Striving to live a righteous life but struggling with one thing in particular.

[GregC]

I'm not a murder, a liar, thief, etcetera but I do struggle with lust. It's not an act or behavior and what you think is much harder to control. I don't watch poor or do anything that I feel I can control but when I see a women walking through with a mall with a short skirt on or cleavage showing my mind starts thinking of one thing. I'm really not sure how to do with this. I know I'm definitely not the only person who deals with this. Anyone have any advice on the topic? I know there's the "Ask a Chaplin" thread too but I'd like peer comments.

 

[GoodNewsJim]

The only thing I know about lust is that it probably doesn't mean sexual desire in general. I think lust means the desire to "possess" someone that you're not married to. This may not help you, but I know many do have problems thinking natural sexual desire is sinful, and it isn't.

 

[GregC]

I was under the impression it encompassed sexual desire too. If that's not the case I guess I'm doing alright. If it is I'm completely screwed. I've always justified it to myself, "hey, I'm a dude."

 

[MehGuy]

IDK the more you worry about it the more tempting it will be. Maybe just try downplaying it, I've been able to deconstruct my sexual desire to where I'm almost virtually asexual. Just play around with your mind nothing bad can happen trust me ....

 

[Qyöt27]

The only thing I know about lust is that it probably doesn't mean sexual desire in general. I think lust means the desire to "possess" someone that you're not married to. This may not help you, but I know many do have problems thinking natural sexual desire is sinful, and it isn't.

Agreed, it's simply problematic because 'lust' in vernacular English can refer to either the sin with all of its secondary implications, or the basic desire to mate. Blame the Victorians for that blurring of distinction, I'd say. I'd characterize the sin of lust as objectification, actually - a one-sided urge to fulfill yourself only. By necessity it requires lingering and stewing over the object of that desire, with none of their needs or desires in consideration. Romance (or a desire for romance), entails arousal to some degree at some point in the process - this is because you desire intimacy, and the desire for that intimacy means that you're not thinking of it from a one-sided perspective*. If you're not married it's still wrong to act on it, but I have reservations over tying that too closely to lust in the same way it works for singles.

*well, people also often use meaningless sex or sexual fantasy to self-medicate over a deeper, more profound lack of intimacy...not sure where that lies, either.

When it comes to capitulating on normal desires, my sensitivity to it waxes and wanes. It all depends on what sparks it as to whether I view it as a lust problem or can just brush it off as a part of nature. It also gets into murkier territory because I've either matured enough or desensitized myself enough to actually have developed a more pervasive artistic appreciation and ability to critically review depictions of nudity and sex. Yay for long sentences with stringed clauses.

 

[AlexBP]

I was under the impression it encompassed sexual desire too. If that's not the case I guess I'm doing alright. If it is I'm completely screwed. I've always justified it to myself, "hey, I'm a dude."

I assure you this issue is not uniqe to you. I struggle with it, too. So does virtually every other man. Even the early church fathers and the capital-S Saints often did. However, regardless of what happens, you do not have to think "I'm completely screwed". Jesus Christ has already atoned for all of our sins, so we are never in a situation of sin being too great to overcome. Jesus calls us to be the best we can be, not to obsessivley worry about failures. Or as Martin Luther famously put it:

Be a sinner, and let your sins be strong, but let
your trust in Christ be stronger, and rejoice in Christ who is the
victor over sin, death, and the world. We will commit sins while we
are here, for this life is not a place where justice resides. We,
however, says Peter (2. Peter 3:13) are looking forward to a new
heaven and a new earth where justice will reign. It suffices that
through God's glory we have recognized the Lamb who takes away the
sin of the world.

On the particular question of how to not think inappropriate sexual thoughts, there may be no way to totally shut them down, but there are techniques that can help you to think those thoughts less often. One very simple idea which I've found to work well is, when you see someone or something that incites inappropriate thought, turn your head away.

 

[Inkachu]

Lust has nothing to do with "possessing" something that doesn't belong to you; that's coveting. The two often go hand-in-hand but aren't synonymous.

