts sometimes, very deeply. But I've never stopped. Recently, I've fell into a deep cycle of not caring. Then, even more recently, I've come to a point that I've declared war on my sexually immoral drives. I need help, I need someone who's willing to volunteer to walk through this with me. For some reason, I don't have the ability to step out and find someone, so this is my call for help, a cry for someone to come help me of their own accord, without my having to find you.

I don't know what else to do at the moment. Please help.

Some of those fantasies ... I hope you're not using them to touch. As long as you're not, just consider them the devil's attempts to pervert your lifestyle. Through Christ you can consistently overcome His attempts to derail you.

Feel free to send me an instant message. My computer is almost always online.

 

[Lee Fey]

I've decided that no matter what it takes, I was going to do everything I could to live a holy life for God. The problem is me. My decision was to fight my immoral thoughts and actions no matter how I felt, hoping that my emotions would catch up to me later.

What I mean by this is that I get moody. Sometimes I want to do the right thing, more than anything in the world, and other times, I don't, I just want to do whatever I want to do at the moment. This, I realize intellectually, is the battle between the Spirit and my flesh. And that part of me that wants to sin, my flesh, often is the reason why I can't stop. I have left this in God's hands, as he is the only one who can pull me out of this, but I am out here to get as much help as possible from others. I was hoping, with a strong enough support network, I can set myself up to succeed rather than fail.

 

[MickyK]

hey everybody....
I just wanted to ask if you could pray for my frined Taylor. He just told me yesterday he's struggling with his g-friend, but he says they didn't go all the way.... yet! He is a christian, and I know he wants prayer and support to get through this. So.. if you could, just say a quick prayer for Taylor. thanx!

 

[Sam Gamgee]

Speaking as a 34 year old who also struggled with these kinds of feelings when I was 19 (as it seems that most of the people who are going through these struggles seem to be in their late teens and early 20s), I can tell you that time will provide you with all the answers you need.

Relax.
Stop stressing.
Open your mind and heart.
Enjoy life. This time of your life is a wonderful time... A time to have fun and learn about yourself.
And, I promise you that as you learn about your body and your sould (which usually happens in your 20s), you'll become the man/woman that God wants you to be.

I promise this!

 

[Lee Fey]

Sam, you have some good points, though on most issues, you and I tend to disagree.

Ma'am, with your friend Taylor, I would tell you that I've been in a situation similar. I went too far with my ex, and learned from it. Now, I didn't go all the way, but that's not the point. The point is that I abused the relationship, and it ended partly because of this treatment.

I would tell him not to be with his g-friend alone. Make sure there's someone around to keep an eye on them. If he's serious about being with her, this is not a big sacrafice, even if he may want to experiment. Otherwise, if he is not serious about this, and really wants to push for 'going all the way', I would say he has his priorities mixed up, and should try to strengthen his relationship with God.

 

[kofh2u]

Restraint.
Restraining natural impulses and normal procreative behavior seems wise when we realize that our libidinal urges are focused entirely upon self satisfacion.

Surely, the common sense of these sensations help make choices that are useful. Our sensory instincts find that "chemistry" in another person that is the basis for attraction beyond the raw sex drive. The libido in action knows dance, and smel, our animal manifestation has a connectivity with beauty and appreciation of the glory in one another. We don't want to break this spirit, but we do want to bridle it so as to direct it.

But, my question is whether our man-made world is really unGodly in that it is a preversion of our real being.
It is a deviish manipulative systen of enculturating young people into a way we blindly accept as "civilization."

As our "civilization" has become more complex, we have extended tge period of enculturation bow to age 28.

Marriage when it averages out to 16 year denial of Libidos is no long wise restraint. It is imprisionment. Our libido IS the animal in us. We, our civilization has become a zoo. It houses all the little animals in a l0ck-up of 16 years. But, these are the 16 years that will destroy the animal for the rest of his life. The sexual malajustment that last 16 years lives on.

For those who doubt me, we need look not at arguments about what I said, but we need examine the large society. The evidence we seek lies in our Collective Behavior.

What is the behavior of our Collective Libido?

Why do outsiders like the Moslems call us Big Satan? How do Gypsy fortunetellers know our ends?




Rev. 1:16 And he had in his right hand seven stars, (the sevenfold
spirit of the psyche: Id, Libido, Ego, Anima, Self, Harmony, Superego):
and out of his mouth went a two-edged sword (cutting both secular and theological understandings): and his countenance was as the sun (of
rationality) shineth in his strength (of factual knowledge).

 

[Lee Fey]

Through most of history, many were married years before they were twenty. This allowed a human being to morally satisfy his or her sexual urges when they were strongest, and when the body was most fertile and ready to have children. It was a more enlightened way of life. People, most, didn't even marry for love. Parents set up marriages. That makes the whole search for a spouse much easier. Waiting for love, chosing your own mate, although in the long run may provide more satisfaction, if you go about it the right way, makes on wait for much longer than one might if just stuck with someone with whom they had to get along, because they'd be spending the rest of their lives together.