Steering away from homosexuality

[Bonnie707]

I thought I was making progress but it's tough. I want to live the life of a heterosexual, Christian woman. But I've also can remember having same-sex attractions way back to elementary school. In fifth grade I had such a crush on the girl I sat next to for assigned seating. She was so cute and fun to be around. This was before I knew what a lesbian even was but somehow I knew my thoughts towards her wouldn't be accepted. So I never told anyone I had feelings like this for another girl.

Things like this have happened quite often through the rest of school and up to today (25 now). I've found myself falling for other women numerous times. I have also dated men but it seems really forced. I get along with guys really well as friends. But anything more than that is awkward.

I'm not sure what to do. I want to be straight and none of my family or friends would accept me otherwise. I've been going to church more often than my college days and have been reading the Bible. It's been helping but I still have a weakness for attractive women. Another thing that helps is where I've been transferred for work. Right now I'm in an anti-gay area in the South. So I'm not tempted to be out or try to date women because I'd probably have a lynch mob after me. After college I had a temporary assignment in Southern California so that wasn't a good place for me when I was trying to avoid homosexuality.

My biggest concern (on Earth) is that I never really will be attracted to men and it will all be an act. For the first time in awhile I was thinking I was actually starting to be attracted to men. Even more so than women. But then a couple of weeks ago this attractive women I know gave me a hug and pulled me close to her. Feeling her tight against me made my realize I'm not as straight as I want to be just yet. She's straight so it was nothing more than a friendly hug. Ultimately I don't want to be gay because I don't want to spend eternity in Hell.

Thanks for your advice on helping me resist homosexuality.

 

[raven1]

Same boat but I married a man. Not wanting to spend an eternity in hell was my reason not to get involved in women.

 

[ReadingRambo]

I would recommend looking up Rosaria Butterfield. There is an interview with her on youtube where she speaks about her homosexuality and God's work in her life called, "Interview with Rosaria Butterfield; January 11, 2013" by PHCvids. I found her very relatable and inspiring.

 

[Bonnie707]

Same boat but I married a man. Not wanting to spend an eternity in hell was my reason not to get involved in women.

Hello raven and thank you for your reply. I'm sorry to hear you're in the same situation. It's tough because I'd honestly rather be with a woman. But I know that it's no way to live and certainly not worth spending eternity in Hell. I figure we only have 80, maybe 90 years on this Earth. Eternity is much longer than that! So it's worth it to deny a sinful lifestyle since we don't have that much time as it.

Then sometimes I wonder if homosexuality is just a temptation. Some people have problems with drugs or alcohol among other things. Maybe my temptation is beautiful women.

I tend to get along with men really well. I just don't have physical attraction towards them. I'm confident I could spend a lifetime with a great partner/friend in a heterosexual marriage. Unfortunately I'll probably always have that "what if?" feeling if I decided to follow my attraction and be with women.

I would recommend looking up Rosaria Butterfield. There is an interview with her on youtube where she speaks about her homosexuality and God's work in her life called, "Interview with Rosaria Butterfield; January 11, 2013" by PHCvids. I found her very relatable and inspiring.

Hello ReadingRambo and thank you for your response. I'm also interested to hear about new speakers regarding homosexuality and religion. I know that God doesn't want me to be a homosexual so I'll take all the inspiration I can get. I recently purchased the book "Out of Egypt" by Jeanette Howard. She's a Christian woman that turned away from homosexuality. Should be a good read but I haven't started it yet. Looks like a rainy weekend so maybe I'll have some time!

Thanks again!

 

[SoldierOfGod22]

I am glad to see that you are trying so hard to fight this struggle. In fact, God is overjoyed to see that you are putting up such a fight. I have gone through the exact same thing as you except with guys. I still am. You are on the right track. You are engulfing yourself in righteous things of God. That is the key. You will not be sentenced to Hell because this attraction to women comes to you. God knows that you did not choose to be attracted to women. All He asks is that you fight it. He rewards those who overcome challenges. And just because that attraction came back does not mean that there is no hope. Jesus rose from the dead. I am SURE He can help guide your sexuality back in the right direction as He is doing with me. Do not doubt God. It may seem impossible for you to like men, just as it was for me with women but our God HEALS. Have you forgotten that Jesus Christ is our savior? He not only saves us from an eternity in Hell but He saves us from the struggles and fears that can consume us. His blood was shed so that in times like these, YOU could be forgiven and YOU could be healed. The transition from the attraction to women to men is a process. It will take time. You must stay positive and believe that God will bless you with the attraction to men. Do not doubt Him based on how you are feeling. Do not lose hope just because certain encounters knock you back in the moment. Dont dwell on them. Just continue to please Him. He is ready to spoil you with happiness. He is so happy to see the effort you are putting forth. He wants you to keep going. Hang in there because things will change. I will be praying that He gives you strength and casts any and all of your worries and fears to Hell. "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you." -1Peter 5:7. By the way you are doing great, so keep it up! Stay strong!