Lust is strong, uncontrollable desire. It's usually sexual, but a person can lust after just about anything. And it IS a sin.

Appreciating the beauty of the O.S. is not sinful, UNLESS you can't control it or it tempts you towards inappropriate thoughts. What defines "inappropriate"? Basically, IMHO, if you wouldn't want to describe it openly to God, you shouldn't be thinking it.

 

[Balugon]

I'm not a murder, a liar, thief, etcetera but I do struggle with lust. It's not an act or behavior and what you think is much harder to control. I don't watch poor or do anything that I feel I can control but when I see a women walking through with a mall with a short skirt on or cleavage showing my mind starts thinking of one thing. I'm really not sure how to do with this. I know I'm definitely not the only person who deals with this. Anyone have any advice on the topic? I know there's the "Ask a Chaplin" thread too but I'd like peer comments.

First off, you assume it's just your mind popping those thoughts in your head. Think about this- if God can put thoughts in your head, then it should be safe to assume that other spiritual beings might be able to as well. That said, don't bash yourself over the head just because a naked picture enters your mind or something. It becomes wrong when you start to engage the picture, to start to interact with it in an active, sexually-pleasing way.

Second, part of the reason you're probably having a problem is that religion has created a mystery and allure about the body of the opposite sex that was never intended to be there in the first place. Because religious people often say that clothes are mandatory as commanded by God (which I can show is not true), children typically don't get the proper anatomical education about the opposite sex. This lack of proper education leads to children getting the notion that these parts are reserved for sexuality, even though the breast's design was specifically made for feeding babies, and men and women use their other parts mainly for peeing, and sometimes for a few other uses. The false belief that the opposite sex's body parts are only good for sexuality when they are around us is further made worse because of the incredible amount of sexuality added to these things through the media- through provocative ads and pornography and etc. And so men get sexually aroused when they see part of a breast, or possibly some female pubic hair, or etc; and females might get aroused at the sight of certain parts of a man's body. But none of this is necessary. If human beings had a proper education about human anatomy, being able to be around people of the opposite sex in non-sexual situations while the other person or both individuals were nude, these people's minds would grow to understand that the majority of time the opposite sex's body parts are not used in sexual ways and so these people would not have the level of arousal that many men and/or women get these days. These people also wouldn't necessarily have a need to go hunting down nude pictures of the opposite sex, because they would already know what those parts look like, and so it wouldn't be a big deal. So my advice might be- possibly consider visiting a family-friendly AANR (American Association for Nude Recreation) nudist park, because then you have the chance to get adjusted to the fact that such body parts are normally used for things other than sex, which will help to destroy the arousal/desire issue you mention you are having.

And as a sidenote: The sin of lusting is not merely having some sort of physical desire rise up. Emotions and "urges" are not sin, what we do with those things is what makes it sin. The Bible says "4 In your anger do not sin;" Psalm 4:4. Therefore one can have emotions inside without those emotions inherently being sin. Sexual desire simply as a biological process happening is part of the body's system, and was designed by God, and is a passive (something we aren't acting on) desire. If we choose to act on that desire, either mentally, or by approaching a woman for sexual pleasure physically, that's actively desiring, and that's where the sin steps in.

 

[Orange_County_Chopper]

Try saltpeter.

 

[stephanieamber]

Uh I'm just going to say this, and people might think I am really weird.

As a straight girl, I have a hard time tearing my eyes away from girls who show a lot of skin. I don't have any feelings of desire or lust, but it's just fascinating. The human body is fascinating and I'm so used to being around people who cover up their bodies that I am amazed when people don't.

Not saying this to say that what you do or experience is not wrong or bad or whatever, but I'm just throwing out there to really pray about it; to reveal your heart and motives and intentions, and then be proactive in countering them with prayer and an exit strategy. My friend Jon-Marc, when he is tempted, prays for his friends. It keeps his focus off of the temptation and on the Lord and loving people. Just a thought.

 

[BRISH]

I think this is definitely something the guys struggle with more than us females do. Biologically, you're wired differently and I do believe it is more difficult for you guys.

