Standing for your marriage...

[bkg]

Was just thinking about how hard it is to stand for my marriage... I'm curious how many people are standing for their marriage? Also, how many would reconcile (no, I didn't search... sorry if it's been covered)?

I've realized, the hard way, that standing for my marriage is not met with support from friends and family, and even from many Christians. Much of the talk being "just move on" or "she left you, so you can remarry" or "it happened for a reason" or "insert comment here".

One of my best friends had nothing nice to say about it, and we are hardly talking. My sister is fed up with it. Others who know where I stand (and I really don't tell many) think I'm just obsessed with my ex. So it's somewhat isolating. Knowing that I'm doing what God has asked me to do is helpful, but sometimes it's still very difficult.

Any thoughts? Are others standing for their marriage? Do you personally know those with restored marriages?

 

[oldrooster]

I do not think there is much chance of us getting back together. We are however friends now, and we get along. It makes it better for our kids.

 

[tonya]

I PRAY FOR YOU AND BELIEVE WITH YOU...HOW DO YU KNOW THAT THIS NOT AN ATTACK OF THE DEVIL ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP? HE IS TELLING LIES AND RUNNING RAMPANT AND I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT GOD LOVES MARRIAGE AND IF THEREB IS ANYWAY THAT IT CAN BE RECONCILED THEN HE IS GLORIFIED...KEEP STANDING AND PERSERVERE...NO ONE SAID THAT IT WOULD BE EASY...TUNE INTO SOME OF KENNETH AND GLORIA COPELANDS SHOWS...THEY HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A BIG INSPIRATION TO ME!!! GOD BLESS

 

[sarah marie]

God put a very special woman in my path right about the time I met my husband. Her testimony about how God has helped her through standing firm in her promise to God has been a blessing to my marrriage. I would have no idea how many other marriages it has blessed. I am a horrible storyteller, so I will state her story simply:
Her and her husband had both let their relationship with God lapse. Her husband moved to another country for his job, leaving her behind, while he found a place for her and their daughter to live. Some time passed and he sent for his family. He then abandoned his family after taking up with another woman. Her and her daughter managed to make it home. He filed for a divorce, which she never signed.

My friend looked to God for what he would have her do. Because her faith is strong, he has not released her from the marriage. It is now about ten years later. If her husband were to come back to her, having repented, she would take him back. She has stayed faithful to her promise to God and God has blessed her. She has an awesome marriage ministry. Her ministry is not anything formal. God has sent her to those he wishes to send her to and sent people to her. What God has done in her has kept my marriage together during a very dark time, when we were just a breath away from divorce.

Both my husband and I had plenty, who were advising us against standing for our marriage. God's voice was much clearer. He spoke to me personally as well as through the friend mentioned above. He spoke to my husband personally and through a family member. It was comforting that in addition to speaking directly to us, he also chose to use two people to stand with us.

In all of the divorced people I have known, I have only known one that said that God told her she was released from the marriage. She didn't say that her friends and family had released her. I don't know why He did. I believe it must have been because her husband's heart was hardened. That the stubbornness ran too deep. Only God can know the condition of a person's heart.

Following God's Will is definately not popular. When my husband and I were dating/living together we were clearly outside of God's Will. Our family and friends all supported us, with the exception of three people, who kept gently giving us the Truth in Love. It took the constant pressure of those three people, the Holy Spirit and our increasing willingness to please God no matter the cost, that caused us to finally break down and say "We repent!" It was clear that if we were going to keep seeking Him so passionately that He was not going to relent on this disobedience. I had to laugh when my own parents told me I was being foolish. One friend that lived with her boyfriend had a particularly hostile response, saying that by doing this that I was making a statement that was judging her.

Needless to say, we listened to God.

About a year and a half later, while we were in premarital counseling, God asked us to do something that few would not find radical. My husband had been married before and had just walked away because "He was just not happy". God had been impressing upon us the seriousness of marriage and teaching my husband that his casual dismissal of his previous marriage was not in God's Will. God had been teaching me that I had been to quick to assume that the previous marriage had not worked out because she was just not the right woman and I am.

Then God asked my husband to go back to his first wife and tell her he was wholeheartedly willing to reconcile and that God would see them through it, if she accepted.

God asked me to step COMPLETELY out of his life, if she accepted.

Wow....You could have blown us over with a feather!

My husband went to see her and I waited and prayed for the strength to obey God if she said "Yes". God put it on my heart to pray for their reconciliation. I did and laid all of my fears in God's hands.