I don't think there's really a good answer other than if hypothetically, I sit here and tell you to stop completely or you "will pay", is unrealistic and not called for. I think if you dwell in these thoughts and it carries on further into other thoughts or actions than it's wrong to repeat that over and over again. But I wont myself say to you or any other guy..."STOP NOW". I don't think it's possible completely. I do think you can veer your visual focus away as soon as possible and say something to yourself that gives you strength and/or avoid circumstances that will increase your exposure to "the exposed". (The latter is almost impossible to do these days.) Overall though, it's like any other sin derived from natural reactions.....just do your best, I dont know what it's like to be in your male shoes, some things are natural, and God knows your heart.

 

[K9_Trainer]

I don't think one thought of sex is considered lusting. IIRC, the Bible uses the word "lust" in many different ways, to describe an obsessive, obtrusive longing or desire for an object. Lust is not limited to sex. Are these thoughts obsessive and obtrusive? Are they distracting you from God and harming you? Are they causing you to view the woman as an object instead of a fellow human? If the answer is yes, then its lust. Likewise, a lust for money is characterized by the same things. You lust for money when it becomes so important that it distracts you from more important relationships.


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1.03.01

 

[HotRhymez]

I struggle with lust all the time, I've stopped looking at porn or anything that will cause me to have lustful thoughts. It's hard and its a daily battle.

Sometimes you could try bouncing your eyes..like whenever you see a hot chick just look at something else, or think about school or books or something lol.

 

[GregC]

Well to answer the question multiple people asked, it's not an obsession and it isn't causing a major distraction. I see certain parts of the female anatomy and I have sexual thoughts but only for a few moments. I have been able to control myself well enough recently to not act on urges. I'm able to go about what ever I'm doing with no problem or distractions. I guess the biggest issue I'm having with this is the fact that I've been successful and living a righteous life and following the other commandments without many slips but this is something that happens every time. I am still only 21 so hopefully this will be something that will naturally get better with age. I'll continue to pray about it.

 

[Im_A]

I'm not a murder, a liar, thief, etcetera but I do struggle with lust. It's not an act or behavior and what you think is much harder to control. I don't watch poor or do anything that I feel I can control but when I see a women walking through with a mall with a short skirt on or cleavage showing my mind starts thinking of one thing. I'm really not sure how to do with this. I know I'm definitely not the only person who deals with this. Anyone have any advice on the topic? I know there's the "Ask a Chaplin" thread too but I'd like peer comments.

The best to help yourself out in my opinion, is to make the free-will choice to not do things you disagree with.

It really does help to lead a moral life when you make conscience choice to do things you agree with and to put mistakes into perspective...that every time you make a mistake, you make a conscience choice to do wrong. Now of course there are things we do wrong that we didn't know were wrong at the time, but that does not negate the fact that we still made a conscience choice.

Saying you struggle is just a justifying manner of speaking your next mistake into existence. Reminds me of my days when I smoked cigarettes. There were so many times that I stated, "I struggle with it". Plain and simple...addicts don't struggle. Glad to be finally cleaned of that habit. I'm of the belief that people don't struggle. We make choices, habitual choices at times, for reasons; reasons sometimes simple and reasons sometimes complex.

So my best advice with your situation is first off, you can appreciate beauty without appealing to sex. If one can't then that's a place to start. Cleavage can actually make a woman more beautiful because its an accent to the female figure. So first to realize that the physical body doesn't have to always appeal to sex. More than normal skin showing doesn't have to appeal to sex.

Secondly, if it hurts your conscience that you do it, then ask yourself, why do you do it? Sexual frustration? Desire? Whatever it is, think about why you do it, and then simply formulate an answer for yourself on how to fix it to where you see it the next time and you just look away.

Thinking more about the choices you have set for yourself that you have decided for yourself is moral and focusing on that is the best help because then the next time you make a mistake, the only thing you can say after that is, "I chose to do something I consider immoral". That thought can go a long way.