My husband's ex-wife laughed him out of the room. I can honestly say that it made me sad. I so wanted to marry this man, but recognized how their reconciliation would have glorified God and could have been quite a testimony. I can admit that the selfish part of me went "Whew, that was a close one!"

How many people do you suppose supported us and how many do you think were considering having us committed?


You mentioned not being met with support from "many" Christians. Is there one, who is standing with you for marriage?

 

[Warrior Poet]

I have been outta this forum for a while but a situation has arised and this falls pretty much in line with that. It was brought to my attention very recently that my ex-wife is feeling very different about me now. I didnt stand long for my marriage as was there was a third party involved very soon after she left. With full understanding of what I did then, this particular subject has been a sensitive one at the least. I am a happily divorced 22 year old. I have grown more then I ever thought possible in the last year and half since she left. I dropped some bad habits picked up some very new ones and things just seem to be flowing more and more smoothly for me now then I ever imagined. I can enjoy the little things and the freedom of what and who I am now. Then as I mentioned there is this hickup. Its not as if she confessed her true love for me, and as i said "So what are you telling me". To wrap it up she thinks she messed up, she thinks about me all the time. She has a boyfriend and even lives with his parents. More so then it having to do with me, she wants out of her current situation, though he has been very good to her (thats kinda hard to say but its true). She has definitly been letting me in more and more, almost to the point where I am reluctant to persue knowing more. Its the little things, I was with her for 7 years yesterday I found out she doesnt like red apples and thinks the skin is nasty. 7 YEARS AND I NEVER KNEW THIS.... the the heck was I doing.*lowers head* I fugured out there is this person that I never got to know as a person, but as a personification of what she had to be, especially to put up with my BS. I guess my delima stands at "Do I still have a duty as a man and a husband to see if things workout"" "Or am I still growing and need to do that before I can be either a man or husband?"

Warrior Poet

 

[sarah marie]

Are you willing to do what God wills for you no matter what the cost and no matter what the world thinks of you?

 

[Warrior Poet]

Here is the problem I very strongly belive I am doing His will right now. I have been making things right between me and Him. And still working on it.

Warrior Poet

 

[sarah marie]

Growth comes through trials and our dependance on God to lead us through them. You asked if you need to do some more growing before you could be a man or a husband. You already are a man and you've been a husband since you said "I do". G
God has not abandoned your marriage. He still has a desire to see you fulfill your promise to Him. Our vows are not a promise to our spouse, they are a promise to God. However, God does not ask us to fulfill our obligations to Him and then step back and watch to see how well we work it out. He stays there right by our side waiting for us to call on Him for guidance, comfort, strength, help and any other thing you could possibly need to have your marriage glorify Him.

Just to dispell another marriage myth: The purpose of marriage is not to ensure our happiness, it is to glorify Him. It just so happens that there is a lot of happiness involved, but also trials. There's nothing that will "grow you up" quicker than being led through the fire!

 

[sarah marie]

How would reconciling with your wife make things wrong between you and Him?
(Not said with any sarcasm)
Wouldn't honoring your promise to God reconcile you to Him?

 

[Warrior Poet]

I have to disagree... being married doensnt make you a husband, thats a title, being a husband cant be taught, there are no classes to prepare you for that, its hard and its work. I said "I do" as a next step there was no promise to God, He was a shadow in the rearview for me at that point. I understand now how he views such a promise again which is something heavy on me. Happiness isnt the purpose of a marriage I fully agree, but to many its a perfectly good reason to walk. There is things that happen in a male's life and makes them a man, trials that build that manhood, I am going through those today, tomorrow and yesterday, I know I am not a man yet, its so much more then a title I learned this the hard way. God hasnt abandoned my marriage but I have, I moved on i found out what it was like to live again, what it was like to be happy what it was like to grow up, being divorced is the best thing that has happened to for me in a long time. So much positive has come from something viewed as so horrible, especailly in My Walk. I now feel almost full circle, I tried very hard to understand Gods will for me, and it has seemed so clear, work is going great. Life has been good. I have met some very cool people and done a number of things i would normally not have. And I too met someone, someone truely amazing in every form. I guess I can do my will His way, or His will my way, either way I am not doing His will, His way. I need to figure out what his will for me is now, which is a bummer and yet exciting, because if His will has changed for me, He will let me know.

Much love.....

Warrior Poet

 

[Warrior Poet]

I guess the simple answer is "fix you before you can fix someone else" Thats what i feel like. If I am not together, how can I take someone and be anything to them. That doesnt make since to me.

Warrior Poet

 

[bkg]

You mentioned not being met with support from "many" Christians. Is there one, who is standing with you for marriage?

First and foremost - I admire, respect and stand in awe of your willingness to do God's will. I am amazed at your faithfulness, and I pray that God will one day bless me with that strength of spirit.

I have an ePartner through Restore Ministries (www.marriagehelponline.com) who is amazing. He is a very godly person, and w/o his encouragement and prayer, I would not be standing. I also have two other people from this board who are graciously standing with me - God has blessed me in many ways by bringing these people into my life. My Christian friends - well, they are praying for me, but I don't know "for sure" how they feel about this.

I have been attending divorcecare at my church. I decided yesterday that I can no longer attend. I have been serving two gods - asking God to restore my marriage, while preparing for ultimate "singleness". I have been on a divorce support board, where I posted my "good-bye, I'm going to go stand for my marriage" note today.

I've met quite a few christians who are going through a divorce. Both in person and over the Interweb. Very few - VERY FEW - have said "I support what you are doing" or "I will stand beside you". Most have been silent or said "If God wants you to get back together, He will make it happen." which is usally followed by a "But....". Family and friends - NON-Christians, think I'm obsessed and/or just unable to let go and move on.

I have no idea what my ex-wife would say if she knew I was standing for our marriage. I only hope that God will soften her heart and bring her to His Cross... and ultimately back to me.

I'm scared, I'll admit it. I miss her daily. There are days that Satan attacks me vigorously and God seems conspicuously absent. But I have been living my life in fear for so long, and that's ultimately what cost me my marriage. Living in fear now will do nothing more than keep me in Satan's grips.

I have made a promise to myself that I will keep the promise I made to God and my (ex)wife. Like WP, I wasn't a strong christian at the wedding. God convicted me AFTER the divorce. But I stood in a church, in front of 250 people and GOD, and I made a promise to Him and to her... and I intend to keep that promise.

That being said, I'll welcome anyone who is willing to stand with me. I also welcome your prayers.

 

[sarah marie]

Warrior Poet

In God's eyes you are a husband from the moment you marry. God may have been a shadow in the rearview for you, but He took your vows seriously.

I'm not a man, so I have nothing to argue on that one.

 

[sarah marie]

bkg,

I'm standing with you and praying for you and I'm praying for your wife. I'll ask my husband to sit down and pray with me on you and your wife's behalf. There is real and present power in prayer. He hears, heals, restores and makes all things new.

Your sister in Christ
God Bless

 

[sarah marie]

First and foremost - I admire, respect and stand in awe of your willingness to do God's will. I am amazed at your faithfulness, and I pray that God will one day bless me with that strength of spirit.

Oh, how I would like to take credit for my willingness to do God's will. I can be very prideful. I am also to weak to do anything uncomfortable on my own power. In the times in my life where God asked me to do something difficult, I have had to pray for Him to give me the strength to do it. I've had to pray even for the willingness. I can be willing one second and double back the next (very fickle). When I pray for God to see me through, He holds me up and keeps me standing.

Praise be to God!

 

[desi]

bkg, I am happily married and can only hope to have the same tenacity for your marriage as you do in the circumstance you're in. I stand by you, albeit, not walking in your shoes.

 

[AndresWife]

I am standing for my marriage UNTIL it is restored. Nothing is impossible for God.. So I just have to trust, believe and wait for His perfect timing..
~Love Never Fails~
AndresWife

 

[bkg]

I am standing for my marriage UNTIL it is restored. Nothing is impossible for God.. So I just have to trust, believe and wait for His perfect timing..
~Love Never Fails~
AndresWife

I'm praying for you!

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Wow! I have to answer this question every day right now. Some times the answer isn't the same one I gave the day before, or even the hour before.

It's very hard to keep doing this right now, especially when my wife is having difficulties. Neither of us want divorce, but I know my motives for not wanting divorce are very selfish right now. All I can do is keep confessing that to God and asking Him to give me the correct motives.

 

[bkg]

I just re-read this thread. And I just wanted to say THANK YOU ALL for your thoughts and prayers. I'm very moved.

I love my wife more than can be put into words. I miss her. I want her back, and I make no apologies for that. I can only pray for patience and ultimate faith in Christ's promises... and that He is working w/ Anne as well. I pray for her daily, and I hope that restoration is in our future. I know this is not about our marriage, it's about my relationship with Christ. That's how I got to this position (lack of relationshp with Christ), and that's how I'll get through (strong relationship with Christ).

Thank you so much for your prayers!