 

[SplendidTree]

I'd say pray on it. In my opinion we all get thoughts from time to time. It's what we do when we get them that really matters. For me if I get feelings I try to pray or distract myself. Just a little female input. I struggle with urges just like anyone else lol

colleen

 

[peacechild4]

Since being single I do struggle with it more.. sigh.. I cannot help check out nearly every guy.. sometimes I am so ashamed of myself.. LOL.. 40 and doing this.. so help me GOD..

As for raising sons and daughters.. OH MY.. you feel like you are sending them out to the wolves I tell you.. You cannot really help how much you see sometimes.. it is everywhere.. billboards.. .. magazine covers right in eyes view... what people wear.. what flashes on the screen between programes.. imagine being a parent trying to teach your kids what is right and wrong.. major headache.. and the clothing that they put out there doesn't help either..

We need to be careful but also support one another.. we all are human.. and will fail.. I know I do.. but GOD helps me and I know certain places I don't want to go.. certain things I don't want to watch or keep watching.. we just have to do our best.. and thank the LORD HE forgives us when we do fail..

 

[Inkachu]

I don't think the struggle falls more to men because of the way they're "wired"; I think it's because our culture encourages women to show as much as skin as possible, and also to wear form-fitting clothes. Check out the difference between something as basic as a guy's tshirt and a girl's tshirt:

The guy's shirt is loose and baggy. The girl's is skin-tight.
The guy's shirt falls all the way down to his thighs. The girl's rests mid-hips.
The guy's shirt has sleeves that go all the way to his elbows. The girl's sleeves barely cover her shoulders.

It's something we're so used to, we don't even take notice. But the differences are stark when you step back and analyze. If guys wore skin-tight clothes that showed their arms and stuff (and some of them do, granted, but it's not all that common), I think we'd be taking more notice of them, visually, too lol.

 

[Qyöt27]

I don't think the struggle falls more to men because of the way they're "wired"; I think it's because our culture encourages women to show as much as skin as possible, and also to wear form-fitting clothes. Check out the difference between something as basic as a guy's tshirt and a girl's tshirt:

The guy's shirt is loose and baggy. The girl's is skin-tight.
The guy's shirt falls all the way down to his thighs. The girl's rests mid-hips.
The guy's shirt has sleeves that go all the way to his elbows. The girl's sleeves barely cover her shoulders.

It's something we're so used to, we don't even take notice. But the differences are stark when you step back and analyze. If guys wore skin-tight clothes that showed their arms and stuff (and some of them do, granted, but it's not all that common), I think we'd be taking more notice of them, visually, too lol.

As far as those pictures go, it's a trend division (and I really don't see much of a problem with the girl's clothes in terms of modesty, but whatever). My parents and grandparents routinely make comments that I should wear smaller, more form-fitting shirts because 'I should wear clothes that fit'. Comfortability means nothing as long as it meets some arbitrary standard of 'fitting'.

Guys are probably just way more likely to not listen and wear what's comfortable rather than what's supposed to 'fit'. I really don't like wearing anything below an XL, and go for an XXL normally. And to preface that, I'm not by any means overweight (although I could stand to lose about 15 pounds), I'm just more comfortable when sleeves are elbow length and extend down past my pants pockets. You can't get that if you're wearing so-called 'normal' sizes for your body type.

When it comes to women's fashions, though, that idea of clothes 'fitting' is more paramount because wearing oversized stuff is seen as bad, and the catiness arrives by picking on weight or whatever. If a girl doesn't feel comfortable wearing the clothes marketed to them, they often end up shopping in the men's section, simply because most men's T-shirts and pants are really pretty unisexed.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

The only thing I know about lust is that it probably doesn't mean sexual desire in general. I think lust means the desire to "possess" someone that you're not married to. This may not help you, but I know many do have problems thinking natural sexual desire is sinful, and it isn't.

I would agree with that and with whoever said "a strong, uncontrollable desire" (because people can lust after other things - money, cars, big house, etc). But I guarantee that the vast majority of Christian males trip themselves out so much over "struggling with lust" because they don't really get what lust is.